Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Let's take a look at some of the famous people born
during the month of July.
1. Princess Diana, Pamela Anderson, David Molique
2. Jose Canseco, Richard Petty, Thurgood Marshall
3. Tom Cruise, George M. Cohan, Tiger Butterfly, Gina of NF
4. Bonnie K, Melanie King, Ardell McCarty, Joe Wilson
5. P.T. Barnum, Huey Lewis
6. Sylvester Stallone, Nancy Reagan, George W. Bush
7. Ringo Starr, Doc Severinsen, Susan Anne Hertz
8. Kevin Bacon, Nelson Rockefeller
9. O. J. Simpson, Tom Hanks, Courtney Love
10. Arthur Ashe, Virginia Wade, David Brinkley
11. John Q. Adams, E. B. White, Giorgio Armani
12. Bill Cosby, Henry David Thoreau, Richard Simmons
13. Harrison Ford, Spud Webb
14. Gerald Ford, Ingmar Bergman
15. Linda Ronstadt, Rembrandt Van Rijn
16. Barry Sanders, Magaret Court, Arthur Perrow
17. David Hasselhoff, Anfernee Hardaway, Donald Sutherland
18. John Glenn, Nelson Mandela, Dick Button
19. George McGovern, Ilie Nastase
20. Kim Carnes, Natalie Wood, Carlos Santana, Rosa Haverland
21. Robin Williams, Isaac Stern, Ernest Hemingway, Dolores Wade
22. David Spade, George Clinton, Danny Glover
23. Woody Harrelson, Don Drysdale
24. Barry Bonds, Karl Malone, Jennifer Lopez
25. Walter Payton, Walter Brennan, Joyous Australia
26. Mick Jagger, Sandra Bullock, Blake Edwards
27. Peggy Fleming, Leo Durocher, Jerry Van Dyke
28. Bill Bradley, Jacqueline Onassis, Susie In Neb, David Moore
29. Peter Jennings
30. Henry Ford, Casey Stengel, William Webster
31. Wesley Snipes, Curt Gowdy, Evonne Goolagong Cawley
Enjoy the chips and if you were born in July Happy Birthday
buffalo
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Sausage Chips
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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money
between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large
sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of
Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. Shamus said 'Now you've
lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any
money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage
through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth,
and pretend that you're suckin me off."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all
for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more
of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub
I lost the sausage in.'
Peggy
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Nun Chips
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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without
second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and
drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On
the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small
sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a
nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested
in possibly doing business.....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed
door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup
answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the
cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the
hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips
through the door pulling it shut behind him
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
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Bed Chips
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THINGS NOT TO SAY IN BED WITH SOMEONE...
1. You know you want me to.
2. You suck it-like an ice cream cone.
3. You brought the condoms, right?
4. Let's have a flesh fest.
5. What's your last name?
6. I believe in only fivesomes.
7. Don't tell anybody, OK?
8. The condom is on inside out.
9. You don't believe in bestiality?
10. I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig.
11. Wait! I need my teddy bear.
12. Let me go wash my face real fast.
13. I've got pussy breath.
14. I'm gonna throw up.
15. But I wanted to bite it.
16. You broke my nail!
17. Have you ever seen Basic Instinct?
18. Are you a virgin?
19. Shooey! You're better than Mom.
20. Do you trust me, I mean, really trust me?
21. I wanna go muff diving.
22. My dad did it differently
23. Huh? I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
24. Who needs birth control?
25. The ceiling needs painting.
26. Swallowing is a lot neater.
27. Oh, baby, you're so good. (Said sarcastically.)
28. Do you mind if I draw blood?
29. Ever lick someone's anus?
30. My ex was much better.
31. How much do I owe you?
32. I can't find the key.
33. What do you mean, you can't find the key?
34. I'm hungry for some hair pie.
35. You don't mind if I film, do you?
36. Can I beat you with my love stick?
37. Where am I?
38. It's Mr. Pastyface!
39. Why don't you just bend over and smile.
40. I forgot to lock the door.
41. Leave the TV on.
42. That's £20 for the first hour, right?
43. I think a blindfold would make you feel better.
44. Do you always smell like that?
45. How about some fellatio?
46. Is it in yet?
47. When was the last time you did this?
48. Cullulite makes me horny.
49. What's your name again?
50. Meet my pet sheep, Stud.
51. Are you done yet?
52. Oh, I've got my period. I forgot. I'm sorry.
53. I thought you were your sister.
54. I thought you'd never climax.
55. Meet Russel the Love Muscle.
56. I'm really really drunk.
57. Your stretchmarks turn me on.
58. Did you have an orgasm?
59. My name is really Andy Dugger.
60. Glad we got that over with.
61. Your cushion lends me to some reagood pushin'.
62. If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.
63. If you loved me you would.
64. You mean you're only fourteen?--Yeah.
65. Mr. Head wants some.
66. Ooh, I love small penises.
67. I'm gonna suck your clit like a straw.
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Little Johnny Chips
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In a second grade sex education class, Suzy asks "Teacher, can my
momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get
pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get
pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had
nothing to worry about."
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Short Chips
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Just when I thought I'd get a break from my day job as a prostitute
by going to the dentist, I realized I was actually paying him to
shove his throbbing tool in my mouth.
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility,
and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied,
"If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?" The friend said,
"Not too well. She hasn't been feeling herself lately. But it was
a damned dirty habit anyway."
John had a blind date for the prom and, as the evening progressed,
he found himself more and more attracted to her. After some really
passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, would you object to me
fucking your brains out?" "That is something I have never done
before," the date replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a
virgin?" John exclaimed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never
objected!"
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/This is A True Story!
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Rick w/ The Rainbow Bridge (Death Of A Beloved Pet)
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Napkin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A seven-year-old boy goes into a pharmacy: "I'd like a box of 12
sanitary
napkins, please." The pharmacist asks, "Are these for your mamma?"
"No, ma'am,
they're for me!" "Whatever for? What are you going to do with them?"
"I want to get comfortable, reassuring protection every day of the
month, even
if I'm leading an active lifestyle. I want to discover a new sense of
ease
without irritating my delicate skin, and most of all, I want to feel an
extra-coverage, padded comfort between my legs!"
I brought a porn film home for me and my girlfriend to
watch as she was
saying we needed to spice up our sex life but when I told her
it was a homemade movie involving a local girl and two guys, she told me
to sit down as she had something important to tell me.
I can't believe my wife had a twin sister all these years and she's
only telling me now.
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Toon Chips
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Softly seductive young Brenda
Wants a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
And thoughtful and bright
And sexually right
But mostly a very big spender.
A soldier whose name was McCort,
Had a dick the size of a wart.
When the troops would advance,
He'd shout "Here's my Lance."
So his friends kept him locked in the fort.
Alice
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked
where he
is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time
of
night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2067
The Job
Ring Ring Ring!
BJ: Hello! Sandi, no, she is at work.
Okay, thanks, bye.
Click!
BJ gets in his car and starts to drive and
soon he finds Sandi under a tree wearing her
Pizza uniform...
BJ: Sandi, wake up.
Sandi: Yawn...what's up?
BJ: What is with the empty pizza boxes?
Sandi: Burp! Well I got hungry and....
BJ: Well you need to pay for the pizzas.
Sandi: Well can I borrow about 50 bucks?
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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