Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A Navy event that has always brought sadness to my heart is
the term Sinkex. It means that a decommissioned vessel is
going to be sunk as a part of a live fire exercise to test cruise
missiles, torpedoes, or whatever the Navy's latest killing device
happens to be. On the good side it does give us a chance to
test our weapons before it becomes necessary to use them
and the ships lying on the bottom soon become a home to
marine life ( the type with fins not two-legged ) and we don't
have to worry about how to dispose all of the hazardous wastes
from thirty coats of paint and things like asbestos. On the bad
side we are sinking vehicles not because they have outlived their
useful lives but because they get bad gas mileage. Would you
take your 1999 Chevy Suburban out and use it to sight in your
deer rifle just because it doesn't get as good gas mileage as
your Tahoe Hybrid? Well maybe you would but I sure wouldn't.
I know you think I am talking about the Forrestal and Kitty Hawk
class carriers but it is happening to ships a lot newer than they
are. When I was in school in Philadelphia they were just starting
to do tests with gas turbine ships which later became the
Spruance Class and their bigger brothers the Perry Class. I
remember when I came home in 1987 seeing one of them making
a goodwill stop on the Great Lakes and now ships from both of
those classes have been decomissioned and sunk rather than go
through upgrades.
The last ship that was cut up for scrap was the Coral Sea because
of ecological concerns and now we just sink them because the sea
hides all. I wonder if when the Enterprise is retired in a few years
if her hull and reactors will be sunk in some deep trench in the
ocean.
Isn't that a lovely thought.
On the good side there are ships like the Intrepid, Midway, and
Missouri
that have become museum ships so that people can remember the
days when Thirty Knots and No Smoke meant that you had a good ship
and a good crew, not that you were running a reactor.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Year Round is a great time for backyard barbecues with family and
friends.
But before you fire up the grill this year, consider replacing some
of
the usual fatty cookout fare with these good-for-you grilling
alternatives.
For a leaner twist on the standard burger, whip up a batch of Zesty
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Our
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Our low-cholesterol Portobello Burgers, made with pesto and provolone
cheese,
are perfect for vegetarians. Or prepare a meatless Grilled Vegetable
Basket,
which is also low in calories and sodium. For a sweet finale to your
grilled
feast, serve up a batch of scrumptious Grilled Pineapple Slices.
Each of these recipes is not only delicious it's packed with
nutrients and
contains less than 400 calories a serving, so you can indulge without
the guilt.
Did You Know... Competitive barbecuing is one of America's fastest-
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muscle Car Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I
couldn't
afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It's a '70 Mustang, and her
name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile, male-caveman,
scratch yourself and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual
exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires.
I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a
beat
up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker.
I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this crazy, over-
aerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up.
Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance. She proceeds to yell
in my window, "Hey, slow down you idiot."
I'm a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this.
As I drive away, she yells, "Jerk" at me again.
Twice? I turn around and drive up next to her.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask.
"Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?"
"I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?"
"You were speeding. I watched you."
"You were? I see. How did you measure my speed?" (Ever the
interrogator)
"I heard you."
"So, you measured my speed by ear?"
"I can hear."
"How fast did you HEAR me going?"
"Look," she says, "I don't have to take this. Here comes a cop. I'll
wave him down."
THE POLICE?
This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him
that she observed me speeding.
"What happened?" he asks.
I told him the story, and told him that I accelerated to an
indicated
33 mph (the speed limit is 35) to avoid a collision.
"Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.
She's pushing it. I reply, "I have a C. A. R. B. exemption for
them."
I give the paperwork to the cop.
She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She says, "What
about those big tires? They CAN'T be legal."
I began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my head start
to turn. "These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429," I told
the cop, "Which makes them street legal as a replacement.
Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So you're not going to give out any
tickets to this jerk?"
The cop says, "No, I am not." I've about had it. So I say, "Sir,
this
woman told you that she left the street at the corner, and then she
met up with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians have to
cross the street at a right angle. This woman admitted she crossed
at
a 45-degree angle, which is a ticketable offense."
"What?" The cop looks confused.
"Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me. A
citizen can't detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v.
Ohio (my new favorite case). Since she couldn't measure my speed,
she
had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offense."
The cop says, "But, I didn't see any of this."
"But," I said, "I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can demand
her arrest. I'll agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge, but
I
want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous
Conduct on a Public Street."
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he
authorized the summonses. She went home with $215.00 worth of
traffic
tickets, and they are worth a total of four points against her
license, as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge!
Of course, if she demands a trial I won't prosecute. But the look on
her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for me.
Yeah, I've got a law degree, and I'm not afraid to use it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
sucking your finger
http://www.thepostm
now thats a good signal
http://www.thepostm
acid rain
http://www.thepostm
Know Your Foods
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Meaty Myths
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Things You Can Do With A Useless Man...
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thief Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge: "Looking over your file, I see there was an earlier complaint
against you back in October, 1995. Seems your
ex-wife claimed you stole her heart, her money and the best years of
her life."
Accused: "I never stole nothing, Your Honor. She never had a heart to
begin with; if I had stolen her money, why am I
so poor now? And when I met her, she was already 73, so
the best years of her life had already past."
Judge: "Very well. Let's deal with today's complaint. You've been
accused of stealing an 18-year-old'
back of your pickup truck."
Accused: "Ain't true, Your Honor. The police arrived 5 minutes after
her and I were in the back of my pickup. I didn't have time to hide
anything even if I had stolen it. Furthermore, they checked my truck
inside and out and never found a thing."
Judge: "Let me get this straight. You admit you were with the girl at
around 8 PM Saturday, February 30th?"
Accused: "Gosh no, Your Honor. There is no February 30th."
Judge: "What'd ya do, steal that too?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Awesome Auger takes the hard work out of yard work.
Its patented spiral design with laser sharp edge, gives you the
muscle to blast through hard rock and clay, or cut through the
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It also works great for digging post holes, removing weeds and
dandelions or planting trees, shrubs, and bushes.
With Bonus Recargeable Drill
Additional Ordering Detail:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
A. Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
Jill: Are you concerned about not having a man in your life right now?
Mary: Why should I be concerned? I have a mechanic, a handy-man, and
a yard-boy. I have plenty of batteries, and my shower massage works.
Linda, whose daughter had just given birth to a beautiful, healthy
baby, showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill
expected.
"What's wrong," Jill asked. "Are you depressed by the fact that
you're a grandmother?
Linda responded with a barely perceptible smile. "No," she said.
"It's just that I'm not crazy about having to sleep with a
grandfather.
A pair of stage-door Johnnies are ogling the cuties who
are leaving the dressing room. "Do you see that redhead
over there? I feel like screwing her again."
"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've
been doing it with that great looking broad?"
"No, I felt like it before, and I feel like it now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not only will you strengthen and reshape your abs on the Ab Rocket,
you will be able to tone and tighten your entire body.
Your neck and back will be fully supported on the unique rollers of
the
Ab Rocket which will massage your entire neck and back while you work
out.
So you will look good and feel great.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college
education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at
the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter
whispered,
"I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't a virgin no more."
The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw
and I made to give you a good education, you still say ain't!"
"What did Father say when he learned you're pregnant?" asked Little
Mary's mother.
Little Mary answered, "Should I leave out the profanity?"
"Yes, of course!" Mary's mom replied.
"Nothing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bloom Perfect is the world's fastest growing flower seed.
The seeds are mixed in mulch then wrapped in a nutrient fortified
cocoon that surrounds the seed and are specially formulated to
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Order here:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This cowboy was riding his horse out in the middle of nowhere and his
horse trips over something. The man gets off his horse checks to see
what it was. He notices it's a lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie
pops out of the lamp. The cowboy pulls out his guns and says to the
genie "If you don't give me three wishes I'm going to kill you right
here!"
The genie says "O.K. I'm not a violent man so I'll grant you your
wishes." The cowboy says "O.K. for my first wish I want a bottle of
the best liquor." The genie snaps his fingers and POOF a bottle of
Jack Daniels appears in his saddle bag. The cowboy says "O.K. for my
second wish I want $1 million." The genie snaps his fingers again and
suddenly $1 million appears in his saddle bag. The cowboy says "Well
I've never been good with the ladies so for my second wish I want a
dick the size of my horse's" The genie snaps his fingers and suddenly
the crotch of his pants swell. The cowboy rides off into town and
goes to the local saloon. He gets drunk and starts telling everybody
the story and naturally nobody believes him. The cowboy says "But I
got this bottle of liquor right here" And the bartender says "Yeah
but you could have got that anywhere!" So the cowboy says "But I've
got $1 million right here!" So another cowboy says "Yeah you could
have robbed a bank somewhere and got that!" So the cowboy says "Oh
yeah! Then where did I get this!" and he unzips his pants and flops
his huge dick on the counter. So another cowboy gets all excited
about it and jumps on his horse and rides out to find the lamp. When
he finds it he rubs the lamp and says to the genie "If you don't
grant my three wishes I'll kill you!" The genie says "O.K. go ahead
and tell me your wishes." The second cowboy says "O.K. for my wishes
I want twice as much as the first guy had! I want two bottles of
liquor, $2 million, and I want to have a dick as big as my horse's"
The genie snaps his fingers and his wishes come true. The second
cowboy rides back to town to tell everybody in the saloon about his
story. He gets the same kind of harassment as the first cowboy so he
says " Oh yeah! Well how did I get this!" he unzips his pants and
everybody in the bar starts to laugh. Just then the second cowboy
thought "OH SHIT! I rode my horse Becky out there!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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- Each package contains 6 liftys and 6 petal covers
<><><><><><>
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Sexual Positions
The IRS position, where you just bend over and
take it up the ass with no lube.
The Humidor (requires a cigar and an intern).
The Monday Night Football (actually just doggie
style done facing the TV with the game on with
her in the football jersey of your favorite team).
The Kentucky Derby (AKA Woman astride) be
forewarned if you decide to use the western
variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL
wreak havoc on the bed linens!
Oral Submarine. The guy must Dive...Dive ...
Dive.
The Bugs Bunny: It's when the guy is on top
with the women's legs pinned behind her head.
The British telecom position: you get SCREWED
by them and they never call you back.
The Grenade Position...I'
the hell out of me.
The Enron Position...no matter what, you're getting
it up the ass.
Totally Screwed - the position you in when your spouse
comes in early from work and catches you in a position
you can't get out of...
The ever-famous "No, you gotta get your leg up
higher...no, not like that, like this...NO it's got to
be HIGHER than that. No, like this...oh, yeah that'd
work...if you were the one with the vagina...NO, would
you listen to me? HIGHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY
MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even
wanna do it anymore. No, I won't give you head. No,
we can't try again...Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use
my vibrator... Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get
your leg up! GAWD!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fancy Frost - The fun and easy way to decorate desserts!
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* Cathy Mitchell's Guide to Decorating
* Plus, 10 Bonus Decorating Tips
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Toward The Light
http://silverandgol
WASH DAY
http://www.wtv-
CAROL W/ IMAGINARY LOVERS
http://www.carolspo
Judy w/ Judge Gently
http://frommyheart2
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Witch's Woods - Halloween Screampark & Haunted Hayride
http://www.witchswo
Experience Kansas City - Barbeque Kansas City Style
http://www.experien
Wizard Of Oz
http://thewizardofo
The 50's Photo Gallery
http://upchucky.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
H J's Halloween Gallery
http://jsmagic.
Goober Graphics Halloween Home Page
http://skyscraper.
Free Flash Animations
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://weinerdograc
Kitty Korner
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Movies
Automatic Confession
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B. J.
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Babes At The Beach
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Bad Police Search
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Bad Day On The Farm
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When The Parents Are Gone
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Whit Arlington
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Why I Go To Weddings
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Why Buy Expensive Toys
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Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Gloucester,
Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
She wasn't much hurt,
But he dirtied her skirt,
So think of the anguish it cost her.
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your darling daughter brings you countless joys. Now The Bradford
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chance
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Undies
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Pussy pop
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New Neighbor
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Too Sexy
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Sometimes Great Sex
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Get Your Iron
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Veggie Sex?
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Hey Honey!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mighty Putty is a super powered epoxy that does it all.
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- Support up to 350lbs
- Sand it, paint it, drill it
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss to employee seated across the desk from him: "Technically, we're
not firing you. We're just moving you to an exit-level position."
------------
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to
explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For
example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five ft.,
one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32.
How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?" The
class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very
well." "Why is that?" Asked the professor. "For one thing," the
student pointed out, "She'd be way too old."
------------
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every
so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got
a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."
------------
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing
weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet
disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers,
they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they
set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance
agent. Ask about our term-life package."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
PETZOOM - The all-new self-cleaning pain-free quick and
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Adjustable Bristle Length
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a
movie. After the sessions he is paid hand-
somely and promised by the director that
he will be notified when the movie is released
to the public.
Three months later, he receives a notice
that the movie will make its debut in Times
Square at a porno house.
The musician enters the theatre wearing a
dark raincoat and shades. Unaccustomed to
porno flicks, he sits in the last row next to an
elderly couple.
The film has explicit sex scenes: oral intercourse,
anal intercourse, golden showers, sado-masochism
and near the end a dog has intercourse with the
leading female character.
The musician who is immensely embarrassed
turns to the elderly couple and whispers, "I wrote
the score and I just came to hear the music", to
which the elderly woman whispers in reply,
"We just came to see our dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
electric shaver.
The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
battery shaver.
With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
it makes it the perfect shaver for traveling or every day use.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There but for the grace of God, etc., etc.!!! S
And, Speaking of Senior Moments:
'WHERE Is My SUNDAY Paper?' The irate customer calling the newspaper
office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
'Ma'am,' said the newspaper employee, 'today is Saturday ... The
Sunday
paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday.'
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed
by a
Ray of recognition.
that's why no one was at church today
Sue
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up to
30 bills on one side and up to six credit cards on the other.
Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
how much or what the abuse, you'll have a lifetime of use,
guaranteed.
It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,
no questions asked.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1435
De Plane De Plane
Rudy: Who goes first?
BJ: We will draw straws. The short straw goes first.
Sandi draws a long one as does Katie and BJ. Sandi passes.
Rudy pulls a short one.
BJ: You get to go first Rudy.
Katie: I can hear the motor knocking now.
Sandi: I believe that is Rudy's knees.
BJ: Come on ole boy I will help you inside.
Rudy: A-Rooo!!!!!
BJ: Help me Sandi, we need to wedge him in the cockpit. Boy his
behind
is a bit wide.
Rudy: A-ROOOO!!!!
BJ: Just relax and it will be okay. Just pretend you are chasing
rabbits.
It will be over before you know it.
Rudy: A-ROOOO!!!
The engine fires up and the plane starts taxing down the runway.
Sandi: Are you sure this is a good idea?
BJ: He will remember this for the rest of his life.
Sandi: I have no doubt.
The plane takes off and a faint a-rrooo! can be heard
About fifteen minutes later the planes lands and the gang head to the
plane
and Rudy had a huge grin on his face.
BJ: Help me pry his paws off the plane. Okay now help me lift him
out of
the plane. He seems to be frozen stiff. His muscles have locked.
Sandi: Rudy can you hear me?
Rudy: A-rrooo?
Sandi: He will be okay, he is just scared.
Katie: Good thing. I can eat his chesseburger.
Rudy: Cheeseburger? I can eat my own cheeseburger.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Remember 9/11/01
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