Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The chips were late yesterday because I had to go out on a
rescue mission. It was a miserable day here, raining and the
wind was blowing in 45 mph gusts, the perfect day not to go
anywhere or do anything when the phone rang. It was a friend
who said her car had died on the freeway on the way into work
that morning and she had managed to get it off the road by a
rest stop on I-75. The water pump had been replaced the day
before and when it died there was smoke and steam coming
out from under the hood... Never a good sign especially with
little engines with aluminum heads. I gave her the number of
a mutual friend with a tow strap and told her to call me back
after she talked to him.
She called back about a half hour later and the buddy was
supposed to meet us at the car. I drove up to her job and picked
her up and headed down i-75. As we got near 6 mile and the rest
stop the car was sitting there in the opposite lane and since
traffic
was heavy it wasn't a good idea to use the emergency turn around
so we drove out to 9 mile and exited and got back on the freeway
and headed north again. We drove through the rest area to see if
my friend was there, but he wasn't so we got back on the freeway
again and headed for the car which was gone. We couldn't believe it
since it had been there less than 10 minutes ago so we figured
we must have missed it and exited at 3 mile and headed south again
but the car was gone, so we went to 9 mile and headed back north
and towards my friend's house. We were almost there when he pulled
up behind us. He had his son with them and they had towed the
car to the first parking lot they could find and dropped it off. We
drove
over there but the car barely started and had a bad metal to metal
sound and the cable for the hood latch was broken so we couldn't
get the hood open to see what is going on. There wasn't much we
could do except put it off till another day when the rain stopped.
I gave Laura a ride to her house about 20 miles south of here and
I know one thing for sure now, the Suburban does not like high
winds.
Driving in a straight line I had the steering wheel cranked over
about
15 degrees and I was barely able to stay in my lane. Reminded me
of passing through El Paso about thirty years ago in a storm in my
Ford pick-up.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Ta Ta Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard
his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma.
Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was
glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found
Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack.
The father reassured himself that it was just a
coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next
night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless
Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning.
Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor,
dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father
decided to wait outside his son's door the next night.
And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless
Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up
all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to
make sure his health was fine. When he finally came
home, his wife was waiting on the porch.
She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use
your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this
morning!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Perfect Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Perfect Woman Would Say.....
1. I'll swallow it all....I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of
beer,
a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!
5. God... .f I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try
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7. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go
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9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
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11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's
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12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had
time
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14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come
see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy
yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year for God's
sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress
reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip
joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you
retire
and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the
night
feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head
for
ya...
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Bathroom Chips
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Late one evening a drunk staggered into the YMCA and asked to be put
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room
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Parking Chips
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What SEX And PARKING SPACES Share In Common:
*You should never have to wait to find one
*You should be able to slide right into one
*Spaces in the front are always the best
*When no front spaces are available, spaces in the rear
will always suffice
*It sucks when someone else is double-parked
*Your space should still be open and waiting when you get
back
*It's a tragedy when you have a 'full-size' car but there
are only 'compact' spaces
*A full-size car is good to find
*People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces
*Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never
satisfying
*We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited"
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*A house isn't a home without a parking space
*Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear
*Why is it best-looking cars are always the ones who only
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*The better your parking techniques are the more parking
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Short Chips
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Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When
they
ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second,
"My!
Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second old
lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display
such
a thing! Why the penis on it was so large!" Where upon the first old
lady accidentally blurted out, "...and cold, too!"
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were
beautiful,
but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman
was
extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.
The
host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?" She
responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me
one
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Vito and Juliana were having their usual battle of the sexes.
"Italian
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"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an
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an
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Short Chips
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Two divorced women, Jill and Nadine, were having a quiet drink at
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Nadine looked slightly puzzled and enquired, "What's that?"
Jill smiled and said: "An orgasm!"
Q. Did you hear about the guy with a map of Canada tattooed on
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A. Every time he sits down, Quebec separates!
Q. Did you hear about the diner that promotes safe sex?
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Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman?
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Q. Have you heard about the new gay sitcom?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Butt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer
my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It
all started, as many things do, with me having trouble
pooping.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity
problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt -
hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly
getting tied up in the matted jungle between my butt-cheeks. It led
to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to
drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt
hair
dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach
down
with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which
required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over
my
rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or
just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all
the
leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-
Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what
seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my
butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate
all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer
from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down
in
history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians
could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for
a
drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet
access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap
disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from
the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks,
I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair.
Occasionally,
I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and
miscellaneous
slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds
and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a
newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed
my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was
smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were
over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything
in this world G~d created, it has its mighty purpose in existence.
It
was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I
had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I
learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading
for
class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I
started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating
in
my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two butt-
cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about
going
to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.
Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the
microscopic poop - molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
When
I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it
started to itch. G~d-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants
was
making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming
my
hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat,
and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were
sliding back and forth against each other like a pair
of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and
attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and
spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a
horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4
block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe
aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into
my
face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting
vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated
aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop
blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like
this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt
at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful
use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch
a fart, only to have it get stuck between my butt cheeks.
Apparently,
with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and
the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my
cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further
torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything
knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as
stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a
Brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now.
It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when
I just look out the window and contemplate why I
shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one
fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Brady Brunch
Here's a little story about the BRADYS
It's gonna put a blush on old Slim SHADY
Mrs. B. explained the SITUATION
"The men have gone to lunch, let's have a celebration"
Alice the maid knew what Carol was implying
Sent Cindy to her room, she ran there CRYING
Then Carol and Alice and Marcia and JAN
Got naked as they laughed and said, "Don't need no MAN!"
Carol hit the bed and said "Who's up for a LICKING"
Jan already had her fingers rubbing and SLICKING
Laid back and let the old lady do her BEST
Alice talked to Marcia while she touched her BREASTS
Carol slurped and smacked on Jan who lied there WIGGLING
Alice played with Marcia and the two were GIGGLING
Then the old maid said, "Let's all get on the TRAIN"
And they fell into place in a pussy CHAIN
Carol ate Jan, while Marcia ate Carol's ASS
Alice opened up a box and got her STASH
Slid a 14 inch dildo up Marcia's BUTT
And Marcia started howling like a wounded MUTT
Pussy filled the air, juices started RUNNING
Jan said "Mom keep going, I think I'm CUMMING"
Alice had her fingers in Marcia's SLOT
Carol said, "All right girls, let's see what you GOT!"
They all started panting, touching, licking, KISSING
The boys never realized what they were MISSING
Sweat poured from them as they got their GROOVE
Then Carol decided to bust a MOVE
She and Jan got down and nailed a sixty-NINER
Alice hooked on Jan and wiggled in beHIND HER
Then the Whoresome Foursome feasted on the PINK
Lapping up each hot drop that they could DRINK
The wailing got wild, and they started BLUSHING
Felt their hearts go crazy, and their blood start RUSHING
Their bodies got tight and they started to SPASM
Until they all were squealing with multiple orGASMS
So there's the story of a lady who's got it ALL
Four girls, four guys, she has a BALL
Later that night the horny bitch flashed her LEG
Got into the car and gave it up to GREG
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister is very particular about her undergarments. There was one
bra
she got really attached to. Unfortunately with time it wore down and
she
had to get a new one. She decided to visit the store she previously
shopped at. After looking for a while with no results she decided to
ask
the cashier for help. She tried to explain the design of the bra she
wanted but the lady was not getting it. Finally she got frustrated
and
asked the woman to go to the changing room with her where she could
show
her what she was looking for. As she was lifting her top she
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the
woman's face when she realized what was happening. You can bet this
was
the last time my sister went to that store.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinderella is sitting home, crying. A fairy flies by and hears the
crying, so he decides to check it out. He goes in and asks
Cinderella:
"Why are you crying?" "Others are at the ball, but I can't go
there!"
"Why?" "I'm having my period" "Others have periods too, but they are
at
the ball?" "Yes, but I don't have a tampon!" So the fairy gives
Cinderella a golden tampon, packed in a silver box. Even
Cinderella's
mother doesn't have so beautiful tampons. So Cinderella goes to the
ball. Later that night, past midnight, Cinderella comes home, her
legs
spread wide open, like she has given birth to five babies. The same
fairy happens to see her and asks, what happened? "You didn't tell
me
that when it's midnight it will turn into a pumpkin!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1578
The Parade
Katie starts up the Pt Cruiser and pulls the Space Shuttle down the
driveway
and heads for the main street. Tami is sitting inside the Space
Shuttle
waiting for the parade to start.
Tami: Okay, how does this remote work? I cannot read it. It is in
some weird language.
Katie: It is in doggie language. The A-Roo means up. The Aroo
means
down, The A-roo means faster, the aroo means down, the aRoo means
right, the AROO means left and so on.
Tami: They all sound the same to me.
Katie: Hrumpt! You bi-peds...
Tami: I will figure it out, I mean if a dog can use it, surely a
human can
use it. Let me get into this outfit and the parade is ready to go.
Katie: Oh yes, famous last words.
The parade starts and Tami gets in front of the 18 wheeler (pt
crusier)
and hits the remote....and shoots straight up....pinwheel fashion.
to be continued
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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