Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It seems we have a bumper crop of raccoons this year to deal
with and they are going after garbage cans and making a mess.
A letter from a local resident to another group sent me off on a
search for raccoon control methods. I delved into the net and found
dozens of suggestions on how to control the problem and it was
broken down into two categories, keeping the raccoon out of the
can or repelling it. We already employ some of the methods here
to keep the lids attached to the cans or we would be buying new
cans on a monthly basis. The same things like locking handles on the
lids, using bungee cords, and even heavy rocks and bricks will help
keep them out.
The second method, repellants is a little harder to do. I was told
that
coyote and fox urine would keep them away but I know that if I tied
a coyote to my front porch there would be complaints from the next
door neighbors every time there was a moon out and the coyote
starts howling, a lesson I found out when I chained owls to my porch
to scare away the rabbits from along the power canal. I though it was
cute how they said," Who" sixty or seventy times a night but the
neighbors
through rocks at my porch, scared the owl and broke my porch light.
The foxes would have a similar problems. Get a fox or two around
and soon there will be Englishmen in red coats with hounds, on horses,
chasing the foxes and blowing trumpets. I would have animal control
and
the noise abatement officer on my lawn in a heartbeat writing
tickets. I
came across another suggestion to use pepper spray around the lids to
keep the animals away. This probably won't work if you have the
Mexican
variety of raccoon as they like using the stuff as a dip for any
leftover tacos
they find in your trash can.
Has anyone else had this problem and how do you get rid of your
raccoons
and please only humane methods.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Penny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test,
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The first one came in.
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"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
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Then the second pupil came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
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"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.
"I suppose you've been up Penny Lane, too, then?"
"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Priest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They
were determined to make this a real vacation by not
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As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts,
sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in
their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a
drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous"
topless
blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed
them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father,
good morning, Father", nodding and addressing
each of them individually, then passed on by. They
were both stunned. How in the world did she know
they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and
bought even more outrageous outfits. These were
so loud you could hear them before you even saw
them.
Once again the two priests in mufti settled on the
beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a
while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing
a string, taking her sweet time, came walking
toward them. Again she nodded at each of them,
said "good morning, Father" and started to walk
away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer
and said. "Just a minute young lady."
Yes?" she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to
know, how in the world did you know we are
priests dressed as we are?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Angela," she replied.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name the elements, Billy," instructed the teacher.
"There's earth and there's air," began the boy, "and then fire
and...er... water... and---oh, yes---fucking.
The teacher gasped, then recovered herself. "That
filthy thing you named, what ever made you include it?"
"I overheard my mom telling one of her friends,"
answered Billy, "that when my dad gets to fucking, he's really in his
element."
~~~~
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are
you
aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left my baby on the
RTA bus again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bridge Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman in Cheboygan was so depressed that she
decided to end her life by throwing herself into the
Straits. She went to the Mackinaw Bridge and was about
to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young
sailor saw her tottering on the rail, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much
to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if
you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder
and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me
happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all,what did she have to
lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her
life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought
her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made
passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she
was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the
Mackinaw Island Ferry."
Dennis
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Johnny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he
needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent
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to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?" His
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The next day at school Johnny's teacher calls him to the front of the
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paper up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so
much to me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick the Dragon Slayer
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Moral of the story: Pay your bills!
Big Roger
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the
first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The
rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the
jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going.
Q. Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A:. Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
A blonde at a party was telling her friend that she'd gone off men
for life. "They lie, they cheat, and they're just no good," she
moaned. "From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my tried and
tested plastic companion," she said.
"What happens when the batteries run out?" asked her friend.
"That's simple," replied the blonde. "I'll just fake an orgasm as
usual!"
A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City. It's a balmy spring day
and he is wearing a kilt.
A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn
beneath the kilt.
"No lassie" he replies, "everything is in fine working order."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl they called Trish
Who was quite a delectable dish
Men savored her lips
Then brought bags of chips
For her pussy smelt strongly of fish
____________
A remarkable race are the Persians,
They have such peculiar diversions.
They screw the whole day
In the regular way,
And save up the nights for perversions.
____________
There once was this dude named Matt,
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fat,
I'm willing to bet,
The only pussy he'd get,
Is when he goes home to his cat.
<snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man called the government office where I work and requested an
estimate of his benefits upon retirement. After I gave him the
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"She has worked all her life making me happy," he replied.
That was nice, I commented, but had she ever contributed to a pension
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"No," he said. "We made an agreement when we got married. I would
make the living and she would make the living worthwhile."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A redneck is driving down a back road in Georgia. A sign in front of
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Ray
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Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1057
Tami and Ginger
BJ: I will be glad when Ginger gets over her chewing stage.
Diana: Me to. Just look at the bannister. I will have to refinish
it.
BJ: She will grow out of it. Where is the little stinker?
Diana: I let her outside.
Elsewhere...
Tami is doing her housework...
Ding Dong!
Tami: Hello... There is nobody here. Oh it is my newspaper...
is
all torn up!!! Shredded!
back inside she continues to clean...
Ding Dong!
Tami: Hello...nobody here...my mail...it is shredded...who is doing
this?
I am angry now.
Back in the house...
Where did I leave my broom? I must have left it outside.
Tami goes out the front door and sees Ginger merrily running across
the
front yard with the broom in her mouth.
Tami: Come back here you little miscreant!
Meanwhile at BJ's house....
Ding dong!
BJ: Hello Tami!
Ka-Pow!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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