Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am sitting here right now enjoying a reasonably healthy breakfast
compared to the usual sausage and eggs routine that I had gotten
into. I got a big bowl of Cheerios with mixed berries sweetened
with Stevia, which is great stuff compared to most artificial
sweeteners. Tastes just like sugar with no aftertaste and gives you
a little
chromium in your diet and hey, chrome plating your piping can't be
bad. I have been buying a frozen Berry Medley from GFS in five pound
bags for 13.25 a bag and when you throw a handful into
the cereal and pour cold milk over them and then the Stevia the milk
flash freezes to the strawberries and raspberries like ice cream. I
haven't figured why it doesn't freeze the blueberries or
blackberries the same way.
I am being scrutinized by 5 cats at the moment who normally choose
to totally ignore me. Buffy bought a box of Deli-Cuts cat food to
give
them as treats as only a few will eat the Temptations treats and
they
have went crazy over it. I leave the box sitting on my work station
and
go to the next room for a minute and they have It on the floor
batting it around trying to knock the food out. It is not like these
are starving cats
either because they get high quality cat food and assorted table
scraps on an eat all you want basis. I guess they just want variety
too. Like Yoda the 25 lb. tabby needs variety in life to get her to
eat more. She will sit here for hours staring at me until she gets a
treat. That doesn't
bother me but Yoda sneezes and I can't get her to turn her head or
use a tissue. They are so untrainable.
Enjoy the chips and have a Happy Valentine's Day
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
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A long, long time ago, in a place far, far away,
a lonely guy was on his first date with a girl.
Yessir,... it was his first date EVER, and he was
very anxious. His id was in control, and his thoughts
were dominated with hopes of carnal pleasures.
In his anticipation, he lost all control before they
had even arrived at the restaurant. He told her, "I'll
give you twenty dollars if you let me pull over and
feel your breasts."
The young woman thought carefully about his offer.
She considered his reputation, and she considered
her attraction toward him. She even took out her
purse and checked her finances, counting every
penny.
And then she said:
"I'll give you $9.83 if you'll take me straight
home and never tell anyone I went out with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
amazon dot com
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Benson will go a long way
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lookin for a needle
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T Shirt Sayings
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What Really Matters
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Feel The Baby
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning,
addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was
the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon,
"If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of
whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back
of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the
water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you
tell
me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the
church replied, "Sure, I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an
ass!"
"Working on nuclear submarines is not hazardous," a military
lecturer
insisted. The soldiers in the audience were skeptical, but he
persisted. "For example," he said, "some seamen stay on board for
three to four years. And at the same time, their wives give birth to
perfectly healthy babies."
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his
parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was
obvious
that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had
knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the
back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20
reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my
voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with
him, and he will with me.") The next day, as he was counting the
offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his
message
was a notation "Genesis 3:10" ("And he said, I heard thy voice in
the
garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.").
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why are chickens so ugly?
A: You'd be ugly too, if you had a pecker hanging out of
your face.
------------
Q: Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
A: She was strapped for cash.
------------
Q: What does an atheist shout when she's having an orgasm?
A: "Darwin! Oh, Darwin!"
------------
A: I'd like to get in YOUR genes.
Q: What did one chromosome say to the other chromosome?, Alex.
------------
Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?
A: Linda McCartney.
------------
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and
a telephone pole?
A: A 30 foot cock that wants to reach out and
touch someone.
------------
Q: Did you hear about the 13 year old boy that
got hold of his fathers' Viagra?
A: They rushed him to the hospital with 3rd degree
burns on his hands.
------------
Q: Did you hear the joke they're not telling to assholes?
A:
------------
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalog.
------------
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing."
------------
Q: What do KMart and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Boy's shorts half off.
------------
Q: How is the Wonder Bra like a cattle drive?
A: They both head 'em up and move 'em out.
------------
Q: What's charred and black and smells really bad?
A: A cat chewing on an extension cord.
------------
Q: What do you think will happen if sperm donors' identities
are revealed to their offspring?
A: It would be disastrous..
------------
Q: What goes "Ha! Ha! Thump! Thump!"
A: A man laughing his balls off.
------------
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
------------
Q: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.
------------
Q: How many GA Cremators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They never burn anything out.
------------
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
------------
Q: What do you call a used tampon floating in a river?
A: A blood vessel.
------------
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a
bathroom clean?
------------
Q: What's a dildo farmer's greatest threat?
A: Squatters.
------------
Q: What do you use to fry a dick?
A: Peter Pan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a
sign
saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating
positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain
brown paper, I just had to buy one. Once safely at home I opened it,
out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an
expensive book about Chess.
A painter's joke may be off-color while a cook's might be tasteless.
A beautiful young feminist insisted on attending the local church in
a
see through blouse. The priest saw her approaching and protested,
"I'm
afraid you can't enter the church dressed like that" "But I have a
divine right " persisted the woman, "A divine left too " said the
priest, but you still can't come in.
Wet Dream: A snorgasm.
A sight-seeing bus travelling from San Francisco to Muir Woods
National Monument wound around many hairpin curves. After
successfully
negotiating a particularly sharp curve, the bus driver pulled over
to
the side of the road. "Well, this is a new twist," he said,
surveying
his wide-eyed passengers. "I'm taking a load of petrified tourists
to
see a living forest!
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his
golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One
morning he had played the first hole and was just about to
tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous
woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second
tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could
finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed
and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman
beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that,
not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and
wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few
drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went.
Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it
was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold.
They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation.
After the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex
he had ever experienced. The lawyer was so taken by the beauty
and skill of this woman and desired her no end. He then asked if
she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she
agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of golf, a magnificent
evening meal and once more the woman performed sensational
oral sex on the lawyer.
This went on for three weeks when the lawyer finally said to
the woman, "Listen, the golf and the company have been
fantastic! But, there are only so many performances a man
can take. When are we going to have sexual intercourse?
"We can't," said the woman. "Why not?" came the reply.
"Because I'm a transvestite" replied the woman.
"YOU BITCH!" screamed the lawyer, "...I CAN'T BELIEVE that
you've been playing off the LADIES TEE FOR THE
LAST THREE WEEKS!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the
boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling
him
he needed glasses.
Finally, he bought himself a pair, and his game improved 100%.
Back in the clubroom, they were talking over a few beers. "You're
playing better since you got your glasses," one said.
"You're right, I look down, and the ball's as big as a basketball,
just can't miss it now," he said. After a few more beers, he said.
"Gotta go to the toilet; be back in a minute."
When he came back, the front of his trousers was all wet.
"Gee, what happened to you?" his friends asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I got in there, pulled it out, and it
looked too big to be mine, so I put it back
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Valentine Days Gone By
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I Want You For My Valentine
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To My Angel
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Surfin Surfari
HappyVal.swf Via Juanita
http://www.elite.
A Valentine's Day Prayer
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St. Valentine's Day
http://en.wikipedia
Valentine's Day-History and Customs
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My Valentine To You
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My Heart Belongs To
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Candy Heart Maker
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CombinationLock.
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Vtags
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Movie Chips
Regis Motoneige
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Regis Sautedu Bateau
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Reining
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Remember
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Re Open 911
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Momma Is Santa
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Morning Peepers
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Moshonov
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Mother's Day
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Home Alone
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Home Security
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Hoppalas Turnen
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Apollo mission astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the
moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for [a] man, one
giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several
remarks--[mostly the] usual COM traffic between him, the other
astronauts, and mission control. Before he re- entered the lander,
he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some
rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky
in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have question [Armstrong] as to what the
"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay,
Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter
brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. He finally
responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt
he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the
back yard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his
neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting
at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex
when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big City Slider - Mini Burger Cooker
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leprechauns Secret Hiding Place
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Bestiality For Beginners
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Hooter Girls
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife was raised in Sweden, yet speaks English without an accent.
She does, however, sometimes confuse her idioms.
One day a man entered the law office where she works as a secretary.
Using a Swedish phrase, but not quite translating it right, she
asked, "May I help you take your clothes off?"
Startled by her remark, the man stepped back. Realizing what she had
said and trying to put him at ease, she added, "It's okay, really.
I'm Swedish."
Women always say some snide little comments when they catch a guy
looking at a cute girl. My wife caught me last week. She said, "You
look like a kid in a candy store!"
Thank God I'm witty, I came right back with, "Yeah, well, I'm
married
now so, I'm a kid with diabetes in a candy store."
A man wearing a dirty raincoat sidled up to a businessman on the
street corner and asked, "Got any pictures of your wife naked?"
"Certainly not!" huffed the businessman.
The other man inquired, "Wanna buy some?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was in my ninth month of pregnancy and feeling very un-
comfortable. On top of everything, my pleas for sympathy
seemed to go unnoticed by my husband.
One day I told him, "I hope in your next life you get to
be pregnant!"
He replied, "I hope in your next life you get to be married
to someone who's pregnant!"
Myron
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To make it stand,
You wet it.
To make it wet,
You suck it.
To make it stiff,
You lick it.
To get it in,
You push it.
Damn!
Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!
Tom F.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1524
Getting a License
Rudy: Pops, I am going to get a driver's license today.
BJ: Err-ah, is that legal?
Rudy: Dunno, maybe you could be a test instructor first.
BJ: Sure thing Rudy. I guess you are going to drive one of Katie's
cars.
Rudy: Right. Let's go.
BJ and Rudy climb into the car...
Rudy: Fasten your seat belt Pops.
BJ: Already done..
Rudy starts the car and smartly drives the car onto the road.
BJ: Where did you study about driving?
Rudy: I took an online course and book study.
BJ: Very good and I assumed you passed?
Rudy: Top of my class..
A car approaches..
BJ: Err-ah Rudy...there is a car approaching and you are on the
wrong
side of the road..you need to move over.
Rudy: Nonsense, he is on the wrong side of the road.
BJ: Rudy...this is important..where did you take your class?
Rudy: The Great Britian School of Diving of course.
BJ: Rudy, in England they drive on the other side of road than we
do.
Rudy: Gulp!
The Herd in Guthrie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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