Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was not a very good day. To begin with it is cold,
not snowing yet like Detroit but the high was 35 yesterday
with a 35 mph wind behind it. I had decided yesterday since
Charter has rendered my cable ready TV about useless by
putting so much on channels that can only be accessed
by the digital converter that I needed another one for the bedroom
at a cost of 5.00 a month. While I was planning a trip out for the
converter one of our websites went nuts because the server
couldn't find the ad it was looking for and instead of showing
the cartoon, it just gave a page not found notice. I filled out
a site down report to get some software turned back on so I
could turn the offending ad off and headed out the door for the
Cable office. After I had the new box I decided to make a run out
to Nancy's to see if she had her internet back up yet and it was
running and the site was back to normal but the software wasn't
back up yet so I went in and updated my report and by that time
it was almost 1900 and time for the city commission meeting to
come on so I hooked the TV up and found out it would take a while
for them to reboot the box. That didn't make any difference because
the commission meeting wasn't on TV anyhow, instead they had
one from a city 90 miles south.
The box did start working though just in time for the season opener
between Detroit and Toronto but it was so boring after the first
inning I dozed off and almost slept through 24. I caught part of
that
and turned over to watch the Spartans and the Tarheels and never
turned back to 24. The Spartans made so many mistakes in the first
half that they couldn't catch up even though they outscored the
Tarheels
in the second half, there was no way to catch back up.
I woke up this morning, the Tigers had lost, Spartans had lost,
missed
my commission meeting, missed most of 24, and the website software
is still not installed. I hope today turns out better. Oh I did find
out why
it takes more gas than I expected to fill the Suburban up from a
half
tank yesterday. It has a 44 gallon tank instead of a 35 gallon like
the
website I checked said. I found the original sticker for it
yesterday
and it had the tank size on it but not the mpg heh heh. Said if you
really
wanted to know that to see our dealer. I guess if I had spent 37,000
for a vehicle in 1998 I wouldn't be worried about gas prices back
then.
Both websites are working great so enjoy.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Redneck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Redneck Men Ruled The World...
Nodding and looking at his watch
would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what
was your name again?" cards.
When a wife really needed to talk
to him during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner
of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier.
A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle,
you'll get 'em next time" would pretty
much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
The funniest guy in the office would
get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted
last night" would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.
At the end of the workday, a whistle
would blow and he'd jump out his
window and slide down the tail of a
brontosaurus and right into his car
like Fred Flintstone.
It'd be considered harmless fun to
gather 30 friends, put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby
town.
Lifeguards could remove citizens
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Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get
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Instead of an expensive engage-
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wife-to-be with a giant foam hand
that said, "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved
to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if he saw his
shadow, he'd get the day off to go
drinking. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would
remain exactly the same. But it would
be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and
you could phone in advice to the
pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
Regis and current co-host would be
chained to a cement mixer and pushed
off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most
lucrative pay-per-view event in world
history.
The victors in any athletic competi-
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losers.
The only show opposite Monday Night
Football would be Monday Night Foot-
ball from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a
sports car, as long as he returned it
the following day with a full tank of
gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out
of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave him a ticket, every
smart-aleck answer he responded
with would actually reduce his fine.
As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
were going?"
Him: "All I know is, I was spilling my
beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold,"
and "100 proof."
The Statue of Liberty would get a
bright red, 40-foot thong.
Daisy Duke shorts would never
again go out of style.
Telephones would automatically
cut off after 30 seconds of conver-
sation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
19th Hole
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God's Lawyer
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God Kills
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Alien Landing
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All I Need
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All This
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: Well, Tawanda, as I understand the charges, your man, Tyrone
came
home drunk the other night and violated you. And you want him put
away for
a while.
Tawanda: Not exactly, your Honor. He did as you say, but then he'd
done
that many times before. This time, when he was done violating me,
he went
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Judge: Oh, I see. I guess that would be the last straw!
Tawanda: Oh, no your Honor. He'd done that twice before, also. The
last
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said, "Look
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The doctor at the local health clinic was admonishing the redneck
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not
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Pausing for a moment, the young patient replied, "Okay, but what
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"What do
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The patient thought and said, "the bad news."
The doctor said solemnly, "you have three weeks to live."
"Oh, shit!" exclaimed the patient, "then what the hell's the good
news?"
The doctor smiled. "See that pretty blond nurse over there with the
long
legs and the big tits - In about an hour or so, I will be fucking
her brains
out!"
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Sex Chips
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At a PTA Meeting it was explained to the parents how the sex
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their
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That night, one parent decided to put it into action. He called his
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"What?" the younger lad asked.
"You know how a man and a woman get together when they want to have
kids?"
"Yeah?"
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thing."
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Call Girl Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
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To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was $100.
He then asked the redhead
Her reply was,
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pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the
times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of gas,
keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you
have retirees, then it isn't going to cost you a damn cent!'
Peggy
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Personals Chips
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lunching with a friend in a fast-food restaurant, I was telling her
about a teenager who had rear-ended my car. The teen blamed me for
the
accident.
"She even called me every dirty name in the book!" I said.
Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Courtship
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John w/ Do You Remember These
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Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week!
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Movie Clips
Never trust A Woman
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Never Trust A Green Light
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No Kissing In Boxing
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Osama
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Pillows
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They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore
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This Kid Deserves An Oscar
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Tolerant Cat
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Toll Booth
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman takes her 4 year old son in for his
yearly well child visit to The doctor. The doctor
asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?"
He tells her, "Yes my name is Timmy."
"And Timmy, do you know your mom's name?"
"Yes her name is Mommy," said Timmy.
"And what is Mommy's real name?"
And little Timmy says, "it's Tammy."
"That is great," the doctor told Timmy. Then the
doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"
Timmy said, "it is daddy."
Finally the doctor asked, "And what does mommy call him?"
Timmy looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and slouch.
You can't take your women
Canoein' or swimmin',
But a lot can be done on a couch.
____________
Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess
It always delights me at Hank's
To walk up the old river banks.
One time in the grass
I stepped on an ass,
And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."
____________
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____________
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday evening, a woman decided to cook Peruvian food. She
invited her boyfriend to join her for dinner. While chopping some
veggies and eating some pre dinner munchies, her boyfriend came in
the kitchen to give her a little company. A little foreplay was
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then pleasure.
She suddenly realized that when she was chopping jalapeno peppers,
she also ate some of them. The boyfriends dick was not a fan of
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Seems that the woman was able to tolerate spicy foods, but her
boyfriend's dick was not so fortunate.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing
the
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appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life.
Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?" The madam
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1564
Memories -- Katie
BJ and Diana arrive home after going to a movie to see...
Diana: The trash...is scattered throughout the house. That dog
of yours is in deep trouble!!!
BJ: I will help you clean the mess up.
Diana: Ack! The trash downstairs has been gotten into also!
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Raising bi-peds is very difficult. When they fill their trash cans,
one
would think they would remove the trash and take the trash outside.
No, they leave the trash in the trash can. This makes no sense
whatsoever. So it falls upon me to teach them a lesson. A heavy
burden it is indeed. I must try to open the trash cans and pull out
these heavy leaden trash bags and disperse their contents just to
teach them a lesson. Oh, I gain nothing from this experience. It
pains me to do this.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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