Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
After a beautiful week last week I was tempted to open all of the
storm windows. I am glad I didn't because along with a sudden
drop in temperatures, we have had some really strong winds. I
finally turned the heat back on last night because I was tired of
staying huddled under a blanket. I got home late Sunday night
and left a watermelon in the Jimmy. It is still sitting there
because
I didn't want to get cold, running out to get it today. I am not
worried
about it spoiling, I was more concerned about it freezing. I'll get
it out of there today because I have some plans of doing some bed
shopping. Tax check just came back and my box spring had
developed an extreme tilt. It is so bad I have to roll uphill to get
out of bed in the morning and no one wants to start the day on an
uphill climb. I could turn it around the other way but then I would
be
jet propelled out the door and no one wants to start the day on the
run either.
I should be happy with this mattress, it had a ten year warranty and
the box spring lasted 12 and the mattress still has some life left
in it
so Buffy is going to put it upstairs at her place. Do you know that
every store in town has a permanent Mattress Sale sign in front of
their store. If I hadn't already marked a couple of my list for
selling
me junk or giving me a hard time I could probably do some haggling
in fact I would be surprised if I don't anyhow, like," ABC has that
same
mattress 25.00 cheaper." Should be able to talk them down a few
bucks and maybe get a free set of sheets to boot. Bargaining is in
my blood and they can't blame you for trying....
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
BTW Watermelon is a good way to build up yout immune system.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fairy Tale Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 15 Rejected Lines From Fairy Tales
Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince from the magical land
of
Nantucket who had a trusty broadsword so large that...
And then the Frog said to Princess Elspeth, "What, no tongue?"
So party of the first part and the party of the second part lived
happily -- and legally -- ever after.
The wicked surrogate mother convinced the biological parents to
leave
the frozen embryos in the forest, where she planned to conduct stem-
cell research on them.
Cinderella then demanded, "Dude, where's my coach?"
In the lawsuit, Goldilocks accused the three bears of negligence,
claiming that their having left the scalding-hot porridge where it
could
easily be stolen led directly to her third-degree tongue burns.
"Yes, Your Highness, it's a very nice slipper -- but do you have
something with a higher heel?"
"Not by the hair of my crotchety-crotch-
Sleeping Beauty awoke from her 100-year-slumber, sat up and told the
prince, "Dude, that NyQuil sh*t is AWESOME."
...and that night, after the princess told him she was going to have
his
child, the prince put out to sea, vowing never to return.
And after the prince did slay the mighty dragon, knights from the
far-
away land called PETA did hound him the rest of his days.
"Hey, Mr. Building Inspector," shouted the little pig, "if you got a
problem with my straw architecture, you can just blow me."
Then Mama Bear said, "SOMEBODY has been using my... umm... magical
vibrating wand -- and the batteries are all dead!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Leprechauns Secret Hiding Place
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Hooter Girls
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Arse Wipe
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Ass From Elbow
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam and Anni go on their honeymoon, and Sam spends
six hours of the honeymoon night eating Anni's pussy.
The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant.
Suddenly, Sam starts to freak out. He screams,
"Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"
The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?" Sam yells,
"There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck
out of here!"
The waiter apologizes up and down as he quickly takes
the spaghetti away. Anni looks over at Sam, and shaking
her head, she whispers, "What a hypocrite you are. You
spent most of last night with your face full of hair."
Sam says, "Yeah? Well, how long do you think I'd have
stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY
All you have to do is to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father figure
6. a teacher
7. an educator
8. a cook
9. a gardener
10. a carpenter
11. a driver
12. an engineer
13. a mechanic
14. an interior decorator
15. a stylist
16. a sex therapist
17. a gynaecologist/
18. a psychologist
19. a psychiatrist
20. a therapist
21. a good father
22. a gentleman
23. well organized
24. tidy
25. very clean
26. athletic
27. affectionate
28. affable
29. attentive
30. ambitious
31. amenable
32. articulate
33. bold
34. brave
35. creative
36. courageous
37. complimentary
38. capable
39. decisive
40. intelligent
41. imaginative
42. interesting
43. prudent
44. patient
45. polite
46. passionate
47. respectful
48. sweet
49. strong
50. skilful
51. supportive
52. sympathetic
53. tolerant
54. understanding
55. someone who loves shopping
56. someone who doesn't make problems
57. someone who never looks at other women
58. very rich
AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU:
59. are neither jealous nor disinterested
60. get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them
than with her 61. give her her space, but show interest and concern
in
where she goes
ABOVE ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO:
62. Not forget the dates of:
* anniversaries (wedding, engagement, first date...)
* graduation
* birthday
* menstruation
However, even if you observe the above instructions perfectly, you
are
not 100% guaranteed that she will be happy, as she could one day
feel
overcome with the suffocating perfection of her life with you and
run
off with the first wild bastard-bohemian-
meets...
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Let him play with your tits
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The backwards hillbilly girl walked into the drugstore to buy
tampons
for the first time, after looking at shelf upon shelf of feminine
hygiene products she timidly approached the pharmacist with her
dilemma,
I'm confused by all these different brands an sizes, she confessed,
I
don't know which ones to buy.`I see, said the pharmacist, tell me,
what's your flow like? puzzled the girl replied,' it's linoleum,
why?
~~
Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one of her
parties over the Holidays. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had
just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink from the
tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right back to the kitchen
and
bring you a coke."
The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have alcohol. Priests
abstain from sex, not the grape."
"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it was one or the
other
that I wasn't supposed to offer you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crazy Charlie, the used-car dealer, was out to break all sales
records
with his "like new" models. A large sign in his window announced: "A
Blonde Free With Each Car."
A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and, hot with
anticipation,
drove his newly won blonde out into the country. He parked, gave
her a
couple of preliminary kisses, and whispered a suggestion in her ear.
She shook her head, smiled, and said, "You got that when you bought
this
car."
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3. And when both hands are busy you can still dial the phone
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It's not the size
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You can make it rise!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The WRONG Pick Up Lines
1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
3) My Love for you is like diarrohea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in
them.
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
light switch away.
8) Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
into this cheap motel room.
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until
the afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my
nuts tighten up
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
Drunk trust
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How to drive a hummer in Iraq
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How to peel a banana
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How to think like a woman
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Nextel Dance Party
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No Fear
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's
office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic
cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you
got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the
medic said.
"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your
Lamborghini!
Doug brought Tammy back to his apartment, took off his clothes, and
said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend."
Tammy took a look, gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when
it grows up."
"I think we should go Dutch," the nurse said to the doctor in the
dimly lit restaurant. "You pay for dinner and the movie, and the
rest of your night can be on me."
Little Johnny lived on a farm and watched the calves feeding from
their mothers each morning with great interest. He was only able to
see his girlfriend once every 2 weeks, so one day he got a good
idea.
Early one morning he took off to the barn, slipped his manhood out,
and ut it in front of one of the calves. The calf thought it was its
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father looking down at him with a real mean look on his face.
Thinking very quickly, Little Johnny looked at his father and
screamed, "Are you gonna help me or are you just gonna stand there
and let him eat me alive!?"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night Stand
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No Grabbing
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play pen
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Limericks Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn't be seen.
____________
There was a young lady named Melanie,
Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
She replied, "No, siree.
I give it for free.
To sell it, dear sir, is a felony.
____________
I wooed a buxom young nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! She was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude --
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of a friend, who is an airline copilot, told the following
stories about a captain with whom he often flew. This guy was an
excellent pilot, but not real good at making passengers feel at
ease.
For example, one time the airplane in front of him blew a tire on
landing, scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway. He was
aked to hold while the trucks came out and cleaned up. His
announcement: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a short
delay before our arrival. They've closed the airport while they
clean up what's left of the last airplane that landed there.
Then there was the time they were flying through turbulence. Some of
the passengers became alarmed at how much the wings were bending in
the rough air and one of the flight attendants relayed that message
to the captain.
His announcement: Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some
of you have noticed our wings bending in the turbulence. In fact,
the flight attendant told me that the wing tips are bending as much
as ten feet in the bumps. Well, that's perfectly normal; there's
nothing to worry about. Our wings are designed to bend as much as
thirteen feet at the tips and, as you can see, we're nowhere near
that yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kevin , the dumb, said "I'm breaking up with Sherry!" , to his
friend
James .
" Are you crazy ? Sherry is a beautiful and smart woman!", said
James.
Kevin responded...
bisexual, and who the hell wants to screw just twice a year ???"
His Lordship awoke with an all too infrequent feeling of virility
and
joyfully announced his condition to his valet. Impressed, the
servant
asked, "Shall I notify M'lady?"
"No, just hand me my baggy tweeds," replied his Lordship. "I shall
smuggle this one into town."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1585
The Play Wrapup
Katie: So what did you think about the play father?
BJ: I thought it was an ambitious undertaking.
Katie: Mother?
Diana: I have no words to express my feelings.
Rudy: How about the music?
BJ: I liked the music.
Diana: So did I.
Sandi: So you think the world isn't ready for a
Drama/Horror/
just yet?
BJ/Diana: Probably not.
Sandi: I kind of felt that on stage. People were looking at us
strange.
BJ: It takes courage to go where nobody else has gone before.
Diana: Yes, and who knows, it could work.
Sandi: I don't think so. If it was an Orphan Annie, or a Lassie
with an
Alien Twist, perhaps.
Katie: That's it.... Lassie and the Alien..add some music, some
tap
dancing,
Rudy: Yeah, and toss in some sports, football. Have Lassie as a
cheerleader. Lassie, the Cheerleader vs Alien, the Musical
BJ: Time for us to go to bed Diana.
BJ and Diana tip toe to bed while the kids chatter on.
Katie: Yeah, Lassie, the Bikerbabe Cheerleader vs Alien, the
Musical...
The herd in Guthrie-
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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