THE POSTMAN'S CORNER The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.  Are you tired of your cluttered kitchen? Organizing stored food and kitchen supplies can be easier with a FREE* Sample of GladWare(R) or Ziploc(R) Plastic Containers. http://www.thepostm  Cheap is good... but FREE is better! Join FreeFly's and get FREE SAMPLES of NAME BRAND PRODUCTS like: CoffeeMate GoLean Crunch Downy Nicorette NicoDerm CQ Noxzema Airborne Lactaid Cascade Oil of Olay Sun Silk and more! http://www.thepostm  It's time to get a FREE GPS Navigation now! You only need to fill out a yes/no short survey to claim FREE GPS Navigation. Join now and we will mail you with free shipping and handling service and also free upgrade to same day shipping via FedEx. ACT NOW to enjoy this special offer! Hurry up. Limited Quantities! http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a FREE Rachael Ray Chef Package! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS I was out walking the dog Turk, aka Carlos the rat yesterday. He always brings a smile to my face. He was busy sniffing the ground without paying attention to what was happening around him. There was a bush alongside the edge of the street. He was not looking up and he accidently ran into one of the branches. It poked him in the ribcage and he jumped about 4 feet. He looked up at me after it happened and his expression on his face was obviously saying, "why did you do that?" He barked at the bush for a good 2 or 3 minutes and then decided that the bush was not going away and that he wasn't going to get any sympathy from me, either. I think dogs must be a lot like women. They glare at you and give you that "you're in trouble now" look even when you haven't done anything. The nice thing is that unlike a woman, five minutes after it happens the dog still loves you and wants to give you kisses, regardless of whether you are guilty of anything. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS that was a good one http://www.thepostm we dont care http://www.thepostm enemies of man http://www.thepostm arkansas hells angels http://www.thepostm when we argue http://www.thepostm our love is like a rock http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES its your week in three words http://www.thepostm the moose who thinks he is a dog http://www.thepostm tazer vs bull http://www.thepostm a new car for women http://www.thepostm motorcycle jump http://www.thepostm happy birthday-wav file http://www.thepostm Bud light-in the elevator http://www.thepostm  ____________ POWER POINT DISPLAYS top five hiding places for immigrants http://www.thepostm email and unemployment http://www.thepostm the art of being well http://www.thepostm INTERESTING STUFF mission impossible http://www.thepostm American idol rejects http://www.thepostm how to make a rainbow cake http://www.thepostm Outback steak house http://www.thepostm Arrowhead beer http://www.thepostm prank call to cheating husband http://www.thepostm banned peta commercial http://www.thepostm ____________ Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in. After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there." After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance. Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell. A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off. "Why is it so cold down here? "Pete asks. "Well you just try bending down for firewood!" the devil replied. ____________ "I had to go again today to have blood test done." "Oh, I hate that!" "I do too, but I try to make jokes about it. When the technician says, "You'll feel a little prick," I come back with, "Well, hell, I could have stayed married for that!" ____________ AUSTRALIAN LOVE POEM Yes there is such a thing, sad as it is! Who said Australians weren't romantic? Of course I love ya darlin You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there No sheila who is your age Has nice round perky breasts They just gave in to gravity But I know ya did ya best I'm tellin' ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think its very sexy That you've got dimples on ya thighs I swear on me nanna's grave now The moment that we met I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear Now shut up while the footy's on And fetch another beer. ___________ Puzzle Express http://www.funpagee Shape Solitaire http://www.funpagee Spongebob Slots Game http://www.funpagee Snowy Treasure Hunter http://www.funpagee Q. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? A. One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker. Q. Do you know why no woman will ever be truly satisfied? A. Because no man will ever have a Chocolate Penis that ejaculates Money! ___________ After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years." She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion". "OK" he says, "you're fucking ugly as well!" ___________ A man dies and finds himself in a small room furnished with a couch and TV. There's another guy sitting on the couch, watching the screen. "So, is this heaven or hell?" he asks the guy on the couch. "Well, there are no windows or doors, and no apparent way out," the man answers. "So it's hell?""I don't know," says the other guy, without looking up. "They did give us this nice big TV." "So maybe it's heaven." "Maybe, but it has only one channel," the man counters. "Oh, so maybe it's hell?" "Well, the station it gets is pretty good...it's PBS." "So maybe this is heaven after all?" "Yeah, except for one thing," the other guy says sadly. "It's always pledge week." ____________ Three cowboys are about to be strung up for cattle rustling. The lynch mob takes them to a tree at the edge of the Rio Grande. They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he's so sweaty, he slips out, falls into the river, and swims to freedom. They tie the noose around the second cowboy's neck. He, too, slips out of the rope, drops into the river, and gets away. It's the third rustler's turn. He looks at the mob and says, "Could y'all do me a favor? Tighten that noose a bit, I can't swin." ___________ An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!" ___________ BUFFALO BILL Hard Chair http://www.buffalos Self Service http://www.buffalos FUN PAGES FROM LORRAINE Clayside http://tinyurl. Valentines Game http://tinyurl. PAPA THORN Sweet snack time http://able2laugh. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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