THE POSTMAN'S CORNER I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect. FREE RED BULL ENERGY DRINK http://www.tinyurl.com/cyyfg5 FREE* 6-PACK The NEW CAREFREE Thong is a revolutionary unscented pantiliner particularly designed for use with thong underwear. Made with end-to-end adhesive and Stay-Put Wings, CAREFREE THONG PANTLINERS ensure you ultimate freshness even when you're in your slimmest underthings. http://www.tinyurl.com/cuy8v4 Roberto-Rossi Professional 5 Piece Professional Stainless Steel Knife Set Only $10! As if thats not exciting enough, we have two incredible bonuses with our Special Mothers Day Offer: Free Bonus 1: A second 5 Piece Professional Knife Set makes a perfect gift! Free Bonus 2: Magic Chopper chop your prep time in half! This is an offer that you surely will never see again. Recently rated the #1 New Gourmet Cookware Company in the United States, Roberto-Rossi is celebrating Mothers Day this year with an outrageous sale. Buy one 5 Piece Knife Set, and get another 5 Piece Knife Set and a Magic Chopper FREE! Thats a $404 value, yours today for only $10! http://www.tinyurl.com/dxskjy If you're having trouble quitting smoking then you need Nic-Out. It cuts down the tar and nicotine levels while still allowing you to enjoy the satisfaction of smoking a cigarette. Lessen the harmful impact of smoking and kick your habit for good. Order now and just pay S&H up to 3 packs. http://www.tinyurl.com/d5djae GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Well I finally went and done it. Many of you have been asking cuz you wanna see what our ugly mugs look like. So I managed to post a few shots of us on the website. I apologize that the quality is not real good. We don't have a decent camera. And my scanner is ancient. But I did manage to get a few shots posted. The war department is up there, Turk the dog, aka Carlos the rat, and of course, there is the motorcycle. And you will even find a couple shots of my kids. As long as you are not expecting a fancy group portrait, I guess it will do. You can find the family photos at: http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/img.html Or, if you don't care one way or another, you can just skip that part and go on to the jokes:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS that's nice http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w041.html The Obama thought process http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w042.html getting in shape http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w044.html oh yeah, baby http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w046.html you are here http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w048.html anal optic nerve http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w049.html __________ LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Digging coal-Jim Gosset(wav file) http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5260.html we're glad you're home http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5262.html the cell phone and the beer bottle http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5263.html for those who don't like my email http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5264.html General Sherman burns down Atlanta http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5265.html Karina Bacchi(that is one hot woman) http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5266.html __________________ In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor; "Barocky Road". Barocky Road is a blend of half Vanilla, half Chocolate, and surrounded by Nuts and Flakes. The Vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The Nuts and Flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow. The cost is $100.00 per scoop. When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the Ice Cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.Thus you are left with an empty Wallet, no change, holding an empty cone, with no hope of getting any Ice Cream. Are you feeling stimulated? _____________ At a bar, a drunk says to a girl, "Excuse me but I think you owe me a drink." "Why?" "You're so fucking ugly that I dropped mine when I saw you." ___________ An attractive lady is waiting in the emergency room. A doctor walks in to her room and asks her "What is the problem ma'am?" The lady replies, "Doctor, I have been having trouble with my rectum, it hurts really bad." The doctor tells the woman, "Why don't you lay on your stomach so I can take a look at it, OK?" So, the woman turns over and the doctor begins to examine her rear end. After a while, the doctor asks the young lady, "Ma'am, have you had anal sex lately?" The lady replies, "No, why?" The doctor then says, "Would you like to?" _____________ 10 Things Not To Say To A Man Who Is Penis-Impared~ 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Stop fingering me and fuck me. 4. I'm sorry. 5. Who circumcised you ? 6. Why don't we just cuddle ? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It's more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. _____________ One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I'm a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I'm trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don't I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You'll have some customers and my patients will have a night out." Well, the publican isn't sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees. The following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics. He says to the publican, "They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I'll settle up at closing time." The barman has a great time selling loads of drinks and encouraging the loonies to eat chips and peanuts. The loonies have a great time, getting drunk and paying for their drinks with empty Coke cans, banana peels, used tea bags and plastic shopping bags.At closing time the barman adds up the bill and it comes to just over two hundred dollars! The guy with the glasses and the tweed jacket starts to organize the loonies ready to take them back to the asylum. Finally he comes over and asks for the bill. The publican, feeling that he's charged them rather a lot and feeling he should do his bit to help these poor unfortunate people gives him a discount. "Let's call It $150," he says. The guy in the tweed jacket smiles and says, "That's fine. Have you got change for a garbage can?" ________________ A girl called a sex therapist and said, "Remember when you told me the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Well, last night I found a new route... Now I need some birth control pills." The doc asked, "What's his occupation?" The girl said, "Army." "Active or retired?" "If he wasn't active, I wouldn't need these damn pills, would I?" ______________ An American couple on vacation in England are in their rented car, driving slowly and carefully through winding country lanes looking for their destination, a picturesque old Inn. Finally, they arrive to a village and in the square there is a bunch of teenagers to whom they ask directions to the Inn. One of the youths replies, "It's only a stone's throw away from here." "But how will we recognize it?" asked the man. "Easy. "It's the one with all the broken windows." _____________ 80 year old Bessie Reingold bursts into the rec room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough" _____________ If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur: "My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank and Chris Dodd". If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life. There is no need to thank me for this advice, I'm just doing a public service. ____________ FUN PAGES from Lorraine Who Sleeps? http://tinyurl.com/d8wblc Warlords Heroes http://tinyurl.com/b7os84 PAPA Thorn Good advertising http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010tshirt-009.jpg SYDESJOKES List Budweiser - The Elevator http://www.sydesjokes.com/extra/link000018.html BUFFALO BILL Artificial Insemination http://www.buffaloschips.com/72239.htm Assholes Of The World http://www.buffaloschips.com/72240.htm Automatic Confession http://www.buffaloschips.com/72241.htm THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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