Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been watching the Michael Phelps bong hit episode
with amusement. Even though I will not condone illegal acts
like smoking marijuana it is amusing to see an overachiever
like Phelps destroy the image of a pothead that has been
sitting on his couch since he was 16 and is unemployed,
lazy, and at 38 will probably never move out of his mom's
basement. I have seen those types but on the other hand
I have had a lot of good people that worked for me that would
party and show up for work every day and not just do their
job but excel. I will take a good worker that chooses to smoke
a joint or drink a 12 pack on the weekend anytime over an idiot.
The one will sober up and the other will always be an idiot. Of
course you run into the occasional employee that thinks he
can come to work high and run a machine, they were sent home
to sober up and if it became a habit, they were steered toward
a different career.
My mom says the Republican Party should change their symbol
from an Elephant to a buffalo as there are so many conservatives
in the Herd especially on the Scuttlebutt which she reads every day.
Under a new Fairness Doctrine proposed by Sen. Stabenow D from
Michigan, who by the way has a husband who is an ex-liberal radio
talk show hosts and frequents prostitutes, I may have to recruit a
bunch of liberal contributors to give the Democrats equal time.
This weekend is the running of the I-500 snowmobile race. Pole
sitter is driving a Ski Doo Rev 600 RS and had a lap speed of 91.60.
Unlike NASCAR you don't necessarily race the engine you qualify
with and many machines are being torn down and a different
configuration motor is being installed which is better suited to
500 times around the one-mile oval. In the past the city street crews
have removed snowbanks around town before the race and laid
down snow on major streets to allow people to drive snowmobiles
on them. Mother Nature took care of that for them this year and there
is
plenty of snow to ride on. The track itself is actually a big block of
ice and at times this year it was actually too cold to make good
ice as the water being poured on the ice would freeze before it
had a chance to spread out leaving the ice bumpy instead of smooth.
Weather for tomorrow is expected to be in the thirties but will pose
no problem to the race and may actually prevent a fog of ice dust
from hanging in the air. This is generated by the razor sharp carbide
steering surfaces on the skis and the needle sharp studs that are
part of the drive track on the snowmobiles. There have been
gruesome injuries in the past when fallen drivers or pit people
were struck by machines. If you are in the area and enjoy winter
sports
come on up. Easy to find, just take I-75 North and exit where it says
last
exit before Canada. You will see the race track on your right.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Confucius say, "Baseball wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk."
Latest word we have from Hollywood concerns a young producer moving
into lavish new offices who had his interior decorator on the carpet
because she'd forgotten to include a studio couch.
Some men make friends quickly. With strangers it usually takes a
little longer.
The two ladies were discussing a news article concerning gasoline
fumes causing impotence in the male. "Aren't you worried about your
husband's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to
lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other
lady. "He doesn't do all my writing anyway."
Band Members do it with rhythm
Sometimes a woman attracts a man with her mind, but more often she
attracts him with what she doesn't mind.
My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult
time achieving an orgasm. The doctor said, "Which position do you
use?" "Doggy style," he replied. "Why don't you go home and tonight
try it missionary position and see if that works any better?" said
the
doctor "We've tried that," he said, "but my dog has got such bad
breath!"
A farmer recently made history by growing a field of dildos!
Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Two-bit whore
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Sad, really
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Accomplishment
http://able2laff.
Long One
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Female Companionship
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Last Erection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Political Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you get a Democrat to pay taxes?
A: Nominate him/her for a position in Obama's cabinet.
What a stroke of genius. He is going to continue to nominate people
to his cabinet, one at a time, until he gets all the deadbeat
Democrats to pay their taxes. Then he will work on the Republicans
who haven't done their civic duty. In about seven or eight years he
will still not have a cabinet, but will come close to wiping out the
deficit.
Dianne
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rancher Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,
but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around
the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and
knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no
hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room,
he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of
wine,
waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off, she said. Trembling, he did as
she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so
slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them
neatly by her boots. 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned
it, constantly
watching her eyes in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.'
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to
the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into
town again, you're fired.'
(P.S. I didn't see it coming, either.)
Bruce
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Canary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The
proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, but I DO have a parakeet." The
customer insists on a canary, until the shop owner informs him that a
parakeet can be made to sound like a canary if one files the beak just
so. "But be careful not to file too much off, or the parakeet will
drown when he goes to take a drink of water." The potential customer
decides that this is complete bullshit, but thanks the shop owner
politely and leaves, sans parakeet. He goes into another pet shop and
asks for a canary -- no luck. "But", says the shop owner, "I do have
a
parakeet, and if you file the beak just so, it can be made to sound
just
like a canary." He goes on to explain that filing off too much beak
will
jeopardize the bird's life, due to the potential for drowning when he
takes a drink. The fellow finally decides that there is some merit to
these claims and buys the parakeet. "Besides", he thinks to himself,
"parakeets are much cheaper." His next stop is a hardware store, where
he wanders into the file section, holding his recently purchased bird.
The owner wanders by and asks of he needs some help. The new bird
owner
sheepishly explains how he intends to make his parakeet sing like a
canary. The hardware store owner knowingly picks up a file and hands
it
to him. "Here, a Nichols #2 bastard file. But be careful not to file
too much off, or the poor beastie might drown." The bird and file
owner
thanks the hardware store owner and leaves for home.
A few weeks later, the bird owner wanders into the hardware store.
The
owner, recognizing him, asks how he made out with the parakeet. The
fellow looks down and sadly reports "Bird's dead". The hardware store
owner shares his sorrow and asks "Filed off too much beak?" To which
the former bird owner replies "Nah, he was dead when I took him out of
the vise."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Air Force Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base,
Greenland , at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he
discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last
flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off
duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft only to find that the latrine pumptruck has been left
outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the
hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is
less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes
about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as
not to risk criticism later.
As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, 'Son, your
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm
going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but
punished.' Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep
breath, stands tall and says, 'Sir, with all due respect, I'm not
your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been
in Thule , Greenland, for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers'
asses are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe;
it's 2:30 in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero,
and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly
what form of punishment did you have in mind?
Jim
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Economics Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS
You're at a bar with a friend.... let's call him George.
1. Explain to George that the two of you are going to share a beer.
But he'll have to front you the money for it, but there will be
enough beer for the both of you if he'll only help stimulate the
economy a little!
2. Purchase said beer, making sure to get a glass, and drink it. At
some point, George is bound to wonder where his portion of the beer
is, since after all he paid for it. Should he ask you, remind him
that he must be patient and wait for market forces to go to work. If
he asks you more than once, wag your finger and accuse him of making
class war, and remind him about the market forces again.
3. At some point you'll have to excuse yourself for obvious
reasons. Make sure to take your glass with you. George will want to
know why, and he may be more than a little annoyed by now. Chalk it
up to market forces, of course.
4. This part should be pretty obvious. Why else would you need the
glass?
5. When you return, make a big thing of presenting George with the
glass. When he asks what in the hell this is supposed to be, as well
he should, let him know that the market has spoken, creating a
whole 'nother beer (assuming the glass is full). Thanks to the
market's power of beer creation, you both got a FULL beer instead of
half a beer!
6. George may get suspicious and speculate that perhaps you've just
stolen his money and whizzed in his glass.... stinkin' socialist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
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The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Unconditional Love
http://silverandgol
Joe w/ Pups Love the Camera
http://community-
Valentine's Day Without You
http://www.lisaswis
God Moves When You Move
http://www.shangral
Guardian Angel
http://www.reflecti
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Would You Like to be in the CIA?
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Calculate your Body Mass Index
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Happy Birthday Ronald Reagan
http://en.wikipedia
Then And Now
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
SUPERAntiSpyware
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Free Registry Cleaner
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Scripts
http://corky.
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://dogoftheday.
Kitty Korner
Margay Tiger Cat
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Movie Chips
How A Blonde Pole Dances
http://www.buffalos
HUH? What's Going on? Playing Footsie!
http://www.buffalos
Hummer Oh Shit
http://www.buffalos
I Like Boobs
http://www.buffalos
Idiot
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Lazy River Pee Prank
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Leno Needs Body Guard
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Let the Beast Go
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Levis
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Glock with Drum Mag
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Goal
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Good Ole Boys
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Good Job
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Football Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a
few minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, "Seven points."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown. Tie
score."
After about ten minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown.
I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and
says, "Touchdown. Tie score."
The old man strains really hard but, to no avail, he can't fart.
Not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and
strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard
the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time. Switch sides!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The One Touch Cordless Knife is the portable, lightweight
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
we dont care
http://www.thepostm
enemies of man
http://www.thepostm
bathtub
http://www.thepostm
Mid-Life
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Differences
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
My Day
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big City Slider - Mini Burger Cooker
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said Mary, "I do beg your pardon,
But I once had a tree in my garden,
With a trunk long and thick,
But I have to admit,
'Twas nothing, compared to Randy's hard'un..."
In marriage there's often a glitch,
When you find out you married a bitch,
She once was quite nice,
All sugar and spice,
Now she's an evil old witch
~~
The was an old woman from Kent
Who went to a football event
She sat near the goal
And opened her hole
One guess as to where the ball went?
~~
The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame--
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
A sweet 'tater said, "Oh, yes ma'am,
I'm sentient, and don't give a damn.
You may think that it's jive;
But it's not; I'm alive!
I think, and so I yam."
(Kirk Miller)
<snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shoes Under - Space Saving Shoe Organizer
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Order now and we'll DOUBLE your order!
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine" he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a
normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has
ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Little Nancy got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in
her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being
really
frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Pauly. Having
found Pauly she told and showed him what her problem was.
Paul's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but
it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1516
Sandi Interprets Some of the Bible
Rudy: Sandi tell us some of the Bible stories or at least some of the
characters.
Katie: Yeah that would be nice.
Sandi: Okay. Have you heard of Samson or Moses?
Katie: I have heard of Moses..he led about a million people around
the
desert for forty years.
Sandi: Well Samson is famous for inventing luggage and Moses and his
group use the Samonsite luggage to carry their stuff around for 40
years.
Rudy: Wow you are smart Sandi.
Katie: I have heard there were a lot of tribes back then.
Sandi: Yes and we are still fighting them today.
Rudy: We are?
Sandi: Yes, one tribe, the Parasites, are getting smaller and
smaller.
The ticks we have on us now and then are all that's left of that
tribe.
They used to be a much larger tribe.
Rudy: More tell us more.
Sandi: You have heard of Noah?
Katie: Yes, he took all the animals on his boat. He probably
invented the
first cargo boat.
Sandi: His neighbor Bubba... he invented the first non floating
boat. We
never heard about him because his boat did not float and he drowned.
Rudy: Wow!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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