Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From Charlie regarding the upcoming time change.
When we change our clocks...
Daylight Saving Time begins for most of the United States at 2 a.m.
on the second Sunday of March.
Time reverts to standard time at 2 a.m. on the first Sunday of
November.
In the U.S., each time zone switches at a different time.
Twice a year, when Daylight Savings Time begins or ends, make it a
habit to not only change your clocks, but do a few other semi-annual
tasks that will improve safety in your home...
Do these things every 6 months when you reset your clocks:
Check and replace the batteries in your smoke and carbon monoxide
(CO) alarms. Replace any smoke alarms older than ten years. Replace
any CO alarms older than five years.
Prepare a disaster supply kit for your house (water, food,
flashlights,
batteries, blankets).
Once you've created your home disaster kit, use the semi-annual time
change to check its contents (including testing/replacing flashlight
batteries).
A COLD winter is coming! Make a "winter car-emergency kit" now and
put your vehicle! (Don't know what to include? Do an Internet search
for
"car emergency kit" and you'll find lots of ideas!)
It's a good idea to carry a car-emergency kit in your car year-round,
but
be sure to add cold-weather gear to your general car-emergency kit
each
fall. (Having a separate duffle/gear bag clearly marked "Cold Gear"
specifically for your cold weather emergency gear makes it easy to
add
or take out of the car, seasonally.) Like a Boy Scout, "Be Prepared!"
In cold weather, even a very minor car problem or flat tire can be
deadly
serious, or at the very least, miserable to deal with, unless you're
well
prepared.
Check home and outbuilding storage areas for hazardous materials.
Discard (properly, please) any which are outdated, no longer used, or
in poor condition. Move any which are within reach of kids or pets.
Check and discard expired medications - those dates really DO have
eaning - some very common over-the-counter medications can cause
serious problems due to change through aging.
Remember to check the AGE of your detectors!
On November 2nd, 2007, the U. S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
(CPSC), press release #08-062, suggests not only to check/change
batteries in alarms, but also check the age of the alarms and
replace
older alarms. The CPSC suggests that consumers
replace smoke alarms every ten years and
replace carbon monoxide (CO) alarms every five years.
Sensors in smoke and carbon monoxide alarms degrade and lose
effectiveness over time through environmental contamination and age.
buffalo says
Sounds like some good ideas that even those with hard wired smoke
detectors and living in warmer climates should think about
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truckin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load
of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches
the bar, he sees a bigmsign on the door saying
''Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!''
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes
over to him.
''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for
a living?''
''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from
the computers I'm hauling.''
''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says
and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks
in with tape around his glasses, a pocket
protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils,
and a belt at least a foot too long. The
bartender, without saying a word, pulls out
a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck
driver is totally shocked.
''Why did you do that?''
''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating
Silicon Valley and are in season now. You
don't even need a license.''
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets
back in his truck, and heads back onto the
freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an
accident, and the load shifts. The back door
breaks open and computers spill out all over
the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd
already forming, grabbing up the computers.
They are all engineers, accountants, and
programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he
has ever seen. He can't let them steal his
whole load.
So, remembering what happened in the bar, he
pulls out his gun and starts blasting away,
felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up
and jumps out of the car, screaming, "Stop!"
''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in
season," says the truck driver.
''But you can't fuckin' bait 'em!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Oh Fuck
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Pump
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Dishes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never
uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between
you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that
space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance
you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure
that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the
brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
stretch your legs.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during
rush-hour traffic.
9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire.
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially
4WD drivers.
11 It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the
instant the light changes.
12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and
left before proceeding.
14. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by
whatever means necessary.
15. Real women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at
130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
16. Real men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 130 kph in
bumper-to-bumper traffic.
17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously
listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a
natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle
sales.
18. There is a common held belief that highspeed tailgating in heavy
traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the
slipstream of the car in front. This is true.
19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and
buses because they have brakes.
20. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way
street.
21. It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances at bad
drivers by giving the "one or two finger salute" while screaming
out "fucking arsehole". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo
charged V6 or a 5 litre V8, with a crow bar in your lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his
head. "What's the matter?" inquired the bartender.
"While I was in the bathroom back there, I noticed among the
scribbling on the wall, and one that said: WENDY GIVES REALLY
FABULOUS HEAD - ABSOLUTELY THE GREATEST B.J. IN THE WHOLE WIDE
WORLD!" replied the customer.
"Ah buddy, I wouldn't give it a second thought, we get jerks in here
like anywhere else," said the bartender.
"I know," continue the headshaker. "One of them has scratched out the
phone number!"
A man goes to a cat house and tells that "madam" that he's been
around the world and has had every type of woman. He said he would
like something different this time.
She sends him up to Mabel's room. He walks in and finds this "drop
dead" gorgeous woman. He tells her that although she is beautiful,
he's had many beautiful woman before and was looking for something
different. She takes her eye out and tells him to screw her there. He
does and finds it was terrific. He tells her he will be back again
next week.
She says, "Okay. I'll keep and eye out for you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Right now in Spain, it's the annual Running of the Bulls. Followed,
of course, by the Soiling of the Pants and then the Burying of the
Idiots." -- Craig Kilborn
Did you hear Tonya Harding and Michael Jackson bought Aqueduct
Racetrack?
She's going to do the handicapping and he's going to ride the three-
year-olds.
A camel and an elephant were having a chat.
The elephant says to the camel "Why have you got your tits on your
back?" The camel replies "That's rich coming from someone who has
their dick on their face!"
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated
there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you're doing?"
One of the Japanese men says, "We are all berry hungry."
The waitress says, "So how is whacking off in this
restaurant going to help that situation?"
Another businessman replies, "Because menu say, first come first
served."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mini-skirted, totally blonde, Valley Girl sashayed over to her
blind date and said, "Like dude, I want you to totally screw my
brains out."
"Sorry," he replied, "I'm not into quickies."
"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician
solicitously.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."
A young girl sneaks into the bathroom, and sees her father in the
shower. Naturally, she is curious and asks what his testicles are.
"Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life" he tells her, by way of
poetic concealment. Impressed, the girl then repeats this information
to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about the dead
branch they're hanging on?"
Morris had just had coronary artery bypass surgery a month ago and
now is at the doctor's office for his final follow up visit. Of
course Morris wants to know when he can start having sex again.
The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to resume his sex
life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs without becoming
winded.
Morris listens attentively and then says, "What if I look for the
women who live on the ground floor?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I lived in an apartment complex, a good
friend of mine lived there also and decided
it was time for her to get a boob job. Since
I'd been through it, she asked me to go with
her.
Everything went well, and that summer we were
both at the pool getting some sun.
One of the regular guys in our group, who'd
had his eye on my girlfriend for some time,
said to me, "There's something different about
your friend this year, but I can't quite put
my finger on it."
After I finished laughing, I said, "And you
probably never will either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
From A Dream And A Smile
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Rythyms Of Life
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Hold On To Me
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Online Physics Game
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Carving Gallery - 2008 Gallery
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How To Play Hearts
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Movies
Automatic Confession
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B. J.
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Babes At The Beach
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Bad Police Search
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Bad Day On The Farm
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When The Parents Are Gone
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Whit Arlington
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Why I Go To Weddings
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Why Buy Expensive Toys
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Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Jones Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(David Jones is an exclusive Aussie Department store)
This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The
bartender says, "Where'd you get the great shirt mate?"
The man replies, "David Jones."
This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and the
bartender says "Where'd you get the great pants mate?"
The man replies, " David Jones."
This 3rd guy walks into the bar with really great shoes and sock on.
The bartender says, "Where'd you get the great shoes and socks mate?"
The man replies, "David Jones."
Then this 4th guy runs in stark naked and the bartender goes, "Hey!
Wait a minute! Who the hell do you think you are, mate?"
The naked guy sneers and says, "Who the heel do you think? - I'm
David Jones!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow...
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Eat Pussy
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No Means...
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Fishing
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Fat Girls
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Ruined Eyesight
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The climax, when Josie engages,
Is postponed for what seems to be ages.
Out of self-preservation
And to banish frustration
She has three or four fellows--in stages.
Today he is feeling such lust,
He knows very soon that he must
See if wife's in the mood.
He'll suggest something lewd,
And hope that his wife gets his thrust.
(Kirk Miller)
A lecherous fellow named Gould
Soliloquized thus to his tool:
"From Cape Cod to Salamanca,
You've had pox, clap, and chancre
Now ain't you a bloody great fool
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Awesome Auger takes the hard work out of yard work.
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It also works great for digging post holes, removing weeds and
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With Bonus Recargeable Drill
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl ( blonde ) had devised a device to cause any car that passed in
front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any
practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the
device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer
the
man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man
was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth,
and
she'd hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!".
Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day
Buffalo broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt
something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her
mouth and holding the sign "$50 or I'll bite."
Buffalo just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple had been divorced for about 6 months, but still remained
good friends. This worked out
pretty good since the both lived in the same apartment building. One
day he slipped on the ice and broke his arm. Later he met his ex-wife
in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to
help.
He responded, "Well yes, if it's not to much trouble, could you help
me take a bath?" She readily
agreed and soon after she began washing him she saw a gradual
erection began to appear.
"Look John", she exclaimed happily "It still recognizes me!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1452
The Banshee
Diana: Here Rudy try on your outfit.
Rudy: Okay Toots.
After Rudy is fully dressed he looks in the mirror...and.
Hey...what the? Who's that?
BJ: It's okay, it is just you dressed as a Banshee.
Rudy: Well I don't like it. It scares the you know what out of me.
What's with the red around the eyes?
Diana: Just to give you a more scary look.
Rudy: Well can we tone it down a little?
Diana: I don't think the red will come out. I could paint over it,
dull
it and make it pink.
BJ: Of course a pink monster will not be too scary.
Rudy: Well er ah right. I guess if I don't have to look at it...
darn it is
scary.
Katie comes into the room: Mother Mary, Jesus and Joseph, a Monster
to be sure.
Rudy: Okay that does it, make it pink.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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