THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!  Receive a FREE $500 Gift Card! Starbucks Coffee Starbucks Coffee Company is the leading retailer, roaster and brand of specialty coffee in the world. http://www.thepostm  PURELL Wipes, FREE*! Clean, Soft & FREE! Conveniently remove light soils and dirt from hands after being public places - Simply pop the top on your PURRELL sample and get rid of illness causing bacteria in just 15 seconds. Don't get sick when you can't wash your hands, use PURELL to help you stay happy, healthy & utterly germ-free! http://www.thepostm  CREME SAVERS Fruit-Swirled Hard Candy, FREE*! made with real cream and combined with tasty fruit flavors is great when you're craving something sweet. It's the perfect pop-in-you-mouth kind of treat for any time of day! Give your taste buds something worth tasting. Choose a FREE* Sample of Crème Savers in Strawberry, Orange or Raspberry flavors http://www.thepostm  Are you tired of your cluttered kitchen? Organizing stored food and kitchen supplies can be easier with a FREE* Sample of GladWare(R) or Ziploc(R) Plastic Containers. Participate now for your FREE* Sample of GladWare(R) or Ziploc(R) Containers. http://www.thepostm Since I am quite dissatisfied this year on the choices I have this election in November, I have decided to run for president myself on a write in basis. Will you vote for me? Here is my platform: (1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart' policy, "If we ain't got it, you don't need it." (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it. (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't gettin nuttin' out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it. (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. (7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life. (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim: gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9) One export will be allowed: Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause. (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman The comics sucking your finger http://www.thepostm now thats a good signal http://www.thepostm careful what you kiss http://www.thepostm thats adorable? http://www.thepostm Miss Fischer http://www.thepostm Mickey gets a bj http://www.thepostm chicken soup http://www.thepostm a scooter http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES understanding http://www.thepostm scooba diving http://www.thepostm candid camera http://www.thepostm on the elevator http://www.thepostm time to move out? http://www.thepostm  A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?" ____________ Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it." They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL." She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire." ____________ John is in bed with a girl and no matter what he does, he just can't seem to get an erection. She says, "Come on, will you? Do SOMETHING !" He says, "Like what?" She says, "Put your foot in." He sticks his foot in, and she has one hell of a good old time riding it. A few days later, his foot is swelling up, has a runny, red rash, and it's starting to itch. He goes to the doctor to have it looked at. The doctor says calmly, "Well, my friend, it seems you have gonorrhea of the big toe." John says, "GONORRHEA OF THE BIG TOE? Shit, Doc, I bet that's pretty rare!" The doctor says, "Yeah, it's pretty rare. Of course, it's not as rare as the girl who was in here this morning with athlete's pussy." ____________ A man, having applied to join the Clovis, New Mexico, police force, is being interviewed. The Chief says, "Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test that you must pass before I can recruit you." After, sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues, Now "Take this gun with 13 bullets, and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Obama delegates and a Texas Jackrabbit. "The man asks, "Why the rabbit?" "Fantastic attitude!" says the Chief, "When can you start?" ____________ David went to the urologist complaining of discharge dripping from his penis, the doctor took one look and told him he had V.D. "No way," said the shocked David, blushing terribly. "It must be a cold." "Call it what you like, David," said the doctor. "But, until it sneezes, we'll have to treat it for V.D." ____________ Price Check http://buffalosjoke FUN PAGES FROM LORRAINE Sarah Palin Barracuda Lipstick http://tinyurl. Scorpion Soup http://tinyurl. World's Worst Hangovers http://tinyurl. Hot new Olympic event http://able2laff. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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