Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It really is a shame to let all of that pumpkin go to waste as a
Jack O Lantern. After a few nights setting on the porch it is
covered with mold and soot and not much use for anything.
Consider instead painting your pumpkin with non toxic paint
and preparing it for freezing after Halloween or even eating
it as you would squash or perhaps a pumpkin soup. Who wants
to spend 5 dollars for a pumpkin and then have the garbage man
man charge to haul it away. If you have to carve the pumpkin
do it on Halloween and use a battery light instead of a candle.
Seasonal Advice
To Clean a Pumpkin for Cooking
First, scrub the outside of the pumpkin with a vegetable brush.
Cut the pumpkin in half and use a spoon to scrape out the fibers and
the seeds. A serrated grapefruit spoon works great for this. Cut the
pumpkin halves into smaller pieces, then place them skin side up in a
shallow baking dish. Add water to just cover the bottom of the dish,
and cover tightly. Bake in a 325 degrees F oven until the pumpkin is
fork tender. The time will vary depending on the size of your pieces.
Let it cool, and then either cut off the peel or scoop out the flesh.
Pumpkin Spice Mix Recipe
Mix the following in a jar:
a.. 1/3 cup ground cinnamon
b.. 1 tablespoon ground ginger
c.. 1 tablespoon ground nutmeg or mace
d.. 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cloves
e.. 1-1/2 teaspoons ground allspice.
For pumpkin pie, add 1 to 1-1/2 teaspoons of spice mix to your
other ingredients.
Scent Your Jack-o'-Lantern
Sprinkle a teaspoon of pumpkin spice mix into your carved
pumpkin before lighting the candle.
Storing Pumpkins and Winter Squash
Winter squashes don't like to be quite as cool as root crops
do. If you have a coolish bedroom, stashing them under the bed works
well. They like a temperature of about 50 to 65 degrees F.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your sex life ain't what it used to be if...
** These days, you get winded just turning down the
blanket.
** "Five times in one night" now means that your
overactive bladder syndrome is acting up again.
** Bob Dole sends you an FTD "Sorry You're Flaccid"
bouquet.
** Then: "Where's Waldo?" played in bed with your
pendulous babe;
Now: "Where's Waldo?" played in bathroom with your
pendulous stomach.
** Your patented "Inverse Cowgirl" position now lands
you in traction for a week.
** Then: She slipped gently into sleep after spending
30 minutes in a post-orgasmic stupor.
Now: She says you're blocking her view of the TV.
** It takes six Viagras just to play hard to get.
** Your mother doesn't knock on the bathroom door and
express her concern nearly as often as she used to.
** You can still make her eyes roll back in her head,
but now it's out of annoyance.
** Your come-on line to a cute, 16-year-old high
school student with tight jeans and an exposed
belly? "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Edible Candy
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Confession
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Grandchildren
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
get it all in
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Dave's diaper changing
http://www.thepostm
Christmas
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a
turkey, we all might be having a piece of ass for thanksgiving.
My ex came into the bedroom one night holding a jalapeno pepper in
his
hand. I asked him why he would bring pepper to our bedroom? He told
me
that we needed to spice up our love life!
A man was talking to a woman in a bar. "I have a 10 inch cock," he
boasted. "Well," she answered, "I find that hard to swallow."
She was only a Meter-Reader'
slot.
Women think they're so clever because they can fake an orgasm for
the
sake of a relationship, but men can fake a whole relationship for
the
sake of an orgasm.
A student who had recently been diagnosed with multiple personality
disorder went to the campus medical center. "Doc," he said, "I think
one of my personalities may be gay." "And this is causing you
discomfort?" the doctor asked. "Yeah," the student replied. "It's
kind
of a pain in the ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A golfer is in a competitive match with a fierce rival, who is ahead
by several strokes. The golfer mutters to himself, "I'd give anything
to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a quarter
of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he
says, "Okay, that I will" and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Oh misery! If I could only
get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth
another quarter of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure and I will." He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though
he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you
be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
Without hesitation the golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside
and says, "You know, I've really had you at a disadvantage because
you don't know who I am. I am Lucifer, Dark Lord of the Netherworld,
and because of your pact with me, from now on you will have no sex
life."
The golfer breaks into a beaming smile and turns to the Devil and
says, "Father Bernard O'Malley at your service!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dracula Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dracula dies and he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused
to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going
around sucking blood & killing. "I'll give you a chance to redeem
your sins", said God "I'll send you back to earth, but not in a human
form. You can be reincarnated into any other living thing of your
choice. So, what would you like to be?"
Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a living thing
with wings and sucks blood, heh, heh, heh."
"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a vampire bat. So
back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals
until one day when a farmer killed him. So up he went again to meet
God, feeling a little bit sheepish (and a little batty).
"I'll give you another chance", said God. "I'll send you back again.
BUT not as a human or a bat. What will it be this time?"
Still adamant, Dracula said, "I still want to be a living thing with
wings and sucks bloo d!"
God thought for a while and then said, "OK, if that's what you want",
and turned Dracula into a mosquito.
So back to earth again he went, flying around and sucking blood until
one day, splat, he was squashed by his victim. So up he went again to
meet God, feeling stupid (and rather bugged).
"I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. but this time you
cannot become a living thing. You can only be turned into a non-
living thing of your choice. So what will it be?" asked God.
Still stubborn, Dracula said, "Okayyyy...then turn me into a non-
living thing with wings and sucks blood!! heh...heh.."
"No problem," said God and He turned Dracula into a 'Sanitary Napkin'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: How did your blind date go the other night?
Jill: It was awful! He wanted to have a "menage a trois."
Mary: Oh, Dear!
Jill: " Oh, Dear" is right! The "trois" was inflatable!
Oh, John, please don't stop here!
Oh, John, please don't stop!
Oh, John, please don't!
Oh, John, please!
Oh, John!
Oh!
The old gentlemen was aging more rapidly than he wanted.
"Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you
give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while."
"WHAT!" said the man, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it
wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker
in the first place!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Ipswich girl walks into the local dry cleaners.
She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon
to
pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the worker, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Another Ipswich girl was involved in a serious crash, there's blood
everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
lying
flat out on the road. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're
concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
An Ipswich girl goes to Centrelink to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"Ten" replies the Ipswich girl,
"Ten?"says the Centrelink worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan,
Nathan and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Ipswich girl.
"Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have
to
shout NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY or NATHAN GO TO BED NOW and they all
do
it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?
Centrelink worker.
"That's easy," says the Ipswich girl... "I just use their surnames"
An Ipswich Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says
"I'll take the red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Halloween Costume Contest
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Angels Are Watching
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Melva sharing from Carol/One Of A Kind
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Only Trust Him
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Barn History
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EXTREME PUMPKINS
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Halloween Graphics, etc
http://swiftdreams.
Between the Dash
http://members.
Free Fonts for Download for Desktop Publishing
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Animal World
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Movies
Why Women Watch Football
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Wild Crashes
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Wireless Headset
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Women Fights Robber
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Women President
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Vangdewind
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Vehicle Barrier
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Video Game
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Seniors Boating
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
buffalo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
OOPS
With all the comments lately regarding Palin's 150,000
wardrobe and Michelle Obama's 400 dollar lobster dinner
I reacted to a retraction from the New York Post saying their
gossip column had been duped by sending out the following
reply:
Everyone knows Michelle never has lobsters... She has crabs.
It was a small pun at Michelle's expense however I failed to notice
when I clicked reply all that one of the addresses was
comment@whitehouse.
and I received the following reply,
On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.
We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.
Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot
respond to every message.
Thank you again for taking the time to write.
I hope they don't save it for Obama If he makes president.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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So you will look good and feel great.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edible Candy
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Confession
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Grandchildren
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Exit Only
http://www.buffalos
Horny Pack
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Feel Up
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
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The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While he eats, in his eyes there are gleams.
He's content, and his smile really beams.
There's no ifs, ands, or buts;
It's for sure that the sluts
For the zombie are ghouls of his dreams.
There was a young lady from Exeter
So pretty the men strained their necks at her
But one was so brave
To pull out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn't his style.
"I'll get my workouts," he said,
"At home, in my bed,
'Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Awesome Auger takes the hard work out of yard work.
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With Bonus Recargeable Drill
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Losing your wallet in Mexico..
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, low and behold,
he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he
attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by a Mexican Customs
Agent at the Tijuana border.
"May I see your identification, por favor, señor?" asked the
agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border,"
said the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I
have a
picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of
Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other."
"This I must see," replied the agent. With that, the American
dropped
his pants and bent over in front of the agent.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you're right!" exclaimed the agent.
"Have a
safe trip back to Chicago "
"Thanks!" he said. "But why do you think I'm from Chicago
?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!"
Lori
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his
check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You
know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is
excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to
drive around in his new Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of
your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas
holiday
trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have as
part
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is
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Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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