THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
It only takes one person to change your life--You.
~Ruth Casey
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Summer is almost here. It used to be that memorial day was the unofficial start
of summer because that is when school used to get out and people went on vacation.
These days, with schools running longer classroom sessions, I am not even sure when
school is supposed to end for summer. Seems like school stretches longer and longer.
It used to be, growing up on the farm, an ambitious
kid could make a lot of money with summer jobs on the farm. You could bale hay,
walk soy beans, or muck out hog houses. Back in the day, bales of hay were small,
like a hundred pounds and it was labor intensive, requiring lots of work to manhandle
them into the barn. These days, farmers roll up hay into huge balls of about a ton
each, manuevered around the field mechanically. They don't even put them in barns.
They leave them out in the field until needed and simply remove the outer
layer that turned rotten. That eliminates the need for a lot of helpers. And much more
economical. Farmers used to plant soybeans in neat little cultivated rows, and they
used to hire a lot of help to "Walk down the rows" and pull out the weeds and etc that
grew up involuntarily. They don't do that any more either because now its done with
no till and minimum till methods and there are no "rows" and then they spray a ton
of chemicals on it to keep down weeds. Farmers don't really muck out hoghouses any
more because they are all automated these days. The manure is pumped out with
machines, making a shovel obsolete. My highschool summers were always busy. I earned
enough during my sophomore and junior year to buy my first car, a 1965 chevy Biscayne.
A Biscayne was the poorer version of the more popular Belaire. And if you lived in
town, you could always make a buck by mowing yards and delivering the newspaper.
You can't do that now because homeowners won't hire a kid operating power equipment.
They are afraid of the liability. You can't deliver news papers anymore either,
because the paper won't deliver them to your house. You have to have a car to go
down to get them. And you wonder why your kids have no work ethic anymore?
Don't fret mom and dad, the old couple next door will hire them after school to
find out what they did to their computer and fix it:)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
________________
THE COMICS
alzheimers
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a021.html
stuck in a tree
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a022.html
caulk
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a023.html
the endit ring
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a024.html
what's for supper
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a025.html
parenting
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a026.html
dreams
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a027.html
I'm not saying
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a028.html
bottled water????
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a029.html
a perfect husband
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a030.html
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Ted Nugent on gun control
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5429.html
trick loader
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5430.html
cookin crabs for the first time
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5431.html
why the Iraqi army needs our help
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5432.html
air bags
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5433.html
why I do not own an excersize ball
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5434.html
saving Virgil
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5435.html
the warden
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5436.html
dancing
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5437.html
Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with
his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad'
he sighed. 'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.
'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job
I've ever had.' 'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just
lust.' The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down
again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.
'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.
'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my
life, then let me take her up the ass!'
That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation. '
'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?'
asked Little Johnny, confused. 'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love,
she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the
best blow job of your life!'
_______________
After 10 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no recommendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his
Human Resourses Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,
he told his HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him,
laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. I.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- S! O, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours I.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days,
how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager! :- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO Human Resourses FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
______________
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with
you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to
convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him.
I can't help thinking he would have been better off with
more oxygen.
__________________
Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications.
He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that
everything will be forgiven.
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History,
he is called back to meet the sales manager.
"You say you have experience selling books?"
"Lots of it," replies Jim.
"And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?"
"Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study." "Well then,"
says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can
get you started in the firm."
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased
with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices
pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says,
"Fine looking men. Your partners?"
__________________
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick
wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his
voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and
faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of
them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Green, The customer buys three.
A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were
disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20
more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back, and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I
can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."
_________________
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school
teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge shouted back to the man, all the while
banging his gavel. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also
charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You damned tightwad!" blurted the spectator again.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge after a few more bangs of his gavel and then continues,
"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout when the Judge thunders back,
"If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
So the man answers, "I've lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but
do you think he ever had any tools when I needed to borrow one!"
___________________
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured. The country is
totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help
to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakistanis.
G-d Bless British generosity.
____________
BUFFALO Bill
Got Lots Of Pussy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32127.htm
Schlongs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32126.htm
Not What You Hope
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32125.htm
__________________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Thing Thing Arena 3
http://tinyurl.com/d6t7ly
How Sexy Are You?
http://tinyurl.com/dgwqbp
What Do You Wear To Bed?
http://tinyurl.com/dg5lko
_____________
SYDES JOKES LIST
Princess And Frog
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001572.html
Japanese Mall Fountain
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001573.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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