Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From you that have driven small craft before, you
know the amount of vibration that can be caused by
a damaged propeller and with a 40 ton one the result
is even worse. The cable had caught in number 2 screw
as 2 and 3 sit lower in the water. When the divers
finally untangled the mess and cut it free a chunk of
the propeller was gone along with the tip of one blade
on number one. Number one seemed to have the ability to
attain flank speed but number 2 was limited to 100
of her 170 turns per minute for fear that it would
tear the seals out and start leaking.
Long Beach Naval Shipyard was still in business then
and we were scheduled for the largest drydock which
is much smaller than the one we had just left in
Bremerton Wa. Three rows of keel blocks are laid
out in the shape of the ship and then the drydock is
opened to the sea and the ship floats in and the doors
shut and the water pumped out. The flight deck covered
the front and the sides of the dock, leaving an opening
at the back to work on the propellers. The shaft is
tapered and keyed with a huge nut holding the propeller.
The nut is cut free and with the screw supported by a
crane, a demolitions crew uses a shaped charge to knock
it loose. Spares were shipped in possibly from the big
area in Philadelphia that had acres and acres of propellers
and were installed along with newly manufactured nuts over
the period of five weeks.
That's what the ship was doing, but as for the crew,
we were enjoying some unexpected freedom from our
training schedule and I'll tell more tomorrow.. buffalo
buffalo says It is with mixed emotions that I included a tribute to
Chris Benoit in the links today. No matter how great a person's
sports accomplishments it is unforgivable when any person
murders his own family. I hope that before this is over we will
get some answers as to why it happened and if steroids were
involved an effort is made to clean up the sport.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hanging Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Buff,
I thought you might want to use this in the chips.
Gary
------------
Hanging Wright
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day
trying to get a stay of execution for a client who
was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last
minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his
wife started on him about, "What time of night is this
to be getting home? Where have you been? Dinner is
cold and I'm not reheating it" And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar
ritual, he went and poured himself a double shot of
whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks
as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife
answered and was told that her husband's client, James
Wright , had been granted a stay of execution after
all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have
had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good
news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was
greeted by the sight of the front of her husband,
naked, bent over, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. To
which he whirled around and screamed,
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER LET UP?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and
several
nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the
church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him
"Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon."
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her
that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church
property as "our" not "your."
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be
trimmed. She again went to the priest and told him "Father, I've
noticed
that your... I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed."
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention
and
this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing.
She assured him she would look for it. Another few days passed, and
the
parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The
whole parish was in a uproar of cleaning, etc.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs
yelling "Father, Father, I found your watch!!"
The bishop said, "How wonderful my child."
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and
said
"Why yes, Father, I found it under OUR bed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days after refusing to sleep with her boss,
Linda stormed into his office. "My salary's been
cut in half!" she shrieked.
"That's right," the boss replied. "Haven't you
ever heard of a withholding tax?"
Husband and wife are in their bed together. She
feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh,
that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.S he: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
Nate and Barbara had really hit it off and at the
end of the evening as they were beginning to
undress each other in his apartment, Nate asked,
"Before we go any further, Barbara, tell me do
you have any special fetishes that I should take
into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled Barbara, "I do
happen to have a foot fetish...but I suppose I'll
settle for four or five inches."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN.....
A goldfish and a mountain goat ?
One mucks around in fountains.
A magician's wand and a policeman's baton ?
One is used for cunning stunts.
A cross eyed archer and a constipated owl ?
One shoots but can't hit.
A Swiss admiral and a reliable vacuum cleaner ?
One sucks and sucks and never fails.
Caucus and cactus ?
One has the pricks on the outside.
A girl in church and a girl in the bath ?
One has a soul full of hope.
A war horse and a draught horse ?
One darts into the fray.
Your girlfriend and your bank account ?
Nothing... You lose interest on withdrawal.
A good girl and a nice girl ?
A good girl has the bloom of youth in her cheeks but
the nice girl has the cheek of youth in her bloomers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny went to the first day of kindergarten and sat down. His
teacher went around the room and was asking every boy and girl his or
her name.
When she got to Johnny he said, "My name is Little Johnny, but they
call
me 'Bonnie' and that pisses me off."
Sensing some anger she said to Little Johnny, "This is kindergarten
Johnny, we don't talk like that." Then she went around and asked
everyone his or her address.
When she got to Little Johnny he said, "I live on Third Street but
they
call it 'Terd Street' and that really pisses me off."
She said, "Little Johnny I want you to meet me after class at my
desk."
"Yes ma'am." Little Johnny said. So he meets her at the desk.
The teacher says, "You seem like a smart little boy can you tell me
what
this means?" Then she pulls up her dress.
He says, "Of course I can. That means you wanna diddle and I'm too
little and that really pisses me off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coin Wrist Trick
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Panasonic Plasma TV
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Unnecessary Censorship
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Most Outrages TV Moments
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bathroom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Accountant, a Lawyer and a Cowboy were
standing Side-by-Side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started
washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear
up to his elbows ....he used about 20 paper
towels before he finished.
He turned to the other two men and commented, "I
graduated from the University of Michigan and
they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet
the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel
and commented, "I graduated from the University
of California and they taught us to be
environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out
the door said, "I was educated in Horsefly and
they taught us not to piss on our hands!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elvis
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll tell you," smiled prom chairman Mose,
"Why Peggy's the prom queen I chose:
She's as cheerfully free
As the wind on the sea -
And besides, like the wind, Peggy blows!"
____________
A maiden at college named Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A.'s and Litt. D.'s,
Collapsed from the strain.
Alas, it was plain
She was killing herself by degrees.
____________
There was a young laundress named Wrangle,
Whose breasts tilted up at an angle.
"They may tickle my chin,"
She said with a grin,
"But at least they keep out of the mangle."
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a
boyfriend.
So she went to a Psychic for help.
"Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this
life.
But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all
men
will fall at your feet."
Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she
thought,
"The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."
She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses
and
fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to
see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her
surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on
her face,
"Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!!!"
Juanita
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a hot summer day in Pennsylvania, a redneck came into town with
his dog.
He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a
cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who
owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his.
The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck
replies, "No way dog's in heat---she's cool cause I got 'ER tied
under the shade of the tree."
The policeman says, "No! You don't understand-- your dog needs to be
bred.
"No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she's not hungry,
cause I fed her beef jerky this mornin'."
Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to
understand, your dog wants to have sex!"
The redneck looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog!"!!!!
Myron
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rain and Guthrie
Day 1. I am glad I moved to Guthrie. The drought is pretty severe
but I live close to a lake so water should not be a problem.
Day 2. Clouds are building up to the south. Looks like rain.
Day 5. Rain for 3 days. We need it. The lake is down by 8 feet.
Day 10. The lake is down by only 5 feet. This is good. Rain in
the forecast for today and tomorrow.
Day 15. Okay the lake is full. The drought is over. The grass in
my yard is 10 inches high and in some places the weeds are 18
inches high. The dogs can only go outside to do their business
and come back in. I am ready for some sunshine.
Day 20. The lake is going over the spillway, my yard is a jungle.
One of the dogs was swallowed up by the weeds and hasn't been
seen since. There are 'sounds' coming from the yard. The basement
is starting to flood and the roof is leaking. The weather report
calls
for more rain.
Day 25. More $#&^@! rain today. I swear I am seeing animals
coming in two by two. The lake which used to be 300 yards away
is now 200 yards away. The swimming pool in the backyard..
oh it isn't really a swimming pool it is just the backyard filled with
water is full and has nowhere to drain EXCEPT TO MY BASEMENT!
Day 30. I can't go to work. The trees that the river washed up
have blocked my drive. We are stranded here. The helicopters
drop up food and dog food. The sun came out from 2:01 pm to
2:08 pm and the temperature went from 80 to 105 with 99
percent humidity. I think I saw an alligator in my yard.
Day 35. Rain...la de dah... rain rhymes with brain with rhymes
with train. My wife says if I watch Waterworld one more
time she will shoot me. Did I mention I am growing web feet?
BJ in Guthrie
(we have had more rain than in the past 70 years)
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1013
Remote Kontrol
Sandi has the remote control as the dogs are
discussing what to watch...
Rudy: I want to watch Animal Planet.
Katie: I want to watch Dog With Jobs.
Ginger: I want to watch Scooby Doo.
Sandi: I have the remote so we will watch what I want.
Katie: No we all have remotes...Click!
So join us next week for another adventure of ...Click
Mr. Clean the cleaning agent that...Click
Flies around the world in comfort and style arriving ... Click
With shipping and handling for a mere 9.95....Click
Not for a million dollars Marilyn would I trade you for....Click
A NEW CAR!!! ....Click!
Yes, aliens are among us. They could be the one sitting next to you
or ... Click!
The pimple on your face....Click
Could be removed with a simple easy .... Click
Knife? A Knife is what you want to play with? Okay....Click
Then guns it is. Meet me at dawn at the .... Click
Holiday Inn Express...Click
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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