Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Night Ops From The Archives
In times of war I am a CNN junkie. I look forward to the shots of
the carriers and this time they have my favorite, night time carrier
ops.
To understand this you would have to have been through these in
person. An 80,000 ton ship steaming with no lights, cutting through
the water at 30 knots. From my vantage point on the signal bridge
right above flight control it is almost quiet , the only sounds that
of machinery that powered the ship, a dull throbbing beneath you .
I was there a half hour before flight ops and you could start to see
things come alive as crewman inspected their planes with red
flashlights connecting power cables and starting units to planes.
Then suddenly the ship makes a wide turn into the wind , the
floodlights come on and the silence is pierced by the whine of air
starters spinning up the jet engines and a bark of flame as they
ignite. First the alert aircraft already on the cats are started
and then the aircraft parked on the sides in the order of launch .
Only a few minutes has passed now as you see the jet blast deflector
come up and the plane goes to full power the brakes an barely able
to keep the plane from leaping forward . Finally the afterburners
are kicked in and rings and cones of flame hit the blast deflector
and the cat fires the plane off the flight deck at speeds that press
the pilot back into his seat. The plane handlers are already
guiding planes onto the cats and at intervals measured in seconds
they are fired into the night. You can follow them as they climb
until the afterburners go out and then they are invisible. Fifteen
minutes or less the launch is done , the lights are out and the ship
is steaming quietly to the point where she will make her next launch
and recover the first wave coming back from their mission , and you
ask yourself " Did all of that just happen?" Enjoy the chips I am
going to go have some carrier dreams.
I broke this story out because Don From Indy sent me some
great footage of cat launches on the Stennis. It is interesting to
note that the Navy is supposed to be switching to a magnetic
rail launch system on the next series of carriers and it passed
it first series of tests last year No steam lines receivers and cat
troughs to warm up, just throw some big switch but then I know
nothing about super conducting magnets etc.
http://www.tailsp.in/aircraft-carrier-uss-john-c-stennis-launching-aircraft
Another note, the Abraham Lincoln has reached it's halfway point
in it's life and is scheduled to go in for refueling. The cost of
planning
the overhaul is more than the actual overhaul on the Constellation
that I went through in 75-76 during which they did modifications for the
F-14.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Short Chips
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For our honeymoon my fiancee and I chose a fashionable hotel known
for its luxurious suites. When I called to make reservations, the
desk clerk inquired, "Is this for a special occasion?" "Yes, it's
our honeymoon," I replied. "How many adults will there be?" she
asked.
I used to date a Siamese twin but she was too jealous. She was
always accusing me of seeing her Sister behind her back.
Mrs. Johnson, the elementary school math teacher, was having
children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to
do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She
called on Tommy, and with some help he finally got it right. "Who
would like to do the second problem, subtraction?" Students hid
their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but there was
some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him. "Who would
like to do the third problem, division?" Now a low collective groan
could be heard as everyone looked at nothing in particular. The
teacher called on Suzy, who got it right. "Who would like to do the
last problem, multiplication?" Johnny's hand shot up, surprising
everyone in the room. Mrs. Johnson finally gained her composure in
the stunned silence. "Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?" "Because the
Bible says to go fourth and multiply."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
in the tree
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d041.html
a big piece
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d042.html
grinding my organ
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d043.html
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Caveman Chips
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As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with
modern man. His descendants are with us even today,
passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens.
If you suspect a "touch of the old hand ax" in your
ancestry, score yourself on this test:
1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself
five points.
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not,
take five points.
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.
4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then
give yourself five points.
6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do,
add ten points.
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels
than sitting in a chair? Take five points.
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add
one point for every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch
under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one
point for every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? Five points.
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club?
You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big
enough to hold an apple? Add five points.
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points.
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when
you're not? Give yourself ten points.
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and
an overcoat? Take five more points.
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? Three points.
Scoring:
0-20 points:
You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges,
compose symphonies, and overrun the world.
20-40 points:
A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have
spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and
whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.
40-60 points:
You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid
eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away.
60-80 points:
Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a
career in pro football.
80-100 points:
Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no
place for you in human society. Try running for public office
instead.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As it happened, their wedding night fell during a religious holiday,
and, devout Episcopalian that he was, Mr. Rogers simply couldn't
make love to his virginal bride. "I'm sorry," he said as they
snuggled in bed, "but I can't have you tonight. It's Lent." Her brow
crinkling with concern, his new bride said, "Okay... but to whom and
for how long?"
I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a
simple stage direction. My copy of the script clearly said, "Enter
Juliet from the rear."
After their recent wedding, Jennie and Brad got away for a few days
on a brief honeymoon. While she was inspecting their honeymoon hotel
room Jennie discovered a little box attached to the bed. "What's
this for?" she asked Brad. "If you put a quarter in," he answered,
reaching into his pocket," the bed starts vibrating." "Save your
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vibrating!"
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Scotch Chips
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A young Scotsman was all set up for his very first screw, but his
girlfriend says, "Sorry Jock, not without a condom." Young Jock
searched the town high and low, but being a Sunday, every place was
closed. Walking around, he eventually met Old Angus, a very good
friend of his father. Young Jock explained his problem. Old Angus
said, "Don't worry son, I can help you out." Young Jock took off and
the night was beyond his wildest expectations. A week later, he met
Old Angus in the street and told him about his experience. "It was
wonderful, Angus. Thanks to you, I had the best time I have ever
had." "Just glad I could help out son; now where's the condom?"
asked Old Angus. Young Jock looked at him and replied, "I threw it
away." Old Angus, with a scowl on his face, said, "Ah, yer in
trouble now laddie -- that condom belonged to the club!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Personals Chips
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How can one *not* love Irish men after so much honesty?
From a 'personals' section from a Dublin newspaper:
Heavy drinker - 35 Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football
Club and has been known to starting fights on Patrick Street at
three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long time
fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still
exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a born troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and
thirsty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail
purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in
the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde lady,
with a lovely chest.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi
for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20-year-old double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin
sister.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Search and Error Page
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Error_files/error.html
Boogie
http://www.paradisecomputerclub.org/boogie.htm
John w/ Fraulien
http://heavens-gates.com/country/fraulein.html
90/10 Principle
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html
Baby Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
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Surfin Surfari
Laughing Baby Via Carol
Laughing baby appeared on today show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUM4Z_ub7RM
Laughing baby ripping paper (this one is great too)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY
They say original laughing baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
Baby laughing at dad play golf on Wii
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_mBLWpdwnI
Cakes
http://www.thefunplace.com/recipe/cakes.html
Jazz Posters Via Samantha
http://www.apassion4jazz.net/posters_art.html
Pictures Of The Titanic Via Samantha
http://www.logoi.com/pastimages/titanic.html
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Hi,
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
VLC Media Player
http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
Free Software Downloads
http://www.nonags.com/
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We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
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Animal World
Koalas In A Heatwave
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html
Real Eagle Story
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Movie Links
IKEA Adverts
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90203.htm
I love the beach
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90204.htm
Indian teacher explaining the word fuck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90205.htm
Jihadist Trainees
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90206.htm
Jingle Balls
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90207.htm
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsdv.htm
OK
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsijj.htm
Oops
http://www.buffaloschips.com/yuiu.htm
Parent VS Kids
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfsdj.htm
Parking 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsd.htm
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Nun Chips
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This German tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer
that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that
interesting and he managed to stay behind and start wandering.
Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the
chapel. While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior
surprised him. "OH! I am soo sorry!"
"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...You know.
Could I take a look?"
A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was
kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked
at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You
know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"
"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting really
exited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?
"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?"
the nun requested.
The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down
his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly
straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the
(SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Toon Chips
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Free Estimates
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32817.htm
Can't Be Right
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32818.htm
Lift Your Leg
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32819.htm
Life Sucks
http://www.buffaloschips.com/v20.htm
Mackerel
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32821.htm
Male
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32822.htm
Chicken Shit
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41004.htm
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young lady named Erin
Who asked, "Why are all the men starin'?"
Her mother said, "Honey,
It's 'cause you look funny,
And there's a distinct lack of clothes that you're wearin'!"
There once was a man from Bombay
Who ate gallons of beans every day
He farted so loud,
He attracted a crowd
But the smell made them all run away.
A Certain Sweet Girl From Key West
Was Uncommonly Large In The Chest
Any Man's Close Attention
To Her Outside Dimension
Brought His Own Measurement To Its Best.
Here's a Hell I hope Spammers endure:
Eternally swim in manure,
While bombarded with e_mail
That tells in great detail
Of joys they can never procure
To temptation I'm quick to submit
I regret many sins, I admit
Yet this is no boast:
I regret the most
Those sins that I failed to commit!
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Parting Chips
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DENVER - One of two Colorado men who used women's thong underwear to
cover their faces while they robbed a convenience store has been
sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Twenty-year-old Joaquin Rico was sentenced Tuesday.
He and 25-year-old Joseph Richard Espinoza pleaded guilty to the May
15 robbery.
Prosecutors say the pair threw a large rock through the store's
window soon after the clerk opened the store.
One man wore a green thong; the other wore blue.
Prosecutors say Rico grabbed the store's clerk by the neck and
punched her in the face several times, breaking her jaw.
He then collected about $100 from the cash registers, while Espinoza
stole 37 packs of cigarettes.
Espinoza's sentencing is scheduled Monday
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1990
Blanket Hog
The time is three am.
BJ: Katie, let me have my share of the blanket.
Katie: Growl.
BJ: Come on you are wrapped up like a worm. You have
most of the blanket in my King-sized bed.
Katie: So get your own blanket.
BJ: This is my bed Katherine. I allow you to sleep here.
When you get under the covers you start to roll and wrap
yourself up in the covers and soon I do not have any.
Katie: So this is what. a problem for you? I am warm.
Get me cold and I will have to phone the AASPCA.
BJ: How about a compromise? You will have your own blankie.
The herd
Katie: Hrumpt! Trying to bribe me eh?
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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