THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.'-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.  Our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan are thousands of miles from home: lonely exhausted aching to hear the sound of a loved one’s voice. Your gift now can help the USO send thousands of prepaid phone cards overseas, so that husbands, wives, and sweethearts¦ Moms, Dads, and their kids¦ can share a few precious moments for free http://www.thepostm  NEW! Milk Chocolate Covered OREO - Get 3 Boxes for FREE*! It's your favorite sandwich cookie decadently wrapped in pure milk chocolate. OREO has never been as luxurious as it is now, draped in the richest, purest, milk chocolate. Taste the fortune. Sign up now to receive your 3 Boxes, FREE*! http://www.thepostm  Join Eversave.com today and youll receive: - Grocery coupons - Free samples - Budget-friendly recipes - Savings tips and articles - Exclusive discounts - & More Plus youll find great ways to save on grocery, beauty, baby items, pet supplies and much more. It's simple to sign up. Get amazing savings on he brands and services you use every day. http://www.thepostm I neglected to mention that it was the birthday of "the war department" yesterday. She is now ahem...cough cough...years old!!! Happy birthday! Son and I took her over to Brann's, which is an absolutely fabulous local steak house that gives a free dinner on bday. They have the most excellent sizzler steaks I have ever tasted. Even "the war department" enjoyed it and she typically is only a fish or chicken type of person, avoiding most red meats. But I noticed she chowed down on that sizzler in good time, and ordered the large one, rather than the petite one:) Then we made a trip to the local video store which gives a free rental on bday and got the new Indiana Jones flick. It was ok, altho it pretty much followed the same plot as previous Indianna Jones episodes. This weekend we will take her out and buy some new dresses as she rarely if ever buys new clothes for herself. Kohls doesn't give away free dresses on your birthday, guess we will have to buy those:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  THE COMICS I'll find it http://www.thepostm I'm a little concerned http://www.thepostm sorry I didn't ask for directions http://www.thepostm you're different http://www.thepostm deleting a file http://www.thepostm a coincidence http://www.thepostm tell you a secret http://www.thepostm the Lockhorns http://www.thepostm speedy wedding arm wrestling http://www.thepostm candid camera http://www.thepostm a turtle's sex life http://www.thepostm (I know that many of you look forward to the power point displays, and I apologize that I have not published more of them. Never seems to be enough time in the day to get everything done. I'll try and do better in the future.) ============ Sue was playing hard to get, so Greg played his last and biggest trump card."I'll bet you I can keep my eye on my beer while 1 go out to my car," he said. Sue knew that this was impossible so she put down $10 and said,"You're on." Greg took out a glass eye, placed it on the bar beside his glass, went out to his car, came back and claimed the bet." Tell you what, I'll give you a chance to win your money back", he said. I bet you $10 I can bite my own ear." "No chance! You're on". said Sue. He took out a set of false teeth and bit his ear lobe with them, and picked up the money once again he said. " To show you I am a sport,I'll give you another chance, Double or nothing. I bet you I can poke my head through this hole", he said, holding up his hand and making a circle with his thumb and forefinger. Sue checked the size of the hole several times and said, "OK, smartie! You're on." He poked the forefinger of his other hand through the hole and touched his forehead. "You're down $40", said Greg, "I'll give you one last chance to get your money back. 1 bet I can make love to you so gently, so tenderly that you won't even feel it." Sue knew that this was just impossible, so she threw down $40 and said, "No way you can do that! You're on!" Greg led Sue to the bed in the back room where he proceeded to screw the daylights out of her, fucking furiously. "Oh wow! Oh God! Oh shit!" Sue screamed. "1 can feel it! oh my God, can I feel it!!! Oh WOW! You've lost the bet Mr. Smart Ass." "Ah," said Greg as he continued fucking her, "... you win some, you lose some" ____________ A man, his wife, and his buddy are at a bar. After a few hours of heavy drinking, the wife says she's had enough and she's going out to sleep it off in the car. Ten minutes or so later the buddy says he's going out to check on her. Several beers later, the bartender suggests that the husband go check on 'em both. The husband stumbles out the door and sees his buddy and wife engaged in a few extracurricular dealings, then walks back in. He laughs and tells the bartender, "That buddy of mine is so drunk, he thinks he's me!" ____________ Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?'" God says, "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?" God says, "So she would love ____________ Two bachelors were talking about their respective choice of life partner. One friend said,'It is generally said that people with opposite characteristics make the happiest marriages. What is your opinion ? The friend replied,'Yes, they are right. That is why I am looking for a girl with a lot of money!' ____________ A woman walks into a bar with her 4 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to a guy. She notices he is looking a little bit queasy. A few minutes go by and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!" ____________ The teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil: "Tylenol?" Teacher: " Very good! And what is it used for?" Pupil: "It is used for headaches." Second pupil: "Nytol, Teacher." Teacher: " Excellent. And what it is used for?" Pupil: " To help you sleep." Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: "Viagra." Teacher: " Johnny, what do you think is it used for?" Johnny: "It can be used for diarrhea." Teacher: "Who told you this?" Johnny: "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father ... 'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder!'" BUFFALO Bill Edible Candy http://www.buffalos Confession http://www.buffalos Grandchildren http://www.buffalos Pigs in Lipstick http://tinyurl. Squirt First, Questions Later http://tinyurl. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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