THE POSTMAN'S CORNER If you can't see the bright side then polish the dull side.  Loud 'N Clear, the compact personal sound amplifier, allows you to listen to low-volume sounds clearly and comfortably. The Loud 'N Clear listening device is cleverly designed to look like an expensive cell phone ear piece. http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8220.html  We want to know. AND, you could get a $100 gift card for giving your opinion. Will rising gas prices keep you from going on vacation this summer? Yes or No? http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/488.html  Great American Crunch Off. Which tastes better: Tostitos(r) or Doritos(r)? Tell us your answer, then participate for a FREE* $250 grocery gift card. http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/1544.html  Which company offers you the best coverage: Sprint(R) or Cingular Wireless(R)? Vote in our survey now. Then participate to qualify for a FREE* $100 American Express(R) gift card. http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/1582.html GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! I was walking through the local Meijer store when my eyes beheld a wonderful sight. Buttermilk. I remember as a kid, hot summer days sitting on the front porch with Grandma, churning away making butter. and then pouring out the good bits of runny cream ... and after a couple hours in the root cellar in a metal milk can it was a welcome treat for supper. One favorite combo when buttermilk was involved was to serve along with home made pickled sausage, and cornbread which we ground up ourselves, and snap peas, picked from the garden and served up fresh. And if you were really good that day, Granddad might reward you by taking out some of his home made beef jerky. There was not a better meal to be found in all of America. So anyways, I bought the half gallon, brought it home, and was much disappointed. Somehow, that pasturized substitute just did not cut it compared to the home made stuff I remember when I was a kid. Now adays, instead of churning, they use an acid to separate the fat and pour off the milk, and its just not the same. You know, it used to be, you could walk into any breakfast restaurant worth its salt and get a glassful, But now even CrackerBarrel doesn't serve it. And it seems to have fallen out of favor with most Americans. Seems like many Americans have forgotten the really good things in life these days. Things like self reliance, pride, and the belief that if you work hard and live right, you can achieve the American dream. These apparently are all ideas from the past that are no longer valid. These days, its better to pop open a bottle of water, and turn on the tube , and wait for the government to give you a hand out and tell you what you need to do. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess the word "handout" is a thing of the past too, lets be politically correct, its a a bailout. While all these great government programs are supposed to be really wonderful and all that, I think our new presidential administration would do well by concentrating on more important things, like bringing back good, home made, fresh churned buttermilk. It would be a lot less expensive than 800 billion dollars, too. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS now that's using your imagination! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r041.html the sales forecast http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r043.html It's over Ted http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r044.html where did we go wrong http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r045.html can you hear me? http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r046.html old mother hubbard http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r047.html what I worry about http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r048.html what would you prefer http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r049.html LETS GO TO THE MOVIES piano players http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4996.html how to shower/men vs women http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4997.html being good with the ladies http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies4998.html the advertising for lip balm http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5002.html  INTERESTING STUFF you bet your life http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2090.html COOL PICS The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss!" He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, and she wants her sign back!" ______________ Bar Translations - 3 of 3 "Excuse me." (female to male) Don't even think about groping me, just get the f%ck out of the way. "Excuse Me." (female to female) Move your fat arse. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that hot, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you!. "I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning." I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 pounds and have been avoiding him since football season. "What do you have on tap?" What's cheap? "You go ahead, I'll catch a cab." I already lined up a ride home with your "ex". "That person looks really familiar." Did I sleep with him/her? "Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this. "Can I just get a glass of water?" (male) It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking an hour ago. I probably dropped half of my paypack in here last night, it is the least you can do for me. "Do you have any Wild Turkey?" I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning. "I don't have my ID on me." (female) I'm 19. ___________ Trailer Park Rules 1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three years. 2. No draining your oil onto the street. 3. No loud and wild parties without inviting the manager. 4. You may have no more than 3 beer can wind chimes each only having no more than 6 cans each. 5. Drunkenness will not be tolerated in the streets prior to 10 am. 6. While outside of your trailer you must be at least partially clothed. 7. If you prefer to clean your trailer in the nude, please close the curtains. 8. When bringing in the Jerry Springer or COPS film crews, please provide the management prior written notice so that certain residents may be forewarned. 9. Empty beer bottles should not be discarded on the front lawn. However, they may remain there until you are sober enough to collect them with the understanding you will collect them within 7 days whether sober or not. 10. When bringing dates home to your trailer, please be advised that in the event the sidewalks need to be repaired or replaced due to the weight of your date, you will be responsible for all cost incurred. _________________ Snowy Treasure Hunter http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39079&s=n Mahjongg Artifact http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=37523&s=n Sarah Palin Gets Pranked http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39434&s=n Funny Airplane http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38976&s=n Compilation of Ouchies http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39433&s=n The only cow in a small town near Newcastle stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow in Lithgow for $200. They brought the cow from Lithgow and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Newcastle?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Newcastle?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Newcastle" _____________ A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?' The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.' The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?' The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?' The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.' A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?' The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison' ________ John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,' he said. 'Of course, John,' his wife said softly. 'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.' 'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said. With his last breath John said, 'I do!' BUFFALO Bill Black Boyfriend http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31330.htm Overqualified http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31329.htm PAPA Thorn Sailing Egyptian style http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Sailing.jpg Beware of children http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=dsign107.jpg Einsteine's family http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=EINSTEIN.JPG THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day! FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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