Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Let me share one of my old favorites today before the Race starts
Night Ops From The Archives
In times of war I am a CNN junkie. I look forward to the shots of
the
carriers and this time they have my favorite, night time carrier
ops.
To understand this you would have to have been through these in
person. An 80,000 ton ship steaming with no lights, cutting through
the water at 30 knots. From my vantage point on the signal bridge
right above flight control it is almost quiet , the only sounds that
of machinery that powered the ship, a dull throbbing beneath you . I
was there a half hour before flight ops and you could start to see
things come alive as crewman inspected their planes with red
flashlights connecting power cables and starting units to planes.
Then suddenly the ship makes a wide turn into the wind , the
floodlights come on and the silence is pierced by the whine of air
starters spinning up the jet engines and a bark of flame as they
ignite. First the alert aircraft already on the cats are started and
then the aircraft parked on the sides in the order of launch . Only
a
few minutes has passed now as you see the jet blast deflector come
up
and the plane goes to full power the brakes an barely able to keep
the plane from leaping forward . Finally the afterburners are kicked
in and rings and cones of flame hit the blast deflector and the cat
fires the plane off the flight deck at speeds that press the pilot
back into his seat. The plane handlers are already guiding planes
onto the cats and at intervals measured in seconds they are fired
into the night. You can follow them as they climb until the
afterburners go out and then they are invisible. Fifteen minutes or
less the launch is done , the lights are out and the ship is
steaming
quietly to the point where she will make her next launch and recover
the first wave coming back from their mission , and you ask
yourself " Did all of that just happen?" Enjoy the chips I am going
to go have some carrier dreams.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there was the little old lady with varicose veins who won first
prize at a costume ball. She went nude, as a road map.
It's easy to admire a good loser at a strip-poker party.
A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.
If exercise eliminates fat, how come women get double chins?
Two Miami Beach beauties in teeny bikinis were taking their
afternoon sunning when one asked," Did you hear that they're holding
a beauty contest here tomorrow night?" "Sure," replied the other
beachnik, blushing. "I won it last night."
The crowded elevator had just begun to rise when a well-stacked miss
screamed and said,"I've been geesed!" "You mean you've been goosed,"
corrected the proper fellow standing next to her.\ "I can count."
came her sarcastic reply.
A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would
rather be a young man's slave than an old man's darling, because she
couldn't stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.
The naive miss was seated in her doctor's office.
"Our tests indicate that you are pregnant," said the M.D., "and
there is every indication that you are going to have twins." "But
how can that be, doctor?" the girl protested. "I've never been out
on a double-date in my life."
The distraught father hurried down the beach to the spot where his
lovely daughter lay. A bronzed lifeguard stood over her. "I've just
resuscitated her, sir," he said. "Then, by God," exclaimed the
father, "you'll marry the girl!"
The perky bride returned home with an ultra-Mod, clear-plastic
minidress and held it up for her stodgy husband's approval. "Why,
you can see right through it," the astonished husband gasped. "No
you can't, silly," she answered. "Not when I'm in it."
The young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her
hundredth birthday. "To what do you attribute your remarkable good
health?" he asked. "Well," she said, thoughtfully, "I've always
eatern moderately, worked hard, I don't smoke or drink and I keep
good hours." "Have you ever been bedridden?" the reporter asked.
"Well, sure," said the elderly lady, "but don't put that in your
paper."
The best dressed woman at a recent society ball was the lovely Miss
Agnes S. Stevens, whose gown was cut so low in back it revealed her
initials.
"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll ever be
able to get over you--so would you mind answering the phone?"
The coed cutie returned to the sorority house after her first
breakfast date at a neighboring fraternity with her steady
boyfriend. Asked what she had, she replied dreamily, "Him and eggs."
Patricia B.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I lost 180 pounds
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things are tight
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Cram
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No Place Like Home
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Notes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess some things will never change. I recently hired a temp to
fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity
leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked her what she expected
to earn.
The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is
four hundred a week."
I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.
The temp shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a
week."
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying
out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking,
they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed
at the girl's feet.
"What's this," she asked. "Taste it," he replied, "If you like it,
I'll give you a whole one!"
Q. What do you call a man with a broken condom?
A. Daddy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Testicle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got this from my friend Bill in Vancouver, USA. Figures it would be
from a retired math teacher. Cindy J in Seattle.
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an
early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered
for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a
straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to
choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the
top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet
and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He
walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief
who, when asked where he would like to b e measured replied, 'From
the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to
reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two
Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided
to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a
Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,'
which He did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip
of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he
suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
"In Vietnam", replied the Chief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are certain members of the sisterhood who really take their
jobs
to heart. As, for example, the girl who was discovered by one of her
steady clients to be dressed in black shoes, black undies, black
bra,
black stockings, black everything -looking very somber indeed. "Why
the dreary get-up?" he inquired. "One of my best customers passed
away," she explained, "and when I mourn, I mourn all over."
When the members of a great old Southern aristocratic family heard
that their daughter Clarabelle, who lived up no'th, had become a
lady
of the evening, they were stunned and shocked. "Imagine!" boomed
Uncle
Stonewall in despair. "It's a disgrace! One of our kinfolk having to
work for a living!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Survivor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
April and I were having the age-old discussion about what would
happen in the eventuality of one of us predeceasing the other.
"If there was nuclear war tomorrow, and you were the last woman
alive
on earth, would you help procreate the species?" I asked April.
"Assume there were 10 men left that were a mixture of reasonably
attractive and totally repugnant."
"Hmm. Are you alive or dead?"
"I was at Ground Zero. Gone."
A few moments. "Well, yes. Reluctantly. If I were the last woman
and the species depended on it, I'd do what was necessary."
As I left the room to refill my drink I heard her mumble:
" . . . bet your ass I'd set myself up as Queen, though."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. The couple's
conversation headed towards political and international events. The
husband
asked, "Honey. What do you think about the Middle East position."
His
wife replied, "I don't know, dear, Have we already tried it?"
~~~~~
Sign in front of church in Montpelier, VT:
Bingo Friday night at 8:00pm
Quickies Thursday at 7:30pm.
~~~~~~
Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly
impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink
coat. "That's a lovely garment Joan," purred Kay.
"It must have cost a fortune!" Sue said.
"No, it didn't," said Joan, "just a single piece of ass."
"You mean," Barb chimed in, "one that you gave your husband?"
"No," smiled Joan "One that he got from the maid."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
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Surfin Surfari
Frozen Coast Michigan Via Dianne
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Used Car Values
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How To Tie Knots
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Telephone Sheep Art
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
HTML FixIt
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Ralph's Forms, Html, & Javascript Lessons
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Movie Chips
High Fireman
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Milt Show
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1426
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Mrs Hughes
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Priest off
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Pump News
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Fragrance
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Crash Auto Route
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1-555-GET-A-
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Bungee
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Ben Stein
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10 Up, 10 In
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3rd World Bomb Squad
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Kind so Flucky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse. The
woman
was screaming and wiggling like she had never before. Afterwards,
she
flings the lights on and stares him straight in the eyes. "You know
you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?" "I wasn't quite sure,"
replied the man. "Surely you realized that it wasn't like our normal
sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife. "You know how much we
men
hate to stop and ask for directions..
When one of the girls of the Establishment died, the funeral was a
beautiful affair. Hundreds of friends and clients showed up for the
solemn procession. Car on car of brightly colored flowers followed
the
slow moving hearse, and when they finally arrived at the cemetery
the
Madam took her place at the side of the yawning grave and began to
weep copiously. Two of the girls, standing nearby, heard the Madam
muttering through her sobs -a quiet, reflective, eulogy: That was a
wonderful girl. She brought in more business than any girl I ever
had.
She was the best prostitute I ever knew. One of the girls turned to
her companion. "See?" she mused, "You have to die before they say
something nice about you!"
Incidentally, Ladies of the Evening have their share of the
currently
fashionable neuroses just like everyone else. But they have one
complaint about psychiatrists that the rest of us do not share.
Gorgeous Gussie puts it this way: "This is the only guy I know who
tells me to lay down on a couch and then sends me a bill."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phoney sex
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Procrastination
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Safe sex
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Fish soup
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Shrunk
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Chicken
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Mid-Life
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead,
He ends by just screwing her silly.
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In every romantic relationship there comes a time to meet
the parents. The stress of wondering if they will like and accept
you can lead to embarrassing misstatements. To help you avoid some
of the most common conversational pitfalls I've compiled a list of
the Top Ten things not to say to your girlfriend's parents when you
meet them for the first time:
10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your
daughter said you are.
9. Wazzzaaaaap!
8. The water in your toilet tastes funny.
7. You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine
at home.
6. No... No... It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps
my leg.
5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on
her friend Joanne?
4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and
the midget is Sam. Is Sally ready?
3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out here!
Send the bitch out!
2. You should be proud, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, you've raised a good
girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say.
And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your boy or
girlfriend's parents for the first time:
1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like
that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three
days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance
he suddenly hears a voice calling "Mush! Mush!"
Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again,
closer
this time -- "Mush! Mush!"
Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and
sees,
of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a sled with a team of
huskies across the dunes. Thinking that it's a hallucination, he
blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts
one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"
The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the
heat,
and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or
why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert
for days, my water's all gone
and I'm completely lost!"
The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "You think YOU'RE
lost!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1525
English...
Rudy back home from his harrowing experience in driving....
Rudy: So tell me Pops in this English manual they talked about the
car's bonnet, what is that?
BJ: The hood...they were talking about the car's hood.
Rudy: Why didn't they just say so? What are the car's lamps?
BJ: The headlights.
Rudy: Ack! They talk about when you motor somewhere...
the engine out of the car?
BJ: No Rudy, motoring is a word for traveling.
Rudy: Why don't they speak English?
BJ: They do, it is just a bit different than our English...ours is
American
English.
Rudy: This is so confusing.
BJ: Yes, if you are in England and ask for a lift, they may think
you are
asking about an elevator.
Rudy: You are putting me on.
BJ: Nope.
Rudy: At least I can still drink my glass of beer.
BJ: Over there it is a tankard of Ale... room temperature at that.
Rudy: Ack!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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