THE POSTMAN'S CORNER 'My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in awhorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardlyany difference. I, for one, believe the piano player job to be much more honorable than current politicians. HAARY TRUMAN  Share your unique opinion and get paid for it! Product Developers are willing to pay reviewers between $5 and $75 per completed survey. - Review Products - Take simple online surveys - Keep the products you review - Get paid for your opinion! JOIN NOW Free Membership http://www.thepostm  http://www.thepostma Get Your Free Healthy Recipe eBook and start cooking delicious and healthy meals every day! http://www.thepostm  FREE* ECLIPSE Chewing Gum! Try ECLIPSE Chewing Gum in one of 3 chilling flavors and experience an artic freshness like never before! If you love the BOLD breath-freshening power of ECLIPSE you'll love that you can get 12 FREE* PACKS of your favorite flavor delivered righ to your door http://www.thepostm  Get 1 Box of KIX Cereal, FREE*! Start your morning strong with a FREE* box of KIX! Kids love its great-tasting, lightly-sweetened, crispy puffs of corn and parents love its nutritional value. http://www.thepostm So, are you already for halloween? Today you may want to run out and pick up some goodies to give out if you have not already done so. Tomorrow for halloween promises to be a busy day for me. I have the tree service coming out first thing in the morning to finish removing some stumps they did not get the last time they were here. Then a doctor's appointment. Plus, the weather is supposed to be rather warm tomorrow. Like 60 degrees, so if that happens, hopefully I can get the bike out for a couple hours in the afternoon. I like to hand out the candy, but it is usually only the first hour. Usually, at first its just the little kids who come to the door. After that, in our neighborhood, its just like teenagers and even adults. Usually after 630pm I am tired of answering the door, so I just turn off the porch light by then. Besides, I hafta make sure there is leftover candy for me to eat the next day:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS I'm not drunk http://www.thepostm mating call http://www.thepostm trick or treat http://www.thepostm waiting long? http://www.thepostm forecasting http://www.thepostm nonconformity http://www.thepostm  highway accident http://www.thepostm crazy hampster http://www.thepostm silly animals http://www.thepostm  Notice to All EmployeesAs of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness: 1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a 'fair shake.' 2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours. 3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't apply to us. 4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of all.' 5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's 'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more 'patriotic.' 6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th. ____________ A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore." ____________ A Polish guy goes running frantically into a police station, "Help me! Help me officer, my wife is trying to kill me!" The officer says, "Calm down sir. What did she do? Did she poison your food?" Polish guy says, "No". "Did she wave a knife at you?" "Umm no." "Did she point a gun at you?" Again the Polish guy says, "No." The officer is staring at the polish guy with a confused look on his face. "Well then, how do you know your wife is trying to kill you!?" Polish guy says, "Oh, back at the house, in the bathroom, in the medicine cabinet - there's a bottle in there, and on it it says 'Polish Remover'!!". ____________ A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your pussy?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my pussy!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your breath. then". ____________ It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip. Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes. ____________ THE wisdom of Larry the cable guy 1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory Matter Of Taste http://www.buffalos FUN PAGES From Lorraine Lesson in Respect http://tinyurl. I Look Like My Dog http://tinyurl. Man's Greatest Wish http://tinyurl. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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