Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Barry over at Computer Tips and Tricks posted the following
yesterday regarding the latest Conficker variant.
"Just a heads up to be vigilant and if you suddenly get lots of pop-up messages and warnings that your system is infected with all sorts of malware which you need to purchase the promoted program to cure it then DO NOT follow any links or click on anything. Safest option is to unplug the internet in these cases then close down the PC. You'll be nagged every time you start the PC afterwards but currently it's possible to use the 'Safe Mode with Networking' option when tapping [F8] on boot up to go download removal tools for Conficker and also Malware Bytes."
If you make the mistake of clicking on Spyware Protect 2009 or
whatever it is offering to remove this infection, these people will run
your credit card to it's max limit.
I found my new mattress set. I went to a place called Northern Hospitality
which is owned by the Sault Tribe and bought a twin-size Restonic Pillow
Top for 400 dollars. Restonic is manufactured at a plant 100 miles from
here and I have a queen-sized set that is like brand new after 13 years.
Unfortunately a mattress that size will not fit in the buffalo cave unless I
don't want to open the closets or doors. I went through two furniture
stores and tried out various Sealy and Simmons combinations and the
nearest comparable one 600 dollars with a three year warranty and 800
for a pillow top with a ten year warranty which is ridiculous. On the bad
side I'll have to make a dump run to get rid of the old box springs but
I got some spring cleaning to do anyhow.
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford
are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when
the captain of the plane announces: "We have just
lost power to the engines and are going to make an
emergency crash landing -- assume the brace position
immediately!
Immediately the three models start preparing for the
worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts
fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask:
"What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up
when we are about to crash!"
Claudia responds: "I know for a fact the rescue workers
will search for, and save first, the ones who have the
best looking faces -- which is why I am putting on my
make-up."
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two
beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the
law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia
shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are
you baring your breasts for everyone to see when
we are about to die!"
Cindy responds: "I have it on good authority in plane
crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the
women with big beautiful breasts -- which is why I
am exposing my tits!"
Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt
and panties to expose her love triangle."
Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi -- Are
you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for
everyone to see?"
Calmly, Naomi responds: "PLEASE! I know
for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for
in plane crashes is a black box!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Damn Rex
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Can't Be Right
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Lift Your Leg
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alzheimers
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stuck in a tree
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caulk
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woody Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Places Not To Get A " Woody"
10. With your wife, visiting her sister.
9. Golfing with the guys
8. With your wife, and accidently run into your ex-girlfriend.
7. Showering with the guys after a basketball game.
6. Visiting a friend in the slammer
5. While being pulled over for a traffic citation
4. Shaking hands with your pastor/priest after church
3. In front of your childs 3rd grade class, looking at the teacher, for
show and tell
2. Standing on the subway with a bunch of nuns watching you.
and the number one time never to get a woody is:
1. Your best friend on a guys night out, asks you, ;Hey what do you want
to do tonight?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Lines To Use On Your Spouse
"Roll over, willya?"
"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you shut the hell
up for once and let me watch the game?"
"Hey, whaddaya say we throw caution to the wind and go back to our
place?"
"Don't mind me, I'll be done in a moment. Just keep scrubbing the
floor."
"Hey, cutie -- buy me dinner and I'll lift the restraining order for the
night."
"Hurry up, dammit, while they're still asleep!"
"What's a nice girl like you, doing in a place like this?
What? No, I'm not saying we need to redecorate!!
"Honey, you look mighty sexy in those stretch marks!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Confession Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to
visit a church and confess all of his sins When he arrived at the
church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest.
"Father, I am sinful."
"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3
years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited
her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I
slept with her.
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was
around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody
was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father?....
Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father,
he walked over and discovered that the Priest was not there. So he began
searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except
me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl from Siam
Who went for a ride in a tram
The dirty conductor
Jumped up and fucked her
And now she pushes a pram.
There once was a man name of Florin
Who was fond of a gal who was whorin'
When he looked in her box
And found 20 cocks
Said, "I'm sure you won't mind just one more in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
a local university. The topic last week was mammals,
and she was preparing a Power Point slide show with
images of various animals to illustrate the huge
diversity of the mammals.
Of course the obvious place to look for images is on
the Internet, and she had great success with searches
for "armadillo photos" and "whale photos" and "monkey
photos."
Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
"beaver photos."
A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental
prostitute and asks? "Is it true Asian women have vaginas that run
sideways?"
"Why?" she asks, "Are you a harmonica player?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Surfin Surfari
DANDELION RECIPES Via Wesley
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CENTIPEDE
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Real-Time News Search Engine via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Computer Drivers
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Make Your Own E-Cards Via Wesley
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Movie Clips
IKEA Adverts
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I love the beach
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Indian teacher explaining the word fuck
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Jihadist Trainees
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Peanut Butter Jelly Time
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OK
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Parent VS Kids
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Parking 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOP 13 SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG MAGICIAN
13 Saws a gummie bear in half, then puts it back together.
12 Insists that his magic won't work if he puts his clothes back on.
11 "The Amazing Kevorkian" is scaring the hell out of Grandma.
10 Makes a bird appear for the kids by simply raising his middle finger.
9 Replaces pulling a rabbit out of his hat with the slightly racier
pulling the "big snake" out of his pants.
8 She closes her eyes, then claims to be invisible.
7 His first and only trick: The Amazing Disappearing Bottle of
Jagermeister.
6 During one trick, screams, "Pick a freakin' card already or I swear
I'll blow the little birthday boy's head off!"
5 Begins by saying his first trick "relies on the magic of sweet, sweet
love."
4 His biggest trick? Converting a sixer of Coors into "liquid gold" --
eventually.
3 Smoke emanating from more than just the fingertips of The Magnificent
Flatulo.
2 Before every trick, tells hostess, "For this one I'm going to need to
borrow your bra."
1 Her "magic words" after sawing a volunteer in half?
"Ohshitohshitohshit
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Life Sucks
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Chicken Shit
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Asses Of Washington
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Hooter Chips
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Slogans for Hooters Air
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When You Fly Hooters, You Fly the
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then
goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong
change!"
Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make
corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now.
That's the policy of this bank !"
Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me
twenty dollars too much. Bye. "
I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was
approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came
on
the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the
plane's restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to
apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she
finished
cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."
Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed
himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses,
offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the
like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his
crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should
be living in a whore house!"
Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be
cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to
pay for it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife
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Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old men, Harry and Larry and Clarry have
been boyhood friends and done everything together
for 50 years.
Then Harry Dies. One year latter, Larry and Clarry
hire a clairvoyant to get in touch with Harry. After a
lot of crystal ball stuff, a voice comes through the void: "Hello
boys." Larry (or maybe it's Clarry) says "Is that you Harry?"
The voice says, "Yes it's me."
Then Clarry (or, now I come to think of it, Larry) says, "What's it
like for you now, old son?"
Harry says, "Oh, it's great. I wake up each morning,
have a nice swim, have a fuck, eat some breakfast,
then go to sleep. Then I wake up around lunchtime,
have another swim, have another fuck, have something
to eat, and then go to sleep again. . Then at night,
I wake up, have a very quick swim, have a really good
fuck, and have some dinner, then go to sleep again..
And the next morning the whole thing happens again -
same as the day before."
"Jeezes," says Larry (or Clarry), "Heaven sounds wonderful!"
"No, I'm not in heaven," says Harry. "I'm a duck in a public park!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1586
Higher Learning
BJ wanders outside and asks: What is Rudy doing up on the deck?
Sandi: He is studying.
BJ: Studying what?
Sandi: You guys went to night school a while back and Rudy is taking come classes again. He though that if he read his book up on the deck he would do better than if he read it downstairs.
BJ: Why?
Sandi: He said something about "Higher learning."
BJ: Oh that's just silly.
Katie: I think it is not a bad idea father.
BJ: Why?
Katie: Sometimes the mind is the pushing point to learning. If Rudy believes he can learn better up there then allow him to study up
there.
BJ: Well, I suppose there can be no harm in it. How has he done so far?
Sandi: His grades are up eight percent.
The next day.....
Diana: What is BJ doing up on the deck?
Sandi: He is studying with Rudy.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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