Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We thought spring was here and then we got another 6 inches
of snow with a weather warning out for tonight for South of us.
My plans for Sunday went awry thanks to a toothache. It started
with a popcorn husk I missed and went downhill from there. I
didn't sleep at all Sunday night and finally got some antibiotics
Monday morning. Since then the pain is gone and the swelling
on the left side of my face has stopped and is actually receding
a bit. I just couldn't get the concentration together to do my lists
or anything else.
Strangely enough possibly because I spent the day away from
the computer, my stiff neck is much better. I do consider ergonomics
to be a serious science but I never knew how much pain raising
a monitor 6 inches could cause.
Welcome Home to the USS Abraham Lincoln CVN-72 after a
great 6 month deployment.
Anyhow here I is so let the chips fall where they may... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
Eating-Pointed-Recipes
Welcome to Eating Pointed Recipes.
This Group is for anyone who are on Diets and count PointsCalories etc.
We only have a few requirements:
1-Do not sign up unless unless your age is listed in your Profile.
2-Do not post a recipe without Calorie Value or Points.
3-The only recipes that can be posted without Point Value are WW Core.
So please relaxsit back and enjoy.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Eating-Pointed-Recipes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Super Wave Oven All In One Cooker
New from The Sharper Image, the Super Wave Oven combines halogen,
convection, and infrared heat technology to cook foods up to three times
quicker in every way possible. It can broil, bake, barbecue, roast,
grill, steam, dehydrate, and fry. You can cook from frozen with no need
to defrost. And even with all these cooking possibilities, it uses less
energy than conventional ovens. Plus, the Super Wave Oven is self
cleaning so clean up is a breeze.
Learn More
http://tinyurl.com/4em47h8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lamp Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole Jack gets thrown out of the pub at closing time and staggers down
the road in the general direction of home. Knowing that he's not going
to make it he goes into the woods to throw a hughie (vomit).
He leans against a tree and brings up the last four hours of alcohol and
then stands upright to wipe his mouth and beard. Looking down blearily
he notices an old lamp sticking out of the dirt, fortunately untouched
by his offering to hughie.
"Hey, some fool ha' thrown away a gud lamp here," says Jack and he bends
down to pick it up. He examines the lamp and brushes off some of the
dirt and grit.
There's a flash of light, plumes of smoke and a genie pops out of the
lamp. This thing is eight feet tall and twice as wide; wearing a yellow
saffron loin cloth and those weird slippers with the upturned toes.
"Master," the genie booms. "You have freed me from imprisonment in the
lamp. I shall grant you three wishes!"
Jack looks up at the genie and says, "Well, just fuck me!"
History does not relate what his next two wishes were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
one more
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f054.html
the lie detector says
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f055.html
good gracious
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f056.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IRS Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to
audit the books of a local hospital.
While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of
the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do
you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be
of any use?"
"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back
to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free
box of bandages."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious
way.
"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's
left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it
back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free
package of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do
with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save
all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about
once a year they send us a complete dick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robo Stir - automatically stirs as you cook!
The Robo Stir is the new way to make kitchen work quick and easy. Its
the tool that lets you stir your food without actually having to stir.
The water resistant Robo Stir, with its specially designed legs, allow
it to cover every area of your pot or pan, so food is stirred
thoroughly.
Buy the Robo Stir today for just $10 and receive a second Robo Stir
free, plus a bonus Scoop and Stir (just pay additional shipping and
handling).
http://tinyurl.com/6bm9p6t
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taste Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young gay man is confronted by some of his friends, and told that
he may be drinking a bit too much and it seems like it may be
getting in the way of his work and effecting some of his
relationships. His friends are concerned that he may need to seek
help. He took their feelings to heart and joined AA.
At the end of a year of dedication he is clean and sober and gets
his "pin" showing his progress of one year being clean and sober.
He then thinks, he has wanted to stop smoking for awhile, could he
use the same principles he used in AA to stop smoking? He sets
himself on the path and does so.
By the second year when he gets his pin from AA, he is tobacco-free,
and has a small dinner party to celebrate the fact. When he gets
together with his friends, they are amazed at what good health he is
in, and amazed that he is not only alcohol-free but also
tobacco-free. They applaud his dedication.
About a year later, he has another dinner party and announces to all
his friends that he is "no longer gay." His straight friends -- as
well as his gay friends -- are totally amazed at this. No one
believes he has managed to change so much in his life!
"Did you do the same things you did to stop drinking and smoking?"
many asked.
"Was it just a choice of lifestyle change?" others asked.
"Was it some type of religious revelation?" was even asked.
"No, nothing so drastic," he replied. "It's just when I quit
smoking, I found everything tasted different."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fast Brite Lens Restore
The Fastest Lens Revolution Kit Ever
Only $10 plus $7.95 S&H
Order Now
http://tinyurl.com/4s5m88y
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Aussie Constitution We, the people of the broad brown land of
Oz, wish to be recognised as free nation of blokes, sheilas and the
occasional boong. We come from many lands (although a few too many
of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best
country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about
it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but we're divided
into many States.
First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians.
Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand
final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what
they think.
The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital
Sydney has more Queens than any other city in the world, and is
proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their
Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their
brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the
family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets
an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles
to the sternest faces.
It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation,
where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and
barrels as in Snowton, just out of Adelaide (also named after a
queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of
Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this
document.
It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving
because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the
way to work.
WA was the last state to stop importing convicts, and many of them
still work there in the government and businesses.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback
plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos,
emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the
highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet, and its creek
beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too.
Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture,
few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way
to Bali.
And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth
noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with
dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The nation's capital. The least said
the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose
treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by
murder.
We are united in our lust for international recognition, so
desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt
IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united
by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck
gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat
in Federal Parliament while Brian bloody Harradine can get 24,000
votes and run the whole country. Not that we're whingeing, we leave
that to our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our
national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude, and
"Waltzing Matilda"
our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who
commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read
the death toll from a Sailing race and still tell us who's winning
in the same breath.
And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket, netball, rugby union, rugby league, AFL, roo-shooting,
two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the
tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed
Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but
we know we hate the poofs who make it. We shoot, we vote. We are
girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem
a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least
we're better than the Kiwis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tomato Factory Planter
Only $10 + S&H
Grow Delicious Ripe Tomatoes at home.
Order Now
http://tinyurl.com/4qq47lk
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to the doctor, and he said, "Payment is due before
services are rendered. Please let us have your driver's
license and insurance card, then fill out and sign these
forms, making sure you check all these boxes, especially
the box that says you will pay any gap in coverage from
your insurance provider for services that you don't know
aren't covered, give us your credit card information,
billing information, agree to be bound by binding
arbitration, agree to pay the costs of all collection
services that may be incurred due to non-payment, including
returned check fees, and agree not to sue for malpractice.
You must also sign this form that says we can share your
information with any 'interested' third party providers,
including insurance providers and collection agencies
and other agencies with a 'legitimate interest' in your
care and treatment.
Now, bend over and say 'aaahhhhhh'...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Microcam - Capture Any Moment Any Time
One of the world's smallest DV camcorders from Bell + Howell, a
trusted brand in photo technology for over 100 years. It's so tiny,
yet records high resolution digital video and still photos with
sound. It's super wide lens lets you capture all the action. The
micro cam is not only manually operated, but is sound and motion
activated too.
Payment plans available - order yours today.
Learn More
http://tinyurl.com/26ebmw8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Allison Krauss
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Wav_Gp/Gp_5.html
John w/ Bella Italia
http://soloshideawayfunpages.com/_zuty/_004/italia.htm
Old Age Via Carol
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/oldage.htm
In Days Past!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html
Men Will Be Boys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
online that will allow you to watch unlimited television from around
the world right on your PC!
Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
http://buffaloschips.com/comptv
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Hearty Soup, Stew, and Chowder Recipes Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/4fsrlba
Womens Swimwear from 1920 to 2000 Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/4vzjtp6
Genuine Kansas - Emmett Kelly, Clown Via Samantha
http://www.genuinekansas.com/famous_emmett_kelly_clown_kansas.htm
Route 66 Photos Via Samantha
http://www.wildnatureimages.com/Route_66_Photos.htm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hi,
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
to lose weight no matter how hard you try.
First off, please always know that it's not your fault...
Press here to see why you're fat:
http://buffaloschips.com/fat
After you see what the problem is, you will see how easy it is to
finally lose the fat that you want to lose.
Thank you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Advanced HTML Tutorials
http://www.pageresource.com/html/index6.htm
PC Fonts
http://www.dafont.com/en/
Pretty Borders
http://www.isdntek.com:80/tagbot/borders.htm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
and up to $450 for each fiction or non fiction story we ask you to
write.
Press here if you are interested:
http://buffaloschips.com/fhwn
All my best,
Freelance Home Writers Network
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Kitty Korner Via Dianne
http://www.theanimalchannel.com/petpix.htm
Leopard Vs Crocodile!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Giant Sunflower Mat Grow Hundreds Of Sunflowers in Your Backyard
Grow hundreds of sunflowers in just days. The Giant Sunflower Mat is
simple to use - just unroll the pre-seeded mat, water and watch the
sunflowers grow. They bloom non-stop from summer to frost and come in
dazzling yellows, sunset oranges, and pale 'moonbeam' lemons. Order
today and get a second mat on us for only $10.
Learn More
http://tinyurl.com/4zbfup5
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Viagra Commercial
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ngfdrtd.htm
Weight Lifting Surprise
http://www.buffaloschips.com/cdfgdsxgrfd.htm
Why Airplanes Have Pillows
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjfrfdty.htm
Worst Best Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/uiygtyutf5.htm
Yellow Snow
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gvfrtd6.htm
Funny Stuff
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sadfswa.htm
German Coast Guard
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsafe.htm
Gun Control
http://www.buffaloschips.com/4r4n.htm
How Aliens Fish
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34r43r.htm
Idiot 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/5y5g3g.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watch Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously
heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you
got the time?"
Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's
a quarter to six," he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.
Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and
he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in
the world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons
and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven
'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the
same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in
regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high
quality and the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all,"
says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-
resolution map of New York City appears on the display. "The
flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning,"
explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display
changes to show eastern New York state.
"I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger.
"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the
bugs," says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to
demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM
radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can
measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper
printout and most impressive of all, the capacity for voice
recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have
32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake.
"I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger.
"No, you don't understand; it's not ready."
"I'll give you $1000 for it!"
"Oh, no, I've already spent more than that."
"I'll give you $5000 for it!"
"But it's just not fair."
"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a
checkbook.
Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and
development, and with $15 000 he can make another one and have it
ready for merchandising in only six months.
The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it
in front of him.
"Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take
it or leave it."
Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says and peels off the
watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away.
"Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns
around warily.
Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle
through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charming Black Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vm,v.htm
Cheaper Than Dating
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkk.htm
Chicken
http://www.buffaloschips.com/khkjh.htm
bush chenney
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kghdfkhfkgjhglhk.htm
bush pee
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnvx,,,xmkvjgfd.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young nudist from Denver
Who had an unusual member;
It was stiff as Jello
When the weather was mellow.
But a popsicle every December!
There once was a girl they called Trish
Who was quite a delectable dish
Men savored her lips
Then brought bags of chips
For her pussy smelt strongly of fish
There was an old man called Reg
Who decided to trim his hedge
He'd had a few beers
Slipped with his shears
And cut off his meat and two veg
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy who dies and finds himself in Hell. However,
hell was nothing like he had expected. It was a huge
bar, swarming with beautiful blonds, brunettes and
redheads. And behind the main bar were dozens of
liquor bottles, with labels of the finest liquors known
to man.
So the guy moseys up to the bar, intending to partake
of the booze and the women.
"I'll have a shot of your finest bourbon," he told the
bartender.
"See all those bottles?" asked the bartender. "They all
have holes in the bottom."
"That's too bad," said the guy. "But at least there's still
the women."
"Yep," replied the barkeep, "but they don't."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2001
A Spaced Oddity
Diana: Where are the dogs?
BJ who is reading the paper: On the roof.
Diana: What? How did they get there?
BJ: A scaffolding. Then they pulled themselves
up.
Diana: What the devil are they doing on the
roof?
BJ: They wanted to look at the stars tonight.
Diana: That does not make any sense at all.
Diana goes outside to the scaffolding and gets in
and pulls herself up to the roof. There are the
four dogs. Sandi has Dad's telescope and they
are looking at the stars.
Diana never knew the stars were so clear in
Caldwell...
Sandi: Come and take a look mother.
Diana: Wow, you can see the rings of Saturn.
This is amazing...When did you get this interest?
Val: When Rudy said he could see Uranus.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment