THE POSTMAN'S CORNER I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  ST. IVES Swiss Formula - FREE* SAMPLES! Cucumber Melon Body Wash & more Get ST. IVES SWISS FORMULA - FREE*! Blended with the finest botanicals & ingredients by expert herbalists it's the naturally effective way to improve the health & beauty of your skin. http://www.thepostm  Select Your Favorite CHIPS AHOY COOKIES - Get 3 PACKS for FREE*! Make milk and cookies an even tastier treat with scrumptious Nabisco CHIPS AHOY cookies - NOW in 6 delicious varieties for you to sample for FREE*! http://www.thepostm  NEW Glade Scented Oil Candles - FREE* SAMPLE! CLICK HERE to Get Your FREE* SAMPLE NOW http://www.thepostm  FREE* DIAL Samples! Wash away those everyday stresses with a FREE* SAMPLE of DIAL Clean-Rinsing Antibacterial Body Wash & Deodorant Soap. No soapy residue left behind, just a trace of the fresh outdoors in your choice of two invigorating & revitalizing scents: Mountain Fresh or Spring Water. Get a hint of nature in a mild, rich-lathering formula with light moisturizers that leave your skin feeling soft, smooth and clean! http://www.thepostm When I was at the doctor the other day, he asked me how I was doing on my diet. Duhh. as if he couldn't look on my chart and see that I had l ost only one measely pound since the last time I was in. That's sorta like mom walking into the kitchen, seeing the chocolate cake half eaten, and seeing frosting all over her ten year old's mouth and she asks, "Who's been eating the cake?" So anyways,I proceeded to explain to the good ole doctor why the excersice plan didn't work for me. "Its like this doc, Excersing does burn calories, but it didn't work for me. When the fat started burning, it smelled like bacon and that made me hungry! (I bet he doesn't ask about my weight next time I go in) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  ThE COMICS Its bad for us http://www.thepostm calling in sick http://www.thepostm look at them punkins! http://www.thepostm seniors need it too! http://www.thepostm windows http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES new car alarm http://www.thepostm David Letterman http://www.thepostm fun in the gym http://www.thepostm Drew Carry http://www.thepostm One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?" "Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air." "Yes," said the priest, "your knees!" ____________ The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear. She glanced down and said, "Nice design...does it also come in men's sizes?" ____________ There she stood in the line at the post office, a line that wound itsway almost out the front door. A fellow customer spoke to the elderly lady waiting to buy somestamps. "Ma'am, you must be very tired. Did you know there's a stampmachine over there in the corner?" He pointed to the machine builtinto the wall. "Why yes, thank you," the lady replied, "but I'll just wait here alittle while longer. I'm getting close to the window." The customer became insistent. "But it would be so much easier for you to avoid this long line and buy your stamps from the machine." The woman patted him on the arm and answered, "Oh, I know. But thatold machine would never ask me how my grandchildren are doing." ____________ We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual. "Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like pancakes, I hate to let you go." ____________ Common Sense Driving Rules 1. If you're in the left lane, and everybody's passing you on the right, that means you need to get the fuck out of the left lane, genius. 2. If you stop to talk in the store, get your fat ass out of the middle of the aisle. If you don't, and someone politely says, "Excuse me" to get through,you have no right to look at them like they just shit in your coffee. 3. Walk on the right side of the aisle. Works like a charm, just like they taught you in kindergarten. 4. If you're stuck in a line of cars behind someone who needs to read rule number one above, but you're not the poor slob right behind the asshole, tailgating,flashing your high-beams, hitting the horn or giving the finger will not help. The poor slob that's in front of you can't go any faster than the shithead in front of him. Chill the fuck out. 5. Hang the fuck up and drive. BUFFALO BILL Your right hand http://www.buffalos Dr. Phil Exposed http://tinyurl. Microsoft Merger With McDonalds http://tinyurl. Amazing Personality Test http://tinyurl. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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