Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the
highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the
window. The driver of the car opens the window,
"Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
The biker drives on until he sees another car.
While passing it, he knocks on the window. The
driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
Then suddenly there is a curve, and the biker
sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a
ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky
biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever
driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
buffalo says Ok the story is a little hard to believe but back
in the mid-70's my little brother borrowed my pick-up to take
a load of stuff up to Long Beach and left me his VW Super
Beetle to drive for the weekend. I took a ride into downtown
San Diego to see some friends and when I got ready to drive
back home I started the car and the lights were on high beams.
Last thing you want to do in Calif. is drive down the freeway
with your brights on as someone will shoot you to voice their
displeasure if the police don't get you first. I searched the floor
several times looking for a dimmer switch and played with the
headlight switch and nothing worked so I started asking passer-bys
if they knew how to dim the lights. Before the Horton Plaza was
built if you were a block off Broadway you were in an area of
rundown
bars and hotels and this wasn't like doing the street shout out on
Cash Cab. Finally about the tenth wino that stopped was able
to tell me it was in the turn signal wand.
Anyhow enjoy your weekend.... buffalo
buffalo says Contrary to popular belief or rumors, I am not dead,
quit doing the lists or camped out 24 hours a day on Facebook.
I have been following the doctor's instructions, taking my pain pills,
and staying in bed about 22 hours a day. I am only able to sit down
at my desk for about a half hour at a time and when I get up and
straighten my leg out it feels like someone hit it with a baseball bat.
I have been out of the house twice since the first of the month for
doctor's appointments and x-rays and I was in extreme pain
afterwards. I am still waiting on the results from the x-rays so they
can
tell me whether it is a strain or sprain or if I have done something
worse to my knee which is swollen and goes pop when I move it.
I really would like to spend more time at the computer as I have watched
over ten years of Law and Order and sports since it happened
and slept a lot. I will let you know more as soon as I do.
WnW_BigList
Adult orientated, Semi-Moderated humor list.
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and rare music. When asked they will help...in general this is a
great group and you would be in music heaven if you joined."
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Pastor Chips
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The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won....
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT!
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S
ASS!
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of
the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10!
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE!
The Bishop was buried the next day.
And the moral of the story is: Being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery... maybe even shorten your life. So be
yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be happier and live a lot longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
virus protection
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I can't play
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it hurts
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Frog Chips
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A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend a
pet. After looking around she realized that all the
pets there were very expensive. A clerk came up and
asked if there's something he could help her with.
"I wanted to buy my boyfriend a pet, but all of yours
are so expensive!" She says.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the
back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?"
"$50.00?? For a Frog??" said the woman.
The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It's gives BJs."
So, the woman decides to buy the frog. She takes it
home to her boyfriend, explains the frog and they're
both happy. The woman goes to bed.
Around two in the morning she is awakened by pots
and pans banging around in the kitchen. She gets up
to go see what's going on and when she gets to the
kitchen she sees her boyfriend and the frog sitting at
the kitchen table looking through cookbooks.
"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks
at this hour?" says the woman.
The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach
this frog to cook, your butt is out of here!!!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Overcoming Adhd: A Guide For Parents
Discover how your child can end Adhd Naturally, Safely and Without Adhd
Drugs ... Your child can become happier and successful at school and
life
http://tinyurl.com/42zuras
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Jumper Chips
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A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the
collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie
to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and
discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper
cables in his trunk.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a
fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He
goes back to the restaurant.
The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then
says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, ....
1. "just don't start anything."
2. "just don't do anything shocking"
3. "as long as you pay cash. We don't accept charges."
4. "I guess so. I checked your tab. And you're current."
5. "just don't try to jump any of the girls."
6. "just keep positive."
7. "No cable.... We have a satellite dish...."
8. "I'm not going to server you... obviously you're already
wired!"
9. "This is a rough crowd... be careful you don't get jumped!"
10. "You're late... the booster club meeting was yesterday!"
11. The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then
says, "What's that supposed to be?" Man replies, "This is a power
tie."
12. "Fine, just don't be forcibly jumping anybody tonight!"
13. "Fine, just don't be coupling in public, because if you arc,
other customers might find it to be an electrifying experience."
14. "I didn't mean to jump on you earlier."
15. The bounser looks him over and asks, "Why are you wearing that
cable" The man answers, "I don't want to talk about it. I'm
terminally ill."
16. "just don't start anything." If he did, could he be charged
with battery?
17. "just don't do anything shocking or revolting.
18. "as long as you pay cash. We don't accept charges." At least,
not at the current time.
19. "but are you facing any battery charges?"
20. And he said: "Are you positive I can enter?"
21. "Do you get Cable in here?"
22. "You're a reVOLTing fellow."
23. "Do you have an anti-acid I could take? I'm really drained."
24. "I'm surprised that they even let you in the door.. There is a
BIG sign just inside the doorway that reads: 'THIS IS A DRUG-FREE
EsTABLISHMENT' and you, sir, are obviously wired!"
25. "I'm wearing this because the last time I ordered Tequila here,
you served it with a salt and battery."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maternity Acupressure Guide: Easier, Shorter And Safer Birth
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Tennis Chips
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A very sad day for tennis....
Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of
her breasts.
Halep, 17, is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after
winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the
junior French Open last year.
But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD
bust is holding her back.
"This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation," Halep said.
"The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."
"It's the weight that troubles me (and) my ability to react
quickly," she added.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Focus Pocus - 100 Ways to Help Your Child Pay Attention
One hundred practical techniques from parents and teachers that help
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Cigar Chips
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A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of
rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get
this ... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire
stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a
single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated
that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal
fashion.
The man sued... and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge
stated that since the man held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and
also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire,
without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his
loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process,
the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid
the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance
company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of arson! With his
own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of
intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24
consecutive one-year terms!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide
This unique book doesnt just tell you what to say -- it says it for you!
Fill-in-the-blank templates show parents how to create a storybook with
family photos and history to simplify this tough conversation. With
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Majestic Mountains
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/M_M.html
Carolyn w/ Maybe Baby
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/maybebaby.html
BROTHER BOB'S POEMS OF THE WEEK
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
Marlene/How Can You Refuse Him Now/Gospel Page
http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html2/HowCanYouRefuseHimNow.html
Play With Harley
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Earn a Free Apple iPad!
Consumer News: Get a Free Apple iPad! Terms Apply
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Surfin Surfari
Payscale
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Do Not Mail
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Building Advertising Art
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Casa Batllo - House Of Bones
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
LingoLinda.com
http://www.lingolinda.com/
Fall, Frankenstein, Ghost, Halloween, Haunted House
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html
Vampire, Vulture, Witch, Wolf, Words:Hal-boop, Words:Hallo
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Animal World
Elephants
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/Elephants2.htm
Doggie Zone
http://www.chewydog.com/
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Movie Links
Pub Drive
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azsdsw.htm
RC Cooler
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axdse.htm
Rubber band
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswqqw.htm
Satin Sheets
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswwe.htm
Saying Goodbye
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkiu.htm
Capoeira Fighter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012113.htm
Cell Phone Popcorn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012114.htm
Chinook Water
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012115.htm
Cincy Choir
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012116.htm
Does This Happen To You In The Morning
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012117.htm
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Bible Chips
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An out-of-towner becomes friendly with Thelma, the waitress in his
hotel coffee shop, and invites her up to his room.
She is indignant.
The guy says, "Don't get excited. This is all in the Bible."
Thelma is appeased, and after her shift they go out and have a few
drinks. Again the man invites her up to his room, and again she is
angry.
The man explains, "It's in the Bible."
An hour later they're in the guy's hotel room and he suggests they
undress and have some fun. He assures Thelma that it isn't sinful
since it's in the Bible.
"Where?" she says. "Where does it say that?"
Taking the Bible from the hotel nightstand, he opens it to the front
cover where someone has written, "Thelma the waitress is a great
lay."
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Toon Chips
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blood pressure
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nnmvkl,.htm
blove
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blow
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blow 2
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blow kenny
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blow drying
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Limerick Chips
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The once was a girl named Straight
Whose pussy smelled like bait!
Whenever Jeff pounds her
The room reeks of flounder
Her twat, she needs to refrigerate.
~~~~~
There once was a lady from Wooster
Who dreamt that a man had seduced her
She awoke with a scream
To find was a dream
And a bump in the mattress had goosed her.
~~~~
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle
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Parting Chips
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I got my Census form back!!
In answer to the question, 'Do you have any dependents?'
I put ......
'Asylum seekers, illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable bastards
on Welfare and recipients of food stamps, the cast of The Jerry Springer
Show, 211,108 inmates - people in our Federal penal establishments, most
of the state of New York and California, all of the state of Michigan,
especially the city of Detroit, folks who no longer live in my state
but I still support from Katrina, half of Mexico, the Island of Haiti,
United Nations, OPEC, sorry Union SOBs, ACLU members, employees of PBS
radio and TV stations, AMTRACK and Postal Services, a whole host of
Federal Judges, one hundred Senators and 535 Congressman, and a Muslim
President.'
................. Apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deer Hunting Secrets
Discover the Closely Guarded True Secrets of Master Hunters
http://buffaloschips.com/deersec
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2112
Racing Downhill
Going down Monster hill, Tami notices her speedometer
is clocking 110 mph. Racing beside her is Sandi eating
a slice of pizza.
Sandi: I might slow down, this is a 70 degree angle down
and this is Dancer's folly, he set the speed record at 95 mph
and he died because he went too fast.
Tami tried to slow down but her brakes were shot.
Sandi: Well let us go ahead and try and find a soft landing for
you.
Zoom!
Rudy zips by and does Katie and Val.
Tami: Mommy!
The group are at the bottom of the hill with a huge mat waiting for
Tami.
Tami: I can make this curve.
Crash, Thud, Bang.
Rudy: Right in the middle of the mat. Good girl!
Tami: Where is my bike?
Katie brings over a piece of metal about the size
of a toothpick: Here ya go. It got crumpled up a bit.
You might be able to straighten it out.
Val: Need some tires though.
Sandi: We can give you a ride home though and you
can try again next year.
Tami: Waaaaa!
The herd
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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