Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I spoke last month about the importance of downloading
Windows Updates to prevent being infected with the
Conficker virus which was preventable by a patch that had
been released last fall that many business users had failed
to install. Come to find out it wasn't only big business networks
that became infected but also all of the jets in the French Navy.
France was forced to ground the jets for two days trying to
locate the problem which rendered the jets unable to file
flight plans. Although it took longer than two days to solve the
problem France was forced to go back to the old method of
using phone communications and actually filing them by hand.
You are probably thinking why would a military use Windows
for such an important purpose. It may be a consolation to
France that the British also were Confickered. It infected the
computer systems of more than 24 RAF bases and 75 per
cent of the Royal Navy fleet including the aircraft carrier Ark
Royal.
If we were infected by it no one is talking but we probably have
the military on Macs.
The I-500 is over with the pole-sitter winning. Even though it
was in the mid- 30's outside during the race I was content with
driving
past the track a couple of times. You can see race footage at
http://www.9and10ne
Enjoy your weekend ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wife Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 14 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her
head,
trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. -
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his
flock. - Moses (Ex 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the
deal.
Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab
one
and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will
cost you. - Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work
another
seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place.
That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis
29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law'
get his daughter for a wife - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain
(Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -
Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I
have seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question
your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -
Samson (Judges 14:1-)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons,
though). - David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a
good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or
Leviticus,
example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon
(1
Kings 11:1-3)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
why elephants don't like flying
http://www.thepostm
this will not end well
http://www.thepostm
my mom and dad
http://www.thepostm
Zorro Stop That
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Clean Underwear
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Busted
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
French Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie,
out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a
beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and
says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's
lips."What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have
red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me
lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and
starts
pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to
have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours
it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie
shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep in the river, Marie throws her arms upwards and
screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
DOING?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter
pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
canary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO GET OUT OF THE CAGE
There were 2 male canaries just sitting in a cage, when one
day the door opened and a female canary was tossed in...
She hated being in the cage and flew circles inside trying
to find a way out. One male canary looked at the other and
said "Hey watch this" He called to the female..."Hey I know
how to get out of here" she flew over and begged him to
tell her...
He said, "Meet me at the bottom of the cage."
So she flew down to where he was waiting and he said,
"Gimme some and I'll tell you."
Being desperate to escape she gave him some birdie sex...
only to be told when they were done, "Ha!! There's no way
out of here!!" He flew up and high winged the other male...
Two days later the female was still trying to find a way
out when the other male called to her and said, "Hey I
feel sorry for you!! Meet me at the bottom of the cage and
I'll tell you how to get out."
So... she flew down and he said, "Gimme some and I'll
tell ya."By this time she was distraught and willing to do
anything, so she gave him some birdie sex... only to be
told, "Ha! Dummy there's no way out of here!"
That night the cage was covered and the female was still
looking for escape.... The next morning the cover came off
and to the astonishment of the male canaries the female
was flying circles around the OUTSIDE of the cage!!!!!
Do you know how she got out????
scroll down
+
++
+++
++
+
GIMME SOME AND I'LL TELL YA!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The catlite is the perfect flashlight, ready when you need it and
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You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sadie and Sophie are sitting at the kitchen table, bragging. "My
daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami," says Sadie. "She
goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has
beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends. " Sophie
replies,
"Yeah, my daughter's a prostitute, too."
There was a ladies golf tournament on. One of the players hit a bad
shot off into the rough and had to make a difficult shot back out of
a
patch of brush to get back onto the fairway. The player ends up
straddling a small shrub to get the correct angle for the shot and
the
female announcer said, "This will be an extremely difficult shot for
her with that bush between her legs." You then heard this from the
male announcer, "Snort... snort... gasp... brahaha hahahah!"
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had
recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the
morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda
for
a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have
a
great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the
afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get
dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban
cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman
acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the
conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her
husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Western Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home after a most
satisfying day at work tending the boundary fences on Roy's large
spread. About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed a trail of
dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate.
As he approached, he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry
soldiers led by Major Ted. As he came up to the column of troops
Major Ted called, "Whoa!" and addressed the famous cowboy.
"Good evening, Mr. Rogers," he said.
"Good evening, Major," replied Roy Rogers.
"Are you' heading home, Sir?" asked the Major.
"I am indeed, yessir, I'm looking forward to a real meal.'"
"Just before you go, Mr. Rogers, I'm afraid I have some bad news
for you."
"Like what, Major?"
"Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your
homestead."
"My God! I'd better get over there right away!"
"Just a minute Roy, there's more. There's not much left of your
house I'm afraid"
"That's terrible, I've got to get home to my family"
"Hold on Roy, there's more. I'm afraid they scalped your five
children and appear to have raped the girls beforehand."
"Those savages!! I've got to get home to my wife, she must be
beside herself with grief!"
"Wait Roy, I'm sorry but there's more. They also raped your wife
and mother before killing them. All the cattle are gone and they
put an arrow through your dog Bullet. Most of the village is
burned to the ground and they put poison in your water supply."
"Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life! But still, I'd
better get over there and see if there's anything at all I can
do"
"Hold on, Roy - there's just one more thing . . ."
"Yes Major?"
"Before you go. How's about a little song for the boys?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest and a nun are on their way home from a convention when
suddenly, their car dies.
The priest says to the nun "Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going
to have to go to a hotel for the night."
The nun just smiles, and says, " OK, Father."
They arrive at the hotel to find that there is only one room
available. The priest says 'Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going
to have to share a room. I'm sure that under the circumstances,
God won't mind. You sleep in the bed and I'll sleep on the
couch."
The nun just smiles and says, "OK, Father."
They check into the room and prepare for bed, the priest on the
couch, and the nun in the bed. The priest turns out the lights
and goes to sleep.
Ten minutes later the nun says, "Father, I'm cold."
The priest says, "OK Sister, I'll get you an extra blanket." He
gets her a blanket and goes back to sleep.
Ten minutes later, the nun says, "Father, I'm STILL cold." So the
priest gets up, gets her another blanket, and goes back to sleep
again.
Ten minutes later, the nun says, "Father, I'm VERY cold. You
don't suppose that, under the circumstances, God would mind if we
acted like husband and wife for just one night?"
The priest answered, " No. I don't suppose he would - GET YOUR
OWN DAMN BLANKET! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and
rechargeable electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Angels Whispering
http://silverandgol
Rick w/Closer To The Heart
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Would You Care?
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Baby Angel
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Surfin Surfari
Border cams
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The International Home Remedies Project
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Intervention
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Weddings
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
St. Pats Scraps
http://wormworks.
Blending 2 Images with Masks
http://www.photosho
Police Graphics
http://www.uselessg
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.petloss.
Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Love Hurts
http://www.buffalos
Manettes Wii
http://www.buffalos
Merry Christmas
http://www.buffalos
Movies 1541
http://www.buffalos
Nandos Chips NAND
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Momma Is Santa
http://www.buffalos
Morning Peepers
http://www.buffalos
Moshonov
http://www.buffalos
Mother's Day
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result
in being denied permission to play again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire
the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds
and bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being
played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment
for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at
all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate
means of play when this is the case.
11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled
particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous
players have been known to become irate if they discover someone
else is playing what they considered a private course.
12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before
attempting to play the backside.
14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The One Touch Cordless Knife is the portable, lightweight
kitchen tool that slices, dices and chops your favorite foods
in seconds. Just one touch and the high powered motor
moves the blades at 2,000 strokes per minute, so it slices
through the toughest meats, fruits or vegetables. The
Cordless Knife also glides gently through delicate foods
such as breads or desserts.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cream Soda
http://able2laugh.
Fishy
http://able2laugh.
Apple snack
http://able2laugh.
Nurse Nasty
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Nothing By Mouth
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Full Of Shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big City Slider - Mini Burger Cooker
Just scoop, press and cook your way to the burger sensation that's
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Cook the perfect burgers with Big City Slider today!
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Salvation lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."
____________
Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has 'em
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
____________
In the check out at the food store
A nun was advising the poor:
"Hey you up in front!
That's too many items ,you cunt!
And no food stamps for beer ya dumb whore."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shoes Under - Space Saving Shoe Organizer
Shoes Under stores twelve pairs of shoes under your bed, saving you
valuable closet space. It's the perfect solution for coordinating
not only shoes, but socks, belts, toys and more! Shoes under has a
protective clear, zipper see-through cover keeping dust, moisture
and bugs out. Just slide and store - it's that easy!
Order now and we'll DOUBLE your order!
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to
an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the
Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the
devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was
acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take
about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.
The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-
bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who
was on his way down, and they stop to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
President Clinton: No problem.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.
President Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
President Clinton: You're a day late.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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* 2 Handles
* Strainer Lid
* Steam Rack
* Storage Lid
* Cookbook
BONUS COLOR CODED KNIVES WHEN YOU ORDER TODAY
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
14 Children
I'm sure any physician could relate similar stories. A friend told
me these
two about a couple of new elderly patients he'd seen. He asked the
first
woman about her family and she said she'd had 7 children.
"Seven!" he said, "How could anyone so small have that many
children?"
"Oh," she said, "I think I was asleep most of the time."
Another patient, this one 88-years-old, spry and
witty. When he asked about her family, she said she'd had 14
children.
"Fourteen!" He said, "Why would anyone have 14
children?"
She replied, "We just liked to fuck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out
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Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
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dust,
pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
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Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1518
Sandi Wraps Up Her Bible Discussion
Rudy: Anything else you want to tell us Sandi?
Sandi: Well you have heard about some famous people, Cain, Able but
have you heard about the Modemites?
Katie: No, who where they?
Sandi: They invented faster communication. There leader was King
Modem. First they used smoke signals, then mirrors... you may have
heard one of the sayings "Smoke and Mirrors".. it came from them.
Rudy: Wow, you sure are smart Sandi.
Sandi: One of my favorite tribes back then was the Mazzioites.
They
wandered throughout the land delivering pizza.
Katie: I would like that tribe a lot.
Sandi: They eventually found their way to America and delivered
Pizza
to the pilgrims.
Rudy: Any strange tribes?
Sandi: Well I guess you might call the Lions that were with David
kinda
weird.
Rudy: Yeah why didn't they eat him or kill him?
Katie: You would think that Lions would destroy one guy.
Sandi: Ah-hah the reason these Lions couldn't do anything is
because
they were from Detroit.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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