Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
April Birthdays Do you have a birthday this month? Let's see what
kind of famous company you are in with:
April
1. Ali McGraw, Toshio Mifume, Jennifer Beyer
2. Dana Carvey, Hans Christen Anderson, Ivan Breaux
3. Marlon Brando, Jennie Garth, Sylvia Bringman
4. Arthur Hailey, Anthony Perkins, Arthur Murray
5. Spencer Tracy, Bette Davis
6. Butch Cassidy, Marilu Henner, Howard Zang
7. Tony Dorsett, Francis Ford Coppola
8. Jim Catfish Hunter, Julian Lennon, Sonja Jenie
9. Hugh Hefner, Dennis Quaid, Paulina Porizkova
10. John Madden, Steven Seagal, Chuck Connors
11. Louise Lasser, Oleg Cassini
12. David Letterman, Shannon Doherty, Helen Mulloy
13. Thomas Jefferson, Al Green
14. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Pete Rose, John Gielgud
15. Greg Maddux, Leonardo de Vinci
16. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Charlie Chaplin
17. Nikita Khrushchev, William Holden
18. Conan O'Brien, Clarence Darrow
19. Picaso, Don Adams
20. Ryan O'Neal, Hitler, buffalo
21. Andie MacDowell, Tony Danza, Tom Bingaman
22. Jack Nicholson, Eddie Albert, Uncle George
23. William Shakespeare, Shirley Temple, Valerie Bertinelli
24. Barbra Streisand, Shirley MacLaine, Jill Ireland
25. Al Pacino, Talia Shire, Ella Fitzgerald
26. Carol Burnett, Barbara Epstein
27. Sheena Easton, Casey Kasem, Vicki Valle, Ross Bowen
28. Jay Leno, Saddam Hussein
29. Jerry Seinfeld, Andre Agassi, JoAnn King
30. Isiah Thomas, Willie Nelson
Via Bonnie
We have exhausted most of our options as far as getting
Buffaloschips
to run at normal speed. Our host Siteground has been about as much
help as your wife asking where did you have it last? when you are
looking
for your wallet and you know she probably moved it and doesn't want
to tell you. They blame it on optimization when it worked just fine
last
month un-optimized and now it takes 4 minutes to load a 3 megabyte
video clip. Buffalosjokes which is un-optimized is working just fine
but rather than risk adding anything to it because the bulk of our
toons
are there we may start using one of our other sites to host the
video clips.
So enjoy the movies on buffalosjokes till we run out which will be
soon.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Change Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The buzzword of this election was "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they
want to change to.
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps
about a lieutenant who
inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they
smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change
their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye,aye, sir. I'll see to it
immediately.
lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you
to change your underwear. Smith, you change with
Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown,
you change with Schultz ...." "Change, now get on with
it."
A candidate may promise change in Washington but the
stink remains.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the indians
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golfers
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lucky guy
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How Marriage Treats Your Woman
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Ewe-rotic
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Modern Communications
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was playing a round of golf one day, when he came to the par
three third hole, where he got his first ever hole-in-one.
As he bent down and removed his ball from the cup, a genie suddenly
appeared from out of the hole. She said, "I'm the genie of the third
hole and, for getting a hole in one, you are granted one wish."
The man thought and said that he would like to have a very large
penis. The genie told the man that his wish was granted, and then
disappeared into the hole. The man was so excited about his hole-in-
one and his new penis that he decided to go right home to tell his
wife of his good fortune.
As he walked back to the clubhouse, however, his penis began to grow
and grow. By the time he reached the clubhouse, it was dragging on
the ground.
The starter in the clubhouse said, "I see you got a hole in one on
the third hole." The man was very embarrassed and worried about what
he would do.
The starter in the pro shop told him that the only thing he could do
would be to go out to the third hole and try to get another hole-in-
one.
So, the man goes out to the third and tries and tries until finally
he does get a hole-in-one. Again, as before, he bends down to get
his
ball, and out of the hole comes the genie of the third hole to grant
his one wish. She recognizes the man and asks him what he would like
this time. "Would you like your penis smaller?"
"No," says the man, "But could you please make my legs longer?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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SOB Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A scantily dressed girl goes to confession,
and tells the Priest
"Father,I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch?
the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without "
"Do you mean like this?" He touches her arm.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father he also touched my breasts.
"You mean like this?" He touches her breasts.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this?" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father he then puts his you-know-what in my you-know-
where." "Like this?" He puts his you-know-what in her you-know-
where. "Y-Y-Yes father," she says sometime later. "But that's no
reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
Herpes." "THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doors Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel with
the rest of his band. In another corner are
John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George
Harrison and Ringo Starr - and all are naked!
A beautiful woman walks in, drops to her knees
in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the
pink oboe. She swallows nicely then starts on
his guitarist, then his drummer, and then the
keyboard player. When she is finished, she
licks her lips, wanders over to John Lennon,
and begins to do the same to him.
At that moment, there is a huge crash and Robert
De Nero smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper.
He jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck
and shouts, "You bloody fool, you are only
supposed to blow the Doors off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Family Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I had been married for about a year when my
brother-in-law, a career Navy man, stationed in Guam at the time,
called to tell us that he was marrying a Chinese- Malaysian girl he
met there. My mother-in-law flew to Guam for the wedding, and on her
return all she could talk about was how sweet and refined the girl
was and how careful we had to be when they came home for Christmas
not to offend her sensibilities. She was really worried about me, I
think, because she hadn't yet quite come to grips with the fact that
I hung out of helicopters with a camera and traveled with an all
male camera crew for a living. When they arrived for Christmas my
mother-in-law had a large reception for them and everything went
well until she ask her new daughter in-law how their trip to the
states went. Well, this lovely soft spoken girl, with the face of an
angel, l aunched into a story, in the finest navy language, with a
broken accent, I have ever heard. "Dat som-o-beech he fart on plane,
it smell sooo' bad all people have to move, den dat mudder-fucker he
jus' sit there an' laugh. I tell him, I keeck his ass but I afraid I
get sheet on my shoe!" My poor mother-in-law turned white, then red,
and every else tried to stifle giggles or act as if they didn't hear
it. Of course I, being devoid of any social graces, just roared and
hugged my new sister-in-law, while assuring her the gas problem ran
in the family. We have been great friends ever since, and my sweet
mother-in- law has finally gotten over the shock of it all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From THE TONIGHT SHOW with JAY LENO
Clone Joke Lightning Round (December 9, 2001):
- What do you get when you cross Britney Spears with a sheep.
Virgin wool. (Note the date)
- What is a clone child's biggest fear.
I'm turning into my parents.
- Why would you clone Osama Bin Laden.
So you can kill him twice.
- Why did Kevin Eubanks have himself cloned.
So he could have someone to hold after sex.
- Why did Shaquille O'Neal have himself cloned.
So when he misses a free throw he'll get the rebound.
- What did Jesse Jackson say when he came out against cloning?
What fun is cloning without the moaning.
- What do you call a Backstreet Boys clone.
N'Sync.
- How can you tell a Michael Jackson clone is real.
'Cause the clone doesn't look anything like him.
- Why do the Detroit Lions want a clone?
So they would have somebody they could beat.
- What does a clone call a turkey baster, a microscope, and
tweezers?
A family reunion.
- Why is it easy for scientists to clone Hillary Clinton?
The eggs are already frozen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
E-Books and Health solutions you may find useful
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Childhood Home
http://silverandgol
Carol w/Dance Of Love
http://www.carolspo
Walking In Power
http://www.shangral
It's A Wonderful World Via Wesley
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Niburu
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Famous People Who Were Shot... and Lived Via Shangy
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ed/
CRANKY CUSTOMERS Via Shangy
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Acid Fonts
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Crazy Fonts
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Data-File editor - Linux Via Wesley
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Movie Clips
Predator
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robo a mano armada
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Scar face short
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Secretary's Ass
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the most outrageous tv moments
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parrot-bud
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Pine
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plane crash
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Redneck Women
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Riding
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The trouble with my wife is that she has a weight problem. Every
time
I want sex, she says, "Wait."
After the Jewish gynecologist saw his redheaded patient's burning
bush, she complained of a headache. He told her, "Take these two
tablets and call me in the morning." When she complained about her
boyfriend's lovemaking technique, he recommended she give him a
sermon
on the mounting. Further, she should sing the old spiritual 'Go
Down,
Moses' until the guy learned to do it. (Rich Orwell)
When the job applicant was asked if she was a touch-typist or a
hunt'n'pecker, she said, "If I was a hunt'n'pecker, I'd go to a
bar." (Rich Orwell)
A teenage girl walked into a bank with several glass jars filled
with
quarters. After running them through the automated counting machine,
the teller announced, "That came out to $793.75. Tell me, young
lady,
how long have you been hoarding all those quarters?" "All year,"
replied the girl, "but my sister whored half of them."
A useless message in my in-box trumpeted, "Satisfy the girls with a
bigger dick!" Hey, I wouldn't be caught dead with a girl with a
dick,
especially if it's bigger than mine.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huge breasts
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Cracker snack
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Golf distraction
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STOMP!!
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Pork
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GYM
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Good Doggie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young person named Willie
Whose actions were what you'd call silly;
He went to a ball
Dressed in nothing at all
Pretending to represent Chile.
____________
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
____________
A Man shouts to his wife,
Come here and look at my clock
She walks in to find him naked with a hard on
She says that's not a clock
He says it will be when you put two hands and a face on it..
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Audrey just managed to squeeze into the crowded subway train. She
was
dying to get off her feet but, of course, there were no vacant
seats.
The man sitting directly in front of her had a kind face, which
prompted her to say, "I beg your pardon, but I wonder if you'd mind
letting me sit down? You see, I'm going to have a baby." "But of
course," said the kind gent, as he traded places. After a few
minutes, he addressed her as follows: "I'm a family man and can
appreciate your feelings. By the way, when is the blessed event
expected?" "In nine months," she said, "and brother, am I tired!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina, from Texas.
The
wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Texas Was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in North Carolina, they went to an insurance
Agency,
to see how much it would cost to insure the leg. The agent looked it
up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.' The husband was
shocked and asked why it was so cheap here In North Carolina to
insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Texas! The agent turned his
computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the
screen, it says: *Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over
it, is $39.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Works by Nicole Williams
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1559
Katie...a Memory (2003)
Diana: I so glad you invited me over to watch a movie tonight.
BJ: I am happy you came over. I hope Katie is on her best
behavior.
In the house they go...
To find ... a mess... A twelve pack of paper towels have been ripped
open and dispersed thoroughly through the house.
Diana: I am so sorry BJ.
BJ: Katie is just a dog. I am sure there is a lesson here.
From Katie's point of view........
The Care and Feeding Of Humans
By Katie Kassity
Humans are so untrainable, we must do our best to train them.
When they buy things, they do not put them away, so it is out duty
to show them the error of their ways. It is tough love. I had to
disperse a twelve pack of paper towels, a cheap lesson to be sure
and it was no great act of malice on my part. I had to try and
teach
my human there is a place for everything and everything has it's
place.
I am sure he will thank me some day for this lesson.
Opps, I have to run, I see where he left some food on the counter
another no no.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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