Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ok I have been making a few mistakes lately although sending
the clean list to the adult recipients is a lot easier to handle than
the other way around. BTW the punchline to the Needs Chips
joke the other day was the kid saying I needs to go to the bathroom.
Today is Labor Day and here is some trivia from our Census Bureau.
The first observance of Labor Day is believed to have been a parade
of 10,000 workers on Sept. 5, 1882, in New York City, organized by
Peter J. McGuire, a Carpenters and Joiners Union secretary. By 1893,
more than half the states were observing a "Labor Day" on one day or
another, and Congress passed a bill to establish a federal holiday in
1894. President Grover Cleveland signed the bill soon afterward —
designating the first Monday in September as Labor Day.
152.8 million
Number of people 16 and older in the nation's labor force in May
2007. In the nation's labor force are 82.1 million men and 70.7
million women.
77%
Percentage of workers in private industry who receive a paid vacation
as one of their employment benefits. In addition:
76 percent of workers receive paid holidays.
15 percent have access to employer assistance for child care.
12 percent have access to long-term care insurance.
71 percent have access to medical care, 46 percent to dental care, 29
percent to vision care and 64 percent to outpatient prescription drug
coverage.
$41,386 and $31,858
The 2005 annual median earnings for male and female full-time, year-
round workers, respectively.
Americans work in a wide variety of occupations. Here is a sampling:
Occupation Number of employees
Teachers 6.8 million
Farmers and ranchers 784,000
Hairdressers, hairstylists and cosmetologists 767,000
Chefs and head cooks 313,000
Taxi drivers and chauffeurs 282,000
Firefighters 253,000
Pharmacists 245,000
Roofers 242,000
Musicians, singers and related workers 203,000
Gaming services workers (gambling) 106,000
Tax preparers 98,000
Service station attendants 96,000
56%
Projected percentage growth from 2002 to 2014 in the number of home
health aides. Forecasters expect this occupation to grow at a faster
rate than any other. Meanwhile, the occupation expected to add more
positions over this period than any other is retail salespeople
(736,000). (Source: Upcoming Statistical Abstract of the United
States: 2008)
77%
Percentage of workers who drove alone to work. Another 11 percent car
pooled, and 5 percent took public transportation (excluding
taxicabs).
3 million
Number of workers who face extreme commutes to work of 90 or more
minutes each day.
Enjoy the chips and be careful it is still a Monday
buffalo
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Picnic Chips
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A young intern was making a morning visit in
the maternity pre-partum ward at the local hospital.
He stopped at the first bed and said: "What is
the expected due date for your baby?"
"June 8th." she answered.
He went on to the next bed and repeated his
question.
"June 8th." came the reply.
He asked the woman in the next bed the same
question.
Again the response was "June 8th."
After getting the same answer seven times in
a row, he found the next patient asleep.
He turned to the woman he had just questioned,
and asked: "Does Mrs. W. here also expect her
baby to be born on June 8th?"
"I don't know," was the reply. "You see, she didn't
go to our company's Labor Day picnic."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The Way Golf Was Meant To Be Played
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Rating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men are walking down the street. One is from California, one is
from New York, and the last is from St. Louis.
A good looking woman walks by ... the man from California
states "She's
about an 8."
The man from New York states "No, no ... she's a 6."
The man from St. Louis says "Hell no, she's a 1."
The two men look at the guy from St. Louis and turn to each other and
say, "Well, she was not that good looking."
All three continue walking down the strip. As chance happens another
woman walks by. She is more beautiful than the first.
The man from California exclaims "9"
The man from New York cries "8.5"
The man from St. Louis says "2"
The man from California and New York State, "I guess it takes all
types."
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The man from California and New York simultaneously state "10"
The man from St. Louis states loudly, "3.5"
The man from New York asks the man from St. Louis, "What the hell is
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The man from St. Louis turns to him and says, "I'm using the Budweiser
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The man from California asks "What is that?"
The man from St. Louis responds "The Budweiser method is to see how
many Clydesdales (horses) it would take to pull her off my face."
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Alumni Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a somewhat enforced term of government employment at a very
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college
degree to improve any future financial rewards available for the use
my
personal services. After discharge from my Uncle Sam's care, It was
apparent that he obviously felt some guilt over screwing me over for
the
past few years and reluctantly agreed to help fund my matriculation
at a
local college. I graduated from the school, with luck and a definite
degree of sacrifice Trying to balance study, partying, many part time
jobs, partying, standing in line trying to justify my right to claim
unemployment dollars as I could not find anyone looking to hire a 50
caliber machine gun operator. partying, plus my social service
volunteer
work, helping available nubile female students pass their human
sexuality classes, and imbibing at parties, it was amazing that I
survived. I really never felt any allegiance to the school itself.
Once
I was outta that particular pile of bricks, I harbored no particular
desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive, join any alumni
associations or attend any athletic events. But sure enough, a few
years
later, someone in the Alumni Affairs staff called my parents, and
tracked down my current phone number and called. "So, what have you
been doing with yourself?" the perky alumnus inquired. I
responded, "Oh,
not a lot. Just hot wiring and stealing cars, running a little
moonshine
on the side, when I'm not running a few hookers ." Needless to say, I
haven't heard from them again.
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Pill Chips
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Cheating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives.
Henry started by saying, "I think my wife's fooling around on me. I
went
home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think
she's cheatin' on me with a carpenter!"
Tom answered, "Yeah, I think my wife isn't faithful either. The other
day
I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I
think
she's cheatin' on me with a plumber!"
Otis then joins in and says, "Well, if you think that's bad, I've got
one
for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed. I
think my
Leena is cheatin' on me with a horse!"
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Crab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch
in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said,
"You have crabs".
She informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she
was an eighty-year-
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The
doctor said, "You probably have crabs."
"No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin."
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, "Doctor can you
help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don't tell me that it's
crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can't be crabs."
The doctor said, Jump on the table and let's have a look."
After examining her the doctor proclaimed,
"Ma'am, you're right, you don't have crabs, this cherry is so
old, you have fruit flies."
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Subscribers and Friends
IT IS NO SECRET by Marlene
http://summerhoosie
John w/ Great Balls Of Fire "Jerry Lee Lewis"
http://heavens-
Presidential Labor day Message
http://www.whitehou
The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon Official Site
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Annie's "Labor Day"
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Surfin Surfari
Labor Day 2007
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DOL History Of Labor Day
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Mackinac Bridge Walk
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Movies
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Can't Catch
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Pope Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While visiting Rome, an Australian tourist was filming the
Vatican with his new video camera.
He was panning around when he spotted someone having a wank in
the bushes.
He zoomed in closer and was amazed to see that it was the Pope.
Just as the Pope purged his bishop, he spotted the tourist
filming him.
"Jesus Christ!" he groaned.
He ran over to the tourist, he said, "May I buy your camera?"
"No bloody way mate! I just got it at the duty-free." Replied the
Aussie.
"I'll give you $1,000 for it" said the Pope.
"Forget it!" said the Aussie.
"Okay, I'll give you $20,000 for it!" the Pope begged.
"Really?" said the Aussie. "Yeah, all right mate."
Later, an aide saw the Pope carrying the camera and went over
to check it out.
"That's a great camera, Your Holiness, where did you get it?"
"I just bought it from a tourist" said the Pope
"If you don't mind me asking," said the aide, "how much did you
pay for it?"
"$20,000." Replied the Pope.
"Wow!" said the aide, "he must have seen you coming!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can't Be Done
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time the lamb got out,
The dog would try to .....
Put it back into the bucket!
____________
Juan's wife's stories--never a borer.
For her cooking he'll really adore 'er.
His one complaint deep?
The sounds when you sleep!
You're a hell of a noisy señora."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death.
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but
is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.
He may
only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This
also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be
covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and
deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex
for the
first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for
virgins to
marry.
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband,
but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the
other
hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in
tropical fish
stores.
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and
the first
time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her
daughter at the same time.
<snagged by>
Ross
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on
the shores of an
unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I
was once a handsome
prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,
young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your
castle
with my mother, where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
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legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fuckin think so.
Jim Tenn
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1076
Tami and the Rhymers
Tami: So you guys want me to tell you who the
best poet is correct?
Katie: Yes ma'am.
Tami: Well go ahead and start.
Ginger: Me me me
Roses are red, licorice is black
Touch my head and it is you I will smack
Tami: Hrumpt! Well it does rhyme.
Sandi: Lord I know the things I touch
hold not as much value as the
love He has for me ... so much.
Tami: You have the right meaning Sandi.
Katie: Oh look there is my car made of gold.
It matches my house which is not very old.
Both are of value beyond compare.
So I have much, dont you wish you were there?
Tami: Oh miss Modesty...I swear,,
Katie: Let me write that line down.
Rudy: Okay, it is my turn.
ahem...
When I sailed the ocean blue, Tami I tought of you.
I thought of riches and of steaks and yet it is true,
That Tami, I can't think of anything that rhymes with this
line so I guess I will end it here.
Tami: Ah freeform poetry. How gallant.
I give the blue ribbon to Rudy the poet.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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