THE POSTMAN'S CORNER The people we like the least may need our love the most. The Patch Perfect growing secret is its powerful fertilizer mulch cocoon, that surrounds each seed, soaking up and retaining water. It's like each seed has its own eco system, for faster, healthier germination. http://www.tinyurl.com/cm3bbm The ShamWow: - Cleans up spills fast - Will not scratch or damage any surfaces - Machine washable - Perfect for house, boat, car and pets - Guaranteed to last for 10 years Act now and we'll double your order. You'll get 8 ShamWow towels for only $19.95 s/h! http://www.tinyurl.com/cc5pha Tell us which brand you like best and you could be watching your favorite shows, games and movies on your new HDTV! Choose between Sharp(R), LG or Samsung and you'll get to keep your choice for FREE! http://www.tinyurl.com/dfug7x Finally Available! Who Else Wants to Watch Satellite TV On Your Computer Without Paying Monthly Fees... FOR FREE? NO Satellite Required! NO Cable Required! NO Subscriptions! NO Monthly Fees! 100% Legal 2 Minute Setup! 1. Download our PCShowbuzz software 2. Click on the channel you want to watch 3. Enjoy Satellite TV on your PC It's That Simple!! http://www.tinyurl.com/365eux GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! It was an absolutely fabulous day yesterday. There was about an eighth of a tank of gas in the car, and so I backed the cycle out of the shed and rode the bike down to my doc appointment instead. I took the breathing test they wanted me to do, well we won't get into that malarky. I'll probably start rambling and ranting and I know you all didn't sign to read that. It Was perfect weather when I got out, 70 degrees and perfectly still. no wind. A biker's dream. And I spent a good long time coming back home. But anyways, I am glad that riding weather is getting here. it has been a little on the cool side, but I am pretty much done driving the Crown Victoria until at least the end of October, I think. All winter long I think I put maybe a little less than 2,000 miles on that car total. And since I shall be parking it now, I won't be driving it at all. At this rate, that old tank will probably out live the driver:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman _________ don't laugh http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w033.html pick up your toys http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w034.html if that thing says one word, I'm leaving http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w035.html I have news http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w036.html the big one over there http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w039.html LETS GO TO THE MOVIES the favorite pet http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5253.html runnin for the bus http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5254.html Charlie Chaplin http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5256.html be careful with alcohol http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5258.html When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really cute." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you." ____________ The rather large lady showed up at the theater just before the performance started and handed the usher two tickets. "Where's the other party?" asked the usher. "Well," said the lady, with a blush, "you can see one seat is rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're really both for me." "Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching his head. "But you're gonna have a tough time. Your seats are numbers fifty-one and sixty-eight." ____________ A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee outside a Arizona immigration office.' Good man, ' the fairy said, ' I ' ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children. ' The man told the fairy. ' Well, where I come from we don ' t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them. ' The fairy looked at the man ' s almost toothless grin and -- PING ! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth! ' What else? ' asked the fairy, ' two more to go. ' The refugee claimant now got bolder. ' I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here . ... . and -- PING ! -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay. ' One more wish ' , said the fairy, waving her wand. 'Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this turban. And I want to have white skin like Americans . . . and -- PING! -- The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon. ' What happened to my new teeth? ' he wailed. ' Where is my new house? ' The fairy said ' Tough shit, Mac, Now that you are a White American, you have to fend for yourself. ' And she disappeared.. ______________ Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning, "Why are you always So damn happy when you come to work every day?" Robert replied, "That's because I make love to my wife every morning Before work." Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets his wife to make love to him Every morning. "That's easy," Robert said. "I just tell her this little poem that I Made up. She loves it! It goes like this: Blond hair, blond hair, eyes so blue , I love waking up and making love to you!" Tyrone said, "Man, you are so damn sentimental. " He decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. So he spent the rest of The day thinking of a poem for his wife. The next day Tyrone showed up to work just beat to hell; bruised eyes, Broken nose, fat lip, the works! Robert asked, "Man, what happened to you?!" Tyrone said, "I don't know. I went home and tried your advice. I just Told her a poem." "Well, what poem did you tell her?" Tyrone said: "Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog. If I could roll your fat ass over, I'd hump you like a dog." ___________ A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?" The girl replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it." "Okay...let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested. "Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried. "Okay then," so he put the thing in the girls butt. Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!" The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either." _____________ The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? "I brought a Walkman." "And what is it for?" "You can listen to music with it!" "That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?" "I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!" "Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!" "Yes, I did. It's in the hall." So the entire class goes into the hallway. "Umm, Johnny, what is that?" "It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going." "Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?" "He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'" ____________ man walks into a store looking for a mirror. The salesman shows him a mirror and tells him it it a magical mirror. He explains that it will grant him one wish and one wish only. The man was a little skeptical but looked into the mirror and made his wish. He said, "Mirror mirror on the wall, make my penis touch the floor." It fell off. ____________ Buffalo Bill How Marriage Treats Your Woman http://buffalosjokes.com/11408.htm Ewe-rotic http://buffalosjokes.com/11406.htm SYDESJOKES LIST Bowling Accident http://www.sydesjokes.com/extra/link000016.html PAPA Thorn Berry berry nice! (smut alet) http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Fruitx010.jpg Pig in a blanket http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Sandwich002.jpg FUN PAGES from Lorraine Cube Field http://tinyurl.com/cxgosm Dentist Electric Chair http://tinyurl.com/cglvmo THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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