Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Received from BattyBe
URINE THE ARMY NOW...While NASA continues its pioneering work of
turning an astronaut's urine into drinking water the mad geniuses of
the U.S. Army have come up with another invention you'd probably like
to live without: dried food pouches which can be rehydrated with your
old piss. Yum! The U.S. Army Soldier Systems Center which invented a
sandwich which could stay fresh for three years has now figured out a
way to reduce the amount of water soldiers need to carry for their
food supply. A specially designed filter inside the dehydrated
pouches of food will enable soldiers to create a meal using the
filthiest water they can find, or even their own urine. An engineer
at the company which creates the filters was kind enough to explain
that urine should only be used "in an absolute emergency," as if
anyone would use their own pee to cook food if they didn't really
have to.
buffalo says Ok I guess the Army has been watching too many episodes
of Man vs. Wild. Come to think of it I could make a great recruiting
film
for the Navy from this one.
Daytona 500 even in its abbreviated version was entertaining yesterday
and I was glad to see Ford win won. There was a couple of great
commercials yesterday. My favorite was the Budweiser commercial
with the GPS telling the driver to turn left every few seconds
followed
by the Home Depot commercial of the driver selecting his car, pit
crew,
owner, and 300,000 fans from the store. Logano should have opted
for a heavier front bumper as the wall turned his car into a
paperweight.
We got about an inch of snow and the graders were out this morning
trying to level things up a bit. I would have even went with a
Zamboni as
a skating rink would be no worse than 6 inch deep wagon ruts in the
middle of the street to drive through.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Arm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had been in a terrible car accident, and woke up in the
hospital.
Looking around, he noticed a doctor leaning over his bed.
"Jesus doc," the man exclaimed, "what happened. Where am I."
The doctor replied "You have been in a bad car accident, and you're
in
the hospital, but don't worry, you're going to be all right. The bad
news is that we had to amputate your right arm, above the elbow."
"Oh no," the man screamed. "I'd rather be dead. I can't go through
life without my arm. Please doc, kill me. I can't go on like
this........
"Now son," said the doctor, "with the miracles of modern medicine
today, we can give you a Bionic Arm. Only costs one million dollars,
and it looks and works just like the real thing. Nobody will ever
know
it's not your own arm."
"Yeah, great," the man groaned. "And where the hell am I gonna get a
million bucks. I'm better off dead."
"Hang on now," said the doctor. "We've been looking for a case like
yours for a while now. We just came up with a new arm. For only ten
thousand dollars, you can have it. It looks just like the more
expensive one, but the only difference is that this one has a small
microphone built into it, and you have to TELL the arm what to do.
Other than that, it works just like the other one."
"Well," the guy says, "I can probably afford ten grand. Go ahead,
sew
it on."
The next day, the guy woke up in the same bed, and saw the doctor
leaning over him again. "Well, doc, how did it go? Is everything all
right?"
"We think that the operation was a success," replied the
surgeon, "but
you will have to try it out, and let us know if there are any
problems
with it."
Later on in the day, the guy was lying in bed, practicing with his
new
arm.
"Lift up," he commanded. The arm lifted up.
"Move right." The arm moved to the right.
"Move left." The arm moved to the left.
Everything seemed to be working without a hitch, and he was really
pleased. All of a sudden, he had the urge to go to the bathroom.
He hopped out of bed, and proceeded into the john.
"Arm, reach down and undo my zipper."
The arm obeyed.
"Take out my Wang." The arm obeyed flawlessly.
The guy had his leak, and when he was done, he commanded, "Shake it."
The arm gave it a little shake.
"No, shake it harder!" The arm gave it a good shake.
"Hey," the guy said, "that feels pretty good... jerk it off."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Just for fun
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Wedding day
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I, Ribbit
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Laughs
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
I Told You
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Kiss Me I'm Irish
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<a href=" "> Here!</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lesbian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE..
This is a primer of how to separate a Dyke from a Lesbian.
Kindly pay close attention... there will be show & tell after.
- A Lesbian buys real estate. A Dyke rents.
- A Lesbian drinks out of a wine glass. A Dyke pops a top.
- A Dyke owns a Harley. A Lesbian owns a 10 speed Schwinn.
- A Dyke's tattoos don't rub off. A Lesbian's don't show.
- A Lesbian brunches. A Dyke drives-through.
- A Lesbian has acquaintances. A Dyke has buddies.
- A Dyke buys 'Hustler' over the counter. A Lesbian has a
subscription.
- None of a Lesbian's earrings are made from parts of her tool box.
- A Lesbian drives a Porsche. A Dyke commands a pick-up.
- A Lesbian has her ears pierced. A Dyke goes further... WAY further!
- A Dyke can actually use the word dildo 15 to 20 times a day.
- A Lesbian passes gas. A Dyke farts.
- A Lesbian cooks. A Dyke defrosts.
- A Lesbian entertains at home. A Dyke has a regular bar stool.
- A Lesbian networks, and chats. A Dyke shows up.
- A Dyke has a tool belt. A Lesbian has a tooled belt.
- A Dyke believes she looks great in a six dollar haircut.
- A Dyke will drink from any hose. A Lesbian carries her own Evian.
- A Lesbian makes dinner. A Dyke makes reservations.
- A Dyke plays softball. A Lesbian plays hardball.
...or was it the other way around ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: "Johnny, spell 'Fascinate.'
Johnny: "'Fascinate,
Teacher, "Now use 'Fascinate' in a sentence.
Johnny: "My sister, June, put on a sweater that has 10 buttons, but
she could only fascinate."
Teacher: "Johnny, I'm afraid you don't understand the meaning of the
word."
Johnny: "But I do."
Teacher: "Well, then explain how that could be the correct usage of
the word fascinate."
Johnny: "It was my sweater."
Teacher: "So?"
Johnny: "So, It did fascinate all the boys, because now June is
busting out all over."
Johnny passed the spelling test.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Governor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best of Ed Rendell, the governor of Pennsylvania
On why he would never consider being a U.S. senator: "It's an
incredibly easy job. They don't do shit."
On his address to the Democratic National Convention in the
1980s: "Thirty seconds into my speech, it dawned on me that I could
have been reading the best parts of Lady Chatterley's Lover and it
wouldn't have mattered. ... No one was listening."
On his job description as mayor: "A good portion of my job is spent
on my knees, sucking people off to keep them happy."
On his refusal to deny a quote attributed to him in Philadelphia
magazine in which he said that the publication "sucks the big
wong": "Anybody who knows me knows that it has the ring of truth, so
I'm cooked. If I had said, 'Your magazine eats shit,' I could have
denied it."
On caving in to people's demands as governor: "If I was a woman, I'd
be pregnant all the time."
To union leaders threatening a massive strike during a pivotal
contract negotiation: "I don't want to be a shit, and I don't want to
be anti-labor, but I can't grow hair, and I can't grow money."
After eight murders one weekend summer night, as he passed an
impoverished stretch of Philadelphia and concluded there was only one
hope of reduced violence: "What we need in this town is on every
fucking weekend between now and September for it to rain."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work in OB GYN in a women hospital. One of our doc's tells of
working in a fertility clinic during his training. A very heavy
woman
came to them and said she had been trying to get pregnant for 3
years
When he got her in the stirrups he found out she was still a virgin.
He asked her if her husband penetrated her when they had sex. She
laughed and said," He think he do!"
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were
beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one
such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her
performance. The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one
thousand
dollars?" She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but
he
only paid me one hundred dollars!"
Having flashed his light into the back of a parked Mini-Van behind a
local burger joint, the Policeman gasped, "Are you two actually
having
sex in the parking lot ?" "Why no officer." drawled the sweet young
thing. "This here fellow is just helping me practice in case I meet
a
strong handsome Policeman I could really go for."
A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry
a
respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary
society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive
through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the
reception. "William, what are those women doing leaning against
lampposts?" "Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for
sex at fifty dollars a time." "Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the
bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gay couple who are dear friends of ours were over for dinner when
the conversation drifted round to 'opposites attract.' According to
my
wife, one illustration of this phenomenon is that in every happy
couple there is always an organized and tidy one (her) and a more
spontaneous, less organized one (me). It helps if one partner is
more
obsessed with tidiness than the other, right? Nods of recognition
all
round from me and the gay chaps. "So," she asks brightly, "which one
of you two is the anal one?"
I bumped into a friend of mine that I haven't seen since high
school.
We were close back then. We almost went to the same college, but my
grades weren't really up to snuff. When she went away to college she
wrote me and told me that she was going to fulfill her dream of
becoming a thespian. When I bumped into her the other day I asked
her
how that thespian thing was going. She said it was the best. She
even
gave me tickets to this play that she was in and I happily accepted.
She said that we should get dinner afterwards and catch up. I hope
that I get to meet her thespian girlfriend at dinner. Thespians are
hot!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week
http://ministry-
carolyn w/ Funny Face
http://carolynsprec
John w/ Old Shep
http://heavens-
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Surfin Surfari
Cars Of !904
http://www.tocmp.
Medical Library Association: Deciphering Medspeak
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Mountain Biking
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Road Rage
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Sherry's Rainbow Keys
http://community-
Passsword Partner
http://www.password
Shopping List
http://www.homeplan
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We wanted to let you know right away that you never have to pay
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Chips
Alan King Survived By
http://www.buffalos
Don't Look Away When I'm Talking To You
http://www.buffalos
Durex Funny Commercial
http://www.buffalos
Elevator Candid Camera
http://www.buffalos
River Dance Monkies
http://www.buffalos
Salt Water
http://www.buffalos
Scuba Kitty
http://www.buffalos
Shooting Star
http://www.buffalos
Slicing Fruit With Playing Cards
http://www.buffalos
Smooth Roll
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?" "Really? I wish I
could
do that. I'd like a change for the better." "Well, you can always do
what she did." "What's that?" "Don't wear panties to the interview."
"So how often do you have sex with your wife?" "Oh, four or five
times
a week." "That's more often than I get it!" "Well, it should be.
After
all, she's my wife."
Did you hear about the diner who didn't believe in flying saucers
until he goosed a waitress!
A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would
rather
be a young man's slave than an old man's darling, because she
couldn't
stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.
"I really don't know what you see in him, Susan. He's just an
everyday
sort of man." "Well, Jeez," Susan replied, "What more could a girl
ask
for?"
A young American was enjoying his first night in Rome, drinking
cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him.
"Hello," he said. " Do you understand English?" "Only a little," she
answered. "How much?" he asked. "Fifty dollars," she replied.
A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.
Why is cunnilingus called eating, while fellatio is called a blow job?
The terms were invented by a woman to make the one sound
enjoyable
and the other like work.
What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why do Jewish girls have gold diaphragms?
So they can tell their fathers that their boyfriends are
cumming into
money!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I deserve this job
http://www.thepostm
the honeymoon
http://www.thepostm
self sufficient
http://www.thepostm
Got Lots Of Pussy
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Schlongs
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Not What You Hope
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out
Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
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Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
Draft
Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage and
the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Once Was A Girl, A Humdinger,
Around Whom The Boys Like To Linger,
While Babbling Of Love,
But Got Nowhere. ''Go Shove!''
She Would Say As She Gave Them The Finger.
A Passionate Maiden From China,
Would Gently Caress Her Vagina.
She Fondly Would Linger
With Each Little Finger,
As Though Nothing In China Was Finer.
Since Transplanting Has Proved To Be Viable,
And My Dong's Been Less Plied Than Pliable,
Why Not Graft, As A Ringer,
My Trusty Third Finger,
Which, These Days, Is Far More Reliable?
Karl K
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar bored out of their minds.
One of them leans over and says,
"Ay, why don't we play 20 questions, ay?"
The second one says, "OK, ay."
The first one tries to think of a word and finally thinks up "Moose
Cock".
The second thinks a moment, and for his first clue asks,
"Ay, can you eat it, ay?"
The first guy rubs his chin and says, "Ay, I guess so, ay."
The second guy goes, "Is it a moose cock?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ShamWow is a revolutionary, multi-use cleaning cloth that holds
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The ShamWow:
- Cleans up spills fast
- Will not scratch or damage any surfaces
- Machine washable
- Perfect for house, boat, car and pets
- Guaranteed to last for 10 years
Act now and we'll double your order. You'll get 8 ShamWow towels for
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The worst thing about getting your penis caught in the bicycle chain
isn't the overwhelming pain, but that long, sickening moment, when
you're stuck there in that awkward position, and you suddenly realize
that you're going to have to describe the entire event on an
insurance claim form.
The reporter met the troop ship bringing back demobilized soldiers
after World War II. He wanted to write a human-interest story, and
asked one soldier, "What's the first thing you'll do when you get
home?"
The soldier immediately replied, "Screw my wife."
The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and asked, "Oh.
Well, what's the second thing?"
"Then I'll take off these damned filthy combat boots!"
Q. Did you hear about the new fragrance called "Umpire?"
A. It's for foul balls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turn anything into a flashlight and never be left in the dark again!
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You'll wonder how you ever lived without your Catlite!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1526
Movie Night
BJ: Okay guys, it is movie night. I will pop some popcorn and each
of
you get your favorite movie and we will vote on the movie we will
watch.
Everyone heads for the movie library....
Later....
BJ: Okay, I have the popcorn and what is your pick Sandi?
Sandi: I have picked 'Lassie Come Home' the original Lassie
movie...I
always cry at that movie and it is a feel good movie to.
BJ: Good solid pick Sandi. You Rudy?
Rudy: I picked 'K-9'. I like it because it has action, comedy and
is a lot
of fun.
BJ: Good pick Rudy. Katherine?
Katie: Err, I picked 'Scooby-Doo and the Legend of the Vampire.'
BJ: Why?
Katie: I like Scooby-Doo and I like Cartoons. What did you pick
father?
BJ: I picked 'Cat's and Dogs.'
Sandi: I have a solution...We can watch Katie's as a cartoon
feature, then
watch Daddys. Tomorrow we can mine and Rudy's as a double feature.
Katie/Rudy: Yeah!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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