Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Up here at Lake Superior State they have the burning of the snowman
each year to scare away the snow spirits. I have my own little
ceremony
that involves the shearing of the buffalo. It has slowly moved back
over the years till this year it was the day after Ground Hog's Day.
It was a beautiful day weather wise even though the temp was only
16 degrees. With a couple of quick thaws scheduled for the next
week I finally decided I want to see my ears again and headed up
to the Captain's Quarters where the barber is ex- Navy and you
can enjoy a pleasant half hour of chatting about boot camp,
politics,
and the economy, something I am deprived of staying at home
with only the women to talk to, not that women cannot provide
stimulating conversation, it just the ones that I'm around prefer to
talk about things like PMS, breast cysts, and which women have
the loosest morals in the neighborhood. I would have paid for the
latter piece of information when I was a younger buffalo but it
doesn't do me much good now.
After the haircut I went for my monthly doctor appointment and to
supply him with a few new jokes and found out that over the past
year my bout with kidney failure has improved to the point that my
potassium is almost normal with the medication. Still don't mean
I can add bananas and baked potatoes to my diet again but at
least I don't have to worry about a heart attack while I am sitting
here doing the chips.
I also rejoined TOPS on Thurs. after a two year hiatus with a goal
of losing 125 pounds to bring myself down to the classification of
being obese like I was 10 years ago. It may be a delayed New Year's
resolution but seeing all of your pictures on Facebook, and how good
you all look has prompted me to do something about myself. All
of you herd baby boomers, give yourself a pat on the back for being
good role models and looking awesome, you deserve it.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Excuse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Following Is A List Of Excuses NOT To Have Sex.
Most Of Them Can Be Used By Either Men Or Women.
10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making
love to Big Foot.
7. You're 20 bucks short.
6. We're out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.
3. I can't tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all
those pornos.
2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.
1. Your gynecologist just called - you still have crabs and you know
how I don't like seafood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Its here Fred!
http://www.thepostm
How was it last night
http://www.thepostm
Brenda, is my husband there?
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Notes
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Chicken
http://buffalosjoke
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Shrunk
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Taiwanese man's unfortunate name has scared off dozens of
potential dates over the course of his life. The 42-year-old
engineer has a name which is pronounced "lan seung tua," which means
"penis too big" in Taiwan's most widely spoken language, Hokkien.
Lan believes that his unusual name coupled with the fact that he
weighs over 260 pounds has hurt is chances with women who are
understandably scared off by the implied threat to their most
intimate possession. He did manage to get married once two years ago
to a Vietnamese bride who didn't speak his language. Despite his
troubles Lan refuses to change his name, saying that he enjoys the
fact that people always remember him. (Asian Post)
Batty Be
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You never know how a girl will turn out until her folks turn in.
"Working on nuclear submarines is not hazardous," a military
lecturer
insisted. The soldiers in the audience were skeptical, but he
persisted. "For example," he said, "some seamen stay on board for
three to four years. And at the same time, their wives give birth to
perfectly healthy babies."
Whether or not a girl in a rented bathing suit attracts a lot of
attention depends primarily on where the rent is.
Two guys are in a locker room when, one guy notices the other guy
has
a cork in his butt. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your butt?"
The
other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a
lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came
oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you
one
wish.' And I said, "No shit "
Jewish girls have gold diaphragms so they can tell their fathers
that
their boyfriends are cumming into money!
Bankers do it for money, but there is a penalty for early withdrawal
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why I Have a Gun
My old grandpa said to me, "Son, there comes a time in every man's
life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and
usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'."
I don't have a gun to kill people. I have a gun to keep from being
killed.
*
I don't have a gun to scare people. I have a gun because sometimes
this world can be a scary place.
*
I don't have a gun because I'm paranoid. I have a gun because there
are real threats in the world.
*
I don't have a gun because I'm evil. I have a gun because I have
lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
*
I don't have a gun because I hate the government. I have a gun
because I understand the limitations of government.
*
I don't have a gun because I'm angry. I have a gun so that I don't
have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be
prepared.
*
I don't have a gun because I want to shoot someone. I have a gun
because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a
sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
*
I don't have a gun because I'm a cowboy. I have a gun because, when
I die and go to Heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
*
I don't have a gun to make me feel like a man. I have a gun because
men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
*
I don't have a gun because I feel inadequate. I have a gun because
unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
*
I don't have a gun because I love it. I have a gun because I love
life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
*
"Police Protection" is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect
themselves. Police do not protect you from crime; they usually just
investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to
clean up the mess.
*
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old
to take an ass whoopin'.
-- Author Unknown (but obviously brilliant)
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This man dies and goes to Hell. He is not very happy about this, so
he
goes
to see the devil himself, to ask him if it is possible to go
upstairs
instead.
Well, the devil replies, you are scheduled to leave here in
1,000,000
years,
but I have a special offer this week. If you can go to bed with my
mother-in-law and keep her happy for 24 hours straight, you'll get
out
in
100,000 years. If you can keep her happy for 48 hours straight,
you'll
get
out in 1000 years. If you last 72 hours, you are free to go.
The man thinks about this, and decides that it is worth a shot. He
follows
the devil until he comes to a room. Inside he sees the devil's
mother-in-law, who is the most sickening sight he ever saw. He can
hardly
see where her warts end and she begins. Fighting back nausea, he
begins
on
his mission.
The devil himself keeps watch at the door. After 24 hours the man is
still
going strong, after 48 hours still no sight of him. The minute the
72
hours
has elapsed the door opens and the man falls out, totally exhausted.
Before
the devil can say or do anything, the man rises, grabs the devil by
the
collar, and says, "Why you.. You.. You ... This is unfair. While I
was
busy
humping your mother-in-law, I noticed a hole in the wall. When I
looked
through it, I saw my worst enemy in bed with the most beautiful
woman
I
ever saw. Why on earth is he getting special treatment?"
The devil looks at the man and says, "I am fair, there are also
women
who want to get out of Hell."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tammy bought a new book recently entitled "What Twenty Million
American Women Want." Seeing the title, Doug grabbed the book out of
her hand and started thumbing through the pages.
Astonished and not just a little bit irritated, Tammy stared up at
him and said, "What in the world are you doing?"
Doug replies, "I just want to see if they've got my name spelled
right."
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
Do you know what drag is?
It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
Why are lesbians so lazy?
Because they don't do dick and they always eat out!
How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/I Came To My Funeral
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ Church In The Valley ~ Loretta Lynn
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Best Friends
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Sweet Angel
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Surfin Surfari
VERSATILE ACTOR JAMES WHITMORE DIES
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Obtaining Vital Records- Where to Write
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20 of the Webs Best
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Weirdsite
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Audacity
http://audacity.
Digital Camera resources
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Studio Line
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.sniksnak
Kitty Korner Via Carol
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Movie Chips
IKEA Ford
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Komiek
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Kosovo Music Video
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Latex Body Paint
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Dead or Alive Holly Vance
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James David Manning
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Girl Vs desert Eagle
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Global Warming and the Classroom
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Global Warming
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Glock
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Jeff Dunham Achmed the Dead
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lawyer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for
a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be
possible
for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to
the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the
will.
The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you
have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your
will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I
have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be
distributed?
The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive
life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice
when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a
funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting
impression on
anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he
continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived
alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a
man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a
man to sleep with
me."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll
see
what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the
eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how
much she could
do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got
her husband to agree to provide the service himself.
She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car
until you're finished."
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited
while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her
husband
didn't come out. So she blew the car horn.
Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his
head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow! She's going to let the
County bury her!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pubic hair
http://able2laugh.
Well-built man
http://able2laugh.
Baby Oil
http://able2laugh.
No Touching
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Cram
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No Place Like Home
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck!
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarfs came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My cunt now needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop your prick!"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that!"
"Not there, that me ass-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!
Unless you're fucking queer!"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY idiot",
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.
The next dwarf got a blow
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her cunt real raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
"That should be against the law!"
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick."
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My cunt can't take no more!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarfs,
And how they got their names.
By satisfying miss Snow White
And joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's what happened to that cup?
Well think of what you're drinking...
When you next drink 7-UP.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two friends were at a bar discussing life and love. One said, "Would
you believe that out of all the women I've been with not a one of
them was a virgin? It'd be nice if girls saved themselves for
marriage. I think it would cure a big part of the huge divorce
crisis
we have."
"Yeah, Jim, I hear you," said the other. "Out of all the women I've
been with I've only had two virgins myself; my wife and yours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young Pauly found a girlfriend, but neither one of them knew what to
do about sex (one would have thought it's intuitive, but there you
have it). They went to Maury for advice, and Maury told the young
woman to undress and get on the bed and he would show them what to
do.
The young woman undressed as she was told by Maury and preceded to
get on the bed. Experienced Maury then began to show them the steps
involved in making love, in every possible position. When he was
finished, he said to Pauly, "Now you can take her home and practice
what I have shown you."
The young woman said, "Wait a minute Maury, show him again what to
do... he is a little forgetful."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1517
The Bible Cont
Rudy: Sandi tell us more...
Sandi: Okay..all was not well with Moses. He had domestic
problems.
Katie: He did?
Sandi: Yes, he had a staff that would turn into a snake when he
tossed
it to the ground. So when he went home at night his wife would get
angry and say "How many times have I told you not to bring that
staff
into the tent and toss it down on the ground? It turns into a snake
and
I have to watch where I walk. I mean you turn water into blood, you
cause
frogs to rain down from the sky, can't you at least pick up your
staff?"
Rudy: A-Roo. I see her point. I would have to step on a snake at
night.
Sandi: Then there was David who slayed Goliath the giant in a big
caged wrestling event before an audience of thousands... it might
have
been on pay-per-view. Later David changed careers and went into
broadcasting with a guy named Chet and they did the evening news.
Katie: You are pretty smart Sandi.
Sandi: Another guy named Joshua had a band called the Danites.
They
played very loud Rock and Roll music. Once they had a gig outside a
town named Jericho and they played so loud the town's outer walls
fell
town. Well Joshua and the band split before the police could catch
them.
Rudy: Must have been some kind of loud music..
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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