Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was sitting here yesterday morning just after finishing the lists
and the phone rang. It was Buffy and she was screaming and
Eva was screaming and through the cell phone I was getting
about one out of every ten words. I finally managed to get her
to calm down enough to tell me that Eva had cut herself and
she needed bandages. I told her if it was serious to take Eva
to the E.R. as we are less than six blocks from the hospital and
she just kept on screaming about needing bandages so I
hollered for Sandy. As Sandy was getting ready to walk over I
threw together a bag with peroxide, sterile gauze pads, tape,
and a handful of band-aids and Sandy walked them over. It
turned out Eva had been playing around one of those door
mirrors that had a bad frame and had a small cut on one finger
that a small band-aid covered with no problems. From the
commotion that was going on I thought someone had cut a
hand off and was almost ready to send an ambulance. I am
not very happy with Buffy at the moment. I expect more self
control from an adult.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Muslim Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muslim Humor
Goffaq Yussef.
Good evening, gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the
bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said
"occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None!
They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians?
It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel!
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest,
I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow
myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying
to get laid!"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity
ward?
"Live ammunition."
A Palestinian girl says to her mommy: "After Abdul blows himself up,
can I have his room?"
Thank you, thank you
My name is Goffaq Yussef. (say it out loud).
Lori
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Why Didn't I Swallow
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and think he's
really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if
he's married?
Rose Marie: No, you should wait until morning.
Mary: And then he told me his name was John Smith.
Jill: Oh, that sounds fake! Weren't you suspicious?
Mary: Oh, yes! I was even more so when he asked me, "How much for
the
whole night?"
"In Florida, a woman who's a special-needs teacher by day, has been
arrested for working as a prostitute at night. When asked about it,
the woman said her clients at night also have "special needs." -
Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy and girl are sitting in a sandbox when they both stood
up and their pants fell off and they asked each other "what's that"
pointing to their private parts.
So they ran home and the little boy asked his father what it was and
dad answered" that's your truck, try to park it in as many garages
as
you can."
The little girl asked her mother the same question and she
said "that's your garage and don't let any boy park his truck
there."
So the next day the little girl comes running home yelling "mommy,
mommy a boy tried to park his truck in my garage so I knocked his
fucking wheels off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mnkey Chips
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A man walks into a bar after a long ride on his horse. He walks
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Just as he turns back, a monkey runs up to the beer, dunks his
balls in the beer, and runs off.
Agitated, the man says to the bartender, "I can't drink this
now! Give me another beer!"
So, the bartender brings him another beer. Before the man could
do anything about it, the monkey ran back over, dunked his balls
in the beer and ran off before the man could grab him. Even more
angry, the man says, "I can't drink this now. Bring me another
beer!"
He gets another beer and guards it with his life. The monkey
sneaks up behind him, knocks the stool out from underneath
the man, hops up onto the bar and dunks his balls in the beer.
Now the man is thoroughly pissed. He grabs the bartender and
says, "Man, I've had it. Who's stupid monkey is this anyway?"
The bartender replied, "It belongs to the piano player."
The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Excuse me,
do you know your monkey is dunking his balls in my beer?"
To this the piano player replies, "No, I sure don't, but if you
hum a few notes, I'll fake it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Breast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: "So somehow we started talking about doctors and hospitals and
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Jill: "And then?"
Mary: "Well, naturally, he asked, "Could I just SEE 'em?"
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Mary: "Yeah, I said, No, 'just see 'em' becomes 'just touch 'em,
'and
'just touch 'em' becomes 'just kiss 'em,' and 'just kiss 'em'
becomes
'just suck 'em.' and..."
Jill: "And what?"
Mary: "And I asked, Wanna see 'em in the bedroom?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written on the T-Shirt of a girl: SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside
the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.
"So I told my ex, 'You just don't arouse me!'" "Well, that's pretty
forthright! What did he say?" "He said, 'Well, maybe you have a dry
well!'" "OOH!" "It was all right. I told him, 'Maybe you need a new
drill!'"
ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road."
QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office? (Johnny
Carson)
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.
How can you tell when a porno film has been a stirring performance?
When there isn't a dry fly in the house
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Before They Were Big Time
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
3D Scanner
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Anne's Gifs
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Animal Gifs
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Movie Chips
Every Man's Dream
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Fanfare
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1802
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Tail Of Two Brains
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Woman Filling Gas
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Milk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease
and his doctor told him could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein'
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby
was a dark eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself,
gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts. One
day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr.
Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there
anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little biscuit?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHOOOPS!
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Acrobatic
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One More Chance
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The chamber maid blushed a bright red;
It must have been something I said.
I quipped, "You look hot
And I like you a lot
So please do not turn down my bed"
"I have never been screwed," the maid said,
"But I do enjoy giving men head."
First she went down on me,
Then I screwed her with glee.
I got two things in one: maidenhead.
I was horny, said, "Let's go to town!"
Then said, "Lie on your back." She did frown.
She replied, "Me on top,
And I'll screw 'til we drop.
It's a thing I won't take lying down."
The maid was quite hot; I adored 'er.
Her bod I explored while I scored 'er.
I remember the night
That was filled with delight.
For me, it was just maid to order.
I enjoyed many times getting laid,
And I'm glad that the housekeeper stayed.
'Bout that night I reflect,
And as you might suspect,
I admit that I did have it maid.
All night long 'gainst my body she pressed
Without stopping. I got little rest.
When I left the next day,
"Come again!" she did say.
The maid service I got was the best.
Karl K
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two elderly people are living in a retirement community. He's a
widower and she's a widow. They have known each other for a while
and he likes her. One afternoon, he summons his courage and asks
her, "Would you like to have sex with me?"
She smiles, and says, "Yes, I will!"
So, they go to her place, have sex, and then man returns to his
place.
Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she
say 'no'? Did we have sex or not?" He can't remember. With
trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he
explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to, and
asks he whether they had sex together.
She replies, "Why, I said, 'Yes, I will' and I meant it." Then she
continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I
couldn't remember who asked me and who I had sex with!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Guy Knows Math
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who
cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto
the
shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver
enough
that he hung his arm out is window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile
nicely
and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me
in
traffic, And here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I
figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass
every
day..
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as
dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females
have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female
that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has
seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so...
Nancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1527
The Library
Rudy: So where are we going Pops?
BJ: To the Library.
Sandi: A collection of books, videos, magazines, a place of art,
ideas
and the such Rudy.
Rudy: Do they sell beer?
BJ: Not hardly Rudy.
Katie: How uncouth Rutherford. We have the opportunity to mingle
with
the likes of Socrates, Aristotle, Cicero and Shakespeare.
Rudy: Oh, those guys are going to be there?
Sandi: No, they are dead.
Rudy: They have dead people at the Library. What kind of sick,
perverted
place are you taking me to Pops?
BJ: No, it is their ideas that are alive.
Rudy: Ghosts..then.
Katie: Oh Rudy what are we going to do with you? Just wait and
see.
Later in the Library.....
Rudy: Don't see no ghosts.
BJ: Nor shall you either.
Rudy: Then where are them dead fellers?
Sandi: In books Rudy. Here is one man saying, "I regret that I
have but
one life to give for my country."
Rudy: Wow that is powerful stuff.
BJ: Yes, in here you can travel around the world and across the
universe.
Rudy: A-Rooo!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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