Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Speaking of uniforms, when a person reported to shore duty at
the Naval Station in San Diego, they automatically assigned them
to Base Security for two months and after some quick classes on
what we could and couldn't do we were given a night stick and
a Motorola radio and sent out patrolling the base. The uniform for
this was the working blue uniform and as I didn't want to wear the
old wool jumpers, I went over to the uniform shop and dumped
a paycheck into the new uniforms which were double knit and
easier to care for than wool. I was going with Sandy at the time
and she worked for Pacific Services which provided laundry
and tailor services to the Marine and Navy bases so I had a free
source for dry cleaning and alterations which most paid an arm
and a leg for as you could never wear a uniform two nights in a
row. It was July and August in San Diego and the uniforms were
a bit on the warm side but they did breathe better than wool and
we were assigned to an evening shift which was cooler.
Having all day off I made arrangements to meet some friends down
at the beach, grabbed a six pack and headed for Mission Bay. I drank
a few bears and when no body showed up I kicked back on the beach
in cut-offs and took a nap. I woke up and it was afternoon and my
stomach and chest were burnt to a crisp. I tried every remedy I could
think off to reduce the pain and damage. I sacrificed an Aloe Vera
plant and
cleared the shelves of remedies and I was still hurting, basically
one large
blister. I knew that the Navy took a dim view of people who got
sunburned and if you were put light duty you could be charged with
willfully rendering yourself unfit for duty and I didn't want to test
them
as I was preparing to take the E-6 exams.
Therefore I hid the damage and went to work stopping during breaks
to apply skin moisturizers and anything that said it would kill pain.
I
must have done something right because even though I was
uncomfortable,
after about three days my skin peeled off in one big wet chunk and
the new stuff was already growing. BTW in case you are wondering it
really stings for awhile after you pull a couple of square feet of
skin off.
too bad it was so thin or I could have had it tanned and made a bike
seat out of it... genuine buffalo hide.
Hope your weekend is going fine. I haven't received any comments or
pages on 9-11 yet so I suppose you have chosen to fly your flag and
remember that day in a personal way.... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the
harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she
thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've
already had it."
Persuasion was necessary, but the amorous man had finally gotten his
girlfriend between the sheets. In due course he made love to her,
finally burying his sword in her sheath and beginning to screw away.
"Be careful," she panted. "I think I have a weak heart."
"Don't worry," he said, without missing a stroke. "I'll take it very
easy when I get up to the heart!"
Thought for the Day: The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and
Kama-Sutra explains how.
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is
it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to
get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
Bubba asked, "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for
making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and
fries, is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly
women I've been wakin' up with
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Danger Of Masturbation
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Happy Cat
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Sexual Harassment
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The Dick Cheney Hunting Collection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pope Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase,
"Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed
that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti
Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that
they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he
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The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et
Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."
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Random Chips
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After several unsuccessful advances, the bachelor asked his blonde
and alluring but standoffish date "Do you shrink from making love?"
"If I did," she sighed, "I'd be a midget."
A yuppie business woman in town for an important meeting,
checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her
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Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock
sounded at the door and there stood an elderly Chinaman.
Impressed by the speedy service, the career woman exclaimed,
"My, you come lickety-split!
"No ma'am," replied the old Chinaman, "I come get laundry."
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
---Groucho Marx
A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some
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to his replies.
"Are you feeling OK?" he asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with
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"Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began
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Relation Chips
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The divorce court was attentive as the wife complained to the Judge
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"Honey..."the wife said. "I think I'm going to the doctor to see if
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Message Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi. God here. How ya doin? Why is it that every time I turn around,
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so-called religious leader is shaking the Bible or Koran and saying
that
I, God, want everyone to "stone the adulteress" or "burn the witch" or
"send money to build the Happy Jesus Theme Park" or, in this case,
bust
up statues?
Let's get something straight here. First of all, that Bible or Koran
that they're shaking around? Heavily padded. Sure I told the prophets
to
write some of those things down. The good-advice parts, like bathe,
and
lift with your knees, and be nice to each other, and don't do roof
work
when you're drunk. But for every thing I asked a prophet to write
down,
he'd add about a hundred things of his own, stuff about when his
neighbors should be smote and why his wife should do everything he
said
and so on.
A lot of those prophets were thwarted writers as well, and saw the
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and Koran as a way of getting their potboilers published. All that
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Recall Chips
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Actual Recall 9-7-07
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The Not So Well Documented Side Effects Of Zencore
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Funeral Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim's favorite golf course was built right next to a cemetery. One of
the greens is right next to the fence that separates the golf course
from the cemetery.
Well on this particular afternoon, Jim was playing with a well-known
loudmouth and they came up to that green. Loudmouth had about a 50
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the ball towards the hole.
Now, it so just happens on the other side of the fence there was a
funeral in process.
Jim tells us what happened next.
"Man, that putt almost made it," he said. "And at about the time the
pastor across the fence got done with the service.
Well, that was when Loudmouth shouted (loud enough for everyone at
the funeral to hear) 'Get in that damn hole, motherfucker!
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Toon Chips
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Decoy
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the
worse for wear.
"I didn't sleep a wink," he told a coworker. "I was up all night
trying
to keep my wife's begonia covered against the freezing cold."
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her begonia."
~~~~~~~~~~~
At Da Nang, a tough, experienced Marine lieutenant was indoctrinating
a
group of men fresh in for service in his platoon. "Don't never sell
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If they jump fer cover, you jump, too. Don't never take your eye off
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Lieutenant?" "Who the hell said anything about the VC?" the off icer
shouted, "I'm talking about my own Gunnies!"
~~~~~
Situation: Winter time in the south, aircraft flying along his route
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in
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Female Controller: "N123Z, verify you have icing on your route."
(Pronounced "ROOT" in the south)
(long pause)
Male pilot of N123Z: "It's cold up here ma'am, but not that cold."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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2,000 years ago, Moses said, "Pick up your shovel, pack your ass,
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200-plus years ago, George Washington said, "Get off your ass, use
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Calif Jack
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town,
doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a
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"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi
driver,
and the fare back to town is $25."
Ray Williams
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1082
The County Fair Continued
Katie: Let's head for the midway..
Sandi: Rudy, win me a teddy bear.
Rudy: Shucks, I don't know if I can or not.
Ginger: Come on dad.
Rudy: Mister how does this work?
Carnie: You pay me. I give you this mallet or sledge hammer,
you swing it as hard as you can at this mark, if you hit it hard
enough to ring the bell, you win a prize.
Rudy: Gosh I don't know if I can do that.
BJ: I heard a guy over there say he thinks you look like a dog
he shot a few years ago as a pup and he didn't think you had a
chance.
Rudy: GRRRRR!
BJ: Yeah, he thought you were a wimp. He is watching now.
Rudy: Can I borrow the gloves with the opposable thumbs you
invented pops?
BJ: Sure.
Rudy: A-Rooo! I will show him. Stand back.
Whooosh! BANG!! GONG!
Sandi: You did it! My hero!
Rudy: Where is that evil-doer. He is next on my list.
BJ: First put the hammer down. I just said that so you
could do it Rudy. I had faith in you. You lacked the faith
that I and Sandi had in you. See you did it. All I supplied
was motivation.
Rudy: I am not sure if I like that or not. You didn't tell
me the truth.
BJ: For that, I apologize. You must learn to believe in
your abilities.
Sandi: As I do.
Ginger: Me do dad.
Rudy: Aw shucks. Let's get your teddy bear Sandi.
Sandi: You are my teddy bear.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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