Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Last night was our TOPS summer picnic which is a potluck
affair. I made a batch of baked beans which with ham and
bacon and brown sugar and molasses wasn't diet cuisine,
but I received no complaints. I love to take the leftover baked
beans when they are cold and add them to a sandwich with
a big chunk of onion. Works great on those leftover hot dogs
and hamburgers too. After the meal we sat around and chatted
for two hours about everything from baseball to our old school
bus drivers.
Hopefully Eva was been thwarted from her future escape attempts.
We have hooks and eyes on the two doors and an alarm on the
back one that is out of sight. When she starts school this fall, they
should keep her busy and talking on the phone to her new friends
will give her something to amuse her.
I am a bit upset that they are talking about QE3 this fall. Quantitative
Easing is supposed to create jobs by making loans easier for
businesses but that hasn't been happening. Instead speculators
are using it to drive the cost up on commodities ranging from grain
to crude oil and we foot the bill so hedge funds and speculators
can get richer while the new jobs created are only a small fraction
of the new unemployment claims each month. Buffy's new internet
love in Calif is complaining that he has to go out and pick produce
in the fields like a migrant farm worker because that is the only job
available. I think that was the reason I joined the Navy, because I
was tired of working like a migrant farm worker. In those days you
didn't import farm workers, you bred your own and didn't have to pay
wages and benefits.
Enough ranting, enjoy the chips and have a great weekend. buffalo
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Sex Chips
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HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?
When looking for the ideal man, about twenty-five to fifty, married,
on a business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his
masculinity, go to a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look around the
bar, then, when you've found your man, unbutton the top three or
four buttons on your blouse, wink at him, walk over and whisper in
his ear, "You're cute, can I buy you a drink?" This is a real
conversation icebreaker and things will naturally progress from
here.
WHERE SHOULD A MAN TAKE ME?
Because so many homosexual men like to take their "dates" out for
fancy meals, look for the man who will send you out to KFC or
McDonalds for a snack. That means his mind is not on food, so you
know what he's thinking about.
WHAT HAPPENS IF HE DOESN'T CALL?
He may be trying to keep the romance alive; go out every few weeks
to your 'local' and look to see if he's come back. If he doesn't,
find another person who sort of looks like him and maybe writes or
works for a humor magazine, then try the "Can I buy you a drink?"
technique with him. You may find you've met a new, exciting lover.
WHAT ARE SOME "LOVING NICKNAMES" WE CAN USE?
You should always call him, "Mr. Smith." You can also call him,
"King Kong," "Master," or "stud." Men often call their favorite
lovers, "Hey you" or "Uh, Miss?"
WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO KEEP MY TEETH AND SKIN LOOKING HEALTHY AND
SHINY?
One of the best and most frequently neglected substances is semen.
The more you can somehow get on your teeth and skin, the better
you'll look.
HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?
One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your
dress.
Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all
help get your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing "one on
one."
Invite your more attractive and energetic girlfriends over to take
part.
Another technique, and we think the best, is to use anonymous names.
Have your lover call himself "Mr. Smith." Don't let him tell you
where he lives, or his home telephone number. You'll find it lends
an air of real "mystery" to the affair.
IF I GET PREGNANT, HOW DO I KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS?
There is absolutely no way to tell.
HOW..."BIG"...SHOULD A MAN BE?
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by
confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men
substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to
cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly
larger than a ball-point pen.
HOW..."LONG"...SHOULD A MAN LAST?
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderable
thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go
for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a
man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let
your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty
second wonders."
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words,
but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like
something inside of you." When a man's penis is inside your vagina,
or mouth or buttocks, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really
skilled lover applies the same techniques to love as a gourmet does
to a meal; he "leaves a little something on your plate." When, after
intercourse, you feel a vague sensation that there could be "more to
come," that "vaguely unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure
you've experienced a sexually memorable adventure.
WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
There is no such thing.
WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?
This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes.
If you look at pictures of a man and a woman, you'll see the a man's
penis fits naturally into a woman's mouth. On the other hand, a
man's mouth does not naturally fit into a woman's vagina. Thus, a
woman orally stimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a
man seeking to put his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an
"unnatural"
act (why do you think they call the vagina your "private parts"?)
WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?
Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh,
followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you
are "GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a
football or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women
find a particularly satisfying postcoital experience in going into
the kitchen and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a
light snack, sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put
back depleted calories.
WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?
Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man
properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when
she tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with
him. If this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on
TV or getting your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay"
technique is to invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do
whatever he asks, to him or to each other, while he watches.
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he
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Picture Chips
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Bob is very upset and says to Bill, "Look at this picture and tell
me what you see."
Bill says, "That's me and your wife dancing."
Bob says, "Uh-huh, and look at this other picture and tell me what
you see."
Bill says, "That's me and your wife kissing on the beach."
Bob is fuming now and says, "Well? What are you going to do about
these pictures?"
Bill thinks a moment and says, "I'll take three of those, wallet
size, and one of those 8 X 10."
buffalo says alternate ending Bill says, "Do you have any pictures
of me having sex with your wife"
Bob says, "No, I Don't."
Bill says, "Do you want to buy some?"
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Salesman Chips
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I'm sure you've all heard about the traveling salesman whose car
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how far is it to the next house?"
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Barn Chips
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A prostitute stopped at a farmer's house and asked to be put up for
the night. "I haven't got any room in the house", replied the
farmer,
"but you can sleep in my hay loft if you want".
So she went out to the hayloft. Pretty soon a traveling salesman
came
by and asked to be put up for the night. He too was dispatched to
the
hayloft.
Somewhat later, a neighboring farmer, fearing that he wouldn't make
it home before dark, stopped and asked to be put up for the night.
He was also sent to the hay loft, but since he was an acquaintance,
the farmer added somewhat maliciously,
"There's already a couple of people out there and it should be fun
because what I didn't tell 'em is that an old bear sleeps out there
too!".
Next morning the farmer was up early doing his chores when the
prostitute left the barn.
"Had a good night?", he asked.
"Well, I had a pretty good night", she replied, "I got $50 from the
traveling salesman, and I got $25 from the old farmer, but you know,
I couldn't get a dime out of that cheap college kid with the racoon
coat!".
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sentimental Journey
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc2/Sentimental.html
carolyn w/ God Cares
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/GodCares.html
John w/ Dream Lover
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Now and Then
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Pale Moon Browser
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BackgroundCity
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Critter Graphics
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Movie Links
Scottish Song
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Foxhole Chips
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An Indian joins the army. As he can't speak English, his friend
joins with him to act as translator. After training they are
sent to war and soon find themselves in the heat of battle.
After a short skirmish they are separated.
The non-English speaking Indian ends up in a fox hole with
three huge marines.
The first marine says to the rest, "I'm not waiting here to
be killed I'm gonna try to make it back to the rest of the
troops."
He then jumps out of the foxhole and starts to run across the
field. He gets about fifty yards before he is cut in half by
machine gun fire.
The second marine says, "I agree with him. I'm gonna try to
make it back."
He jumps out of the hole and starts to run. Twenty yards out
he steps on a mine and is blown to bits.
The third and largest marine says, "The hell with this I'm
gonna wait here for the troops to save us."
After trying to talk to the Indian he soon realizes he doesn't
speak English. Thinking Indians know sign language he again
tries to communicate.
Walking his fingers across his hand he asks the Indian, "Are
you in the infantry?"
The Indian just looks at him.
Then putting two fingers together and bringing down in an arc
he asks, "Are you with the paratroopers?"
Still no response.
This time he puts one finger between two on the other hand and
says, "Boom, boom, are you with artillery?"
Again no response.
The marine says, "I know", putting his hands over his eyes to
mimic using binoculars he says, "you're with reconnaissance,
right?"
With this the Indian jumps out of the hole and runs like hell.
He zigzags back and forth through the field using any cover he
can find till finally he makes it back to his squad.
There he finds his Indian friend.
His friend asks, "Are you crazy you could have been killed?"
The Indian replies, "My chances better in field than that
foxhole! In the last foxhole, a big marine tell me, 'When
troops go home and moon go down him gonna fuck me up ass till
eyes bug out!'"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter, I guess.
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jump over the candle stick.
Alas, Jack couldn't clear the flame
Now Jack-Hot-Pants is his name.
A throaty-French porn queen of note,
Announced to the press, and we quote,
"Going down is my bag,
So excuse me the gag,
But I'll soon have a Frog in my throat."
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This elderly couple is watching one of those television
preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My
friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with
everyone watching this program. Place one hand
on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of
your body which ails you and I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach
problems, so she places one hand on the television,
and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television,
placing one hand on top of the TV and his other
hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about
healing the sick, not raising the dead."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1807
The Book of Katie
I like to Play
I like to Run
I like to play tricks on anyone
I like to make money
I like to watch my weight
I like to cuddle with father
I like to get on my father's lap
I like to play with Val, wrestle with Rudy.
I like to practice martial arts
I like to play poker
I like the banjo
I like to invent things
The Herd in Guthrie
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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