[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

 
 
 

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER



You will never find a happy woman because you
will never find a man with a chocolate
penis that ejaculates money
 
 
 





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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Ground hog day is done and Ground hog Phil has predicted 6 more
weeks of winter, having seen his shadow. That is ok. I hear the
motorcycle languishing in the shed. Calling for me to ride through the
summer. I think I will be glad when the time comes. If you have nothing
better to do today, you may want to head over to your local Dennys.
As they advertised during the superbowl, this is the day they are giving
away free breakfast Grand Slams. I personally have never been fond
of the restaurant chain. I always found the service to be substandard
and the prices always more than considered necessary. Not sure how
many are standing in line, but if you don't mind the wait it may be
worth heading over there. Supposedly they are doing it up until 2pm.
Turk the dog was really upset this morning when I took him out. There
were flakes of light fluff falling and altho he barked mightily at them
they refused to be scared and go away. Finally, he got down to business
and when we came back inside, he promptly curled up and went to
sleep and forgot about the outside world. The house was bone
chilling cold when I woke up this morning. The war department had
dialed the temp down to 55 degrees before she left for work. Apparently
she is attempting homicide by turning me into a popsicle. I would not
normally mind the cold except my cabin snuggly was laying on the
lazyboy and  Turk the dog, aka Carlos the rat claimed both the
chair and the blanket while I sit in the office chair and shiver.
He is nice and toasty. But I have not the heart to
take the blanket away. I guess I'll have to order another one
for the mutt.
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We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman


THE COMICS
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Bush Bush Bush I'm tired of Bush
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o019.html
 
 
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
INTERESTING STUFF
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

RESTROOM POLICY
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under
informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be
established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each
employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given
twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.
Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are
being equipped with personal identification stations and computer-
linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month
each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal
and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department.
The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive
during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with
the stations during that period. If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank
balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for
that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all
restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If
the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound.
Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into
the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall
remains occupied, your picture will be taken. The picture will then be
posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office.
Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated.
If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor.
They have all received advanced instructions
______________
 
The priest had to be out of town for a few weeks, so a replacement was
brought in to hear confessions.  During the confessions, several women
from the parish told the priest that they had committed adultery.
The priest told them that the word "Adultery" was a little strong, and
that they should used the word "Slipped" instead.  Well, after a few
weeks, the regular priest returned, and, not knowing the substitute priests
usage of the word "Slip", was surprised to hear that the women thought
that slipping was a sin. The priest decided to have a talk with the grounds
keeper, telling him that he needed to take better care of the sidewalks,
as several of the women were slipping frequently.The grounds keeper
(knowing what they had meant), immediately started laughing. The
priest looked at him and said "I don't know what you're laughing about,
your wife slipped three times last week
______________
 
A man seeking to join an Texas Sheriff's Department was being
interviewed. The Deputy doing the interview said "Your qualifications
all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take
before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a service pistol across the
desk, he said, "Take this pistol and ammo and go out and shoot six
illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit. "
"Why the rabbit?" "Great attitude,"  said the Sergeant.
"When can you start?"
________________
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Hebrew teacher says to her class, "We have recently
been learning how powerful kings and queens were in
Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody
tell me what it is?"
"Aces," says Sarah.
____________
 
One night this guy and his date were about to go into his apartment, but
before he could open his door she said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a
man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
The guy says, "Well, give me some examples."
The girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy
shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he
is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the
hole then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
"Very interesting," said the guy.
Then she asked, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick
the lock."
_____________
 
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C.- "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C.- "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D.- "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D.- "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D.- "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D.- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
____________
 
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for
lunch. At the beginning of the line there was a large pile of
apples. A nun had written a note,
"Take only one, God is watching."
At the end of the line there was a large stack of chocolate chip
cookies. A boy wrote a note and left it on the cookies that said,
"Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
_____________
 
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
 
Around the World in 80 Days
http://tinyurl.com/chtrwf
 
Mario Racing Game
http://tinyurl.com/b4jl58
 
Holiday Express
http://tinyurl.com/ca27ne
____________
 
BUFFALO Bill
 
 
 
 
PAPA Thorn
 
 
 
 
 
 
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman




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