Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I feel much better than yesterday, partially from sleeping most
of the day and partially because Sandy made a batch of five-
alarm chili for supper last night. Chicken soup may be a cure for
the common cold but nothing opens up the sinuses and clears
the fog from the brain better than something high on the Scoville
chart. We are a family that loves hot food and even Eva had a
bowlful but we let her use more oyster and saltine crackers in her
chili.
Tuesday night we were feeling the onset of this old so I decided to
pick up something for supper. I went first to Super-Valu and was
unable to find the items I was looking for as they are still
remodeling
the store, so I went to Burger King since it is closest to the house
and hasn't had any stupid ads lately other than the big-breasted
girl
mauling the guy to get his mini burgers. I picked Eva up a
hamburger
kids meal with a Sponge Bob Toy. Then last night I saw the ads for
the Sponge Bob promotion. Why does someone consider it necessary
to use Sir Mix-A-Lot's song I like Big Butts and women dancers with
boxes on their butts to sell a children's meal? These people are
obviously smoking more than their share of medical marijuana and
washing it down with medicinal alcohol. You simply go on the
children's
channels show Sponge Bob and a Burger King sign and the kids will
bug their parents for it. It is not necessary to make a video for
MTV
to sell a Kid's meal.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cartoon character pick-up lines
Wimpy -- "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hummer today."
Foghorn Leghorn -- "Ah say, boy, ah say, you've got it all
wrong. Those little chickens you've been chasing around
are roosters. What you want is a big ol' hen, like me."
Bart Simpson -- "Eat my shorts, ma'am!"
Batman -- "Wanna help to dispel those nasty rumors about me
and the Boy Wonder?"
Speedy Gonzales -- "Senorita, it's just a nickname!"
Pepe LePew -- "But, mon cherie -- I don't smell any worse
than anyone else in France."
Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and
f-f-f-f-f-f-
Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"
Pinocchio -- "Hey, I *am* a woody!"
Underdog -- "My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are
pure and true, can I sniff your rear?"
Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
It Fits
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Going To Sleep
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Doggie Kisses
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hungry
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impressive career
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playboy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her
recent
bout with the flu and went to see her doctor. After a quick
examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you
been
doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough
exercise,
and having your meals 3 times a day, as I advised on your last
visit?"
Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure
been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you
said three males a day!
Did you hear about the guy who gave up masturbation for Lent?
He couldn't wait for Palm Sunday.
A young lady is on a cliff edge about to jump to her death when she
is
approached by a young man who asks if she's going to kill herself.
To
her reply of yes, he asks if she can give him a blow job before she
does it. "Sure, life sucks, I may as well." When she's done he tells
her it was great, and asks why she's going to kill herself. She
replies, "My parents disowned me for dressing like a woman!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ponzi Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a "rewritten" version of Elton John's hit recording Your Song,
speciallydedicated to Scott Sullivan, former CFO of WorldCom. Feel
free
tosing out loud especially if you're still holding WCOME stock.
It's a little bit funny, doing 10 to life inside
I'm not one of those who likes his butt cheeks spread wide
I don't have much stock left, all sold at the bid
And I've got a huge house where I'll never live.
If I was a auditor, but then again no,
Or the man who commits fraud as the CFO
I know it's not honest but its the best I can do
My gift is my options, investors ain't got a clue.
CHORUS:
And you can tell everybody this is my con
I know it's quite illegal but now that its done
I hope they don't find
I hope they don't find the irregularities
How wonderful life is when you're not fighting guilty pleas.
I sat in my office
Covering up a huge loss
Well a few of the numbers they got me quite cross
But the board`s been quite kind while I wrote this con
It's for people like them that I'll get the accounting wrong
So excuse me for forgetting what's a lie and what's true
You see I've forgotten if they're expenses or revenue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
My mansion's the biggest house I've ever seen
Repeat CHORUS
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was cold and flu season. The Rabbi was not happy with the
constant coughing disturbing his sermons so he decided to call on
old Abe to help him solve the problem.
Comes the next Saturday morning, the Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of
cough drops and instructions to give to a cough drop to any
congregation member who was coughing.
So following his Rabbi's orders, every time a member coughed, old
Abe walked over and gave them a cough drop.
The Rabbi noticed that each time he did this, the member then
stood up left the sermon. At the end of the service, half of
the members were gone.
After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home and asked what he
said to the members that made them leave the hall.
Old Abe says, "So vat did I say ? ... All that I said wuz,
'the Rabbi said for cough!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Motel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Beth and Jack were recently forced to vacate their
residence they had checked into a motel and Beth, having
refused to abandon her cat, had smuggled the animal into
their room. Now, we all know how thin those motel room
walls can be. While the Jack was in the bathroom, Beth
took a shoe box out of her suitcase and filled it with a little
cat litter she had brought along and put it under their bed
for her cat. Proceedings then followed the usual course
with no problem and the two of them enjoyed the novelty
of their new surroundings and after a rigorous workout
went to sleep. Except Jack awoke during the night and
had to use the bathroom.
However, during the evenings earlier festivities, unaware,
they spooked the cat while it was utilizing the box for
nature's call and the box had gotten moved out from
under the bed. In the dark, Jack proceeded to set his
foot down in the box of shit. Turning on the light, Jack
shouted out, "Hey, there's shit in this box".
From the adjoining room came a loud gruff voice,
"HEY PAL, JUST TURN 'ER OVER!! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sperm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Downside To Buying Sperm Over the Internet
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After your purchase, you keep getting junk email with
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"Marketing Manager" keeps calling to offer "free home
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Does the real Stephen Hawking even *have* an AOL
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The entire "product" originates from Mort, a middle-aged
landfill manager who likes to login to the teenage girls
chat room as Buffy15.
Donors from yahoo.com are just that.
They send you a blue dress and tell you to start
scraping.
Greater than 75% chance of getting a Joke List
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No way to know if what you're bidding on is new or
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Unless you live in a city with an NBA franchise, nobody
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No way to verify that Ernest Borgnine is indeed the
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Now there's a coincidence, mine also came with a
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Lamb of God
http://www.silveran
Rick W/ I Dreamed I Stood At Calvary (Easter)
http://www.wtv-
Carol w/Love You Like It's My Last
http://www.carolspo
Lamb Of God
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Crop Circle Connector
http://www.cropcirc
The Bible on One page Via Shangy
http://www.jrsbible
Young Trumpet Player Via Shangy
http://www.trumpeth
Aircraft Bone Yard Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley
Free File Defragmentation Tool
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Free 3D mechanical CAD (MCAD) Software
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Tool For Counting Words in Text
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Movie Clips
The Dildo Song
http://www.buffalos
The Elk
http://www.buffalos
Three Condoms Please
http://www.buffalos
Thunder Power
http://www.buffalos
Thunder Twin
http://www.buffalos
Time To Let Them Go
http://www.buffalos
Uncle Jay
http://www.buffalos
va-deo_1_-_eco_
http://www.buffalos
Vangdewind
http://www.buffalos
Vehicle Barrier
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Video Game
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Seniors Boating
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Graffiti Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and
walls.
A budding poet trying his BEST
Graffiti 1
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...
Washroom Graffiti 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Some one who had a different experience wrote
Washroom Graffiti 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
Perhaps it is true that people get inspiration in toilets
Washroom Graffiti 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came here To shit and stink, But all I do Is sit and think.
There are also people who come in for a different purpose Washroom
Graffiti 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the
walls...
Toilets walls are also job advertisement places......
Washroom Graffiti 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire
Department wants you.
Ministry of environment advertisement
Washroom Graffiti 7
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!
Washroom Graffiti 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~
seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!
Washroom Graffiti 9
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated
throughout the entire performance.
Washroom Graffiti 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~
a sign at a swimming pool bathroom:
We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in
our pool.
Washroom Graffiti 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
This should teach you a lesson
Washroom Graffiti 12
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coffee Break
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Marriage Penalty
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Crane
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Altar Boy
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Altered Boy
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Alzheimers Clinic
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a miss from Wake Forest
Who had a gigantic clitoris.
Most people, you see,
Thought her name was Marie,
But her intimates knew her as Horace.
Mike Phelps joined a cult and he might
Start worshiping with them tonight
They smoke while they pray
He heard their priest say
Their mantra, "Two bongs make a rite"
Karl K.
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who says flattery gets you nowhere? My wife was practically beaming
when I told her, "Honey, for you I would only have to use half a
Viagra."
He: I'm tired, I'm drunk, and I'm horny. What do you say?
She: Get some sleep, get sober, and get a grip.
A group of bats is hanging around, upside down, as usual, mostly
sleeping. Suddenly one notices that Charlie is on the floor,
standing
upright and looking around.
"Hey, Charlie," he calls out. "What are you doing down there?"
Charlie looks up and says, "Yoga!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
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As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Airplanes
A little boy (who had been looking out the window of the airplane)
turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big
cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight attendant, so the boy went down the aisle and asked the
flight attendant.
The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and
said, 'I saw you talking with your mom- Did your Mom tell you to ask
me?'
The boy said, 'yes she did.'
'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby
airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom
explain that to you.'
Gordon R
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1566
Kardboard Stunts
Tami is rushing around as she is late getting out of the house
for work. She grabs her purse and heads out the door. She has her
car keys and as she puts them in the car door...the car door falls
off.
Tami: What the...?
Tami: I don't have time for this.
She grabs the car door and puts it in the back seat. When she does,
the
back of the car collapses, and the sides fall off. The whole car is
flat,
leaving Tami there holding just her key. Tami looks around and sees
three grinning dogs....
Tami: What did you do to my car?
Katie: Nothing.
Sandi: We would never touch your car. Honest
Rudy: A-Roo!
Tami: Look at this. My car is ruined.
Sandi: Do you see a motor in that mess?
Tami: Err no. Hey, this car is made of cardboard.
Katie: Right!
Tami: Where is my car?
Katie: Probably in your garage.
Tami: Grrr!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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