Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The Twinkie is back Not the post WWII Twinkie that we are all so
familiar with but the original with the banana filling that has been
off
the market for over 50 years with the exception of a few limited
runs by Hostess. I did manage to catch it on one of those limited runs
a few years back and it does seem a little more nutritious than the
vanilla filled ones. I know like a few drops of banana flavoring is
equal to a full days servings of fruit, right? While they are at it
how about bringing back the old prices so you don't feel like you
have been robbed when you eat one. Last time I looked the two packs
of Twinkies were running .79 a pack The same area also included fresh
Jelly donuts at .75 cents each that weighed much more and contained
a full day's worth of raspberry filling. Down at the other end of the
same
area was Little Debbie's cream filled offering at 1.29 a box and they
were individually wrapped which meant that they are definitely more
healthy as you aren't forced to eat a second Twinkie to keep the
unwrapped cake from going stale. I prefer the strawberry shortcake
rolls
anyhow. Do you relish Little Debbie's or Hostess goodies in your
brown bag or are you a fresh fruit person?
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Perfect Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed - Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants;
open presents -
expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist - card is from secret admirer
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but
gentle
hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before
full
length mirror
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers
22:00 Hot shower [alone]
22:50 Carried to bed...[Freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen]
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
and
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast - rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by
naked buxom wench
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club [Blow job en-route]
9:45 Play front nine [2 under]
11:45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom
Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine [4 under]
14:15 Limo back to airport
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew [all nude]
16:30 Land world record Marlin [1234lbs] on light tackle
17:00 Fly home - massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
18:45 Shit, shower, shave
19:00 Watch news - Brad Pitt assassinated; marajuana and porn
legalised
19:30 Dinner - Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon, big juicy fillet
steak
followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits
21:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you
watch Match of the Day
21:30 Sex with three women [all with lesbian tendencies]
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale
23:30 Night cap blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog
to
leave the room
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day little Johnny was REALLY bothering his mom. She told him to go
across the street and watch the people who were building a house
there.
She told him to stay out of their way, but to try and learn something
as
well. The morning passed in blissful peace for Johnny's mother until
lunchtime when she called him home.
Mom asked, "What did you learn over there dear?"
Johnny looked his mom in the eye and said," Well this fucking door is
never going to close because the dickhead that framed it had his head
up
his ass."
Mom was quite shocked to say the least. She sent Johnny to his room
for
the rest of the day with the words,"Just you WAIT till your father
gets
home young man!" ringing in his ears.
Dad came home in time and went to see Johnny in his room. "Well
Johnny,
your mom says you've been busy today, what did you learn?"
Johnny looked his dad in the eye and said," Well this fucking door is
never going to close because the dickhead that framed it had his head
up
his ass."
Johnny's dad got furious. After his face turned back to red from
purple
he said, "Johnny, you DON'T use language like that in my house!!! Now
go cut me a switch so I can help you remember that!"
Johnny again looked his dad in the eye and said,"Fuck you buddy, you
want a switch call an electrician!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apple Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother and daughter loved to play around. They
partied everyday and always ended up fucking
everybody around. Their holes were played until
they became seasoned and loose. One day, the
daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to
get married. Now, the man did not know about their
flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin.
So he decided to leave any lovemaking until their
wedding night. The daughter began to worry about
the condition of her hole and consulted her mother,
"Mum, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds
out about my hole?!!"
Mother said, "Don't worry dear, I will teach you a
way to fool your husband-to-be. Here's what you do,
place an apple in your hole and it will be tight
and he won't even notice it." So the daughter did
what her mother taught her and everything went
well and the stupid husband didn't even notice.
This went on for a few months. Now, everytime
the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out
the apple and place it on the wash basin and after
bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One
day, after bathing, she forgot to put it back and
left it on the wash basin. The husband came into
the washroom and saw the apple and thought that
her wife left the apple for him and he ate it,
"Honey, thanks for the apple. It tasted great!"
Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her husband
about it and went to consult her mother, "Mum, I'm
in deep shit now! I took out the apple while I was
bathing and I forgot to put it back and Peter found
the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What
sould I do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, mum."
Mother said, "Don't worry dear, a few years ago,
your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the
washroom and he lived!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your mama is like a joint, everbody gets a hit
A woman was complaining about how the time of the month made her
hungry.
"I have the munchies, so it must be hormonal." A man overhearing her
said, "that's funny," usually when I have the munchies, its uasally
home-grown-al.
Last week I bought a bag I thought was sinsimilla, but instead it was
seeds a million.
Your mind is like a parachute: it works better when its high.
I quit smoking pot once....it was the worst 15 minutes of my life.
You know your a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes
You know you are really high when:
1. It takes an hour to cook minute rice.
2. You sell your car for gas money.
3. You think a quarterback is a refund.
4. Your friend takes a hit and says, that stone got me
really hit.
Q. What do you call a cop with an ounce of primo Pot?
A. The fucking cop who busted me.
Q. Did you herar they're gonna make the Dallas Cowboys
start playing on a natural turf?
A. Yah! they're already snorting all the lines and smoking
all the grass.
A hippy was seen crawling down some railway tracks.
When asked if there was a problem, he said, yeah man, can you help me
off this ladder.
Q. Which end of the joint should one light?
A. The end thats not in your mouth.
Q. How is the Ohio State Buckeyes and marijuana the
same?
A. They both get smoked in bowls.
Q. What do you do if a stoner throws a hand grenade at
you?
A. Take the pin out and throw it back.
Q. How do you stop an army of stoners on horseback?
A. Turn off the carousel.
Q. What do potheads catch when they go fishing?
A. Red-eyes and cottonmouth.
Q. Whats the difference between a bong for breakfast
and anal sex?
A. One makes your day, but the other makes your
hole weak.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Potty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained.
One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked,
"Did you have an accident?"
Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the
bushes ?"
"Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage."
Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that.
It will start to stink, draw flies;
now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage."
Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our
garage,
I went in Jill's garage!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Game Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first
row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.
One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something
to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at
the agent, and shakes his head "no."
The agent then says, "Mr.. President, it was an unanimous request of
the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates... But begins to change his mind when the agent tells
him the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ok! If that is what the people
want."
Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants,
lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you !"$#@&!&!&!&
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down,
cheering,
hooting and hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone would enjoy that!"
Noticing that the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the
first PITCH !
______
d
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Hi Everyone my moms in the hospital ,Just need some prayers to go out
for
her so she gets well ,she has diabetes and her blood sugar was
28 ,they
also found a high % of carbon dioxide in her system too (she wont lay
off
on the smoking and she on oxygen )they asked her if she lives on the
edge
lol anyways she needs to quit,they said its suppose to be 90 her blood
sugar NOT 28 thank god we got her to the hospital on time .Me and my
sister
took her in yesterday the 13th ..Today the 14th I called the hospital
and she was in icu unit on a ventilator and found out she has
pneumonia
also .I'm keeping optimistic thru all this I don't KNOW how but I am
I
have to be strong must be my upbringing, Gramma,and Aunt Lynn always
thought me that ! ..I have to work all week until Sunday Father's Day
BTW Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out here :) WE hope your day is
filled with bbq's and fun and lots of gifts ...go check out
http://www.midwestc
almost both completed Thanks again Loves and hugs to you all Melissa
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
... The jumbo jet is just coming into Person Airport (Toronto) on its
final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt
Johnson.
We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for
flying with
us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.
He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear
the
conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot,
"Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well," says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and
take a
crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you
know, the
one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her take her back to
my room
and shag her all night."
Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
She's
so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and
get to
the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she
trips over
an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run, dear, he's Gotta
take a
shit first!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And nothing could make a man madder
Than losing to some woman's bladder
I see them some nights
All hitting the heights
That no man could reach with a ladder
~~~~~~
St. David of Wales is unique
But not for the words he would speak
Or the life that he led;
He's, oddly, instead
Remembered for taking a leek.
~~~~~~
In one little whorehouse I've been
I sampled the charms of Maureen
Affection I sought
But something I caught
Was turning my gonads to green
~~~~~~
I wouldn't think that was so bad
As the sweet little thing that I had
In gay old Paris --
What she gave to me
Has turned my poor gonads to plaid
~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Ardon,
The tool of whose man wouldn't harden,
Said she with a frown
"I've been sadly let down"
By the tool of a fool in a garden.
~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest
She kept asking, "hey Pop, is it in?"
~~~~~~~
I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda.
I was lewd, but my God she was lewder!
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude
I pursued her, subdued her and screwed her!!
~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Bicester
Who was hotter by far than her sister.
The sister would giggle
And wiggle and jiggle
But the hot one would cum if you kissed her!
~~~~~~
A lassie got married in Leicester.
Her mother kissed her as she blessed her.
Said she, "you're in luck,
He's a bloody good fuck,
For I've screwed him myself down in Chester.
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While on vacation a married couple walked into a shoe store. The
salesman said to them, "I have some very special Jamaican sandals I
think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what
the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them,
being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the husband, after
some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in
his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink
of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over
a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and
grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong
feet! "You got dem on the wrong feet!"
Dennis
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them
cigarette companies fer causin People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them
fat
an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that
true,
Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot
coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and
still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin .... What I want to know is, kin I sue Beer
componeys fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1003
Rudy's Contract
Rudy: Pop's it is time for my contract renewal.
BJ: Arrgh. Okay let me see it.
1. During thunderstorms I need in the house.
2. When I want dad, which is seldom, I get dad.
3. During thunderstorms I need in the house.
4. When I want to sleep with dad, which is rare, I need dad.
5. During thunderstorms I need in the house.
BJ: That's it?
Rudy: Yep, that's it.
I am happy, I have a home, food, and love. What more
can a guy ask for?
BJ: Okay, I will sign off on your contract.
Rudy: What about Sandi?
BJ: She will have to give a little on some things.
The herd in Guthrie
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Remember 9/11/01
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