THE POSTMAN'S CORNER An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject. ~ Thomas Jefferson  COOK UP JUICY BURGER PERFECTION IN JUST 2 MINUTES No grill required. Try Big City Slider Station - RISK-FREE! Now you can have perfect juicy burgers anytime with the Big City Slider Station. Just 2 minutes to burger heaven. Plus, receive the Quick Prep Slicer, FREE! http://www.thepostm  Would You Like OBAMA in Office for 2 TERMS? Participate in our survey & receive a FREE* $50 AMERICAN EXPRESS GIFT CARD. - Yes - No - I Don't Know Yet Will President Barack Hussein Obama make a successful leader of our nation? Through his election alone, President OBAMA is one of America's most legendary, historical figures. Do you believe he possesses the ability to inspire, advance, protect, and preside over our country? We're asking Americans all across the nation, would you like President OBAMA in office for 2 terms? Lend us your voice & receive a FREE* $50 American Express Gift Card as a thank you for your time. http://www.thepostm  Get cooking with your FREE Rachael Ray(TM) DVD Collection Make no mistake, Rachael Ray's(TM) 30 Minute Meals are a total hit in the kitchen! Now it's your turn to make some hits of your own with a  Congratulations! You've been selected to receive a FREE $500 Wal-Mart(R) Gift Card http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS My nose is raw this morning and with all this nose dripping, I am sure I will single handedly drive the stock price of tissue manufacturers to an unexpected boom. Altho daughter went to the dollar store and brought home a myriad of cough syrup, cold tablets, cough drops and etc. most of it seems to have little effect or bearing on this cold that I came down with yesterday. Fortunately, at this point I do not seem to have the "Montezuema' war department contracted. She is back to work today and actually ate a real supper last night. We had made up a batch of home made beef stew, You know the "Dinty Moore" style? Carrots, potatoes, onions and beef. Usually our beef stews are made with the dregs and drippings from the latest pot roast we had. However, Meijer had a sale on beef tips and we took advantage of it. I do not know how good it was as I cannot taste anything right now. But it must have been reasonably tasty as she ate nearly half the pot last night. But then, she was mighty hungry after two and a half days of eating nothing but applesauce and gingerale. There was a bag of puffed wheat that has been languishing in our cupboards for like ages. I think I am going to have a bowl of it this morning. Since this cold means that I cannot taste anything, it will not matter. There is no flavor anyway in that stuff and why we have it is more than I will know. I've been drinking tons of O'J' and also have been eating a lot of fresh pineapple to keep up the vitamin c. I hope this will run its course soon. The weather has been fantastic the last couple days and its supposed to be nice again today. If I were not so miserable I would be dragging out the motorcycle today. Oh well, it's a perfect day to read some jokes! We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS don't mention windows to your mother http://www.thepostm porridge porridge http://www.thepostm you weren't kidding http://www.thepostm clothing optional http://www.thepostm I'm one of t hose http://www.thepostm the nicer friendlier IRS http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES a hungry kitty http://www.thepostm bet he goes back to flying school http://www.thepostm they're all hot from afar http://www.thepostm how would you like a driveway like that? http://www.thepostm the crazy driver and the train http://www.thepostm have you been a good boy? http://www.thepostm tv destroys relationships http://www.thepostm  INTERESTING STUFF skydiving myth http://www.thepostm greatest games of the 80's http://www.thepostm Super bowl commercials http://www.thepostm The Australian brush fires http://www.thepostm beer bottle dominos http://www.thepostm chicken noodle soup, recipe http://www.thepostm Human Resources Manager. One day, while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her."Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So, she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her smiled and told... .... "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee." ____________ A man went into a urologist and told him he was having a problem,as he was unable to get his manhood erect.The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'.The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers. His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! can you do that again?' With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my Butt!!!!!!!! __________ Ultimate Babysitter http://www.funpagee Dress Up Lisa Simpson http://www.funpagee Mahjongg Artifacts Game http://www.funpagee Legend of Aladdin http://www.funpagee Celebrity Girl Fight http://www.funpagee Ultimate Babysitter http://www.funpagee Detective Jealous http://www.funpagee Rise of Atlantis http://www.funpagee A man woke up the one morning feeling horny, and asked his girlfriend for a shag, but she said she wasn't in the mood. So he got up, got dressed, and went downstairs and cooked breakfast for them both. He ate his, and then took hers up to the bedroom so she could have breakfast in bed. He was still feeling horny, and so, after she'd finished her breakfast, he asked again for a shag. She said she was still not in the mood. So he decided to go out to the newsagent and buy that day's newspaper. When he got back he found her still in bed, but with her arms and legs tied up to the bedpost. So, thinking that she'd changed her mind, and fancied some bondage fun, he got undressed again, and proceeded to climb into bed for some action. She asked him what did he think he was doing, and he told her that as she was tied up, he thought she'd changed her mind. She said "You daft bastard! - While you were out We were robbed!" ____________ Mary: I was always pleased by the sexual generosity of my ex. Every time we did it, he always made sure that I was satisfied first. Jill: Well, that's very nice! Mary: Yeah, but I wasn't so pleased when I found out that he extended the same generosity to the babysitter. ____________ THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER,AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED,'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.' THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID........ ____________ BUFFALO Bill Dermatologist http://www.buffalos Bitching And Moaning http://www.buffalos _________ PAPA thorn Ship-Shape Car http://able2laff. I'll have chocolate, please http://able2laff. Hey, no peeking! http://able2laff. Egyptian Rock Band http://able2laff. ___________ FUN PAGES from Lorraine Good Night Kiss http://tinyurl. Phantom Phaser Game http://tinyurl. Beach Catfight Game THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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