Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Wow Friday again, time sure flies when you are stuck in a snow
globe.
I saw an announcement today about one of the local schools showing
movies at night and it brought back memories of school carnivals. In
sixth grade I became the school projectionist because I knew how to
thread all the machines, change lamps, and splice the tape when it
broke. I would be told when a film needed to be set up in the
library, get it from the office, and have it ready for the teacher
to turn on when their class came in. Later I would rewind the film,
fill out the paperwork, and package it up to go back to the company
that loaned it to us.
Carnivals and Halloween was special because they rented horror
movies and Three Stooges films and I got to run the concession.
After Junior High which was a part of the elementary school back
then I found other things to get involved in that were more fun but
even at 11 years old I was able to take over a job completely and do
it for three years. I think that comes from being the oldest of a
large family and
growing up in the country and probably from being a little on the
lazy side. I always had some scheme going to keep me in the good
graces of the teachers as I generally refused to do homework and was
the class clown.
I keep getting these letters from people that think that Sheriff Joe
Arpaio should be investigated for racial profiling in regards to his
efforts to enforce the country's immigration laws. I think he is
doing a fine and dandy job and if I was looking for illegal
aliens in Arizona, I would stand a better chance of success checking
Latino types named Jose than Irish lasses named Kate even though
both could be undocumented aliens. If things get much worse here
they are all going to be headed back south anyhow.
Eva has started signing me up for subscriptions on You Tube now as I
am getting notifications of new videos for the past couple of
days. She is home right now and it sure is quiet around here.
Enjoy the weekend ... buffalo
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Chinese Chips
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The global financial crunch is hitting everybody, even horny,
Chinese business tycoons who are forced to cut all the way
down from five to one mistress. But this particular horny,
Chinese business tycoon had a sporting streak. Instead of
just picking his favorite he held a competition between all
of his girls. A competition that ultimately lead to one's
death.
The details behind the death came to light after the parents
of the 29-year-old dead woman, only identified as Yu, handed
over to police a letter that she had written.
In her letter she said had been one of five mistresses kept
by a married Chinese businessman, identified only by his
surname, Fan, since 2000. All the five knew about each other,
but chose not to break up the relationship as they received
a monthly allowance of 5,000 yuan ($733) and a rent-free
apartment.
The businessman was going to lay off four of his five
mistresses due to financial troubles. The women were allowed
to vie for the remaining position by competing on their
looks, their singing and their ability to drink alcohol (which
is exactly how I picked my wife, by the way).
When Fan told Yu she had lost her position and he was selling
her apartment, she decided to take revenge. She invited the
businessman and the four other mistresses on a mountain trip
and drove the car off a cliff, killing herself and seriously
injuring the other passengers.
As a result of the scandal, the tycoon's wife demanded a
divorce after learning about his affairs, while the four
mistresses left him after he shut down his business. He also
had to pay $85,000 compensation to the parents of the dead
woman.
Peggy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horny babe
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Safari
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Shoppers
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Affair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oldies but good 'uns. Gordon in Tennessee
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my
secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been
fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'Not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made
a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow
you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum
powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied, 'the Smiths bought one and I liked
it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this
place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business
down here.'
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
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Worst Things to Say on a First Date:
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'Go ahead and Super Size; I found spare change in the
sofa today.'
'Something tells me that you're very special...but
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'I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much... thanks to
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'You don't mind if I clip my toe nails while we wait
for the Big Mac's, do you?'
'Not to be picky or anything.... but is that what
you're wearing?'
THINGS NOT TO SAY DURING SEX
Hurry up, the game's about to start.
You're so much like your sister . . .
Your best friend does it much better.
Stop moaning, you sound so stupid.
Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll
kill me!
It's OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger.
(phone rings) Hello? ... Oh nothing much. Just hanging
around ..
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Powerful Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TURPENTINE VS HOLY WATER A little boy was sitting on the curb with a
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A while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he
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The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the
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The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy
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If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's
belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
The little boy replied, "You take some of this turpentine and rub it
on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
Tom F
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Impostor Chips
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's
station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they
got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby
farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could
spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He
called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Recipe Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RECIPE: FROM THE KITCHEN OF SARAH PALIN
Hi! Everyone knows I'm the only Governor around who knows how to
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~~~~~TASTY TUNDRA TESTES~~~~~
2 pounds moose testicles*
2 cups beer
2 eggs, beaten
1 & 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup yellow cornmeal
Salt and ground black pepper to taste
Vegetable oil**
1 tablespoon hot pepper sauce
* Be sure to ask your favorite butcher -- or governor! -- to bring
you the moose calf testicles, not bull moose testicles. Moose calf
testicles are the size of a walnut and are much more tenderer than
the larger bull moose testicles.
** Use enough vegetable oil to fill your frying container half- way
to the top (to allow for bubbling up and splattering) and to
completely cover testicles while frying.
With a very sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that
surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the skin
easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Slice
each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals. Place
slices in a large pan or bowl with enough beer to cover them; cover
and let sit 2 hours.
In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper.
Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in the flour
mixture. In a large, deep pot, heat the oil to 375 degrees F. Deep
fry 3 minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when
done). Drain on paper towels.
Serve warm, with your favorite hot pepper sauce.
That's it, and Good Night! from the Governor who's great in the
sack.... the nut sack!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Challenger - Amazing Free-Flying Bald Eagle
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Thunderbird Signatures
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Movie Chips
How A Real Man Takes Off His Underwear
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Dimitri The Stud
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Dronkrn
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pirate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pirate Pick-up Lines
"I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."
"Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."
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Baby."
"Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"
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"I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean -- but never have I seen
one like yours!"
"That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!"
"That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there."
"My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure."
"Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got Milk
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Gum Ball Machine
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Sushi022270678
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Trick or Treat
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Dear God
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hat's off to you Earl
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lady named Alice
Who used dynamite as a phallus
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
The rest of her wound up in Dallas
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had tits of different sizes
One was small
almost nothing at all
And the other was big and won prizes
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A weary old lecher named Blott
Took a luscious young blonde on his yacht
Too lazy to rape her
he made darts out of paper
Which he leisurely tossed at her twat
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Liz and Kevin had been married for some time and were having
problems.
They decided to see a marriage counselor.
After some routine questions the counselor asked the unhappy
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Almost in unison Liz and Kevin answered, "I'm unhappy with the whole
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"Can you be more specific?" asked the counselor.
Kevin answered, "I'm unhappy with the hole."
Liz snapped back, "Well I'm unhappy with the thing!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first rocket ship arrived on Mars, and the astronauts were
welcomed with
great Martian joy and curiosity. In the course of the interviews
that
followed over the next several days, the interrogators came to the
topic of
sex.
The commander of the rocket began an explanation, but the Martians
couldn't
believe what he was attempting to explain, so he asked Major Julie,
the
medical officer, to help him with an actual demonstration. The
Martians
watched the demonstration with fascination, and when the commander
and the
medical officer had finished, they asked, "And then what?"
"Well, then, we wait 9 months and see what happens."
"NINE MONTHS? Then why were you in such a rush to get it over with
here at
the beginning?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1529
The Mirage
The day was hot and the dogs were laying outside on the ground.
Rudy: I'm thirsty.
Katie: Me too.
Sandi: What is that over there?
Rudy: Looks like an Ice cream parlor.
Katie: Odd I don't remember one being in our neighborhood before.
Sandi: Yummy, sure sounds good though.
Rudy: A-Rooo! Let's go.
Katie: I am with you.
Off they go..running at full speed. After about five minutes...
Rudy: Huff puff,,,hey, it isn't getting any closer. What is the
deal. We
must have ran close to a mile.
Sandi: Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
Katie: What is it Sandi?
Sandi: We are seeing a Mirage...it is a vision of something that
exists
another place. The image is being reflected from where it really
exists
to here and what we see is a false image. The real image could be
many
miles away, perhaps hundreds of miles.
Rudy: Oh, just look at that ice cream parlor will you...
Katie: We could go back home and look at father with our sad
eyes...
Rudy: A-Rooo!!!
Zoom!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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