Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was saddened by the loss of one fisherman on the ice in
Lake Erie on Saturday but glad to hear the Coast Guard
was able to help rescue the other 135. These people did
lose snowmobiles and fishing equipment that could cost
them over 10,000 dollars making for an expensive day
on the ice. Lake Erie is a strange lake compared to the
other Great Lakes, more shallow and much easily affected
by changes in wind and temperature. People are going to
ice fish and if you have fishing in your blood you want to
be the first person on the ice and the last one off.
Not highly recommended as it comes under the heading of
extreme sports is driving your snowmobile across open
water. If you don't hit the water too slowly or try to accelerate
too quickly and don't try sharp turns an ordinary snowmobile
will cross even a wide expanse of open water. Here is a clip
shot on Lake Superior
http://www.youtube.
Keep in mind that the Border Patrol, Coast Guard, and police
do not appreciate operation of snowmobiles on open water
and can arrest you under the heading of unsafe operation. It
was used by smugglers bringing aliens and drugs across from
Canada till the cops got as crazy as the smugglers and chased
them down. Yes police forces up here do have very fast snowmobiles
and they will just chase you till you run out of gas or they get mad
and shoot you.
I am getting a late start this morning as Eva had my computer
most of the weekend as her and a friend played at Barbie. COM
and she didn't go home till after the Pro Bowl last night and I said
to heck with sorting mail and went to bed. Slept like a rock till
0530 too heh heh .
Have a great week....; buffalo
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Repair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife
interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's
been
flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look
like I have a G. E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have
Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the
front
door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he
says.
"Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I
don't
think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides
to
go home and help out.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed.
As
he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes
to
get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.
He
offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either give
him
a blow job and fuck him, or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooooo! Do you see Betty Crocker written on my
forehead?
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bitching And Moaning
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fart Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters
VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart
LAZY : Just fizzle
AMIABLE : Likes o smell others' farts
PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY : Blushes when he farts silently
IRREVERENT : Farts in church
SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts for later sniffing
STINGY : Belches to save his ass hole
TIMID : Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE : Can't fart at all
CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to
go
GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog
DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles
FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts
BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others
DUMB : Enjoys others' farts, thinks they are his own
CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating
WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit
DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head
MUSICAL : Tenor or bass, clear as a bell, smells like shit and
sounds
like hell
ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3
times
SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear
IMPUDENT : Farts out loud and then laughs
ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the
pollution
HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog
THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private
STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter
INTELLECTUAL : Analyzes the smell of his neighbors' fart
WIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion
SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying
AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pelosi Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I often used the
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"BS."
Q. What did I really mean when I used those expressions?
A. I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half
truth or just stupid. It covered any number or negative formats.
The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially : foolish
insolent talk...
I have decided that I no longer will use either of those
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Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi."
I encourage you to do the same. It is such a good word. It
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word could be entered into the dictionary. What an excellent legacy
for the Speaker of the House!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning someone called saying they were conducting a survey
about
Television, and I agreed to answer their questions. At some point
she
asked, "Could you tell me what you think of sex on the television?"
Quite truthfully, I replied, " I prefer the older models. I think it
has become extremely uncomfortable, especially when you got one of
the
newer models, that are much wider than deep." She muttered "Pervert"
and hung up. What did I say?
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. Bachelor: One complained
to
the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this
month,
I'm going to lose my fuckin' arse." Too late he noticed a beautiful
blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his
bad
language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more
arse this month, I'm going to lose my fuckin' car."
The local Parent Teachers Association is running a lottery. "Third
prize-a 32-inch color television-goes to Mrs. Carson!" "Second
prize-a
cookbook-goes to Mr. Jennings!" "Wait a minute!" grouse's Joe
Jennings
to his wife. "How come Myrtle Carson gets a big color television as
third prize and I get a lousy cookbook for second?" "That's because
the cookbook is written by the president of the PTA, and she's even
signed it," explains Mrs. Jennings. "Big deal!" whispers Joe. "F*ck
the president of the PTA! "But that's first prize."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the
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She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while,
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"How did you get in here?" he asked.
"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Better get a good laugh at bikinis they're wearing these days,
because
the way things are going in a little while there won't be anything
to
laugh at!
"I'd sure like to get married, but I'm having trouble finding a
husband." "I am married. And I'm having the same trouble."
A Hollywood starlet, who had been married three years without having
a
child, complained to her mother: "The big mistake I made was
marrying
a director instead of a producer!"
What do you call a used tampon floating in a river?
A blood vessel.
Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
They have shaky hands!
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One ... Men will screw anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Cool Math Sites
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Crime Scenes and Blood Donors
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Tandem Twinkies~Wings
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Movie Chips
Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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New Zealand Anti Drinking Ad
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Oh Shit
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Only Want Sex
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uh 60 IN mOSUL
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Muschel
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My family Reunion
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National Anthem Cactus
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Negotiating a Real Piece of Work
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your continual unfaithfulness proves you are an absolute rotter,"
stormed the outraged wife who had just caught her husband for the
seventh time in a sportive romp with another woman. "Quite the
contrary," came the cool reply. "It merely proves that I'm too good
to
be true."
But it really was an interesting evening, Mabel. And, oh yeah. I
have
to tell you something else. This guy was tattooed all over. And with
movie stars all over him. On his right shoulder he had Tom Cruise,
and
on his left shoulder was Johnnie Depp. And on his chest he had
George
Clooney. And then he took me to his apartment and he showed me the
Old
Shnozzola, Jimmy Durante..."
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The Boss
called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had
a
wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct
yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you could
come
and go as you please around here ?" Sharon simply smiled, lit up a
cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well balanced...but hairy leg
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Here to Stay
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Collectable seat
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Sorry
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Suicide Kit
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I'll Be Home Soon
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old Scotsman of Fife
Who had left, in the course of his life,
Scores of well-rounded ends
Of the wives of his friends
And likewise of friends of his wife.
__________
An arrogant wench from Salt Lake
Liked to tease all the boys on the make.
She was finally the prize
Of a man twice her size
And all she recalls is the ache.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Teacher asked, "All right children, who can tell me what a
chicken gives?"
Mary answered, "A chicken gives eggs!"
The Teacher then asked, "Now who can tell me what a goat gives?"
And Paul answered, "A goat gives goat milk!"
And finally the Teacher asked, "Well now, who can tell me what the
cow gives?"
And Little Johnny replied, "Homework and lessons.!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politically Correct Language
She is not "hot to trot" - She is sexually focused.
She has not "been around" - She is a previously enjoyed companion.
She is not a two-bit whore - She is not "easy" -
She is sexually extroverted. She is a low cost provider.
He is not a "cradle robber" - He simply prefers generational
differential relationships.
He is not a bad dancer - He is overly Caucasian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1519
The Fact of the Matter Is...
Katie: What do you have Rudy?
Rudy: A kite... I made it myself Katherine... I am going to fly it.
Katie: Looks rather crude. . made of newspaper, a thin piece of
wood and
a piece of cloth for a tail.
Rudy: I read a book about it and it should work. You should try to
build
on Katherine.
Katie eyebrows go up and down and she goes: Hmmm! I will indeed. I
think the Oriental type is my style. What about Sandi, will she
build one?
Rudy: She is building a box kite.
Katie: A box..kite..? That sounds odd.
Katie runs into her doghouse, into her library and logs onto her
computer.
She looks up kite making: Hmm! I can go into the laboratory and
make
a real fancy one. Zoom!!!
Several hours later...
Sandi and Rudy are flying their kites in the front yard when Katie
emerges from her doghouse with goggles on, wearing her superkatie
outfit and carrying a rather large kite.
Rudy: I can see you are into the kite business Katherine. Show us
your
kite.
Katie: Let me get a running start...
Off she goes and the kite which by some odd coincidence looks a lot
like
Katie.. starts to fly high and higher into the sky.
Sandi in her calm voice: Nice kite sis. .. however, there is one
thing..
Katie: Quiet, I want to see how high it can go.
Sandi: I think you might want to listen to me before it is too...
Katie: Shh... my kite is higher than your kites now..something is
going
wrong..it is not responding to me...it is flying away.
Sandi: That is what I was trying to say Katie. You line needed to
be
stronger. Nice kite but without the matching line...
Rudy: It is a pretty kite....looks just like you Katie..floating
away over the
trees...fading away...almost gone...
Katie: Waaah!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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