Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
One thing to be said about the technical staff at our server,
Siteground, they are tenacious and they finally uncovered
the problem with our site, buffalosjokes. They didn't go into
depth on the problem but they have had to move us to another
server to sort it out. I am leaning towards blaming Nancy because
I think she has the knowledge to break a server beyond repair
where as someone can generally fix my mistakes. heh heh.
As a side benefit from the move, all of the ads on the cartoons
will be down probably till the weekend so it should make it
really fast to look at some toons on buffalosjokes.
I am sorry for the lateness of this post as we are all down
sick with a cold or something and I haven't felt like staying awake
more than a couple of hours at a time. Hopefully tomorrow
will be a better day,
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Extracts from the problem page of the famous Australian men's
magazine
"Cobbler's", starring the legendary "Uncle Bruce,"... the " agony
aunt with
Balls"
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I
am
beginning to wonder if they really are lucky as they have been there
for two
months.
A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when they are sober
anyway.
Guess that means you've been pissed for two months which makes you
one lucky
b@st@rd! Just on a medical note rubbers are good when you do an Abo
as they
are smelly b@st@rds, Oh and Roos too, helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old
girlfriend's vibrator on her.
A. No worries. I've seen this before. Women need reassuring. Tell
the stupid
bitch that you have cleaned it since you last used it. Sometimes
Sheila's
get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one up the shitter and now she wants
me to do
her mate.
A. Eh mate you're from Melbourne right? No worries mate, as long as
her mate
is a Sheila it's ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, After my last Hockey game I got an erection in the
showers.
Is this normal , I am a single guy and like girls.
A. Nah mate you're queer. Only queers play hockey.
Q .Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we
have sex.
A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her ?
Q. Dear Bruce , I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather
trousers
and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't know who to
turn
to.
A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be logical: You're queer,
no one
likes you , get a gun, blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay.
A. Geez mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognise the
word
Foreplay. Then it struck me, Fore is what you shout in golf.. Jeez
guy, men
don't play golf with women but it's ok for her practice putting with
your
dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose.
What do I
do ?
A. Deny ,deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever ,ever, ever ,ever
admit to
going with a kiwi.
Q. Bruce the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex.
What is
it ?
A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up next to a
f*cking
ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape rather than wake
her, just
like a dingo caught in a trap, and the other one is when you drink
too much
and your old boy it Dingo in and dingo hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Horsey Rides
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Customary
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Stop Complaining
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Ice cream
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EXTRA rare
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Freak show!
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Fruit, anyone?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Detector Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Buff, here's a joke for ya.
Bonnie in SC
LIE DETECTOR!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie
detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?'
asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project,'said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking
him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where
you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry
I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that
nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After
all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He
rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard.
The
guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty
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and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
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in
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be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight
years
running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I
wasn't
getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for
a
job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.
Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he
wants for the dog. The owner says "Ten dollars." The guy says
he'll
buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are
you selling him?" The owner replies, "He's such a fucking
liar."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stuttring Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop
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doc,
didn't you hear me? I want my 6 inches
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Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oops Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major
mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing
and then skiing the world's major peaks. Finally he decided
he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife
and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.
The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier
climbed to the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was
he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a
postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his feat. While in the shop
buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard
picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his buddy
who couldn't make the trip.
Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and
sent them to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card
showing Mt. Fuji, which he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he
wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on the back of the card
showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent
to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went
down on Thursday!"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jarhead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a
Marine
Corps base and decide to visit.
They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's
window, and taps on it with his nightstick. The driver rolls down
the
window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says," Hey, why'd you do that?"
The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son.
When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready".
Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't
know."
The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.
The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with
the
nightstick.
The passenger says, "Hey what'd you do that for?"
The Marine says, "Just making your wish come true".
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna
say, "I wish that Jarhead would've tried that shit with me!"
DeadEarl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Fathers Will
http://www.silveran
Rick w/ Easter Blessings
http://www.wtv-
Judy w/ Conspiracy
http://frommyheart2
Four Crucified With Christ
http://www.shangral
.html
Always Remember
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Surfin Surfari
Brains Via Shangy
http://www.youtube.
The Roaring Twenties Via Wesley
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Peep Recipes Via Wesley
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Autonomous Alpine Shelter Via Wesley
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Free Skype Call Recorder
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Free TXT Messaging
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List of Free Windows Software from Microsoft
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Movie Clips
3rd World Bomb Squad
http://www.buffalos
ICTV
http://www.buffalos
Leno Photo Booth
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Texas Shootout
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The Interview
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The Big Man Where Are You
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Training Goldfish
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If I Die Before You Wake
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Trunk Monkey Chaperone
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Tuck In Shirt
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Turkey
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Turkish Gillette
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swift Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Swift Seduction" by Richard Lederer
(The scenario begins in a bar)
"May I buy you a drink?" said Tom wryly.
"I guess so," she whined.
"We could both get stoned at my place," said Tom adamantly. "No,
let's go to my room," she said gamely. "I'd love to come up for a
visit," Tom guessed. "Then let's go. I live in a garret apartment,"
she said loftily. "Fair enough," said Tom with rising excitement.
"When we get there, we'll play around," she said skittishly.
[They arrive.]
"Now that we're here, shall I play the piano for you?" she said
grandly. "I prefer a blow job on the sax," Tom trumpeted. "All
right," she said hornily. "Can you play in tune?" said Tom sharply.
"I guess not," she said flatly. "Shall we go to your bedroom?" said
Tom invitingly. "My bed has good springs," she said coyly. "I'd love
to fuck you," Tom dickered. "All right, but remember that I'm not a
prostitute," she said tartly
and hoarily,
"I've got to go to the bathroom first," Tom stalled.
"It's right over there," she said cannily
"I won't be long," said Tom pithily
"Good," she said onomatopoetically
"I'm all done now," Tom flushed.
"Please brush your teeth," she said breathily.
"Oops, I dropped my toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.
[He enters the bedroom.]
"I think I'll take off my nightgown," she said silkily.
"You have a gorgeous body," said Tom figuratively
"Want to nibble on my nipples?" she said succinctly
"Sure. Let me remove your bra," snapped Tom.
"All right," she said, making a clean breast of things.
"Boy, you've got great boobs," said Tom titillatingly.
"Why don't you take off your trousers now?" she panted.
"I'd like to start by kissing your feet," said Tom soulfully. "Are
you sure?" she said callously. "Absolutely,
"You're making me wet," she said fluently "Are you all ready to go
at it?" said Tom stiffly. "First, take your dick out of that elastic
band," she said jocularly. "OK, I'm all set," said Tom cockily.
"Mmmm. That looks good," she said, feeling crotchety. "I'm glad you
like it," said Tom testily. "Wow! Your dick is so big," she said
longingly. "You're absolutely right," said Tom straightforwardly.
"I'm all ready to go," she said receptively. "Thanks," said Tom
pointedly. "Did you bring condoms?" she said safely. "No I didn't,"
said Tom apparently. "Well, here's one of mine. IfIl help prevent
VD," she said rashly. "I don't really need one," said Tom
inconceivably. "Use one anyway," she said expectantly and
pregnantly. "Let's get to it!" probed Tom, driving home his point.
"Yes, let's! " she said, cracking up. "Am I in deep enough?" said
Tom penetratingly. "Absolutely,
cunt," said Tom pussily. "I love your penis," she said peckishly,
"Let's do it some more," Tom riposted.
"Fine by me," she rejoined.
"I love this stuff," Tom bawled.
"Me too!" she said movingly
"How about you getting on top now?" said Tom flippantly. "Sure," she
said with mounting excitement. "How about let's doing it back door?"
said Tom sheepishly. "Sure, I love to do it doggy style," she said
sternly. "OK, let's go at it," Tom lambasted. "Fine by me," she said
cheekily "I love doggy sex," muttered Tom. "Me too," she said
pugnaciously. "I'll take off my boxer shorts," said Tom doggedly
"Hurry up," she bitched. "How about nine more times?" said Tom
asininely "Sure," she rebutted. "Oops, I just farted," said Tom
astutely. "Phew. You'd better get off me," she bridled hoarsely "No,
I'm really getting close to orgasm," said Tom becomingly. "So am I "
she said, whetting his appetite. "Yyyeeeeeeeee!
"Ooohhhhhhhhh!
said Tom pridefully. "And out like a lamb," she bleated. "And now my
cock's tired," said Tom softly. "So's my pussy," she mused. "I need
a rest now," Tom derided. "Me too," she delayed. "Screwing is so
depleting," said Tom limply. "I agree," she said dryly "I always
feel so spent after intercourse,
my dear, I don't give a damn," she said rhetorically
(By Richard Lederer from his book, "The Cunning Linguist")
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got fired
http://www.thepostm
Danger
http://www.thepostm
Revenge
http://www.thepostm
Dont Bother Him
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Cyber
http://buffalosjoke
Coldhearted
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
'Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
There was a young man of Natal
Who was fucking a Hottentot gal.
Said she, "You're a sluggard!"
Said he, "You be buggered!
I like to fuck slow, and I shall."
A guy with his girl in a Fiat
Said, "Where on earth is my key at?"
As he started to seek
She let out a shriek
"THAT'S not where it's likely to be at!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Poor Janie! I knew she was a bit slow, but now she's said the
stupidest thing yet." "Tell me about it!" "Well, she asked me if I'd
ever seen a spit bird. I asked her where she got such an idea, and
she
told me that the guy she went out with last weekend asked her if she
preferred 'swallow or spit.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was browsing through a novelty store. There was no one else in
the
store, and so the clerk called him over to the counter. "You have to
see
what we just got in", he said, "It's the latest thing out". With
that he
took out a package from under the counter and raised the lid showing
the
customer a strange looking object. "What's that?", asked the
customer.
"It's a mechanical pussy", replied the clerk. "What on earth is it
supposed to do?", asked the customer. The clerk unwound the
electrical
cord and inserted it into the floor outlet, whereupon the "thing"
began
to make all sorts of exotic undulating motions. The customer was
fascinated. "I have to have one of those!", he said. "All right,
sir,
shall I wrap it for you?", asked the clerk. "Oh no, that's all
right",
replied the customer, "I'll just eat it here".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1565
Memories -- Katie
BJ: Have you seen my car keys Diana?
Diana: No, I haven't. They were on the kitchen counter.
BJ: I thought I put them there but they are not there now.
Honk Honk Honk.
Diana: Your car is honking. Your key has set off the alarm.
Both BJ and Diana are looking at each other: Katie!
In the backyard Katie is pawing the car keys.
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Oh it pains me to try and teach these people. They have racks for
their
keys and they do not put them there. So I have to teach them a
lesson.
Do they learn, no. Alas, it seems I am the teacher in the family
and
they are the students. I raised the alarm so to speak to let father
know
where the keys were so he would no be overly worried. I think I am
getting white hairs from trying to raise this family.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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