Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was in my room this morning trying to get back to sleep
after Buffy had come in and checked her game on the
computer and called Eva's therapist for a later appointment,
but that's what happens when you play Perfect World till 0630.
Buffy and Eva had went to take a shower and there was more
screaming coming from the bathroom than a Hitchcock movie.
Now another Dad might have been worried and ran in there with
automatic weapons like Rambo, but I have been hearing this
scenario for 30 years, The Deadly Spider In The Bathtub. We
have baseball bats, newspapers, fly swatters, spatulas, and
other Weapons of Arachnid Destruction throughout the house
but there is always the screaming and hysterics and pleas
for mom and dad to come save their sorry butts. Seriously
these two should be in Sy Fy channel horror flicks. A couple
of dozen non-poisonous large spiders and the audience
could enjoy hours of blood curdling screams. I asked Buffy
what it was and she said it was a huge spider that was
bigger than her and looked like a brown recluse which
is not native to Michigan.
Later Eva was watching a video of a 5 year old in Cambodia
with a 28 foot python. Parents says the snake showed up
when the child was 6 months old and the two are inseparable
and that it's good luck. These people have got to be the equivalent
of our swamp people that say, That's my Boy, Billy Bob and his
14 foot alligator. They's real good friends. Next week you
see Tragedy in the Swamps, Boy ate by His Pet. Gee we never
saw that one coming, did we? Anyhow Eva wants a snake
preferably in the 25 to 30 foot range. I asked her how she was
going to handle a pet snake when she couldn't even handle
her pet spiders. Can't flush a python down the drain.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
A Few newsletters you may enjoy
Devine Halowings Newsletter
Angel stories are delivered to your e-box 3 days a week
Come join our group and share your angel story with us we'd love to hear
it.
Come join Devine Halowings today.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DevineHalowings
DevineHalowings-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
And
**Attention Group & List Owners**
Looking for new members?
Come join our Ad-Swap Group.
We accept both "Clean" & "Adult" ads.
No X Rated or porn groups/list allowed.
You choose how many ads you want to swap, from 1 to 7.
A "template" is given, to show who to swap with each week.
You can save it in your favorites...(it will change each week),
along with a separate page showing the swap members ads.
Click here to join
http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/CleanAdSwaps/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Space Bag - Triple your storage space
Get your 7 bag starter set and save more space than you ever could of
before.
Along with it we will throw in 1 jumbo bag and 1 hanging bag.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/spbug
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Political Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Strange Political Quotes:
"What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" - President Bill
Clinton, on a survey ranking the Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most
significant story of the century.
"You know, Tim, that's one of the things that will be debated." -New
Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, after being asked by NBC's Tim Russert why he
didn't use buses to evacuate residents in accordance with the city's
evacuation plan
"African-Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans
do." - President Clinton on Black Entertainment Television, November 2,
1994
"I am filled with humidity" - Speaker Gib Lewis
"I have orders to be awakened at an time in the case of a national
emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." - Ronald Regan
"We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur." - Al
Gore
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because
they deem it necessary?" - Marion Barry
"We don't want to open a box of Pandoras." - Gov. Bruce King
"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age
25." - Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo
"Shels a wonderfun, wonderful person, and we're looking to a happy and
wonderful night... uh, life." - Sen. Ted Kennedy, about his then-fiancee
"I don't know anyone here that's been killed by a handgun." - Rep. Avery
Alexander
"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure." - Dan Quayle
"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." - Dwight
Eisenhower
"You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He
said something. He's no longer with us." - Bob Dole
BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Washington Mutual
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1134.html
2 minute soup
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1135.html
sleepy cabby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1136.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crystal Harris had no idea how much trouble she was asking for by
dumping Hugh Hefner at the altar. She's had to turn in her push-up
bra, her bunny ears and tail and to add insult to injury, AARP
cancelled her "spouse exempted" membership card. - Bob Mills
'Bad Teacher' is out. If my 8th grade teacher had looked like Cameron
Diaz, sex ed would have been so much easier to understand. - Jerry
Perisho
Little Johnny and his friend Sammy watched as portly Mrs. Overton
stepped on the scale and plugged a coin in the slot. The scale
stopped at thirty-eight pounds!
Unaware that it was broken, Little Johnny blurted out, "Oh my God,
she's hollow!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eggies - As Seen On TV!
Finally, you can enjoy hard boiled eggs without peeling a single shell -
just crack, cook and twist!
The Eggies system is convenient, making it perfect for working
professionals, stay-at-home moms,
babysitters and grandparents.
Order 1 Eggies system now and receive a 2nd set free (just pay
additional P&H), plus get 2 free egg slicers.
http://buffaloschips.com/eggies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father of 17 kids goes to the doctor with a rash on his belly." All
right" says the Doc, "drop 'em and let's have a look." Having been
confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims. "Yes. you've got a bad
rash there, but my word what brown balls you've got. They're truly
remarkable!" The patient is a bit embarrassed and says. "Look Doc. what
about the rash?" "Oh that's easy." said the Doc. :Here's some cream to
rub on. By the way those brown balls are amazing, may I ask..." "No said
the patient. "You can't. Now, is that all, Doc?" Well," said the
Doctor," You could stop the rash from coming back with a bit better
hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those
really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!" The guy goes home and
tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every day,
"What?" she yells. :Clean underpants every day, and me with 17 kids to
chase after! Seventeen kids to wash, feed, clothe, get to school, tidy
after, and you want clean underpants every day? You must be joking. I
haven't even had time to wipe my ass!" "Ah," he said. "And that's
another thing I wanted to talk to you about."
A young woman said to her friend: "I didn't realize that sex could be so
painful!" "Why was he THAT big?" exclaimed her friend excitedly. "No,
when I got on all fours, the perverted bastard missed the target by
about an inch!"
A young girl sneaks into the bathroom, and sees her father in the
shower. Naturally, she is curious and asks what his testicles are.
"those are the apples of the tree of life" he tells her, by way of
poetic concealment. Impressed, the girl then repeats this information to
her mother, who replies, "did he say anything about the dead branch
they're hanging on?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The New Stylish and Decorative Way to Hydrate Flowers and Plants All
Year Long!
Mizu Pods are the easy, attractive way to add style to your house while
keeping your plants
healthy. Simply Soak the Mizu Pods in water and watch them grow. You
can use Mizu Pods
to create unique party favors, develop beautiful arrangements, or give
holiday gifts.
Order 5 tubes for $10 and get 5 tubes free (just pay additional P&H).
Order Now!
http://buffaloschips.com/mizu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to
walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot,
so the next morning he walked in and said, "Good morning, class. Did you
hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?" With that, all the
women stood up and headed for the door. "Wait, ladies," cried the
professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"
A blonde and a brunette were standing in an elevator. A man with
dandruff walked in. The brunette said, "Somebody needs to give him some
Head & Shoulders." The blonde asked, "How do you give shoulders?"
The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same, sexy little
negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and
says, "Honey, do you remember this?" He looks up at her and replies,
"Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
"That's right." she replied. "And do you remember what you said to me
that night?" He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what
was it?" "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I'm going
to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!" She
giggles, "Yes, that was it. That was exactly what you said. Now it's 50
years later and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you
have to say tonight?" He looks her up and down and says, "Mission
accomplished."
A blonde in English class was asked to use "Handsome" in a sentence. The
blonde replied, "When I'm giving head and my jaw gets sore, I use my
handsome."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comfy Control
Comfy Control Harness is a new humane harness that's lightweight and
easily adjustable. It's special design allows for maximum comfort and
safety every time you walk your dog. Comfy Control Harness is designed
to move the pressure away from your dog's neck and on to the shoulders
and back. It will not constrict your dog's breathing so it's perfect for
dogs with short snouts or breathing problems. NO buckles and NO awkward
adjusting! Available in sizes: small, medium, large, and extra-large.
Custom adjusts in seconds
Easy clip on matching 5 foot leash
Open weave design allows air flow
Doesn't constrict breathing
Stylish vest slips right on
TO ORDER
http://buffaloschips.com/comfy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two
friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders
Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
saying...
Sincerely, Google
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely, 1985
Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves
in
the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare
Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and
totally
save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan
Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed
Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary
Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast
Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some 'splaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The One Stop Snuggie Total Shop
Americas Favorite Blanket with Sleeves!
Weve got every Snuggie ever made:
-Original Snuggie
-Designer Snuggie
-Snuggie for Dogs
-Outdoors Snuggie
-Snuggie for Kids
-Sports Snuggies and More!
Why buy a Snuggie anywhere else?
Order Now!
http://tinyurl.com/2345j9l
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Wedding Gown
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc2/WeddingGown.html
Marlene/Beulah Land /New Gospel music/
http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html2/Beulahland.html
Poems From Brother Bob
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
Reflections of a Mother Via Carol
http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRinspire612.htm
carolyn w/ My Way~Elvis
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/myway.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hi,
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
to lose weight no matter how hard you try.
First off, please always know that it's not your fault...
Press here to see why you're fat:
http://buffaloschips.com/fat
After you see what the problem is, you will see how easy it is to
finally lose the fat that you want to lose.
Thank you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
SI.com - Swimsuit Collection
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/swimsuit/collection/
Baby Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html
A Mother Horse's Love!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove2.html
The Wild Ones!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildones.html
Beavers Anal Gland in Ice Cream
http://tinyurl.com/3vrlxyn
10 bad food news!
http://tinyurl.com/qcmuoe
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Get Crispy Food Fast From Your Microwave
The Perfect Micro Crisper turns your microwave into a gourmet-reheating
machine, turning those drab and soggy leftovers back into tasty meals.
You can cook, brown, fry, crisp and more right in your microwave. The
Perfect Micro Grill is uniquely designed with raised ridges that drain
fat away during the cooking process, letting the food sear and adding
flavor without grease.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschips.com/crispfo
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Text Messaging Lingo Translator
http://www.lgdtxtr.com/
Thunderbird 3
http://www.mozillamessaging.com/en-US/thunderbird/
Video DownloadHelper
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/3006
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
online that will allow you to watch unlimited television from around
the world right on your PC!
Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
http://buffaloschips.com/comptv
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html
Kitty Korner
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/chatnoir/chatnoir.swf
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
and up to $450 for each fiction or non fiction story we ask you to
write.
Press here if you are interested:
http://buffaloschips.com/fhwn
All my best,
Freelance Home Writers Network
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Making Up
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sjks.htm
Mama's Boobs
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aka.htm
Milk
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkak.htm
Money
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkllp.htm
What Came Over Me (Buffalo Made Me Do This)
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kakaol.htm
Why College Takes 5 Years
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdskjhkdsj.htm
Wild
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkskjsd.htm
Dirty Sneakers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdj.htm
Dodge Viper VS Tzero Electric Car
http://www.buffaloschips.com/89uy.htm
Dog in Trance
http://www.buffaloschips.com/t43e.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and
sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living
room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house,
new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
"that's not so bad."
When her two tennage daughters returned from school the bird saw
them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The
bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
camp tent feet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgdikgdg.htm
camping
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jfghdkgfd.htm
campus
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgfjdkfgdf.htm
can of shut the fuck up
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mbncvbvc.htm
can you see my penis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjckbcv.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired of paying way too much for your ink and toner?
Then you're in luck, because at ClickInks we're obsessed with saving you
money! With our buy 2, get 1 free offer on select cartridges, free
shipping on orders over $49, and a 100% money back guarantee you've got
nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain!
Get an extra 10% off by entering "SAVINGS10" at checkout!
Just visit http://buffaloschips.com/clink
to start saving!
We're looking forward to hearing from you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I were a cowboy
I'd eat lots of beans.
I'd do lots-o-cussin'
And wear skintight jeans,
Suede boots with high heels
And long pointy toes,
And a shirt with pearl buttons
And a big yellow rose,
And a ten gallon stetson
With a band made of feathers,
And a handcrafted belt
Made of five different leathers,
And a big shiny buckle
Of silver and gold,
And a furry lined vest
So I don't get too cold,
And lizard-skin holsters
With pearl handle guns,
And hard leather chaps
So I don't hurt my buns.
I'd ride a white stallion
And live on the prairie.
Tall in the saddle
And dressed like a fairy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items.
Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on
all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but
couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do," and
was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to
imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm sure Jesus
wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."
BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
years and we want to help you get your independence back. We
believe that everyone should be free to get out and explore the
world, even if they're on a tight budget.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their power
wheelchair at little to no cost*? It's true! There are no claim
forms to fill out and no upfront costs if you qualify.
Get your Complimentary Information Kit here:
http://buffaloschips.com/hove
Upon receipt of your information we will send you a complimentary
no-obligation information kit with DVD. Once again, there are no
costs to qualify. Don't wait to regain your mobility and your
freedom - ACT NOW because life in a Hoveround is BETTER ALL AROUND.
Sincerely,
Thomas E. Kruse
President and Founder
Hoveround Corporation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heat
Val: So how hot is it Rudy?
Rudy: It is so hot outside that when I spoke the
words turned to flame.
Val: Wow!
Rudy: That's nothing...back in the summer of '06
it was so hot, the trees called out to us to water them.
Val: Wow!
Rudy: It was so hot that year, we had to run above the
ground because the ground melted.
Val: Really?
Sandi and Katie trying to keep a straight face: Really!
Rudy: It was so hot that summer only fried chicken flew.
Katie: Not quite true, we once had a barbecued one drop
by.
The herd
BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment