Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Did you ever have a period in your life when everything you touch
seems to turn to doo-doo? We got the buffalo chips site up and running
yesterday and then the buffalosjokes site had a meltdown and they are
still trying to jump start it again. My Jimmy has been declared dead
so many times that it is writing a book called Near Death Experiences
of an SUV and the washer machine is a possible candidate for flight
testing . Save the buffalosjokes if you want to see the movies and
toons
because the site will be up again soon. No matter how bad a day we
are having some people have it a lot worse and here is one that needs
your help.
Could you put this on your list. This guy needs all the help he can
possibly
get.
You may have already heard about Sgt. Kevin Downs and his heroic story
that all started nearly 2 years ago in Iraq.& ; He was the only
Surviving
member of his team after his Humvee was attacked in August 2005.
This young man was shot "like a shooting star" from the gunner's hatch
where he Was found lying in the dirt still on fire. He was never
expected to Survive according to all medical opinion and most
soldier's
with his Combination of injuries have not survived, in fact. Kevin
sustained burns over 60% Of his body, both internally and externally,
lost both of his legs, and has
been reduced almost entirely to the use of only the mangled fingers on
one remaining working hand.
At only 22yrs old now, after spending almost 2 years at Brooke Army
Medical Center undergoing countless and ongoing surgeries, amputations
and skin grafts, the doctors are finally seeing the possibility of
Kevin
returning home to his family in Kingston Springs, TN. He will be
trained through physical therapy on special equipment to help him live
with
relative independence. However, upon his release, no such specially
outfitted home exists for him and his only long term option is a
nursing
home unless we help. Kevin's community has rallied together and
decided to make sure he has that special home he needs, and with it,
the
best opportunity to pursue the future he is trying so hard to be a
part
of.
A massive event is taking place in Nashville, TN on July 17,2007 at
Greer Stadium called Home For A Hero. We hope to honor all branches
of
the Armed Forces and all proceeds will go to help build this dream for
Kevin.
There will be 10 major country acts including Lonestar, Joe Diffie,
Collin Raye and more, plus the TN National Guard will be providing a
flyover and a host of great hardware for a wonderful pre-show event.
Your help is desperately needed! This is a grass-roots effort turned
into a major event and we were unfortunately misled by an event
company
that has now left us, >at the last minute, with virtually no corporate
sponsors to hlp fund major advertising. Filling 7,000 seats is
essential to the success of this effort.
Donations are accepted but we are not asking for your money.
We are asking, instead, that you might simply help us spread the word
around the world of what we are doing since so many millions around
the
globe have already heard about and taken an interest in Kevin's battle
to survive.
Please help us by forwarding this to everyone you can and encouraging
them to visit our web site at www.homeforahero.
details on the concert and watch a short 2 minute video on Kevin's
story.
Please help us spread Kevin's update around the world one more time,
for
his future's sake, since he helped make OUR future possible with his
sacrifice.
Thank you for your support of our military!
atze
Joshua K. Lewis
Nashville Patient Account Services
Scheduling Department
Office (615)565-8390
Fax (615)565-8391
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pick Up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lets play Titanic, when I say iceberg, you go down.
You must be high jumper, because you make my bar rise.
Call me Fred Flintstone, because I'll make your Bedrock.
If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts?
Would you wear shoes if you didn't have any feet? Then why are you
wearing a bra?
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again?
You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can easily see myself
in
your pants.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that
pops up.
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
Do you sleep on your stomach? "NO." Can I?
Playing doctor is for kids. How about me and you play gynecologist.
If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.
Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? Well then, allow me to
introduce myself.
The word for the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the
word.
Do you have some Irish in you? Would you like a piece of Irish in you?
The last time I saw you, I was dreaming.
Hi, my name is Kelli. Don't forget it because you'll be screaming it
later on tonight.
I'm new in town, could you give the directions to your apartment.
I love every bone in your body. Especially mine!
That's a nice smile, its just too bad thats not the only thing you're
wearing.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Bad kitty
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Just Do Me
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Put Out or Get Out
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad Luck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gentlemen:
I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You
said the bill should have been paid long ago and you don't understand
why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1957 I bought a sawmill
on
credit. In 1959 I bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a
shotgun, a wine tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on
credit. In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies died and the
other I loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. In 1961
my
father died and my mother was hung for horse rustling. A mechanic
named
Joe knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the doctor $88.32 to keep
the bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 1963 my son had the
mumps and they went down on him; the doctor had to castrate him to
save
his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat turned over and I
lost
the biggest catfish you ever saw, and one of my sons drowned (not the
castrated one). In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and left
me
with the three small children as a souvenir. I married the hired girl
to
keep down expenses, but I had trouble getting her off, and the doctor
told me to try to create some excitement just as she was beginning to
get aroused. That night I pointed the shotgun out the window while we
were in bed and just as she was beginning to orgasm I pulled the
trigger. Well, she shit the bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best
damn milk cow I ever had. The next year my troubles really started. My
wife caught the clap from the ice man, my son wiped his ass with a
corn
cob with poison ivy on it, and someone de-nutted my best bull. In
1970 I
decided to go into another business on my own. I ordered six bee hives
from Sears, Roebuck, and Company. I bought a swarm of bees and a queen
bee all on credit on the installment plan. The queen bee died and I
ordered another one. She turned out to be a whore and started running
around with a horsefly. The honey tasted like shit so I couldn't sell
it. So now, gentlemen, you say if I do not pay you, you will cause me
trouble. Right now if it costs two cents to shit, I'd have to puke.
Getting money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a
wildcat's ass with a hot trowel, but you are welcome to try. Yours for
more credit, Max
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your computer?
The joystick is wet.
Why is a blonde like a stamp?
They both get licked, stuck, and then sent on their way
Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
Give her a cock and she's ready to blow
Why are blondes like TVs?
Any three year old can turn them on
Why is a blonde's coffin triangular?
Because when she lies on her back her legs open
What do you call a virgin blonde?
A myth
What did santa say when he saw the three blondes?
Ho Ho Ho!
How can you tell if a blonde has been in the fridge?
There's lipstick on the cucumber
What are the two hardest years in a blonde's life?
Sixth grade.
There are three 6th grade girls: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
Which one has the biggest tits?
The blonde....she'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to the Home & Garden network, some women get more
satisfaction
from doing housework than from having sex. I understand that. At least
when they're doing housework, they get to finish. - Jay Leno
Parking in the driveway after their first date, Roger leaned over and
gave Linda a passionate kiss. When she responded warmly, he unzipped
his
fly and pulled her hand to his penis. Furious, Linda opened the door
and
jumped out of the car. "I've got just two words for you," she
screamed.
"Drop dead!" And I've got just two words for you," Roger screamed
back.
"Let go!"
What's the difference between a woman's zipper and a mans zipper?
When a
woman unzips her pants her brains don't fall out!!
What is the best way to make a pussy talk?
Put a tongue into it.
Do you know when a Cub Scout becomes a Boy Scout?
When he eats a Brownie.
How can you pick out a paranoid Woman?
She's the one putting a Condom on her Vibrator.
What do you call pulling off a girl's Pantyhose?
Foreplay.
Why do Women have two sets of lips?
So they can piss and moan at the same time.
What's the difference between a farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with
diarrhea? One shucks between fits, the other fucks between shits.
What is the definition of suspicious??
A nun doing pushups in a cucumber patch.
What do you call a retard with a hard on?
A slow poke.
Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last Night Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was sitting around yesterday at lunch, with a
few of my co-workers, when the subject of (what
else,) sex came up. Now Billy-Bob (he runs the
fork lift) says "Last night I made love to my
wife three times! This morning, she was so happy
she made me my favorite breakfast of eggs and
grits."
Now Jim-Bob, (the fertilizer inspector) not to be
outdone by his cousin Billy-Bob, he says, "That's
nothing. Last night I made love to my wife five
times. She was so happy, she not only made me my
favorite breakfast of biscuits and gravy, she
told me I was the best in the world and she could
never love another man."
Well, they then looked at me, waiting for me to
say something. Finally, I just said in a quiet
voice, "I just made love to my wife once last
night, and she didn't fix me anything for
breakfast." Well, they started laughing, and
finally Jim-Bob asks me, "Well, hell, did she say
anything to you this morning?" "Just two words,"
I answered. "Don't stop".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitting smoking
Jim replies, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the drug store
To pick up a 'patch' subscription for my wife. She's
Quitting smoking today."
"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.
"Yeah, well it is really lucky me," grinned Jim, "I
Told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put
Something in her mouth to suck on."
============
I'm the greatest hitter in the world
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he
Strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap
And toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in
The world," he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and
Missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the
Ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the
World!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he
Swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball
Carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the
Greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm also the greatest pitcher in
The world!"
============
Octogenarian
Pauly and Maury were in the neighborhood bar... Again...
And Maury remarked that Old Jim had just told him that
He was now an octogenarian.
"What's an octogenarian?
"I dunno," said Maury, "but they must be pretty healthy
People. Every one of 'em I've ever heard of is eighty
Years old or more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Subscribers and Friends
GOD MUST HAVE KNOWN
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SwordSister'
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Animal World
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fisherman called his guide on his mobile
phone to make arrangements for the following day.
"I'm going fishing and I need two punts and a canoe," he said.
When he arrived, there were two tarty looking
women waiting for him at the fishing lodge.
"What the bloody hell is this?" he asked his guide.
"Well", replied the guide, "when you phoned, I
was in the bar and there was a great deal of
noise on the line. I managed to get a couple of
the local ladies, but what in the hell is a
panoe?"
What if....
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed.
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Same Movie
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Hooker Implements
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
No you get a Hard on
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
____________
There was a young man with a fiddle
Who asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?"
She replied, "Yes, I do,
But prefer to with two --
It's twice as much fun in the middle."
____________
There was a young man with a prick
Which into his wife he would stick
Every morning and night
If it stood up all right --
Not a very remarkable trick.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first grade teacher was getting to know her students on the first
day of class. "Johnny, what do you like to do when you're not in
school?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "I love my choo-choo. In fact, I play with it all
the time at home and have tracks set up all over the house."
The teacher said, "That's wonderful, Johnny. However, since you're
in the first grade now, don't you think you should call it a 'train'?"
"Yes, teacher."
"Good, now Susie, what do you like to do when you're not in school?"
Susie answered, "Well, I have a horsie. In fact, I love my horsie, I
ride it every day and do everything to take care of it."
"Well, that's wonderful, Susie. However, since you're in the first
grade now, don't you think you should call it a horse?"
"Yes, teacher."
The teacher said, "Good. Mary, what do you like to do when you're
not in school?"
"I like to read. I read all the time and love all different kinds of
books."
"Well, that's wonderful, Mary. What's your favorite book?"
"'Winnie the Shit.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the
store, laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird
but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another
condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This
piques the interest of
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rubber, anyway?"
So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to
follow him to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom,
starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to
follow the guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store. "Did you
follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies, "Your house."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1008
The Helpmates
BJ arrives home late...
BJ: Where are the dogs?
Diana: They wanted to help with the yard work so...
BJ rushes outside and see Rudy wearing a pith helmet swinging
a machete..
Rudy: Okay Katie, start the mower, I have the weeds down to
about 3 feet high in this area.
Sandi: Ginger help me haul these bales of grass to the curb.
BJ: Ack! Bales? How long have you guys been working out
here?
Rudy: I can't tell time very well but I have been working for
about two gallons of water now.
Katie: We have baled about 10 bales of hay so far and cut
about 1/2 of the yard.
Sandi: Timber!!!!
Rudy: Look out here comes a tall weed....
CRASH!!!
BJ: That one must be 15 feet tall.
I guess with all the rain...
Katie: I didn't know we had our own rain forest in the back
yard dad. Pretty cool!
The herd in Guthrie
(for real I do have about a 6 foot tall weed that has grown in just
10 days)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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