Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Did some running around today, paying bills and restocking the
paper products and cat supplies over at Family Dollar and then
spent 90 bucks at the grocery store. My sleep had been cut short
this morning by a roofing crew working door that started at 0800.
There is only about four feet between buildings and everything
was sliding down and hitting the wall of my building and my
bedroom window. When they dropped a 10 foot long slab of
flashing or drip edge attached to two layers of cedar shake
and a layer of regular shingles off my wall, I decided it was
time to go take a look at what they were doing. The crew that did
the
building on the other side at least had brains enough to tarp out
the
wall so that the windows were safe but this group wasn't
all that bright which is common. Face it most people with brains
will not work on a steep roof with only a narrow piece of
scaffolding
strung between two ladder jacks between them and a 25 foot drop
to the ground.
Anyhow with all of the running and letting the carpet cleaners in
upstairs and answering phone calls from prospective tenants
I finally got settled in late in the afternoon and started into my
mail
and my internet connection died. After 45 minutes with ATT
and running between my desk and the desk in my bedroom
we sorted out the problem to the Linksys router. I tore it out
and put my D-Link hard wired router back in and now I have
everything hooked back up. In the process of checking the
modem I was asked my password question which supposedly
was what is the name of your favorite singer ? I would never pick
that question and had no answer even after the tech told me it
begins with a D. The only thing I could think of was Devo and
I wouldn't count them as favorite. I think I have it figured out
that
D was the right answer but he didn't have the right question.
Anyhow he told me I would have to fax him a copy of my driver's
license and a phone bill and wait 24 hours and I told him if it
wasn't fixed this evening I would be hooking up to Charter in
the morning. It was all stupid though because I knew what
the password was and told him.
I hope you enjoy the chips, It's been a long day.
buffalo
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Saint Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saint Nancy:
On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., an aide to House
Speaker
Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C.
He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next
day's
Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to
the
congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a
saint.
The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there
are
issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's
views."
Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for
a
donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the
congregation
you see Pelosi as a saint."
The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use
the
money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the
Sunday
worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of
the
center aisle.
As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out
that
Speaker Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Speaker
Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some; the woman is not
numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most
egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends
to
flip-flop on many other issues.
Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker,
and a
nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.
I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have
ever
personally witnessed.
She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American
people.
She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative
obligations
both in Washington, and in California. The woman is simply not to be
trusted."
The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared to President Obama and
Senators Harry Reid and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a
saint."
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Worm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden.
Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.
"You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.
Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came
back with a can of spray starch.
After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was
able to slide him back into the earth.
"Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed grampa. He hugged Billy, gave
him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.
Thirty minutes later, grampa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy
another dollar.
"Grampa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar."
"No," replied grampa, "That dollar's from grandma!"
Randy
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Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the first night for a newly wed couple.
The bride was still a virgin because she is afraid of dicks,
especially large ones and she's heard all about black men and how
well hung they are.
To make his white bride feel at ease, the groom said to the her,
"OK,
I am going to go outside and slowly show you my dick through the
door. Stay calm, there is nothing to be afraid."
So he walked out, leaving the door slightly ajar and then stuck a
little bit of his dick through the gap and asked, "Does that scare
you?"
She chuckled a little and said, "Nope!"
He then pushed a little more through the gap and again he
asked, "Does that scare you?"
"Nope," she replied. He pushed some more through the gap and
asked, "Does that scare you?"
"Nope," she said laughing.
He then said, "Alright, you seem to be okay with it. I am coming up
the stairs now!"
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his
sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some
jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke
out laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey,
did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain
Hook?"
Immediately, Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and
had heard Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright
Johnny!
That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now. Leave,
please."
The following Saturday, Johnny again invited his friends over, this
time to play some video games. During a lull in the action, Johnny
said to everyone, "You know, there's a rumor going around that a
busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big
gold find up in Alaska, and they say..."
This time again, Johnny's mother was in the kitchen and came
stomping in after having heard him. She said demandingly as she
gathered his friends together and shuffled them towards the door,
"Okay kids, it's getting late. All of you will have to leave now."
Little Johnny was puzzled and yelled back at them, "Hey! Hold on,
hold on! There's still plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave
till morning!"
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Bear Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boudreaux at the hunting camp with 3 buddies, drinking beer and
playing bouree. We'll call them: Thibodeaux, Gauthreaux, and
Fontenot. "Boudreaux ", says Fontenot, "You coming hunt them bear
with us in the morn?" Boudreaux , the excellent hunter that he is,
says," Non, I think I'll go alone; I hunt better that way". So, in
the morning when everyone else woke to go on the hunt, there was ole
Boudreaux , returning from his hunt with a big black bear. There was
only ONE bullet hole on the bear, right between the eyes. "Damn, you
are a good shot", says Thibodeaux, who is leaving to go hunting.
"Yep, one shot - that's all it took"says Boudreaux ,"I told you!"
Well, they came back later that day without a single bear. That
night, the same routine; beer and bouree. Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux
if he'll go on the hunt with them in the morn. Again, Boudreaux
says "No, I hunt better alone." So, in the morn all 3 guys are
leaving for the hunt when Boudreaux is returning with a bear. Again,
only ONE bullet hole between the eyes. Gauthreaux, not believing
what he's seeing, exclaims "Boudreaux , how you do it with one shot?
You can't be that good, huh?" Well, the same thing happens later
that day; they return without a single bear. The next morning
Boudreaux returns with a bear as the other 3 are leaving for their
hunt. But, this time, there were 3 bullet holes on the bear; one in
between the eyes, one in the left paw, and one in the right paw.
Gauthreaux , seeing the three bullet holes,exclaims, "Uh huh, I knew
you couldn't do it three times in a row with one bullet; I knew you
wasn't that good!!" Boudreaux , remaining calm, says "No man, all it
took was one shot - that's it!! You see, it was pretty dark when I
shot him. I put my flashlight up like that and shined it at his
eyes. When he saw the light , he put both his hands over his eyes to
cover them, and that's when I shot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Happy New Year
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Hard Day
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men and women are so different.
Women go out and say, "Before I go to bed with a man, I want to know
who he is as a person."
Guys are thinking, "Let's get them in bed before they find out who
we are."
It was a large wedding party, and afterwards the photographer took a
long time getting family groups together for pictures. The groom sat
by me, waiting with barely concealed impatience.
"Now I'd like to get the bride alone," the photographer finally
announced.
Leaning towards me, the groom whispered, "So would I!"
When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by
the
vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on
his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss
Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school without
submitting to the sexual advances of the principal."
"Oh my God! Well, errr, what is that?"
"I'll explain it, "he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Grab
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Begging
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Not pretty
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Queer
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Limerick Chips
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An astronomer slept in the sun,
Then woke with his fly quite undone.
He remarked, with a smile,
"Hoorah! A sundial!
And now it's a quarter past one."
___________________________
A young man from a lofty sierra
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned by trial and error.
___________________________
A worried young man from Stamboul,
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, little Tommy, bored out of his mind, went to his father for
suggestions on what to do to pass the time. "I`ll tell you what,"
said the father, "take this dollar and run into town and get me a
dollars worth of what`s what." Tommy grabbed the dollar, hopped on
his bike and rode into town. Once there, he had to decide what
store would have the what`s what. He stopped in front of the
pharmacy and went in. He went to the pharmacist`s desk, held up the
dollar and said, "I`d like a dollar`s worth of what`s what, please."
The pharmacist knew immediately that the boy was on a wild goose
chase and said, "If you go across the street, to the house with the
red light on the front porch, they can get you some what`s what."
Tommy ran across the street and knocked on the front door.
A tall, stunning blonde, completely naked, opened the door. Her
"bush"
was right in little Tommy`s face. Pointing to it he said, "what`s
that?"
"What`s what?" the prostitute replied. Tommy then replied, "Good,
I`ll take a dollar`s worth."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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