THE POSTMAN'S CORNER If you look like your passport picture... You probably need the trip.  Congratulations! You've been chosen to test and keep a Hi Definition TV for FREE! Tell us which brand you like best and you could be watching your favorite shows and games on your new HDTV! Choose between LG(R), Sharp(R) or Samsung(R) and you'll get to keep your choice for FREE! http://www.thepostm  NATIONAL TOBACCO SURVEY. Participate & Get a FREE* $100 Visa Gift Card! WHICH DO YOU PREFER: A. LUCKY STRIKE Cigarettes B. NEWPORT Cigarettes or C. NO Cigarettes (I Do Not Smoke). When it comes to cigarette smoke, we want to know what consumers prefer. Do you carry Lucky Strike? Do you like NEWPORT menthol cigarettes? Or do you choose to be smoke and cigarette-free? Take our quick Tobacco Survey & Get a FREE* $100 Visa Gift Card as a thank you for your time! Use your $100 however you want, on anything you want, anytime you want! http://www.thepostm  CLOROX ReadyMop Mopping System, FREE*! 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ChapStick 100% Naturals FREE* 3-Pack SAMPLE Choose a flavor: • Lip Butter • Botanical Medley Prevents and heals dry, chapped lips. Click Here to Claim Your FREE* Sample Now http://www.thepostm I was trying to think of something cute or funny to say for an introduction this morning. Unfortunately, I do not lead a very exciting life, unlike my esteemed buddy Buffalo Bill, who likes to talk about chirping batteries and fans. The only things that have happened since yesterday, well uh, lets see. I went to the doc and let him talk me into a flu shot, the first one I have ever had in my life.I informed the good doctor that since I never get the flu there was no need for it. Wherupon he informed me that a homeowner may never file a claim on his home owners insurance, but that doesn't mean he should be without it. (Never try to argue with a doctor. their logic is as convincing as if you were arguing with a woman. yer gonna lose). The war department got home yesterday afternoon. She took one look at the empty fridge and declared it necessary to make a trip to the grocery store. (nothing in the fridge since we haven't gone grocery shopping in over 2 weeks, and she wonders why I ate out most of the time while she was gone to Tennessee) Umm, other than that, It occurs to me that nothing has occurred to me:) An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. This is your house, he said, my gift to you. The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently. things having such thoughts in our mind. But we only realize when it comes back to us. So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house that we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Life is a do-it-yourself project, someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the house you live in tomorrow. Build wisely! We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman  The Comics the fortune teller http://www.thepostm Ricos school http://www.thepostm unemployment http://www.thepostm Hillary spoof http://www.thepostm Harmonica dude http://www.thepostm an expensive bottle opener http://www.thepostm correct posture http://www.thepostm lunch on the sky scraper http://www.thepostm moments of reason http://www.thepostm An Irishman found an old oil lamp and rubbed it. Out came a Genie who said, "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like" The Irishman scratched his head for a few moments, then answered, "I wish for a bottle of Guinness that never gets empty." "Granted master" replied the Genie and produced the bottle. The Irishman was delighted and immediately poured himself a tall glass of the dark brew. After he drained the glass he picked up the bottle and sure enough it was full again. The Irishman got drunk on this one magic Guinness bottle for three weeks before he remembered that he had two more wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You remember that magic, never ending Guinness bottle?" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them" ____________ Sadly neglected by her husband, a horny housewife turned to her next-door neighbor for advice. "Why don't you order your milk from the milkman" was the suggestion, "and when the bill comes, see if you can settle it with sex." This seemed like an excellent idea, and sure enough, when the bill was presented, the milkman was delighted to settle for a long and energetic screw. Putting his pants back on, the milkman reached for the bill to mark it "Paid if Full""Oh, no you don't," said the housewife, grabbing the bill. "You brought me this milk a quart at a time, and that's the way I'm gonna pay for it." ____________ Benny was talking to his best friend Harry. "You know Harry, I can't understand why you failed in business. You had such good ideas." "Too much advertising was the main reason for my failure," replied Harry. "But I can't remember you spending a penny on advertising all your life," said Benny. "You're correct there," said Harry, "but all my competitors did." ____________ A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asks. "About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!" ____________ A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal." "A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance? ____________ The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday. In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment. The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!" Buffalo Bill PAPA THORN THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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