Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Mark wrote, Have you ever seen the Tonkin gulf sea bat?
buffalo says We had a couple of " Old Salts " that did a real
good presentation of the Sea Bat. They had a box with the
top folded closed and in it was a couple of small cans of
beans and wieners from the Geedunk. They would wait till
the berthing compartment was closed after lunch for field
day and have the victims sent there one at a time. There
would be some people in a circle around the guy with the
box which supposedly contained a freshly caught Sea Bat.
He would shake the box causing the cans to bang against
the box like a wild animal, trying to claw its way out. He
would set the box on the floor and ask the mark if he
wanted too see the bat. Amidst warnings that the bat was
quick and vicious the mark bent over to lift the lid of the box
and someone behind him would hit him in the butt with a
broom or a mop..
As for myself, I may have seen it in a movie or read about
it in a book but it was just so obvious what the outcome was
supposed to be and I called them on it and then sat around and
watched as they pulled it on another half dozen people. I
did do my share of stupid things in the Navy but the Sea Bat
was not one of them.
buffalo says My back is out again, caused by the fan in my bedroom and
sudden weather changes.
I also want to state my total disapproval of the actions of our
President and
Congress. They continue to bicker about what is best for their party and
their
special interests and not what is best for the Country. Lower taxes and
lower
interest rates are not generating more jobs and robbing the military and
retirees
is not the answer
If they cannot come up with a decision by Tuesday to avert default and
set us
back on a course of responsible spending, I think the 2012 election
should
be time for us to replace all incumbents. Sure the rookies will make
some
mistakes but they won't be as resistant to change.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Question Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions Answered
The Challenge in the London Globe and Mail was to provide a
question; then the answer defined by the question. Here are some of
the better entries submitted.
Q ~ How do you feel about hyperbole?
A ~ Super fantastic!
Q ~ So you think God is a paradox?
A ~ Well, he is and he isn't.
Q ~ What is a distraction?
A ~ A distraction is..oh look! A bird.
Q ~ What does paranoid mean?
A ~ Why do you ask? Say, who sent you anyway?
Q ~ What does a dominatrix do for a living?
A ~ Beats me.
Q ~ What does condescending mean?
A ~ Sit down and I'll explain it to you in simple terms you can
understand.
Q ~ What's a novel?
A ~ Well, you see, it's kind of a long story.
Q ~ What is perception?
A ~ What's it to you?
Q ~ Is that a cul-de-sac?
A ~ No way.
Q ~ Do you ever wonder what eternity means?
A ~ All the time.
Q ~ Are you an agnostic?
A ~ I don't believe so.
Q ~ What does ambiguous mean?
A ~ Could mean anything, I guess.
Q ~ Do you worship regularly?
A ~ Yes. Religiously
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the penis and the brain
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Ewwe
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sex
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnancy Dictionary
Afterbirth
When the hard part begins.
Cravings
An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
Dilation
One of those things a pregnant woman has to take her doctor's
word for.
Elastiphobia
Fear of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for
"Most Stretch Marks."
First Trimester
The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it
too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
Maternity Clothes
What a pregnant woman wears to show people there's a reason
she's fat.
Miracle
1. The birth of a baby.
2. The fact that you lived to tell about it.
Obstetrician
The doctor who tells you you're doing fine when you think
you're caught in the jaws of death.
Pregnant Pause
The amount of time it takes for a nine-month pregnant woman
to get out of a chair.
Prenatal
When your life was still your own.
Pushing
The final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening
the size of a dime.
Second Trimester
The time when you ask the question, "Will my husband notice if I
eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he gets home?"
Third Trimester
The final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How much
longer can I keep from waddling?"
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Bull Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer
to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees.
In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up
and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn
and get some milk from a cow.
Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn
and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman
coming out of the barn soaking wet and with a white
liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What
happened to you?"
The salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your
cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it.
But I'm telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have
drank a gallon of it!"
The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and
says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have the bull..."
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Summer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher
was trying to get to know her students.
"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.
"Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered.
"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma?
What did you do this summer?"
"Me and my family rode our bikes together."
"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her
pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.
"What did you do this summer, Mikey?"
"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.
"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, try to
draw Mikey out.
"Yes."
"Did you go to the beach?"
"No."
"Did you ride bikes?"
"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"
"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.
"I don't know," explained Mikey, "but dad always said, when mom and
sis start 'cycling together', it's time to get the hell out of
town."
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Retired Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reaching 65, I decided to retire. After having me under
foot for a few months, my wife became very agitated with me. She
suggested I go and do something to occupy my time, like join a club
or
get a hobby. I obliged and went out for a couple of hours.
When I got home my wife asked about my day and I replied, "Oh, I
just
went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah,
I joined a parachute club.
"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to
start jumping out of airplanes?"
"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."
"You crazy old coot, where's your glasses! This is a membership to
a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps
a week!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Washday
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Was.html
Tomorrows via Carol
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/tomorrows.htm
Grandma
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/grandma.htm
BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
http://tinyurl.com/3a8zcw3
Attitude Is Everything 5
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Surfin Surfari
Doomsday 2012
http://www.viewzone.com/endtime.html
Betsy Ross
http://www.usflag.org/history/aboutbetsyross.html
Take The Sword
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Think of a famous person and answer the questions.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Graphics Links
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Which Search Engine is Better Test ?
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Replace Ads With Art Images - FireFox
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
Here's Your Frog!
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
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the world right on your PC!
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Movie Links
Swan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkjhsk.htm
Texas Shoot Out
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Things Men Will Do For A Cold Beer
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What It Feels Like Owning Stock In 2008
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Workout Bra
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Parent VS Kids
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Parking 1
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Parking 2
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Parking3
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfgds.htm
Peeling
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Chips
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My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night.
Suddenly he realized it was Father's Day and he had neglected to buy
a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store,
but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over
rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly,
presented it to our father.
Upon opening it, Dad read this message: "You've been like a father to
me." He looked at Ryan, puzzled.
"Well, Dad," Ryan tried to explain, "it was either that or the card
that said, 'Now that I'm a father too!'"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ceremony
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champagne
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charmin
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cheap
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Limerick Chips
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"No bananas," she said, with a sigh,
And a tear trickled down from her eye.
"No cukes, no zucchinis,
No Oscar Meyer weenies,
I'll have to go find me a guy."
_____________________________
My dental hygienist, Faye Ray,
Said, "Travis, eat pussy each day;
Your gums will be stronger,
Your teeth will last longer,
'Cause pussy prevents tooth decay!"
_____________________________
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn't know where to find 'em...
But a search revealed,
They were out in the field,
With Little Boy Blue behind 'em.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to
sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen
pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now... Just
before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy
curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled
with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top
drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to
him: "Awww, my honey is so depressed. Here, take this and go to the
woman next door, she will give you some pussy tonight and remember that
this happens only once. OK? Don't think about it again." The husband
rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he
grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns,
hands the bill back to the wife and says with much disappointment: "She
said this is not enough, she wants sixty." The wife's face slowly turns
red with anger: "Damn that bitch. when she was pregnant and her husband
came over here for pussy, I only charged him fifty every time, and to
think that SOB might be the father...oops."
In regards to the story of the woman who was frozen to the car fender as
told on the Jay Leno show, this urban myth/ledgend/joke/story has been
around for quite some time. Apparently the woman took the story as her
own and told it on Leno's show just to win a prize. I don't know if it
ever happened or not or whether she was the woman or not but it is kinda
suspicious.
Wayne
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1810
Trash Talk
Diana: BJ you had better go see what the dogs are doing. They are
almost ready to fight.
BJ: Okay.
BJ hurries down the steps and right into an argument.
Rudy: Will so!
Val: Will not!
BJ: What is the argument about?
Sandi: We understand we will have a smaller yard. Some of us think
we can not take our doghouses with us. What is the truth Daddy?
BJ: Oh you will like this. Not only will you take your doghouses
with
you, but there is a huge doghouse in the backyard that is about 50
times larger than your biggest one.
Rudy almost passes out.
Katie does.
Val is measuring hers.
Sandi is just grinning.
BJ continues: It has it's own electricity, it has windows that
opens up.
Rudy: I have died and gone to Heaven.
Val: Amazing.
BJ: It has an attic.
Katie... thud!
The herd in Guthrie
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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