Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
As an old carrier sailor, I have enjoyed watching music videos that
have been appearing on You Tube. I have found videos with vintage
footage from my days in the Navy when Intruders, Phantoms, Crusaders,
and Corsairs filled the flight decks, Tomcat footage set to Top Gun
themes and our F-18s that were just a dream when I left. The one thing
that has filled me with wonder is the expanding role of women onboard
Navy ships in every area from Engineering to the Signal Bridge.
Several weeks ago I discovered a video on You Tube made by the
women of the USS Ronald Reagan to Shania Twain's song " That Don't
Impress Me Much." It showed life aboard a carrier and women
performing
their jobs in a humorous and positive light and even the Commanding
Officer put in an appearance.
This morning came the news that the Navy had ordered the video pulled
because of a scene where a sailor was dancing in a yellow radiation
suit
and a scene that showed the door leading to the stairs that takes you
down to the ship's reactor spaces. I really hope the Navy allows the
squadron that prepared the video to reshoot those scenes and publish
the video again. If not the Navy will be missing out on an enormous
recruiting tool and also a morale booster for the crew members who are
featured in the videos.
Many of you didn't receive your mail from yesterday till early this
morning
and some are probably still wondering when the Scuttlebutt from
yesterday
will pop up. Yahoo had a software or hardware problem yesterday and
rather than compound the problem with multiple copies of everything I
decided to wait. The problem obviously was repaired after midnight and
the mail queue started to flow again. Hopefully today will be life as
usual.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Confession Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At church, Joe was in charge of taking up
the offerings. One Sunday after the services,
the priest counted the cash and found it was
smaller than anticipated. So he questioned
Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough
for the size of the congregation. Joe said that
he did not take any of the offering. The priest
again questioned him and again he said that
he did not take any of the offering. So the priest
said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.
Then the priest asked Joe, "Did you take any
of the offering?" and this time Joe said, "I can't
hear you."
Again the priest asked, "Joe did you take any
of the offering?" Again Joe answered, "I can't
hear you."
This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE
ANY OF THE OFFERING?!?"
Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."
By this time the priest was getting a little angry
so he came out of the confessional and said,
"Joe trade places with me and you can ask me
a question."
So they traded places and Joe asked. "I hear
that you and my wife are having an affair. Is
that true?"
To which the priest answered, "By golly, you
can't hear in here!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Arkansas couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They
went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The
doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what
finally made them make the decision. Why after nine children would
they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one
out of every ten children being born in the United States was
Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican
baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
My husband was leaving for Europe for six weeks and I wasn't looking
forward to it. As his departure day approached, I exclaimed: "I just
don't know what I'm
going to do with you gone for so long! Who's going to laugh with me,
go for walks with me? Who's going to talk to me in bed late at night?"
He sat in silence just staring at me.
As I turned to leave the room, he said, "Nobody, I hope."
"Imagine," said Margaret, "your husband drowned and left you ten
million dollars. And he couldn't even read or write."
Jill smiled, "He couldn't swim either."
Approaching the counter at a local post office, I said to the
stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?
"No!" she replied testily, "I'm the Postmaster - Uncle Sam doesn't
pay me enough to be anyone's mistress."
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Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Hey babe....do you realize that my
mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Is that a double ended dilldo or are
you just glad to see me?
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should
I apologize?
Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
She: Uh...no....
Irish: Well, do you want some?
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
the
first thing that pops up?
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:"Smile if
you want to sleep with me", then watch the victim try to hold back her
smile...
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
You smell wet. Let's Party.
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have
cum in your hair.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the
money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
At the office copy machine: Reproducing eh? Can I help?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you
prefer Scotch and sofa?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
say:
Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? Hey, wanna see my R2-D2
impersonation? (Think about it...) Hey baby...infect me!
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? What's the matter, don't like
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I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
good.
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Dead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was brought before the judge and charged with
necrophilia -- Having sex with a dead woman.......
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never
heard such a disgusting, immoral thing.
Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up
and throw away the key!"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
#1, It's none of your damn business;
#2, She was my wife; and.....
#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Acting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.
"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for
so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?" "Wednesday," says
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marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job! The first show is
at 9 o'clock, Saturday night." The actor is so excited that he goes
on a
major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the
theater,
continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark,
I
hear the cannons roar!" He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer. "Who
the heck are you?" "I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.
"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the bouncer. "You're
late!
Get up to makeup right now!" So, the actor runs up to makeup. "Who the
heck are you?" asks the makeup girl. "I'm Hark, I hear the cannons
roar!" he says. "You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup.
"Now, quick, get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your
line!"
So he dashes down to the stage. "Who the heck are you?" asks the stage
manager. "I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies. "Oh, thank
God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains are about to go
up!"
So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he sees that
the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and
the bewildered actor shouts, "What the fuck was THAT?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice to Young Ladies
Beware of the fickle martini,
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I asked, "What were you looking at?"
He said, "Your crow's feet."
I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show you
my sagging breasts?"
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
The Kelsey Shelton Briggs Story ~Daddys Little Girl~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines
From Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the
Window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby
Dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes
Have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could
Ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby
Dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes
Have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to
Ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then,
Tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your
Mother to explain it to you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandma and the big bad wolf
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a preacher's daughter
Who resented the pony he bought her
Till she found that it's dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her.
____________
There once was a man named O'Doul,
Who discovered red spots on his tool,
He went to the doc,
Who examined his cock,
And said "Wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
____________
There was a young lady named Gay,
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants,
She was tickled to try it that way!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The guy is out on the golf course when he is hit by a screaming drive
right in the groin, He falls to
the ground, writhing in pain. Eventually he makes it to the doctor's
office to be examined.
"How's it look Doc." he asks?
"Not too bad, says the doctor. You should be alright in about a week>"
"Thank heavens," says the guy. "I"m getting married in about a week
and my fiance is a virgin in
every way. I wouldn't want to disappoint her."
The doctor takes 4 tongue depressors and wires them into place,one on
each side of the guys
penis. Once finished the contraption is quite a engineering marvel,
The guy says nothing to his
fiance about what has happens and as planned gets married and goes on
their honeymoon.
In the honeymoon suite his new bride opens her gown top and displays
a beautiful set of breasts.
"These are for you. No one has ever seen them before.", she says. The
groom quickly drops his
pants and proudly states. "This is for you. And look. it's still in
the crate!"
Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
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got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed
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Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1061
Riding Lawnmowers and Ginger
Tami: I think I will surprise Rob and cut the grass
today. The riding lawnmower is easy to use and I
can cut it in one hour.
Meanwhile outside ----
Ginger: So Tami is going to cut the grass. I will
put a cut of Katie's super gasoline in the riding
lawnmower. heh heh heh
Tami: What a pretty day, a bit warm, but I feel
good and what a surprise Rob will have. Okay
starting the mower....ROAR!
ACK!!! It won't shut off. I have to cut the grass
at 30 mph.
At the Cassady house
Diana: Look at Tami. She is really racing her
lawnmower.
BJ: Seems like I read there is a lawnmower race
in town this weekend. Perhaps she is thinking about
entering her lawnmower and she is practicing.
Katie: She seems to be cutting grass. Mother may
I have another mint julep?
Rudy: Look at her bounce in the air. I have not heard
such words since dad hit his thumb with a hammer.
Sandi: Maybe I should get the microphone and break
this into WKATE-TV.
Ginger: No need. Let's let her have her privacy. She
is probably having the time of her life.
Sandi: You are probably right Ginger, but I could see it
now...."Ladies and Gentlemen, we have Miss Tami
racing across her lawn in her jet propelled lawnmower,
watch as she hits another bump and rises so high can
she hang on? Watch as she lands so hard on her but
will she make it to the end of the race.....?
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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