Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I started the story on coffee yesterday to lead into
another story involving coffee and cumshaw. Cumshaw is
a Chinese word meaning grateful thanks or a gratuity.
Sailors embraced the practice and used it as a method
of obtaining and exchanging goods and services. Smaller
deals might include alcohol, cigarettes, or even a bale
of rags but major undertakings required coffee and sugar.
Although the Navy provides this beverage freely while out
onboard a ship, those on shore duty were forced to buy
there own unless they had a cumshaw artist in their midst.
Remember I spoke yesterday of the 15 gallon drum of coffee
we kept down in our space? By the time we got back to the
states it was full and weighed several hundred pounds. We
went into a restricted availability which meant we had
about 4 months to put everything back together, do our
maintenance, train the replacements, and paint and stencil
the space. Our Chief being an old horse trader with many connections
in the Navy shops traded the coffee for 275 gallons
of white paint, masking materials, spraying equipment,
and an experienced painter for the weekend. We spent the
week masking out all that wasn't white and knocking dust
and grime loose and gave our space a complete paint job
in a week. The space was about the size of a large three
story house so that put us quite aways in front of the
other spaces. Of course they had their own deals going
too and one other space was painted for their stock and
other spaces had large pieces of machinery rebuilt that
hadn't been scheduled to be repaired but desperately
needed it.
Cumshaw was one of the best-kept, most widely known secrets
in the Navy. The enlisted men did it to add some amount
of deniability to it if the officers were ever confronted
with it but trading materials became available if it was
for the benefit of the ship.
When I worked in a shop for shore duty we kept large
supplies of fasteners onhand so a job wouldn't stop
because someone needed a bolt over the weekend. Back
then a metal called Monel was popular as it was a nickel
copper mix that resisted corrosion but had more strength
than brass and didn't react with iron. I was in charge
of supply and ordered every part for the 70-100 jobs
we had going on at any given moment and I was also in
charge of providing coffee for 60 sailors that worked
on the crews. I merely dropped a hint that we were in
need of coffee as I helped the ships out and they were
happy to reciprocate. When I left the shop to go back
to sea duty I left them with a six month supply of
coffee.
Enjoy the chips....buffalo
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Feet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and the heat was
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"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me,
count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted, "One, two, three, four... By
gosh, you're right dear," as he stumbled back into bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his
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out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel-
drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind
the crippled vehicle.
The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful
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have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before."
"Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without
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hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the
other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?"
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Harris. The priest rolled the spare around to the strong- man who
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and
proceeded to tighten the lug nuts.
"Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried.
"That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a
nun's snatch."
"Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asked her class "What do you want out of life"?
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Nina and Jill were talking about a friend who had just given birth to
triplets.
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Nina.
"Amazing!" said Jill. "How did she ever find time to do any
housework?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade
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"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she
says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered",
she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious
some of
these stories could become, asked the girl to describe
the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my
kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start
and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was', said the little girl.
'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffffff, Fffffff,
Fffffff, Fffffff'...
And before he could say "F**k", the Rottweiler ate
him!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How does a man know when his wife is losing interest?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Brothel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren't being filmed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
BMW Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night
by strange noises from his parents' room, and he
decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom,
he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging
for all they were worth.
"DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?"
"It is ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a
baby that is all."
The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby
brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a
smile on his face.
Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past
the bathroom and was shocked to discover his
mother giving oral gratification to his father.
"DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?"
"Son, there has been a change of plan," his father
replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she
wants a BMW."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nina and Rosie were always trying to get the
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lunch.
Nina noticed that Rosie was walking stiffly and asked what the
problem was.
Rosie replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my
husband is so big I just can't take it."
Nina replied, "I know. I know.
One day Johnny was doing his homework. He was up
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His teacher told him to have a parent recite the
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His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you.
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The next day at school Johnny's teacher calls him
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up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her
ass meant so much to me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer's wife was at her lawyer's getting advice about a divorce.
"He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones," said the wife
to the lawyer.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, this morning I was looking at the chickens when he
crept up behind me and had me from behind!"
"Chickens? Mrs. Smith? I didn't know you kept chickens?"
"We don't, Mr. Jones. This was in the supermarket
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy picked this woman up in a nightclub and took her home. While
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"You're not the communicative type, are you?" she said as they were
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"Shit," said the girl as she leaned forward to look. "You don't have
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1098
See Spot Run, See BJ Run
Diana: Can you pick up a pizza for us at Pizza Hut?
BJ: Sure. I will just hop in the ole PT Cruiser and be off.
A few minutes later... cough cough.
BJ: Hey Sandi how did you sneak in here?
Sandi: I was looking for Ginger.
BJ: Did you find her?
Ginger: She found me.
BJ: Okay here is the deal. You probably know where I am going
and what I am doing. So you cannot mess with the food.
Sandi: Deal.
At Pizza Hut....
BJ: You guys stay in the car while I get the food.
Sandi: Daddy it is hot in the car and you might get in trouble
leaving
critters in the car to suffer.
BJ: Egads. Okay hand me the dog leash. I can make this leash work
for two dogs by putting you each on one end and I hold the middle.
Ginger: We will be good...wink wink.
inside the store, BJ pays for the pizza and on the way out unknown to
BJ
Ginger cops a slice of pizza from the buffet.
Outside BJ hears chomp chomp chomp!
BJ: Hey where did you get that pizza?
Ginger: Buffet,,,good to.
While BJ continues to lecture Ginger, Sandi thugs a slice from an
outside
table..
In the car, BJ hears chomp chomp, he turns around and sees Sandi and
Ginger with a few slices of pizza a couple of drinks....
BJ: Doomed, doomed I say.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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