Funzine - Adult Cartoons for A May 1, 2009



 
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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Thurs



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Barry over at Computer Tips and Tricks posted the following
yesterday regarding the latest Conficker variant.

"Just a heads up to be vigilant and if you suddenly get lots of pop-up messages and warnings that your system is infected with all sorts of malware which you need to purchase the promoted program to cure it then DO NOT follow any links or click on anything. Safest option is to unplug the internet in these cases then close down the PC. You'll be nagged every time you start the PC afterwards but currently it's possible to use the 'Safe Mode with Networking' option when tapping [F8] on boot up to go download removal tools for Conficker and also Malware Bytes."

If you make the mistake of clicking on Spyware Protect 2009 or
whatever it is offering to remove this infection, these people will run
your credit card to it's max limit.

I found my new mattress set. I went to a place called Northern Hospitality
which is owned by the Sault Tribe and bought a twin-size Restonic Pillow
Top for 400 dollars. Restonic is manufactured at a plant 100 miles from
here and I have a queen-sized set that is like brand new after 13 years.
Unfortunately a mattress that size will not fit in the buffalo cave unless I
don't want to open the closets or doors. I went through two furniture
stores and tried out various Sealy and Simmons combinations and the
nearest comparable one 600 dollars with a three year warranty and 800
for a pillow top with a ten year warranty which is ridiculous. On the bad
side I'll have to make a dump run to get rid of the old box springs but
I got some spring cleaning to do anyhow.

Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo

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Flying Chips
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Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford
are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when
the captain of the plane announces: "We have just
lost power to the engines and are going to make an
emergency crash landing -- assume the brace position
immediately!"

Immediately the three models start preparing for the
worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts
fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask:
"What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up
when we are about to crash!"

Claudia responds: "I know for a fact the rescue workers
will search for, and save first, the ones who have the
best looking faces -- which is why I am putting on my
make-up."

Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two
beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the
law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia
shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are
you baring your breasts for everyone to see when
we are about to die!"

Cindy responds: "I have it on good authority in plane
crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the
women with big beautiful breasts -- which is why I
am exposing my tits!"

Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt
and panties to expose her love triangle."

Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi -- Are
you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for
everyone to see?"

Calmly, Naomi responds: "PLEASE! I know
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

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Woody Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Ten Places Not To Get A " Woody"

10. With your wife, visiting her sister.

9. Golfing with the guys

8. With your wife, and accidently run into your ex-girlfriend.

7. Showering with the guys after a basketball game.

6. Visiting a friend in the slammer

5. While being pulled over for a traffic citation

4. Shaking hands with your pastor/priest after church

3. In front of your childs 3rd grade class, looking at the teacher, for
show and tell

2. Standing on the subway with a bunch of nuns watching you.

and the number one time never to get a woody is:

1. Your best friend on a guys night out, asks you, ;Hey what do you want
to do tonight?

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Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pick-up Lines To Use On Your Spouse

"Roll over, willya?"

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you shut the hell
up for once and let me watch the game?"

"Hey, whaddaya say we throw caution to the wind and go back to our
place?"

"Don't mind me, I'll be done in a moment. Just keep scrubbing the
floor."

"Hey, cutie -- buy me dinner and I'll lift the restraining order for the
night."

"Hurry up, dammit, while they're still asleep!"

"What's a nice girl like you, doing in a place like this?
What? No, I'm not saying we need to redecorate!!"

"Honey, you look mighty sexy in those stretch marks!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Confession Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to
visit a church and confess all of his sins When he arrived at the
church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest.
"Father, I am sinful."

"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3
years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited
her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I
slept with her.

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was
around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody
was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father,
he walked over and discovered that the Priest was not there. So he began
searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except
me."


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Limerick Chips
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The dirty conductor
Jumped up and fucked her
And now she pushes a pram.

There once was a man name of Florin
Who was fond of a gal who was whorin'
When he looked in her box
And found 20 cocks
Said, "I'm sure you won't mind just one more in."

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend is teaching an introductory biology class at
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Of course the obvious place to look for images is on
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Then she made her mistake: she did a search for
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A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental
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sideways?"

"Why?" she asks, "Are you a harmonica player?"

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Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOP 13 SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG MAGICIAN
13 Saws a gummie bear in half, then puts it back together.

12 Insists that his magic won't work if he puts his clothes back on.

11 "The Amazing Kevorkian" is scaring the hell out of Grandma.

10 Makes a bird appear for the kids by simply raising his middle finger.

9 Replaces pulling a rabbit out of his hat with the slightly racier
pulling the "big snake" out of his pants.

8 She closes her eyes, then claims to be invisible.

7 His first and only trick: The Amazing Disappearing Bottle of
Jagermeister.

6 During one trick, screams, "Pick a freakin' card already or I swear
I'll blow the little birthday boy's head off!"

5 Begins by saying his first trick "relies on the magic of sweet, sweet
love."

4 His biggest trick? Converting a sixer of Coors into "liquid gold" --
eventually.

3 Smoke emanating from more than just the fingertips of The Magnificent
Flatulo.

2 Before every trick, tells hostess, "For this one I'm going to need to
borrow your bra."

1 Her "magic words" after sawing a volunteer in half?
"Ohshitohshitohshit!!"

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ]

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Toon Chips
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Life Sucks
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Male
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Hooter Chips
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then
goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong
change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make
corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now.
That's the policy of this bank !"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me
twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was
approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came
on
the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the
plane's restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to
apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she
finished
cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."

Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed
himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses,
offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the
like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his
crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should
be living in a whore house!"

Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be
cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to
pay for it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three old men, Harry and Larry and Clarry have
been boyhood friends and done everything together
for 50 years.

Then Harry Dies. One year latter, Larry and Clarry
hire a clairvoyant to get in touch with Harry. After a
lot of crystal ball stuff, a voice comes through the void: "Hello
boys." Larry (or maybe it's Clarry) says "Is that you Harry?"

The voice says, "Yes it's me."

Then Clarry (or, now I come to think of it, Larry) says, "What's it
like for you now, old son?"

Harry says, "Oh, it's great. I wake up each morning,
have a nice swim, have a fuck, eat some breakfast,
then go to sleep. Then I wake up around lunchtime,
have another swim, have another fuck, have something
to eat, and then go to sleep again. . Then at night,
I wake up, have a very quick swim, have a really good
fuck, and have some dinner, then go to sleep again..
And the next morning the whole thing happens again -
same as the day before."

"Jeezes," says Larry (or Clarry), "Heaven sounds wonderful!"

"No, I'm not in heaven," says Harry. "I'm a duck in a public park!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1586

Higher Learning

BJ wanders outside and asks: What is Rudy doing up on the deck?

Sandi: He is studying.

BJ: Studying what?

Sandi: You guys went to night school a while back and Rudy is taking come classes again. He though that if he read his book up on the deck he would do better than if he read it downstairs.

BJ: Why?

Sandi: He said something about "Higher learning."

BJ: Oh that's just silly.

Katie: I think it is not a bad idea father.

BJ: Why?

Katie: Sometimes the mind is the pushing point to learning. If Rudy believes he can learn better up there then allow him to study up
there.

BJ: Well, I suppose there can be no harm in it. How has he done so far?

Sandi: His grades are up eight percent.

The next day.....

Diana: What is BJ doing up on the deck?

Sandi: He is studying with Rudy.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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To Subscribe send a blank email to Buffalos-adult-jokes-subscribe@egroups.com

To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com

Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner



 

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER


It only takes one person to change your life--You. 
~Ruth Casey

 

 

 

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Summer is almost here. It used to be that memorial day was the unofficial start
of summer because that is when school used to get out and people went on vacation.
These days, with schools running longer classroom sessions, I am not even sure when
school is supposed to end for summer. Seems like school stretches longer and longer.
It used to be, growing up on the farm, an ambitious
kid could make a lot of money with summer jobs on the farm. You could bale hay,
walk soy beans, or muck out hog houses. Back in the day, bales of hay were small,
like a hundred pounds and it was labor intensive, requiring lots of work to manhandle
them into the barn. These days, farmers roll up hay into huge balls of about a ton
each, manuevered around the field mechanically. They don't even put them in barns.
They leave them out in the field until needed and simply remove the outer
layer that turned rotten. That eliminates the need for a lot of helpers. And much more
economical. Farmers used to plant soybeans in neat little cultivated rows, and they
used to hire a lot of help to "Walk down the rows" and pull out the weeds and etc that
grew up involuntarily. They don't do that any more either because now its done with
no till and minimum till methods and there are no "rows" and then they spray a ton
of chemicals on it to keep down weeds. Farmers don't really muck out hoghouses any
more because they are all automated these days. The manure is pumped out with
machines, making a shovel obsolete. My highschool summers were always busy. I earned
enough during my sophomore and junior year to buy my first car, a 1965 chevy Biscayne.
A Biscayne was the poorer version of the more popular Belaire. And if you lived in
town, you could always make a buck by mowing yards and delivering the newspaper.
You can't do that now because homeowners won't hire a kid operating power equipment.
They are afraid of the liability. You can't deliver news papers anymore either,
because the paper won't deliver them to your house. You have to have a car to go
down to get them. And you wonder why your kids have no work ethic anymore?
Don't fret mom and dad, the old couple next door will hire them after school to
find out what they did to their computer and fix it:)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
________________

 

 

THE COMICS

alzheimers
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a021.html

stuck in a tree
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a022.html

caulk
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a023.html

the endit ring
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a024.html

what's for supper
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a025.html

parenting
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a026.html

dreams
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a027.html

I'm not saying
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a028.html

bottled water????
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a029.html

a perfect husband
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a030.html

 

 

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Ted Nugent on gun control
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5429.html

trick loader
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5430.html

cookin crabs for the first time
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5431.html

why the Iraqi army needs our help
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5432.html

air bags
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5433.html

why I do not own an excersize ball
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5434.html

saving Virgil
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5435.html

the warden
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5436.html

dancing
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5437.html

 

 

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with
his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad'
he sighed. 'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.
'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job
I've ever had.' 'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just
lust.' The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down
again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.
'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.
'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my
life, then let me take her up the ass!'
That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation. '
'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?'
asked Little Johnny, confused. 'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love,
she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the
best blow job of your life!'
_______________

After 10 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no recommendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his
Human Resourses Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,
he told his HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him,
laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. I.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- S! O, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours I.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days,
how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager! :- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO Human Resourses FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
______________

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with
you on its hind legs.  You know it's wrong, but you try to
convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him.
I can't help thinking he would have been better off with
more oxygen.
__________________

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications.
He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that
everything will be forgiven.
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History,
he is called back to meet the sales manager.
"You say you have experience selling books?"
"Lots of it," replies Jim.
"And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?"
"Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study." "Well then,"
says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can
get you started in the firm."
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased
with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices
pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says,
"Fine looking men. Your partners?"
__________________

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick
wit and intelligence.  "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his
voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and
faithful customer, I'll let you in on it.  Fish heads.  You eat enough of
them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Green,  The customer buys three. 
A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were
disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green.  The customer goes home with 20
more fish heads.  Two weeks later, he's back, and this time he's really angry. 
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I
can buy the whole fish for $2.  You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green.  "You're smarter already."
_________________

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school
teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge shouted back to the man, all the while
banging his gavel. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also
charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You damned tightwad!" blurted the spectator again.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge after a few more bangs of his gavel and then continues,
"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout when the Judge thunders back,
"If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
So the man answers, "I've lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but
do you think he ever had any tools when I needed to borrow one!"
___________________

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured. The country is
totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help
to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakistanis.
G-d Bless British generosity.
____________

BUFFALO Bill

Got Lots Of Pussy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32127.htm

Schlongs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32126.htm

Not What You Hope
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32125.htm
__________________

FUN PAGES from Lorraine


Thing Thing Arena 3
http://tinyurl.com/d6t7ly

How Sexy Are You?
http://tinyurl.com/dgwqbp

What Do You Wear To Bed?
http://tinyurl.com/dg5lko
_____________

SYDES JOKES LIST

Princess And Frog
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001572.html

Japanese Mall Fountain
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001573.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman


 



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at No comments:

[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed





Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Yesterday I included a joke in the clean chips regarding Canadian
Tech Support and a misunderstanding over Control A and Control
Eh. David Tanner sent the following

Hello Buff A. Lo, (Is that Vietnamese or Cambodian, eh?)
I enjoy your ezine daily and often pass on parts to friends,
acquaintances (don't have any enemies to email)

Re: the Canadian Chips in current issue:
Somewhere back in time, the school bought a video camera and the
principal thought it would be great to have teachers video tape a
lesson for purposes of getting a sample to critique for self
evaluation.
"Fine with me", I thought (having no faults that I could imagine).
Until this time many people thought Canehjuns used the "eh" word
frequently, but I didn't really believe that and I knew I didn't
subscribe to the practice!
Well I taped a lesson from the back of the classroom... you guessed
it, eh? Twenty minutes of masterful work.
I took it to a secure location to view it (the staff room).
As well as the "ums", "uhs" and pregnant pauses, there were plenty
of "ehs" sprinkled throughout my presentation.
I couldn't believe that Sony could do this to me, with a Betamax, no
less, eh?

That sure taught me a lesson in grammar as well as humility.
The class and I set up a system to "Ban the Eh-word" and didn't it
work? Eh?

Sincere thanks and keep up the good work,
David E. Tanner, M.Ed.
Dream Time Car Service

I live in a border town with a 100,000 Canadians 5 minutes away. I
have always heard that Canadians say eh, are very polite, and don't
know how to drive. Although I know a few Canadians that fit into
each of those groups, I also know a lot of Americans that fit into
those groups too. In fact I never heard a Canadian say eh till I
started talking to truck drivers on the CB. I guess the best way to
decide up here is to see if he has Ontario License Plates but
with the number of people with dual citizenship even that isn't
always accurate.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Steroid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The varsity girls track team coach just couldn't seem to win a meet.
Six losses in a row.
He decided it would be best if he put his girls on anabolic
steroids.
Soon his girls were
performing like stars. They went undefeated for the rest of the
year.
They won State and
were on their way to the Nationals. On the bus trip, Sally, the star
sprinter struck a
conversation with the coach.

Sally: "Coach I have a problem!"

Coach: "What's that Sally?"

Sally: I'm developing thick hair on my body!"

Coach: What part of your body?"

Sally: My chest coach."

Coach:"How far does the hair go down Sally?"

Sally: "Well coach, it goes clear down to my balls, which is another
thing I wanted
to speak with you about!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Got Lots Of Pussy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32127.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32127.htm "> Here!</a>

Schlongs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32126.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32126.htm "> Here!</a>

Not What You Hope
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32125.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/32125.htm "> Here!</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bug Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tony had come over from Italy a short time ago and his English was
not
very good.

His wife had a bad case of crabs in her pubic hair, so Tony went to
the
drug store and asked the clerk, "My wife, she has'a bugs in the
bush".

The clerk though that Tony's wife had insects in her garden and gave
Tony a bottle of insecticide and told him to use one tablespoon per
gallon and spray the bushes and that would get rid of the bugs.

Tony took the insecticide home and thought the infestation in her
pubic
hair was so bad, he would spray it on straight out of the bottle.

Several weeks later Tony was in the drug store and the clerk ask
him,
"How are the bugs in the bush doing?"

Tony said, "The bugs, they are gone, my wife's bush is all gone,
too. By
the way did you hear about my neighbor Joe?". "He had a beautiful
mustache and it all fell out and do you know Joe up and died last
week.
My wife she is very sad about Joe dying."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rabbit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he
stumbles
upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do
this?

Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off
running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again
says,
"Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health.

Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel
so
good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then
tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... "Lion
my
friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with
us
through the sunny forest, you'll feel so good!

The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to
beat the shit out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and
ask,
"Lion, why did you do this? ... He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "The little fucker! I always end up running around
the
forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bus Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits
behind the bus driver. He starts saying things like:
'If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster,
I would be a little rooster'.

The bus driver said "shut up"!

Still the boy went on, 'if my mom was a female
elephant and my dad was a male elephant,
I would be a little male elephant'.

The bus driver said "shut up"!

Still the boy went on 'if my mom was a female
dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a
little male dog'.

The bus driver got so mad, and asked:
"If your mom was a prostitute, and your dad
was a faggot, what would you be?"

The boy answered: "A bus driver"!

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Position Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Sexual Positions

The IRS position, where you just bend over and
take it up the ass with no lube.

The Humidor (requires a cigar and an intern).

The Monday Night Football (actually just doggie
style done facing the TV with the game on with
her in the football jersey of your favorite team).

The Kentucky Derby (AKA Woman astride) be
forewarned if you decide to use the western
variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL
wreak havoc on the bed linens!

Oral Submarine. The guy must Dive...Dive ...
Dive.

The Bugs Bunny: It's when the guy is on top
with the women's legs pinned behind her head.

The British telecom position: you get SCREWED
by them and they never call you back.

The Grenade Position...I'll lay down and you blow
the hell out of me.

The Enron Position...no matter what, you're getting
it up the ass.

Totally Screwed - the position you in when your spouse
comes in early from work and catches you in a position
you can't get out of...

The ever-famous "No, you gotta get your leg up
higher...no, not like that, like this...NO it's got to
be HIGHER than that. No, like this...oh, yeah that'd
work...if you were the one with the vagina...NO, would
you listen to me? HIGHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY
MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even
wanna do it anymore. No, I won't give you head. No,
we can't try again...Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use
my vibrator... Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get
your leg up! GAWD!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two fellows were sitting in a bar and the one was complaining about
his
current live-in girlfriend. "I'm telling ya Sam, I've about had it
with
her. She keeps bringing her work home nite after nite. I'm
seriously
considering just moving out and ending the relationship."

"Well," replied his buddy, "I can see how that could indeed be very
annoying. But having a girl who's interested in her career is
hardly a
reason to break up."

"It is if your girlfriend's a hooker." the first man maintained.

Mary: Did you know that Linda has become a vegetarian?
Jill: Really? Wow!
Mary: Yep, and she's become a lesbian, as well. I guess she
doesn't want "meat" of any kind!

An inexperienced young Polish man, prior to his wedding, asked his
father what he should do to his wife on their wedding night. "Well,"
said the Polish father, not knowing really how to say it delicately,
"you take the thing you used to play with more than anything else
when
you were a teenager and put it where your wife wee- wees."

"Really, dad?" the young Polack said.
"Believe me, son," his father responded, "you'll love it."

So on his wedding night, the young man took his baseball and threw
it in
the toilet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends

Melva/I Am
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/S_IAm.html

Rick w/ You Too Must Weep
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/YouTooMustWeep.html

Brother bob's poems Of The week
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html

Rock Balancing Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rockbalancingart.html

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Surfin Surfari

10 Coolest Bottle Openers - Oddee.com Via Dianne
http://www.oddee.com/item_96593.aspx

Freerice Quiz
http://www.freerice.com

ATM Theft:
8 Tips to Protect Yourself From the 5 Most Common ATM Scams
http://www.scambusters.org/atmtheft.html

Watch Old Movies Online Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley

Free Web Tool For Converting Files Online
http://www.cometdocs.com/

Tool For Comparing Fonts Online
http://www.typetester.org/

The easy way to post a HTML file to the Internet
http://pastehtml.com/

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Movie Clips

I love my car
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83108.htm

I feel good
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83109.htm

If I was a terrorist
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83110.htm

I have everything I need
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90201.htm

IKEA commercial not seen in US
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90202.htm

Bad Luck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm

Boogie Woogie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm

Ford Police Chase
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm

Man Cheats DEA
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asgs.htm

Missile
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gkhjg.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bulb Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*How many Christians does it take to change a light
bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine
to
pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None - Lights will go on and off at
predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15 - One to change the light
bulb,
and three committees to approve the change and
decide
who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one
to
mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better
the
old one was.

Mormons : 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four
wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement
either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb.
However,
if in your own journey you have found that light
bulbs
work for you, you are invited to write a poem or
compose
a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number of light
bulb
traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent,
3-way,
long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid
paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined -Whether your light is
bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You
can
be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a
bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service
and a
covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while
five
men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans : None -Lutherans don't believe in
change.

Amish : What's a light bulb? **

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Give Your Child The Gift Of Early Learning...

In the first years of a child's life, tens of thousands of synaptic
connections are made each second in the brain, opening the door for
increased learning capacity. The most natural time to learn any
aspect of language is during the infant and toddler years. There is
a "natural window of opportunity" for learning language where it is
easier for children to learn to understand and speak our language at
a high level. During this window of opportunity, between the ages of
3 months and 5 years, they can also learn the written word naturally
and easily.

Teach Your Child to Read...
- Increased Communication Skills
- Enhanced Learning Ability
- Greater Confidence
- Future Success

30-Day Risk Free Trial + Free Shipping!

Find out more about how it works here:

http://buffaloschips.com/read
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talkin Dirty
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32814.htm

Golf
http://www.buffaloschips.com/v15.htm

Filling A Hole
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32816.htm

for those drinking...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a001.html

father image
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a002.html

bad parenting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a003.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Car Insurance Reduction!

We can help you reduce your auto insurance by over $500 a year!

Find Your Savings Today!

http://buffaloschips.com/carin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a girl from Decatur
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew,
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
- - - - - - - - - -

A spinster named Lydia Lester,
Claimed strange men had never addressed her,
She said this with pride,
And yet deep down inside,
Her immunity must have depressed her.
- - - - - - - - - -

The fact of the matter is: Jack
Had long wanted Jill on her back;
So he told her some tale,
About filling a pail...
And then bungled his plan of attack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.

Get two for the price of one when you order today.

Order now
View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/wind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in a Minnesota supermarket tries to buy half a head of
lettuce.
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole
heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll
ask
his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to
his
manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he
finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
behind
him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the
ot her half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later
the
manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got
yourself
out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their
feet
here. Where are you from, son?

" Canada , sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up
there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada ."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for

Rob

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife

Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.

Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.

As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.

View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/knife

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a small town in Texas, the local madam operated a telephone
service. The police finally arrested her and seized her big black
book
in which her talent was listed. Each officer on the force was
assigned
a group of the names in it and told to check them out. After a week,

the Chief called a meeting to get their reports. When it became the

turn of Constable Ralph to tell what he had found, he said, "I'm
sorry, Chief, but I think I should disqualify myself. One of the
ladies on whom I called is an eighty-four-year-old woman. She is so

charming that I have to tell you that I have fallen in love with
her."
"Holy Ewings!" exclaimed the Chief. "I'm sure surprised at you,
Ralph.
You've been a policeman almost all your life -- and here you are,
falling for the oldest trick in the book!"

Stan Kegel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TITAN Peeler - The World's Best Peeler!

The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting,
dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades
help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft
cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to
cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order
yours today!

What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time.
*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.

http://buffaloschips.com/peeler

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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