THE POSTMAN'S CORNER They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.  http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/ad589.jpg FREE Get $250 worth of Acai Berry Weight Loss Products Plus a  http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/ad590.gif Stressed out because bill collectors are calling you constantly! We can help! Relieve your stress with a FREE $1000 Visa(R) Gift Card and begin paying off your debt today! (Participation required. See below for details.) Learn how to get your FREE $1000 gift card by visiting below! http://thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8623.html  http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/ad591.gif The new iRobot(R) Roomba(R) 560 Vacuum is stylish & smart but best of all - you'll never have to vacuum again! An automatic sensor enables the iRobot(R) Roomba(R) to guide itself around your home! It adjusts itself from carpet to hard floors and picks up dirt, dust, pet hair and concentrated messes! Don't wait - Get this new cleaning sensation, a $350 value - FREE today! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8443.html GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Like most Americans, we have been concerned with economizing here at the postman clan. In the days of an uncertain economic future, who isn't? There are a couple of things we did. For example, I dumped one of our two cell phones. I rarely use mine so it was actually an unecessary expense. Kept "the war department's" cell phone. She doesn't use it much either, but when she is travelling back and forth to work, it is a good idea to have in case of emergency. We dumped the expensive cable tv. These days we are watching more and more free tv on the Internet. Of course, we always dial down the heat, relying on our snuggly blankets when yours truly puts the thermostat on 62 degrees. One other thing I did recently, when cable Internet hit a cost of 45 bux a month, this tightwad old redneck dumped it and went to dsl for about 20 bux a month less. Nobody seems to object except my son Nick, who continually complains about my slow Internet. So I said, "well Nick you're a big boy, you don't have to use my Internet. Sign up for your own." Of course, since I've made that statement, I don't hear any more complaints from him, and I don't think he has immediate intentions to stop using Dad's either. Go figger. The interesting thing about it. When gas reached 3 and 4 bux a gallon, all you heard in the news was "price gouging" and "how can we find alternative fuel sources". Bio fuels were a big joke. All that did was to drive our family food budget up when it started costing more to feed cattle due to a higher demand for corn and wheat. Now that gas is back down below 2 bux, you hear nothing about alternative fuel. Shows how shortsighted we are as a nation. One day tho, gas is going to go back up. Even if it doesn't, why don't you try to do something about it? How bout signing up for this free Scooter? Only takes a minute, and the nice thing is, by doing so, I'll get a little credit towards the cost of keeping this page running, and it won't cost you anything. Who knows, maybe you might actually win!  http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/ad592.gif SIGN UP FOR YOUR FREE SCOOTER TODAY! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/7488.html We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS water break http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r001.html miracle on 34th street http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r002.html I've given up http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r003.html that is the question http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r004.html what I think http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r005.html If he must he must http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r006.html the first one http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r007.html you misunderstood me http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r008.html I talk to myself http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r009.html _____________  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES Bambi and Scruff http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4965.html negotiating with your dentist http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4967.html Sam the sham and the Pharoes http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4968.html landing in zero visibility http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4969.html pregnancy test http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4970.html  POWER POINT DISPLAYS Kingsford, the little pig http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2052.html kitty slideshow http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2055.html games to play http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2056.html more great games http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2057.html cute kitty movie http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2058.html COOL PICS A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it . Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted. "Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him." "And when was that?" "When he asked for his second cup. _____________________ The Moore family was proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators, pastors, and Wall Street wizards, and a few major league baseball players and Army generals. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. But the author said not to worry, he could handle that section of history tactfully. When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. There, they read, "George Moore occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock." ________________ A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?" Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?" The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it!" __________________ An analyst was listening to a voluptuous beauty with a problem of her own. "It's liquor, doctor," she sobbed. "I'm really a very nice girl, but just as soon as I've had a drink or two, I become uncontrollably passionate and I want to make love to whomever I happen to be with." "I see," the analyst said thoughtfully. "Well, suppose I just mix us up a couple of cocktails here and then you and I can sit down, nice and relaxed, and discuss this compulsive neurosis of yours." ________________ A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.' ******************************* MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and Withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. ******************************* FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8.. Insert card. 9 Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. _______________ A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.' _________________ BUFFALO Bill Unromantic http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22436.htm PAPA Thorn Anger management http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=History-anger.jpg I wouldn't have http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=History-Doubtful.jpg Where the weirdos hang out http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Home4Thorn(1).jpg Jump in the Box http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=JumpInTheBox.jpg THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day! FRPM: Martin aka the postman! |
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