Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
First off I must apologize for accusing Nancy of breaking the site
because
she says so. I was told if I didn't they would be serving buffalo
burgers
for Memorial Day and I would be the entrée. Then when I tried to go
near the site this morning she had 4 rows of electric barbed wire
around it. Then she told me that I could be replaced as I have 11
years
worth of jokes, more than enough for syndication and reruns. I guess
she is right, they are showing the original Star Trek 40 years later
and they
only had 4 years of shows. So if you get the idea the jokes are
being
written by a hamster named George, you will know what happened to
me.
Here's some science headlines I have used my vast knowledge
as a scientific buffalo to add my views to:
Ancient stalagmites from a submerged Italian cave have revealed sea
level rises caused by global warming more than 200,000 years ago,
according to a joint European-Australian study.
This is proof that Europeans and Australians drove gas guzzling
large
SUV's back then
Scratching an itchy spot turns off a switch in the spinal cord, says
US researchers, in a finding they think could lead to better
treatments for itching disorders.
This one ought to make some women happy, a small switch that a man
can
flip so he won't have to scratch any place embarrassing in public.
It would
also help with those hard to reach spots I have to go rub against a
telephone
pole in the front yard to stop the itch, darn fleas.
Michael Novacek describes a 55 - 60-million-year-
collected in the Gobi Desert in central Asia. It is similar to
current day rabbits or rodents.
The story on these pre-historic rabbits is that they were
carnivorous
and weighed forty tons and had large leg muscles. In spring they
would gather large dinosaur eggs in a basket and jumping high
in the air they would bombard smaller dinosaurs, killing them and
eating them for food. This so upset the balance in the food chain
that
all of the dinosaurs and the rabbits became extinct through
starvation.
60 million years later we still remember the giant rabbit hopping
with
his basket of eggs even though the purpose escapes us.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John meets Bill at the bar and he is looking somewhat sheepish and
embarrassed.
Bill says, "Hey John, what's wrong?"
John says, "I received a party invitation last night and it plainly
said 'Black Tie' only. But when I got there, everyone was wearing
suits too!"
The other day, fifteen Boy Scouts from Minnesota had to be rescued
after they became lost in the Cascade Mountains. At first, rescuers
tried to find the boys with bloodhounds, and when that didn't work,
they brought in Michael Jackson.
A sexy blonde walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't
find
an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman
that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you
for
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The gentleman groaned, coming to his feet and offering the lady his
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Edible Candy
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Confession
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When Rock Was Young
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FRAUD!
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Grimm Party
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse!
Some people can tell time by looking at the sun, but I've
never been able to see the numbers.
Joe and Tom were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," Joe said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's
panties off!" "What's the rush?" Tom asked.
Joe replied "The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do,
don't
wobble.
Q. what does a man and a sperm have in common ???
A. they both have about a million to one chance of becoming a human
being
Q. Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A. Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
Q: Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A: Because "pot holder" was already taken.
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony
check and took him down to the station. While the officers were
distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed
it.
No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the
guy
with passing a bad check twice...
"I had a hard time at the bank today. I tried to take out a loan and
they pulled a real attitude with me. Apparently, they won't accept
the
voices in my head as references."
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when
you know the battery is weak?
If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will
be
soaking wet.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was
a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his
table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor,
I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage son. After
covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of
love-making:
Dad: One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women
say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the
same thing.
Son: What do you mean, Dad?
F: Well, for example, their words will vary according to their
occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you
done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are
you done already?"
S: What do other women say?
F: Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to do this
over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This
won't hurt one bit."
S: I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."
F: That's male nurses. But let's move on, a bank teller will say,
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S: And what does mother say?
F: She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should paint the
ceiling beige."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top ten things you'll never hear one woman say to another woman:
1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind
keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?
2. Oh, look, that women and I have the same dress on! I think
I'll go introduce myself!
3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,
and I'm happy for them both.
4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.
5. He makes more money than I do, so I broke up with him.
6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-
fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!
7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to
help him with the color choices!
8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!
9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of
sex and then just go his separate way for once?
10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my
butt is fat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyber Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyber-Sex Dear John Letter:
***You never know, this might come in handy one day.***
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),
I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal
of
unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair.
This
termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not
make it
retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part,
competent, your
constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer
to me has
hurt my feelings.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of
punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were
less than
honest:
· __ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.
· __ You typed: " I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman.
· __ You typed your own name at the end.
· __ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page
56 of a
Jackie Collins novel.
· __ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding
something from me.
· __ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test
suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.
· __ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __jpg __ police
record.
· __ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I
wish to
face stalking charges.
· __ Mommy says I need to spend less time on the computer.
· __ Your mommy called me and yelled at me because of all the time
you're
spending on the computer.
· __ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord,
and I
would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to
ensure a
place in Heaven when the end of times come. They are closer than you
think.
· ___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me
feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating.
· ___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14
violates the terms of my parole.
· ___ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand,_
a
b*tch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there
is
nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.
Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,
__ Respectfully,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,
__ Good riddance,
[Name or alias]
P.S. I suggest that you refrain from using recycled pixels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to
work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day
after day the man would go through this routine. Finally the newsboy
could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a
paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"
The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."
"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."
"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on
the front page."
George comes home very late, and very drunk, and his
wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, "You've
been out fucking around, haven't you?"
He says, "Nope."
She says, "Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."
He says, "That's easy. I used my shirt to wipe off my
cock."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
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Movie Clips
To All Sports Loving Men This Guy Is a Genuis
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Toilet Seat Sign
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Tom Mabe
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Tomato PSA
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Toot Tone
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Topless Wife Training
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Posedis
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Wake Up
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Wal-Mart Baby
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Waterbed
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Water Leak Problem
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pussy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Zsa Zsa Gabor appeared on Johnny Carson's show, she brought her
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change the subject, she kept going back to discussing the cat.
Johnny
was getting just a bit frustrated.
Finally, Zsa Zsa gave him his opening... she asked him, "Would you
like
to pet my pussy?"
To which he, of course, replied, "Sure, just get that stupid cat out
of
the way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes...
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Love 15
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Milkshake
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Was A Young Lady Of Boston,
Who Thought She Was Raped In An Austin,
But The Truth Is, My Dears,
She Sat On The Gears,
And A Traffic Cop Kick The Exhaust In.
____________
There Was A Young Lady Of Mass.
Rather Lacking, We All Thought, In Class.
She Would Stroll Boston Common,
And Whenever She Saw Men,
She'd Whimper, ''Please, Sir, Make A Pass.''
____________
There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch;
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
____________
A member fell off the boardwalk into the sea
Felt a diddle an wondered what it might be
Asked by a passing fisherman "How does it feel
To suddenly be pleasured by an electric eel??"
"Like a man, but it wiggles better." said she!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The maths on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got
a bang every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT
have happened!), it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.
On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen, an absolute
stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour - for
anything that your heart desires!
Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid
a total of $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years
(a saving of $41.7 million).
Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no
coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, ability to put BOTH
legs around you, no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists.
Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you
ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.
Sometimes leasing makes far more sense.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buff,
I noticed one that didn't make the list. I first saw it as a young
buffalo myself back in the early 70s at, of all places, a Boy Scout
Camp. I thought you might want if for another edition some day.
People who write on Shit-House walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
People who read those lines of wit
Eat their little balls of shit.
On Apr 9, 2009, at 9:42 AM, William Brabant wrote:
Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and
walls.
Donnie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1567
It's Hard Work, But Somebody Has To Do It
Tami arrives home from a hard day's work. She parks her car in the
garage and walks into her house. She is thinking about fixing
supper.
She opens the refrigerator door and it falls off..then the fridge
falls apart.
Tami: Another cardboard item...those dogs!!! I can just cook
something
on the stove.
She reaches for the dial and as she touches it, the stove falls
apart...
Tami: Ack!!! A cardboard stove!! This is too much. I guess I will
microwave something.
She opens the microwave...
Tami: Oh, I am so going to get revenge. I will order a pizza.
Tami walks into the front room and sits on her couch only to fall to
the floor.
Tami: Ack!!! A cardboard couch!!! Where is my furniture.
Giggle giggle.
The dogs are huddling behind the curtains and pointing to the
backyard.
Tami: I want my furniture back in the house now!!
Rudy: Sure thing Neighbor-toots, we just wanted a chuckle.
Sandi: We do have a nice pizza on order to show no bad feelings.
Tami: We, okay....no bad feelings.
Ding dong!
Tami: Yes!
Pizza Ma'am, that will be 21.19
Tami: You guys paying?
Katie: No, we just ordered it.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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